Kara slid down the wall until she was slumped in the sand next to Saul Tigh. "I slept with Lee last night."
Saul laughed. "Did it live up to your expectations?"
"Best frak I've had since the end of the worlds."
"Never would have figured that straight arrow for good sex. Why didn't you stay with him?"
"Waking up next to him was terrifying. I couldn't handle him waking up and looking at me that way."
"What way?" Saul took the bottle and took a large sip.
"The one that says as long as he has me, he doesn't need anything else. I can't live up to that."
"Starbuck is a fraidy-cat? Never would have guessed it."
"I'm not afraid!"
"Sounds to me like you're pussing out."
"I'm not afraid," Kara repeated quietly.
"The two of you are connected somehow. Starbuck-and-Apollo. You always come back to each other. Kind of like me and Ellen here." Saul stroked his fingers through Ellen's hair. "We fight. She fraks around. She comes and finds me I always take her back. I'm not even sure why any more."
"It's obvious you love each other."
"And you don't love Lee?" He watched as she upended the bottle, taking several long pulls.
"I - I loved Zak. I don't know what love is if it's not like it was with him. This thing with Lee isn't like that. Never was."
"Comes back to you being scared. Afraid to love him, so you run away - drink, frak, fight. Afraid to lose him, so you come back - and drink and fight. Maybe all that's missing is the frakking. You both get laid more often, you might stop running away from each other."
She pointed to Sam in the sand mere feet away. "What about him?"
"What about him, Starbuck? Is he the love of your life? 'Cause from what I've seen, even though he loves you, he doesn't get you. He doesn't understand that happily ever after makes you itch, waiting for whatever bad thing is going to happen." Saul sighed and closed his eyes. "And you love him, but he'll never be enough for you."
"What do you mean, he'll never be enough?"
"He doesn't make you work for what he gives you. Except maybe on the Pyramid court. I've seen you two play. There, he's your equal. He doesn't push back anywhere else. I think you need the push and pull, the struggle, the win. Lot like me."
"You think I'm like you?"
"I'm still drunk, or I'd never admit it. We're too much alike to ever get along, the two of us."
"You can say that again." Kara took another swig and grimaced. "What about the regs?"
"What about 'em? You've never cared about the regs before. Not when it got in the way of something you wanted."
"So you think I should just drink and frak and fight and kill Cylons with Lee. Not much of a bright, shiny future."
"Best one you're gonna get. Seems to me like you should take what you want while you're still here. Nothing lasts forever, and that probably goes double for you and Apollo."
"What am I supposed to tell Sam? He thinks we're a thing."
"Tell him whatever the frak you want. Hell, keep him on the side. I know Ellen's had her share of toys over the years."
"Lee would never go for that." Kara squinted up at the sky before closing her eyes against the glare.
Saul grunted. "Well, then give him up and move on. 'Swhat your life comes down to. Lee or not Lee."
A few minutes of semi-companionable silence followed before Kara moved to get back up. Saul stopped her with one last bit of advice. "Sam'll get over you. Lee never will." He watched her stumble away.
Ellen stirred in his lap. "You'd have made a good father, Saul," she commented softly.
Saul laughed harshly. "Don't know about that. Sometimes I think it's better we didn't have any kids."
She answered, "If we had, they'd probably be just like her. She's the best and worst of both of us. And she loves those Adamas, just like you do."