So this is kind of a spin-off from my fic 'Caught In The Middle'. I suppose it would make sense to read that first if you haven't.
I mean, you don't have to if you can't be bothered. This'll still make sense. It would just help.

Anyway, this fic is what I have recently decided to start calling "Romangst".
It's angsty and romantic. Feel free to use that word yourselves :)

Review would be nice. Throw some at me.

And I own nothing. Clearly.

The Other Guy

When me and Kurt got together it was all sort of... abrupt. I always knew deep down that I had feelings for him, and at first it freaked me out. I'd spent my whole life thinking that being gay was wrong. I heard it from all my friends and, even though they acted all liberal and open-minded, my parents weren't any better. So when I fell for Kurt – all the way back in middle school, as crazy as it sounds – I thought there was something wrong with me.

So I picked on him just like everyone else did, because he was girly and dressed weird and didn't have any friends. And every time I hurt him I would hate myself a little more. And I'm not just talking about not liking myself that much. I seriously loathed myself. I was living a lie – even when I finally realised that being gay wasn't a bad thing, it was too late by then. Because even though I knew it wasn't sick and wrong to be in love with Kurt, I knew from bitter experience that all my so-called friends would make my life a living hell if they found out I was gay. I couldn't say anything or tell anyone, and I had all this hatred and frustration and regret building up inside me until I thought I was going to explode. I've lost count of the amount of times I seriously considered just ending it all. I even wrote suicide notes apologising to my parents, saying goodbye to my sister, and explaining why I just didn't want to live anymore. I mean, obviously I never went through with it, but still.

I kissed Kurt during that fight in the locker room because I just couldn't hold it in. Trust me, I was just as surprised by my actions as Kurt was. But after that I didn't really have the heart to be horrible to him anymore, at least not as bad as I used to. Kurt knew how I felt about him now, so he wasn't scared of me. I could tell by the way he talked back to me that the fear wasn't there anymore. He knew that the chances of me actually hurting him were slim now, especially if we were alone together. I mean, I'm pretty sure he had no idea just how in love with him I was, but he knew enough not to be afraid of me.

I knew he was with that stupid Blaine kid. I'd heard him talking to his friends about just how romantic and gorgeous and amazing Blaine was. Needless to say I fucking hated that guy. But I also noticed that Kurt seemed kind of... frustrated. Maybe pretty perfect Blaine was so perfect after all. I got my answer on that unforgettable day in the boys' bathroom. I confronted him, I kissed him, and he actually kissed me back. The way he sighed and held me closer would make you think he'd been waiting his whole life to be kissed the way I was kissing him. Hell, we almost did it right there in a toilet cubicle where anyone could have heard us. But he stopped me. Said it was too gross in there, and that we could get caught, and that he was supposed to be in a class.

"I never said I didn't want to. Just not here."

So he came to my house that night. Oh God, that was one night that I was never going to forget. I got to be with Kurt, I got to make love to him like I'd always dreamed of. We started off just making out and it quickly escalated, although I was a little reluctant to let him see me naked – I was sure I'd never been half as hot as stupid Blaine. Kurt's body, on the other hand, was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life.

When I made love to him... well, it wasn't exactly gentle and romantic. It was more desperate and messy and passionate. He seemed kind of nervous lying underneath me – I guess it was his first time – so I took charge, taking both our cocks and jerking us off nice and fast. I didn't even really care about my own release. This was all about Kurt. I caught all his moans in a hard kiss as he clawed at arms and my back. It was the hottest thing ever. It kind of felt like time was standing still for us, but all too soon we were both coming and I couldn't help but whisper his name against his lips.

I could almost feel how guilty he was afterwards, as we lay together on my bed. He said that Blaine loved him, but he didn't know if he felt the same way. He also didn't know if he would ever be into me like he was into Blaine. That was a small comfort, I guess. There was still a possibility, a tiny bit of hope. But then I screwed it all up by saying that I loved him. I freaked him out by making it about more than just lust. He quickly got up and got dressed without even looking at me, and all I could do was watch.

"I have to go," he said hastily. "I don't want to be home late in case my Dad starts worrying."

"Kurt?" I said, feeling kind of desperate. Kind of needy.

He turned around to look at me, and I could see all the guilt in his beautiful eyes.

"What's wrong?" he said.

"I don't want this to just be a one-time thing," I said, sitting up and feeling so fucking needy. "I mean, I get it if you want it to be. Y'know, because you have a boyfriend and everything," I couldn't help but frown. "But... maybe we can do this again some time?"

I don't know why I asked. Of course he was going to go back to his perfect boyfriend, forget this ever happened and leave me here feeling like shit. This was probably all just a moment of insanity on his part. But instead he walked up to me, kissed me softly on the lips and said "I'll call you."

I should have been happy. This was a dream come true. I mean, at school we kind of had to act the same. I was still terrified about what all the other jocks would think if they knew the real me. But when I got Kurt all to myself it was perfection. It wasn't just making love to him, although it was always amazing. I could just talk to him, be myself around him – it was liberating. When we were together Kurt was my whole world. Just one kiss, one touch, one smile and I'd be happier than I'd ever felt in my entire life.

However, there would always be a point where Kurt would suddenly get kind of uncomfortable, and I knew it was because he was thinking about him. One night he admitted to me that he and Blaine had started having sex. Blaine had starting giving him the one thing that I was pretty sure Kurt had been coming to me all this time for. A part of me was really hurt. Like, really hurt. I was never going to compete with stupid perfect Blaine, was I?

But I tried to stay positive. If Blaine was so perfect then Kurt wouldn't keep on coming back to me. I had to mean something to him. I could tell that he cared about me, I could just tell. I meant something to him, even if he was still with Blaine, even if I was always going to be the other guy. Me and him, what we had, still meant something.

Hope all the Romangst wasn't too depressing, Humble Readers.
REVIEWS ARE LOVE.

xxx