Mario and Luigi throw a party
Mario and Luigi use the mansion that Luigi cleaned of ghosts to throw a big party.
Mario: Hey Luigi? Did you remember to buy some Doritos?
Luigi: Of course I did, and I got the good ones too.
Mario: I thought they were out of nacho cheese…
Luigi: Yeah, so I bought the better ones, cool ranch.
Mario: Oh my god…Ok, ok, ok. People like cool ranch too
Luigi: Your just mad cause your nacho cheese crap doesn't measure up to the awesomeness of cool ranch.
Mario: DUDE I HAVE A MOTHERFUCKIN' FIREBALL WITH YOUR…
(Ding Dong)
Mario: DAMMIT! Ok…just calm down Mario…remember your therapy…in…out…in…out
Luigi: Dude, cut that therapy crap. Toad! Can you answer the door?
Toad: You know one of these days you guys are gonna be my bitch…
Luigi: Yeah shut up pip-squeak and answer the door.
Toad: grr…Why hello. Please enter the large mansion your gracious host Luigi
Mario: (In the distance) MARIO AND LUIGI!
Toad: (sigh) Mario and Luigi…has offered…for you, the most gracious gests.
Peach: Why thank you, as princess of the Mushroom kindom…
Toad: Drinks are on the table next to the bathroom…enjoy…
Peach: Drinks?
(In the kitchen)
Mario: Oh come on dude, the one time I'm not the fricken hero
Luigi: Did you run around with a goddamn vacuum on your back shitting your pants every time you walk into a new room? Do you realize how many trousers I went through!
Toad: HEY! THE PARTY IS STARTING!
Mario: Yeah just one sec here…and you!
Luigi: What about me?
(2 hours of fighting later)
Mario: (panting), OK fine, McDonalds has better fries but I will not give up that Burger King has the best burgers…
Luigi: (panting) whatever, hey what time is it…
Toad: I'll give you guys a hint…DK has demolished half the mansion and covered it in banana peels, Peach is wasted off her ass and with like 3 guys in the bathroom, to which there is a line of about 20 people long…
Mario: Wait, I thought there were only like 20 people here.
Toad: There was, but then Wario crashed the party and started ripping ass everywhere, so the other toads had some special gas masks prepared for the guests. Daisy has been addicted to the song I kissed a girl and I liked it for the past week so I'll leave that up to your imagination.
Mario: Oh god!
Luigi: Oh my…
Mario: DUDE! DO YOU HAVE A BONER?
Luigi: Never mind my massive wiener…what else?
Toad: Yoshi had a quarter of a beer and apparently isn't house trained at all, and that goes for the others.
Luigi: The others?
Toad: Yeah, Green Yoshi, Red Yoshi, yellow, black, white, dark blue, light blue, it's a fricken jungle in there, and speaking of which…
Mario: Wait let me guess, the other Kong's showed up?
Toad: Not to mention about 100 other toads.
Luigi: Fuck…
Mario: Dude, it's your mansion, what's the problem?
Luigi: No it's not, I sold it the minute I found out it was worth about 150 million dollars.
Mario: But you have never even had even close to a quarter of that much…
Luigi: Remember my gambling problem?
Mario:…You've got to be fricken kidding me!
Luigi: Does it look like I'm fricken kidding you?
Mario: Whatever. Toad, food and drink status!
Toad: Zero.
Luigi: Zero what…
Toad: Do you think that everyone just left it alone? It's all gone!
Mario: Ok, let's go see what's going on.
(Mario, Luigi, and Toad leave the kitchen and go to the main party room. DK and Diddy Kong are swinging from the chandelier throwing bananas everywhere, a whole bunch of toads in various colors are running about, and half of them have a beer in their hand. There are about 20 people in line for the bathroom and half of them are just pissing on the floor, apparently drunk. Wario is running around farting in everyone's face and Walugi is kicking everyone in the crotch. There are 4 Yoshi's with boners waiting in line for the closet door.)
Mario and Luigi: Oh…my…god
Toad: Told you I wasn't fricken kidding you.
(Mario approaches the Yoshis)
Mario: Who's in there?
Red Yoshi: Daisy and Peach. They…
Mario: Yeah yeah yeah I don't need to hear the details, just get out.
Blue Yoshi: But I've been waiting for an hour and a half and I'm next!
Mario: If your lucky I wont ride each and every one of your asses out of this goddamn mansion!
(The Yoshi's rush out pooping eggs as they leave. Meanwhile Luigi tries to tame DK and Diddy)
Luigi: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL LIGHT YOUR FURRY ASSES ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT!
DK: (monkey sounds)
Luigi: Jesus…
(A drunk toad approaches Luigi)
Toad: now…now... I think…hold on a minute, let me finish my beer…(he throws it behind him.) Now I think…that…he is call…call…calling you…he's calling you…some kind of…mon…monkey…monkey penis…hehehe…penis…hey, dude in the red hat…wanna see my penis?
(Luigi throws a fireball at him and sets the toad on fire.)
Luigi: God, toads should never drink. OK…fuck this shit
(Luigi starts firing fireballs everywhere and sets the mansion on fire)
Luigi: ANYONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW!
(2 hours later the mansion is in ashes on the ground and Mario and Luigi are talking to the authorities)
Cop: Well according to official reports from the cops, firefighters, pixies, mushrooms, and fortune tellers here, I believe we have an accurate description on the damage.
Luigi: OK, let's hear it.
Cop: Well the death toll is 2 monkeys, about 40 midgets, all drinking under age by the way…
Mario: underage?
Cop: Yes, they were each 10 years old.
Luigi: Wow…
Mario: No kidding, that's like a big dick slap in the face
(At that moment, Walugi runs up and slaps Mario, Luigi, and the Cop in the face with his penis. The cop fires 3 shots at him and kills him.)
Cop: Now that guy's dead. Uh…yeah that should do it.
Mario: OK so what now?
Cop: Well you either come with me quietly or I send you all to hell
Luigi: Well in that case…
(Luigi fires a fireball and incinerates the cop)
Mario: Goddamn it!
Luigi: Oh what's the big deal?
(At that 6 stars appeared, flashed a bit, then disappeared to be replaced by the swat team, 4 helicopters, the national army, and Bowser.)
Mario: THAT'S THE BIG DEAL.
Luigi: …shit…
Bowser: Since I know what you're going to ask, I'll just answer your question. I joined the army, they gave me a gun so I can do this.
(Bowser shoots and kills Mario and Luigi)
Bowser: Wow, why didn't I do this years ago.
(Bowser goes on to become the worst military man ever in the face of history, causing the death of 200,000 men and causing the U.S to lose the states of California, Arizona, Rhode Island, New Jersey, New York, New Mexico, and Vermont.)
Yeah…that's the story. Hope you enjoyed it and please leave feedback. Thanks!