Chapter 1-

Maureen: Mark. We need to talk. -gives the we-need-to-talk look-

Mark: What's up? Did you have the dream about the cow again?

Maureen: Ha ha. I never really had that dream, you know! I only made it up for the protest!!!

Mark: oh right, the one with the sheep was the real one.

Maureen: Yeah. Well I have to tell you something and you gotta promise not to make me feel too bad about it baby.

Mark: who did you sleep with NOW?

Maureen: You don't know them.

Mark: THEM?!

Maureen: Well… I'm sorta… well, how should I say it… it's not just about sleeping with someone else this time.

Mark: Oh.My.God you're pregnant!

Maureen: Eww no.

Mark: then what is it??

Maureen: I'm sorta in a new relationship… with someone else…

Mark: but you're in a relationship with me…

Maureen: Well that's what I want to tell you. That umm... no I'm not, not anymore. Sorry! -big hug-

Mark: -stares- …excuse me? I think all that muzzeta's waltz has damaged my hearing. What did you say?

Maureen: I'm leaving you for someone else baby. -pats him on the back-

Mark: but WHY?

Maureen: ...because I fell in love with... someone who is not you?

Mark: when…where…how? The hell??

Maureen: you promised not to make me feel too badly about it!

Mark: I didn't promise anything! If anything - you promised to stop cheating!

Maureen: that's why I'm leaving! pretends to care because it's not fair to YOU!

Mark: why don't you leave the other guy?! I was here first!

Maureen: actually you weren't the first, you were quite the 653rd, but never mind. Anyway, what guy?

Mark: the one you're leaving me for! Who else?

Maureen: oh, poor baby. Well that's another thing I have to tell you... I'm in love with... umm... a lawyer. Named Joanne.

Mark: -stares- …beg your pardon?

Maureen: Oh Mark -completely oblivious to his feelings- she's so wonderful! It's so much better than dating a guy! You know what I mean?

Mark: no, I don't.

Maureen: oh, you will as soon as you meet her! She treats me like a princess -big grin-

Mark: …

Maureen: So... anyway... sorry about that baby, will you be okay? I kinda have to go, I told Joanne I would meet her in the park.

Mark: …oh sure. You just broke my heart no big deal. Go on your date, have fun. I'll just lie here and die.

Maureen: Ohhhh -hugs him- I'm really sorry Mark, but I've got to be true to my heart, you know?

Mark: oh yeah. I get it. No really. I was just about to leave you for my scarf so this is fucking perfect.

Maureen: well it's not like we were anything SERIOUS you know. I mean we only dated for like what, four months?

Mark: …we dated for a year and a half! And I was fucking serious!

Maureen: well you really should have told me that you know.

Mark: I told you about a hundred times!!!

Maureen: you should have made sure I was LISTENING! Otherwise it doesn't really count you know.

Mark: you NEVER listen! Hello! I'm Jewish by the way - so enough with the Christmas cards!

Maureen: I know you're Jewish, I mean, I did sleep with you.

Mark: yeah and even then you wouldn't listen.

Maureen: I didn't want it to get into that, but you started it so – I gotta ask – WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TALK DURING SEX?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Mark: I tell you I love you it's romantic!

Maureen: -gives him a dry look- oh sure. How didn't I think of THAT. It's ROMANTIC. I get it now.

Mark: and you seriously don't have to answer "I'm hot, go sleep on the floor"!

Maureen: well that's only because you.just.wouldn't.get.off. Even after we're done!!!

Mark: it's MY bed!

Maureen: but it's MY body!!!! Lie on your bed not on me!!!!

Mark: you know damn well there's no room!

Maureen: well that's just really sad. -brutally- there's room in JOANNE's bed.

Mark: well EXCUSE ME for not being a fucking lawyer! You know, you lived right there with me, and your bed wasn't any better!

Maureen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry baby, I need someone to spoil me. Even if it means owning something as rare as a double bed!!!!

Mark: yeah, it's all about the stuff with you. The stuff and the sex.

Maureen: well sorry about that. -not bothering to deny- well anyway I also happen to be in love with Joanne. Lucky huh?

Mark: of course you wouldn't give a damn about the people who love you. 'cause why should you waste your time on the stupid idiots like me who make that mistake.

Maureen: oh honey, I do care. But you deserve someone who loves you. And I know you will find someone. Some day. You're such a great guy. Hey -tactlessly- Joanne has a brother.

Mark: -glares- I'd date my camera first.

Maureen: okay, you don't have to be so negative. You won't get anyone with that attitude, you know.

Mark: like I really want someone after this great experience! I'm just jumping right into the market! Show me the fucking way!

Maureen: I'm sorry Mark. I will help you find someone else. Promise! But now I gotta go! Joanne said she had a special surprise for me today! -kisses him on the cheek- sorry again! See ya! -skips happily away-

Mark: stares …Roger would NEVER stop laughing.

----

AN- we are two crazy friends. We wrote this for pure fun, hope you enjoy it! More chapters coming very soon! Review! Flames will be used to roast Mark's scarfy!