For those of you who are angry with my lack of updates, here is something to cheer you up. It came to me as I sat on the john, pondering the meaning of life. It severely disturbed me, and should do the same to you. Enjoy!
Harry Potter, forty years old, Head of the Auror Office, sat behind his desk one dark winter night. It was Monday, and the paperwork kept pouring in. He had been stuck in that office now for the last eight hours, reading reports, signing papers, reading reports, signing paper, reading reports and so on...
This was not how Harry had expected Auror life to be... He had been hoping for adventures, taking down huge, deadly Dark Creatures and dangerous Dark wizards, but this wasn't exciting! The only danger he faced in his office was spontaneous rain, and that only seemed to happen every thirty days, and it rained yesterday, so that danger was long gone...
"What I wouldn't do for some excitement..." Harry muttered tiredly as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
"Did I hear the word 'excitement?'" a high-pitched, sickeningly sweet voice asked.
Harry blinked and looked toward the door to his office. The lack of glasses made him see only a blurry shape in the doorway... a short, wide blur... He also saw a lot of skin color in the blur.
Slowly, Harry put on his glasses, and his eyes went wide with horror, cursing himself for putting them on.
There in the doorway stood Dolores Umbridge, still as short and fat as Harry remembered her. Toadlike, ugly, fat lips, bulging eyes... Ugh... But the worst part? She was wearing nothing but lingerie... A black lace bra and a black thong was all this monstrosity was wearing, showing off everything...
Everything...
Every wrinkle... those sagging breasts... those horrible, jiggling thighs... Harry could see it all...
With a startled cry, Harry shot out of his chair and backed as far away from the toad woman as possible, until his back hit the wall behind him.
"U-U-Umbridge!" he cried, pulling his wand and pointing it at the toad woman. "What are you doing out of Azkaban?"
"I was released early for good behavior," Umbridge's voice cut into Harry's brain with the same effect as nails on a chalkboard. "And I was just dying to see you, Potter..."
"W-What are you doing?" Harry asked nervously as Umbridge started walking toward him. His arm was starting to feel heavy, and without warning, it dropped uselessly to his side, his wand clattering to the floor. "What's happening to me?" he asked, finding that he couldn't move, while the woman came steadily closer.
Her sagging breasts were slapping against each other with every step...
The thighs jiggled... oh, Merlin, they jiggled...
Umbridge gave a high-pitched giggle.
"Oh, we can't have you trying to escape while I have my fun..." she whispered, and her voice somehow took on a husky tone, a tone that sounded, if possible, even worse than her girlish voice...
She was right in front of him now, looking over him like a hawk would look at its prey...
"Y-Your f-fun?" Harry asked, gulping. Umbridge smirked and nodded.
"Oh, we are going to have lots of fun, you and I, dear..."
Her face was coming closer... Her eyes drifted shut as she puckered up... Her disgusting lips were glistening with saliva... This was going to be horrible... Harry knew it...
Her face was only a foot away from his now...
Five inches...
An inch...
A scream tore through the Potter house in Godric's Hollow as Harry shot into a sitting position in bed. The scream was long, lasting for at least ten seconds. Next to him, Ginny jerked awake and sat up. Luckily, the kids were off at Hogwarts, and didn't have to hear the terrified scream that was coming from Harry, who was clutching at his chest.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Ginny asked, looking terrified as Harry's scream died down.
Harry looked around wildly and found, to his relief, that it had all been a dream.
"N-Nothing..." Harry muttered, panting. His heart was pumping like crazy. He felt like it was never going to calm down. "Just..." He gulped. "It was just a... a nightmare..."
Ginny smiled, ran a hand through Harry's hair, and kissed him on the cheek.
"Go back to sleep, honey," she said softly as she lay back down again.
From that day on, Harry Potter never slept again...
Hah! What do you think? Disturbed?
Review, please!