A/N : I've been wanting to write a slave!fic for a while now so here goes!
A few things to consider before you start reading : I'm not part of the bdsm community, so I did some research and I wrote thing as best as i could. This is my first time writing a D/s relationship, I hope i didn't get too many things wrong. i tried to make is as safe as I could, don't hesitate to tell me if you think some things are wrong (i don't want to go all 50 shades on you peeps!)
First chapter is from the POV of an OC but Dean is coming though, don't worry!
Okay i'll shut up now, enjoy :D
Title taken from the song "Bad Devil" by Devin Townsend
My name is Jordan.
All the boys at school say it's a guy's name but I know it's not. I like my name. And anyway the boys at school always make fun of me, so I don't always believe what they say. The Master likes my name too, he told me so. He told me I'm a very bright little girl, and so I told the boys he said that. They just laughed at me, saying he was only telling me this so I would be 'nice to him'. I know what they meant by that, but I don't want to even think about it. I mean, I'm twelve, so I'm old enough to know. Mama explained it to me. But the Master is not like that. And he's an angel. Mama reads the bible to me every night so I know angels are not like that. I know he has pleasure slaves and everything, but Mama says it's normal, it's what every Master do, and I know he's nice to them.
Mama explained to me what pleasure slaves were because the Master likes men. And the truth is, I have boy bits, but I know I'm not a boy. I don't really know how to explain this but I know I'm not. And it's difficult to make people understand. I think Mama understands now, but she wanted to make sure I knew what could happen in the future. But the Master knows, and he understands.
I remember the first time he called me a girl, in front of Mama and even Old Mrs. Herbert who's always mean to me. It was the best feeling in the world. That's why I like the Master, I know not a lot of people do. He doesn't talk much and sometimes he's rude but I think it's because he doesn't know how to react to people.
That day, Mama was trying to get me to cut my hair, and I really didn't want to. I was crying because I was scared. I was just starting to feel real again, and she wanted to take it away. I know it's silly, it's just hair. Slaves don't have a say in it though. There's a standard length for boys, and a standard length for girls. But some Masters have long hair. The Master has longer hair than most men. And some of the ladies have short hair and I think it's pretty. But I like having long hair. My face looks prettier with longer hair, and it makes me feel real. But it was starting to get really long and Mama didn't want any problem with the Master.
So she was dragging me by an arm, with the help of Mrs. Herbert, trying to get me down to our quarters so she could cut my hair. They had managed to drag me all the way from the garden to the entrance hall but as we passed the stairs that led to the Master's quarters I grabbed the banister and I held on to it as if my life depended on it. I was crying so hard I was shaking and I was trying to explain but Mrs. Herbert wasn't letting me speak and after a few minutes of trying to get me downstairs she slapped me. It hurt so bad I couldn't help but let go of the banister and I fell to the floor. She took advantage of that and picked me up, holding me above ground and pinning my arms with hers so that I couldn't hold on to anything else. I started crying harder then, screaming for her to let me go.
"What's happening?!"
The Master was standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at us, a frown on his face. Mrs. Herbert let go of me and I fell on the floor.
"Master!" Mama whispered, and she tugged at my shirt so that I would stood up and stand properly like she taught me too. I did, but I couldn't help sobbing, even if I tried my hardest not to make any sound. I kept looking at the ground and I heard the Master walking toward us. I saw his shoes appear in the place I was looking and I heard him clear his throat. A sob escaped me and I pressed my hand against my mouth.
"Master Gabriel, we are so, so sorry…" Mrs. Herbert croaked. "Marissa's boy is just being silly. We didn't mean to trouble you. He'll get a good beating and I'm sure he'll behave."
I felt some more tears running down my cheeks as I heard the word 'beating', and my heart started hammering in my chest. I hated Mrs. Herbert. I hated her so much. It wasn't even my fault. It was her that told Mama I needed a haircut when I could have waited a few more weeks. Another sob escaped me and it rang even louder in the heavy silence of the empty hall.
The Master crouched in front of me so I lowered my gaze even more. I felt his hand push mine away and take a grip of my chin, pushing it up so that I would look at him. I couldn't even see his face because my eyes were full of tears. I blinked a few times, trying to get rid of them, but they just kept pouring.
"Alright, Kiddo, what's happening?" He repeated.
I didn't know if he was angry or not. He sounded calm, at least. I opened my mouth to answer but I couldn't speak. I sobbed again and I closed my mouth. I realized I was shaking really hard. I felt the tears run down again.
"Hey." He whispered gently, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. "Stop crying."
"Please Master, d-don't beat m-me." I uttered.
"I'm not-" He sighed, giving Mrs. Herbert a disapproving look. "Nobody's going to beat you."
I felt some tears running down my cheeks but the lump in my throat slowly disappeared as I tried to understand. I couldn't help but stare at him, wondering if he was telling the truth or if he was just trying to shut me up. I sniffled and wiped the tears away with my sleeve.
"It's Jordan, right? Your name?"
I looked at Mama for reassurance. I had never talked to the Master before, I was scared. Mama just nodded at me so I looked at the Master again.
"Yes Master."
"Okay, Jordan, what's wrong? You can tell me, I'm not going to get mad, but see I have the biggest hangover right now and I'd really like it if everybody could be real quiet today."
I didn't know what 'hangover' meant but he looked tired so I assumed it must have been some kind of sickness.
"I'm sorry Master. I just- I-" I was trying to find my words because I didn't want to say it out loud. I know it would sound ridiculous and he wouldn't understand. Only Mama understood how I felt.
"It's nothing important, Master Gabriel. He's making a fuss because he doesn't want to have his hair cut." Mrs. Herbert said.
She sounded angry and annoyed, just like she always did when she talked about me. The Master rolled his eyes and sighed.
"I'm not talking to you." He snapped.
I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face at that but I quickly forced it away. But the Master smiled too and I felt myself relax.
"Is that true?" He asked.
I couldn't hold his gaze anymore and I looked down. I just nodded.
He pushed my chin up again and I saw that he was frowning.
"I've never even heard your voice before. You seem to be a nice child. Why would you wake up the whole mansion for a haircut?"
"I'm sorry, Master." I whispered.
I felt the tears coming again. I couldn't explain. I didn't want him to laugh at me like everyone else did.
"Don't apologize, kid, just answer me."
I took a big breath, forcing the tears away. I felt Mama's hand squeezing my shoulder and it gave me a bit of courage.
"It makes me look like a boy. I don't like it." I said.
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why? Aren't you a boy?"
And so here it was. My whole body started shaking again. "I know I am outside. But I don't feel like it."
"So what do you feel like?"
He looked like he really wanted to know. I have been ask that question before but it always sounded like the people asking were making fun of me. But he wasn't. It surprised me but then I remembered angels don't think like us humans do. Mama taught me that we see them like they are because they have taken human vessels, or else we wouldn't be able to even look at them. So they are neither girls nor boys. I think about that a lot.
"A girl." I said, low enough so that only he could hear me.
He blinked at me a few times and his face relaxed.
"I see." He stood up. "Mrs. Herbert, leave this little girl be. As far as I know I haven't named you governess yet so just keep to your chores. Understood?"
"Yes, Master." Mrs. Herbert said.
He waved her away. She gave me an angry look before she left but I barely noticed because I couldn't take my eyes off the Master. Maybe he was going to yell at me once Mrs. Herbert would be gone. I didn't know what to expect but I wasn't scared because he had called me a girl and it wasn't to make fun of me. It was real. I didn't know how to react. It was strange and wonderful at the same time.
The Master looked at Mrs. Herbert go and ran a hand through his hair. His sighed as he looked at me again.
"No more crying, okay? I need my beauty sleep."
I nodded. "Yes Master."
He winked at me and went back upstairs. I was still staring at the empty stairway when I felt Mama shaking my shoulder.
From that day on the Master kept on smiling at me, sometimes asking me how I was, if I was doing good work and if I was good at school. Few Masters send their slaves to school, but in general angels do. Especially those of higher rank, Mama said. She often tells me I'm lucky we're part of Master Gabriel's household, and that she's happy I'm able to get an education. It stops when we're sixteen, and they mostly teach us how to write, read and we do mathematics. We also have a lot of sport so that we grow up to be strong adults later in life. At least it's what it's like for boys. I like sport but I don't want to be a strong man. I don't know what girls learn instead of sport. Some of them come to train with us, so maybe they can choose what they want to do. I think they learn a lot more things, and I'm a little jealous. I wish I could learn some more myself. I told Mama once so sometimes when we can she teaches me how to sew or knit or bake things. She says it's what the female slaves are taught for the most part. I learned there was a boys and girls school somewhere, and that people who go there are taught the same things. I wish I could go there but Mama says that's not where the Master sent me, and that I should be happy that I can learn anything at all.
Today Mama is hanging out some laundry behind the house and I'm sitting on the floor not far away, under a big willow tree that keeps me from the sun. It's really hot today and I'm really happy about that since there's no school. I'm working on my math homework, but I'm not really good at it. I wish I were, though. Slaves who are good at many stuff often help their Masters in their affairs and sometimes they even become friends. I would love to be Master Gabriel's friend.
The wind makes my hair fly in front of my face and I smile. I never had hair that long before. They go all the way to my shoulders, almost touching them now, and as they grow they keep getting lighter and lighter. I used to have dark ginger hair and now I can sometimes see little blond strands in it. Mrs. Herbert doesn't like it one bit but I don't care because I'm allowed now. The Master said so and there's nothing she can do about it.
I look at the house again, like I did every five minutes ever since I got here, but nothing moves. I'm looking because sometimes on no school days like this the Master comes and he talks to me. I don't know why he cares so much because I'm not that special, but it make me feel happy. And it reminds me of how lucky I am. Mama hasn't been that lucky all her life. She had another Master before but he was a demon. Most slaves have demon Masters because there's a lot more of them. There are a lot of angels too but they mostly work in Heaven. And demons are not good Masters. They're mean and they beat you all the time. They only keep the minimum number of slaves they need and they make them work and work and work until they die and they buy some more. Mama's old Master was like that. When he found out she was pregnant with me he got really mad and he almost killed her. He killed my daddy and he sold Mama. Master Gabriel bought her after that with another woman, her little boy and two men. I see them around sometimes, the men.
Mama told me everything about all the slaves in the house, but they're my favorites because they're the ones who took care of Mama when she first got here, at the Mansion. Victor and Bobby, they're called. The woman's name is Lisa, and her son's name is Ben. Ben is like my brother because we grew up together and we're the youngest slaves in the house. Everyone is nice to us, except for Mrs. Herbert. Ben and I used to prank her all the time, and that's why she hates him as much as she hates me but he doesn't care. Now we don't see each other that often because he's been done with school since the beginning of the year and he works with all the other men. I miss him a lot but he still comes and spends some time with me whenever he can.
Mrs. Herbert suddenly burst out the door and she half-runs toward Mama.
"Are you done yet? They're waiting for you!"
Mama sighs and finishes hanging up the sheets she is holding.
"I'm coming." She says quietly.
Mama is always quiet, she never yells or raises her voice. She doesn't like conflicts. I think it's because of what happened to daddy.
"Take your boy with you, I'm tired of seeing him slacking around."
She doesn't even look at me and she leaves as quickly as she arrived. Mama looks at me and smile.
"Do you want to come with me to the city?" She asks.
She knows I'll say yes. I love to go out of the house. I nod frantically as I get up and run up to her. She picks up her empty laundry basket and we walk back to the house.
"Why are we going?" I ask.
"To buy everything we need for the party, silly. You remember the Master is having a party tomorrow?"
I nod again. "What's the party for?"
"I'm not sure, I think it has something to do with the Master's brother."
I think about it for a while. The Master has three brothers. I don't like Master Lucifer and Master Michael, I don't really have a reason why. They make me uncomfortable. Master Castiel is nice enough but he doesn't talk much.
"Which one?"
"I don't know, baby. I just know I need to make the food, that's enough for me."
I hold the door for her and we get into the house. It's cool inside and there's not much noise. There's never a lot of noise in the house. Master Gabriel doesn't have many friends. Sometimes he has other angels coming over but it's mostly for business. They always end up drinking a bit though, and sometimes their conversations get agitated.
At least the house feels alive when Master Gabriel throws a party. I follow Mama with a smile on my face.
Five minutes later we're both outside, and we join Jody, Ellen and Arthur outside. Jody and Ellen are good friends, but they fight a lot because they both like Bobby. I'm pretty sure Bobby avoids talking about it because it makes him uncomfortable. He likes them too but I don't think he wants to break them apart by choosing. They're really close because they both lost their children. Ellen had a daughter named Jo who and Jody had a little boy. I never knew them because I wasn't even born when it happened, and Mama doesn't talk about it. So I don't really know how they died, I just know they did. Arthur doesn't speak because his former Mistress cut his tongue out one day, but he's very big and strong.
Mrs. Herbert often says she's tired of all our problems. She's not happy that there's so many of us because she's the one responsible for us all, and when we're not okay or something happens she has to take care of it before reporting to the Master. She's kind of like an under-Master or something. But I thought about it a lot and I think I know why we're all here. I think the Master takes in people who are in trouble, and I like him even more for that. I heard Master Lucifer make fun of him for that once. He said he should have had us killed a long time ago because we're useless and he has to have too many slave because of that. But Master Gabriel doesn't care I think.
We all get into the car and I can't help but sigh happily. Arthur's is driving, so I feel safe. He's the only one who can drive, so he takes us and sometimes the Master to places. The Master made him learn how to drive because he's mean looking and he's strong, so he can protect him against other humans. Some of them are free men and they don't like the angels. I mean, they don't like the demons too, but nobody likes demons.
And I think the Master likes Arthur. Not like he likes me, though. More like Jody and Ellen like Bobby. I don't know if Arthur is the Master's pleasure slave because Mama won't answer me when I ask. I'm pretty sure he is anyway.
The drive to town isn't that long and soon we're walking in the busy streets toward the market and I start to feel more and more excited with each step. I love the noises, the smells and the sight of all the people there. Nobody knows me and they don't see me as a boy. I can be real when I'm here. Mama, Ellen and Jody buy a lot of things, and Arthur and I we just follow. I chat to him a lot, because I know he likes it. Oftentimes people just don't talk to him, or they do it real slow, like they're talking to a baby. But he just can't speak. That doesn't mean he's stupid or he can't understand us.
When we have all the food we need we turn back and we pick up some flowers on the other side of the street. Arthur is holding six bags at once and he's making funny faces at me and I laugh. Mama, Ellen and Jody get everything in the car and we're about to get in ourselves when we hear mean laughter behind us and we turn around.
Three demons are coming toward us, looking drunk and dragging a woman – a slave, I notice – by her hair behind them. Mama rolls back my sleeve so that the Master's tattoo will show. All slaves have tattoos. They're not actually made of ink, but they're marks who let people know who we belong to so that no one will try anything against us when we go out, or we don't get kidnapped and sell again.
"Look at what we have here…" The tallest one says.
He seems to be their leader, I think. I don't know what they want with us but I'm really scared. I hate demons. I hide behind Arthur and take a hold of Mama's dress. Their slave whimpers and one of them force her on her knees.
"We don't want any trouble." Ellen says. She looks angry but I can see she's trying to stay calm. "We've been sent here by our Master. We can show you our papers if you'd li-"
The tall one grabs her by the throat with a devious smile on his face and he stares at her tattoo. He snorts and his smile widen.
I look around. We're not the only ones in the parking lot. The people who just parked stay in their car. Those who are walking either hurry toward their own or turn around. They all pretend they haven't seen us. No one is going to help us, I realize. Mama puts her hand on my shoulder and comes to stand in front of me.
"I don't give a shit about your papers, slave. I just want to have some fun. So you're going to follow me in that street over there and you're going to get on your knees and do what you're fucking told, understood?"
Ellen doesn't nod, she doesn't try to speak. She doesn't seem to be able to. Her face is getting blue.
"You can't force us to do anything without our Master's approval. Let her go." Jody comes in.
She's angry too, but she looks determined. The demon shrugs and sigh.
"Right." He says.
All I hear is a big, crunchy noise and Mama gasps. I look at her and I see she's covering her mouth with her hand and there are tears in her eyes. Something falls on the floor and I try to see what it is. It's Ellen. Her head is all wrong. She's lying on her belly but her head is facing us. There's blood on the floor.
I don't know what to think.
The demon grabs Mama by an arm and pulls her against him with his arm on her throat. She lets go of me.
"MAMA!" I scream.
I try to take a hold of her again but Arthur pushes me back behind him and raises his fist to punch one of the other demon in the face. The other demon just raises his hand and Arthur is lifted from the floor and thrown back on it. Jody is screaming too. I just stare. I don't know what to do. My heart is beating so fast I feel like it's punching my guts and I want to throw up. The demon keeps smashing Arthur on the floor, lifting him up again and smashing him against the hard concrete floor. It makes weird noises and Arthur stops trying to fight it. He just bounces on the floor.
"STOP IT! STOP IT! SOMEONE HELP US!" Jody yells, trying to get people's attention.
But the third demon slaps her so hard she falls. I think she fainted. I don't know. I feel something splashing on me, like water but thicker. I touch my face and look at my fingers. It's blood. I realize my hands are shaking and I look around. It's Arthur's blood, I'm sure of it. He has no face anymore. I think something exploded. I look at Mama. I don't feel like crying. I don't feel like I'm scared. I just don't know. She's mouthing something at me, but my brain isn't working anymore. I'm just looking at her, mouth open in disbelief, wide eyed.
"Don't worry little girl, I'll take care of your mommy here, and then it'll be your turn!" The tall one says.
The other ones all laugh. I can't stop looking at Mama. 'Run', she's saying. 'Run', again and again and again. The tall one put his hand on my cheek and pinches it but I turn my head all of a sudden and bit him. He wasn't expecting it and he takes a step back, surprised.
"You little bitch!"
I feel like I'm paralyzed. My brain isn't working. Or it's working too fast. I look at Mama again. 'Run' she tries again. She's crying and she's struggling for breath.
And suddenly my legs start moving, I'm not even sure I'm doing it. It's like my brain and my body are two different things. I run and run and I hear one of the demon laugh, I don't turn around to see which one. I run so fast I can't breathe anymore and my legs are on fire but I keep going. When I feel like I'm about to faint I hide between two building, in a very narrow passage way, and I wait. My heart hammers in my chest, the only things I can hear are my heavy breathing and my blood pumping in my body, the sound of it ringing loud in my hears.
I finally find the courage to have a look around. I only take a peek at the streets behind me, but nobody's looking for me. There are some people in the street of course, but no signs of the demons. I feel panic coming now, it's like something is stuck in my throat and it blocks the air. I slide on the floor, my back against the wall. I don't know what to do. I try to breathe but I can't. I don't want to die. I need to save Mama.
I look at the wall in front of me. Something is written on it. I can't read it. I don't think my brain is working anymore. I know I can read but I can't tell what it says. The alley is cool because the sun doesn't reach in between the buildings here. It's kind of dirty though. There's an empty pack of cigarettes in front of me. I stare at it and I try to breathe.
I need to tell the Master. I think that's why Mama told me to run. He's an angel, he has powers. He's strong because he's high ranked and he likes me so I'm sure he'll save Mama. He likes Arthur too. But I think Arthur's dead. I hope the Master won't get too mad.
It takes me three tries to finally get up and I start to run again. I know the road by heart because I love to come to the market. I know where I'm going. I run and I run and I run and I promise myself I won't stop until I find the Master.
#
I probably fainted. It's the first thing I think about when I open my eyes again. I don't remember what happened between the moment I started to run again and now. Someone is here with me.
"OVER HERE!" The person yells.
I try to see who it is but it's night, so I can't see his face properly. I only know it's a man. I feel like I should recognize the voice, but I can't. I hear some footsteps and two other people appear above me. I try to speak but my throat is really dry and I can only cough. Nothing comes out. I feel like I'm choking again and I panic.
"Hey! Hey, Jordan, it's me. It's Ben, it's me. I'm here, it's okay, just breathe."
He pulls me up until I'm half sitting and he holds me in his arms. He rocks me in his arms, back and forth, until I cough again and I feel the air coming back into my lungs.
It's night. We were supposed to organize the party. I'm pretty sure the Master is mad at us now.
"What happened? Where are the others?" Another man asks.
I look up and I see it's Bobby. Ellen is dead. I don't know about Jody. Lord. Ellen is dead. And Arthur too. I'll never see them again. I don't know how to feel, and all of a sudden my head starts to spin.
I just have the time to push Ben away before I throw up. It burns my throat. I haven't eaten since this morning. My stomach spasms and it hurts. I want it to stop doing that but it doesn't. Something tries to get out of my stomach but there's no food anymore. It's just bile, and it burns.
I feel my eyes roll into the back of my head and then everything goes black.
#
I blink a few times. At first everything is blurry but as I wake up again I start to see shapes and shadows.
"Hey Kiddo." Someone whispers.
I blink again because I can't see the face that's staring at me. I feel two fingers on my forehead. A shiver runs down my body and suddenly my head is clear. I can see everything, I can think. My throat isn't dry anymore, the dizziness is gone. And I remember.
The Master is looking at me and he's frowning. We're in his study and I'm lying on his couch. He's Kneeling in front of it.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
Automatically I nod right away. But the truth is, I don't really know. I don't think I am. I change my mind and shake my head 'no'. I think about the noise Ellen's neck made when it broke and I feel like throwing up again. I can't look at him. I turn my head and see a little statue on his desk. From where I lie it looks like a man holding a woman in his arms. I stare at it. There's no noise in the house. Everything is dark in here because the Master doesn't like ceiling lights so he has lots of little lamps scattered around the mansion. I'm grateful for that right now. I feel comfortable in the near darkness.
"Can you tell me what happened? Where are the others?"
He sounds concerned. I don't want to look at his face. He's probably mad that we ruined the food. I'm just thinking about that now. We'll have to go get some again. The party is tomorrow. There's just Lisa now. She won't be able to cook everything.
"Look at me." He orders.
I do because I don't want to get a beating. I just can't make my face react. I just look. I'm so tired.
"What happened?" He says again, this time more forcefully.
I stare into his eyes for a few seconds. They're kind of hypnotizing. They have bits of gold in them. I think it's the Master's grace showing through his vessel's eyes.
"Ellen and Arthur are dead." I say.
I feel a lump forming in my throat. Saying it makes it real. His eyes widen and he suddenly looks distressed.
"What? How?"
"Demons attacked us. Ellen told them they couldn't touch us but they did anyway, even when they saw our marks. They broke Ellen's neck and they smashed Arthur on the floor until he stopped moving."
I'm still looking at him and the words come out of my mouth but I can't find the strength to put fear or sadness into my voice. I just say it, as fast as I can. I can see everything again as if it's happening in front of my eyes so I just hurry. If I go fast enough maybe I won't remember.
He frowns harder and runs a hand through his hair.
"One of them slapped Jody and she fell." I go on. "They took Mama. They said they were going to take care of her and then it would be my turn. That's what he said. The demon."
The lump in my throat grows. They have Mama. I hope she's okay.
"They took Mama." I repeat.
And I feel a tear run down my cheek. It's funny because I didn't move my face. It just fell. I don't feel sad or scared. I don't feel anything. It's weird. He looks around, as if he's looking for something, but I'm not sure he knows what. Then his eyes find mine again and he covers his mouth with one hand, rubbing at his chin.
"Do you know who they were? The demons? Did you see something, or heard something?"
I shake my head 'no'. I don't know anything. I want to tell him to leave me alone but I can't do that. He's my Master.
He looks at all the dry blood on my shirt and doesn't say anything. He sighs.
There's a knock at the door and it makes him jump a little. He goes to open it but he keeps it half-closed so I can't see who's talking to him. He doesn't answer, he doesn't move for a while. I can only see his back. Am I allowed to sleep? I would love to just close my eyes. I'm tired. I just want them to find Mama.
When he turns around there's no expression on his face. He comes back next to me but he stays standing this time. I look up to him and I wait. He sighs again and finally he looks at me. It makes me uncomfortable so I try to look away. The door is still open and I see Bobby has come in too but he's staying away. His eyes are red. I look at the Master again.
He's still silent so I push myself up until I'm sitting, my legs tucked at my side. He crouches down then and put a hand on my knee. This is what people do when they're about to tell you something bad happened, isn't it? My heart starts beating faster.
I shook my head 'no' again and again but he still opens his mouth. I don't want to know.
"They found them…" He starts. I feel the panic coming back.
"No." I say.
Because I'm scared I know what he's going to say. I don't want to hear it. Hearing it makes it real. He furrows his brows in sadness and he strokes my knee.
"Jody, Ellen, Arthur and your Mom." I feel a whimper coming out of my throat. "I'm sorry, Jordan."
The lump in my throat is back, it's so big I feel like I'm going to throw up.
"Please…" I beg. And it comes out as half a sob.
"They're all dead."
He says it with pity in his voice. And it's real. They're dead. Mama too. She's on the list. Mama's dead. I close my eyes and my face breaks. I can't hold it in anymore so I just cover my eyes with my hands.
He sounded sad when he said it and it makes me angry. Mama told me everything. She told me he said he would protect her after he bought her. He said no demon would harm her ever again. But now she's gone. I'll never see her again. I don't know what I want to do. I feel like crying, screaming. I want it to go away, I want to forget everything. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
He's still stroking my knee. I want to take his hand and break it in half.
I look up. He cocks his head on the side as if he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking. I feel the tears running down my cheeks, my nose is running too but I don't care. I can't help sobbing but I try to show him how angry I am.
"You s-said she wou-would be safe!"
He closes his eyes, looking pained, and opens them again.
"I know." He just says.
He's so quiet. Why is he so quiet? I hate him. I thought he liked me. If he did he would have done something.
"Bring them back." I say.
He has to. He can, he's an angel. I know he can.
"I can't, I'm sorry."
I get up and try to stand as far away from him as I can but he turns and just walks up to me. I don't want him to. I keep walking backward until I feel my back hit the desk. I close my fists and I squeeze until my palms hurt so much I almost can't feel them anymore.
"You're ly-lying" I try.
I'm so furious. Why isn't he doing anything? He said she would be safe from demons!
He looks like the Master again now. No expression on his face, standing taller than he was a few seconds before. Maybe he's going to beat me. I don't care. I don't care I just want everything to go away. I want him to beat me so I won't wake up. When he's really close to me I can't look into his eyes anymore. I look at his chest.
I hit him once with the flat side of my fist. It hurts but I don't care. I raise my other hand and I hit again.
"You're lying!" I say, louder.
And I hit him again and again with both my fists and it feels good and I can't stop. I can't see anything anymore because there are too many tears in my eyes. I feel a scream coming out of my mouth, I don't feel like it's my body anymore.
Suddenly he grabs my arms and pushes them behind me so I can't move. This is it, he's going to hit me now. I let go of everything and I go limp in his arms. I'm panting really hard and I'm starting to choke again because I'm crying too much. I'm struggling to breathe and my throat is making a weird noise. I see little black sparkles fly everywhere I look. I can't breathe.
I look up, and I know I look scared because I have no air and that's not how I want to die. He's staring at me and the only sounds in the room are those I'm making while trying to take a breath. I can't, and I'm dizzy now.
He lets go of one of my arm and I almost fall but he holds me up. I see him raise his arm and he holds out two fingers. Slowly he gets them close to my forehead. I keep looking at him. When he touches me everything goes black again.
#
I'm in my bed. Someone must have carried me there. I turn on my back and I look at the ceiling. I don't know what day it is, and I don't think I want to know. I blink a few times and I turn my head towards Mama's bed. She's not in it. Must be Sunday then. She usually lets me sleep on Sunday. She's probably making breakfast.
Except I know she's not. I frown. And it hits me.
She's not here anymore because she's dead.
I feel the tears coming again but I'm so tired. I don't want to cry but I do. I try to keep as silent as I can and I push myself up and I climb on Mama's bed. Nobody's here, so I can do what I want. The women have their room, and the men have theirs. Only Mrs. Herbert has her own room. I guess it's because she's been here for a long while and she helps the Master a lot. I can stay into the women's room because I'm still a child.
The pillow smells like Mama. It smells of laundry detergent and cinnamon. The Master loves everything sugary and especially Mama's special apple pie. She puts a lot of cinnamon in it and she bakes one every day so she always smells like it. Or she did. She's not here anymore, so she won't make it again.
I hide my face into the pillow and I let it all out. I don't care if I'm loud. Mama's dead. I don't want to do anything. I just want to be with her. I'm all alone now and I'm scared. What am I going to do? Mrs. Herbert doesn't like me, she'll probably tell the Master he ought to sell me. I don't do much here. I have chores but I'm pretty sure someone else could do them better and do a lot more than I do. And if he sells me he won't have to pay for school anymore.
I cry and cry until I'm too tired to even move and there's no tears in me anymore. I just lie there, surrounded by Mama's smell, turning my back on the door, my knees up against my chest, looking straight at the wall.
I'm about to fall asleep when someone knocks at the door. I don't turn around. I don't want to see anybody. But then I remember what I did before I fell asleep and I'm suddenly scared. I hit Master Gabriel. I hit him. I was so angry at him but now I'm just scared. I don't want to see him.
There's a knock again but I don't answer. He wouldn't come here, at least. He never did. But maybe he sent someone to fetch me and punish me. I hear the door open and I try to stay as still as I can.
"Jordan? Are you awake?"
It's Mrs. Herbert's voice. I'm so surprised I turn around right away. She never comes here either. And she's never called me by my name before. I just look at her and I wait. I don't have the strength to hear her yell at me today. I hope she'll leave me alone.
She comes close to me and sits on the bed.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
And she looks concerned. This is really weird. I nod anyway. If she sees I don't need help she'll leave. She's probably here because she has no other choice anyway. After all part of her job is to take care of us and make sure we're not being difficult. She sighs.
"Master Gabriel wants to see you." She starts. I feel my hands are starting to shake. "But if you don't feel like it it can wait."
She's being so nice. She's not mocking me. It's so weird it's feels like I'm dreaming and I don't really like it.
"Why are you so nice to me?" I try.
It comes out as a whisper. My throat is dry. I'm thirsty all of a sudden. She looks surprised.
"I know we don't always get along but…" She trails off.
But Mama's dead, that's what she wants to say.
"You hate me." I say.
She looks pained at that. "No, child. I don't… I know I'm a bit harsh sometimes but I don't hate you, what makes you think that? You know it's my job to keep all of you in line so I have to be firm sometimes but… I don't hate anyone. You understand that?"
I don't. She sure looked like she was doing everything she could to make my life difficult all these years. I frown.
"I have to be respected, that's all." She adds. "I'm responsible for you all. All of you, I've been here for a long time now and you're all like my own children. I've seen you grow up. I took care of you when your Mom was sick. I can't hate you. Especially now that they're…"
I see tears coming up in her eyes and she looks away.
"But you're mean all the time and you call me 'boy' even now that the Master said it was okay for me to be a girl."
I want it to come out as angry but I don't have the strength anymore. Seeing her near to tears, I think I'm starting to believe her.
"But you are a boy, Jordan. And it's all nice here, and you're still young so nobody cares but what will happen when you'll grow up? You'll look like a man, whether you like it or not. You'll have to do a man's job. Do you think the Master will be so nice to you once you're all grown up? What do you think he'll do? You'll get beat up every time you'll try to get out there in the street, people will call you a freak and they'll make your life a living hell. I know you'll grow up to be a nice looking young man, and I've been serving the Master since I'm a little girl, I know him. I know what will likely happen once you're old enough to…"
She stops herself, putting her hand in front of her mouth. She looks frustrated and sad and there's a tear slowly running down her cheek.
"I won't be a pleasure slave, the Master likes me but not like that." I say.
I'm a bit shocked. I can't believe what she's implying.
"I've been living with him for fifty years, honey. Why do you think he talks to you so much?"
I don't answer. I don't want to believe her. And this is kind of a gross thing to think about.
"I don't care." I say after a while. "He's going to sell me anyway."
I try to sound like it's not a big deal but I'm not sure I succeed. She pats my shoulder.
"He has no reason to. I only saw him sell someone once, and it was to his brother. You don't have to worry about that."
"But I hit him. I yelled at him. I'm a bad slave. And now that Mama's gone I'm useless."
I don't want her to see that I'm scared but I can't help it. I start shaking again and my throat suddenly feels really dry.
She just sighs and pulled me up until I'm sitting properly.
"Don't be daft. Now will you come with me or not?"
She's using her mean tone again but oddly it doesn't sound like she's mocking me anymore. I think she just wants me to behave properly so that everything comes back to normal. I'm not sure I can, though. Mama's dead, so what's the point? But I nod anyway. I don't want to be sold. I don't want to end up with a demon Master. I shiver at the thought.
"Come on." She urges.
She stands up and I follow.
#
The Master hasn't sold me. He just stood behind his desk the whole time I was there. He didn't make me look into his eyes like he usually does. So I looked at the floor the whole time, like a proper slave, and I listened to him. He gave me a lecture about proper behaviors, and by the end of it he told me he understood my grief but that I should remember my place next time. He said I was free to mourn Mama for a few days, at least until the funeral.
I asked Mrs. Herbert about it. She said Master Gabriel was one of the rare Masters who held funeral for his deceased slaves. I know every human as to be cremated because of all the demons that could possess them, but he still holds a sort of ceremony, and that's nice of him.
We did it at night, behind the house. Not far away from the mansion, but far enough that it wouldn't burn it down or allow the smell of burnt flesh inside. The Master didn't come but I'm pretty sure he watched from his bedroom window. Mama looked like she was asleep. I think someone healed her. I heard some of Master Castiel's slaves who helped look for her say that she was so bruised that even Bobby had a hard time recognizing her. I tried to picture it but I couldn't. Mama's always been the prettiest woman I know. I can't imagine her face without the smile she always bear. I can't see her beautiful blond hair with blood in it. Her eyes were really blue and I can't picture them any other way.
When they set fire to her I cried. I felt like it was all wrong. I felt like it was erasing her somehow. But I know her soul is going to heaven, so I didn't move. I didn't want to make a fuss. I didn't want to be sold.
A week after that Mrs. Herbert tells us the Master has bought new slaves. Not a lot, just enough to replace Mama, Jody, Ellen and Arthur. So there are three women and a man. The Master has gathered us all outside, behind the house next to the big willow tree and we're facing the four strangers.
I can't help but hate them. I don't want anyone to replace Mama or the others. Nobody will be as funny as Arthur. Nobody will be as strong as Ellen. Nobody will be as smart as Jody. Nobody will be as beautiful and thoughtful as Mama. They all look so dull. I hate them.
I don't even notice I'm staring angrily at them until the Master opens his mouth.
"What's the death glare for, Kiddo?"
I blink and I look up. He's right next to me. We haven't spoken since he lectured me. I don't have time to apologize though. He puts his hand on my shoulder and pulls me close to him.
He smells like laundry detergent and cinnamon.
I relax a little and I try to look like I don't even care. The women all look at the floor, hands behind their back, like we're taught to stand in front of our Master. The man stands all wrong. He's not holding his back as straight as he should. His hands are at his side with his fist tightened so hard his knuckles have turned white. He looks pretty angry. And he's staring right into the Master's eyes.
Master Gabriel keeps his hand on my shoulder and he sighs. He turns his head to look at me so I look up again.
"This one is a bit wild, don't you think?" He asks, pointing at the man.
I look at the slave and I nod. He looks angrier and grit his teeth. The Master let's go of me and walks toward the new slaves. He stops in front of the first woman on the right and turns around.
"Come on. They're not going to bite!" He tells me, a playful smile on his face.
I don't know why he's talking to me again all of a sudden. Maybe he forgave me. Maybe he's just nice because of Mama. I don't mind right now, I like it when he talks to me.
I run toward him and stop at his side.
"Okay, Kiddo, we're conducting an interview here. So you're going to ask them a few questions, and they'll answer you, and we'll see if you're satisfied. Is that okay with you?"
I give him a questioning look. "Me?"
He nods. "I don't want you to throw a fit again." He says, and he winks.
He doesn't look angry but I still feel panic rise up again and my throat tighten.
"Don't look so scared. Go on!"
I nod. "Yes Master."
I look at the first woman but I can't think of a single thing to ask. She has red hair like mine and she's pretty. Her face is friendly and open, it makes me feel safer to be close to her.
"Here, I'll help you." Master Gabriel says when he sees I'm not going to open my mouth. "What's your name?" He asks the woman.
"Charlie, Master." She says.
I like that name. It could be a boy's name or a girl's name. Just like mine.
"That's a beautiful name." He goes on and turns to me. "What do you think?"
"I think it's pretty too."
He smiles.
"Alright then, ask something. Anything. What would you want to know about her?"
I try to think about it but I don't really know. She's really pretty and she smiles at me. I'm sure that if the Master liked girls he would like her. She probably has had lots of men in her life.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I ask.
That's the only thing that comes to my mind. I try to give the Master a side way look to see if it's okay. He smiles again so I assume it is.
She looks uncomfortable all of a sudden and looks at the woman next to her. She's beautiful too. Her skin is really tanned and it makes her look like she glows. She has very long black hair that she tied into a braid.
"Answer the girl." The Master tells Charlie gently.
She looks back at me with a small smile.
"No, I don't." She just says.
"Why?"
She looked at the other woman again then back at me.
"Because I have a girlfriend." She says.
She avoids the Master's eyes. Maybe she thinks he won't be happy about it. But I don't see why not. She keeps glancing at the other woman.
"Are you together?" I ask, looking at them both.
It's like I can't stop asking now. She's interesting. And it's fun. Charlie nods. So I turn to the other woman.
"What's your name?"
"Gilda." She whispers.
She looks very shy and scared all of a sudden. Their former Master probably didn't like that they were together. I turn to the Master.
"Master, you don't mind, do you?"
I ask because I want her to know it's okay. I don't want her to be scared. Master Gabriel is good.
He laughs and pats me on the head.
"You know I don't, kiddo. And don't you think I do my research properly before buying my slaves?"
Charlie looks at him, looking like she wants to ask a question. She's probably wondering if he's serious. He smiles at her before turning away.
"What's your name?" He asks the third woman.
She's blond and she kind of looks like Mama a bit. It hurts to think about that. I don't want Mama to look at me from heaven and think I'm replacing her. I try to get the thought out of my head and I get closer to the Master.
"Jessica, Master." She says.
Her voice is clear and loud. She's standing really straight, but it doesn't look like she's angry or anything. She seems interesting. And she's beautiful too. I wonder if the Master chose them for their looks. Maybe he likes having beautiful slaves, even if they're not pleasure slaves. Maybe the Master also likes women sometimes? I don't really know what to think about that, it's kind of something a grown up would know. I don't want to think about it anyway. Thinking about sex grosses me out a bit.
I can't think of something to ask. I'm thinking about Mama now and I can't stop. I want to touch her hair, see if it feels as soft as Mama's hair did.
The Master puts his hand on my shoulder again and squeezes.
"She kinda looks like your Mom, don't you think?" He half whispers.
I nod and I feel like crying again. But I won't. I promised myself I won't cry anymore because I don't want the Master to think I'm a baby.
"It's okay, kiddo. Come on, ask something."
She looks at me and she smiles. Her smile is nice, reassuring and it warms my heart even if it makes me sad at the same time.
"Do you read?" I ask her.
She nods.
"What are your favorite books about?"
Her smile widen.
"I like books about medicine."
I frown. "They're complicated."
"Doesn't mean they're not interesting." She replies.
She seems very smart. I wouldn't be able to read books about science I think. I've seen one once and they were lots of numbers and letters that didn't make any sense. I smile back because I don't know what else to say. The Master notices and he pushes me toward the man.
He's still looking at the Master with an angry look but I think now there's a bit of disgust in his eyes. He's intriguing. I wonder why he looks so angry.
"What's your name?" I ask.
I want him to look away from the Master. I don't like the way he looks at him, like he's going to hurt him. But he keeps staring at Master Gabriel.
"Dean." He says, and he doesn't even look at me.
I look up to the Master and give him an interrogating look. I don't feel like talking to this Dean. He's rude. The Master smiles at me.
"He's not happy because he hasn't been a slave for long." He tells me like Dean isn't even here.
He makes it look like he's telling me a big secret but I know everyone can hear him. I look back at Dean.
"Really? You're a free man?" I ask.
And I'm really impressed because I never met one before. Now I want to ask a ton of questions.
"Was, kiddo. He was a free man. He's done some bad things but he thinks he should have gotten away with them."
Now the Master sounds like he's mocking him. Dean looks really unhappy and mad.
"What did you do?" I ask Dean.
I wonder what free men have to do to become slaves again. He finally looks at me but it feels like he doesn't really want to talk to me.
"I killed some demons." He says with a smile. But I can see it's a fake smile. It's like he's laughing at me.
"And some angels too." The Master adds.
"Oh." I say.
I take a step back. I want the Master to stay away from that man. I don't want him to die too. Dean isn't smiling anymore and he's looking at Master Gabriel again. The Master just holds me close to him and strokes my arm gently.
"And now he's not happy about his punishment. I guess we'll have to teach him how to behave like a proper slave."
I nod. His stance is all wrong. I want to take his hands and push them behind his back. If Mama saw this she would probably think the same. I don't know what it's like to be a free human and I'm a little mad at him for having ruined his freedom. I'm not jealous or anything because the Master is really good to us and I heard that most free men are poor and are struggling to live a good life because nobody likes them.
Dean lower his gaze slowly and his eyes find the Master's hand on my shoulder. He smirks.
"Didn't know they could start whoring that young." He says, matter-of-factly.
I hear Mrs. Herbert gasp behind us and the Master raises his hand to silently tell her to stay where she is. I don't want to let him know I know what Dean means but I can't help but blush really hard.
Why is everyone thinking the Master would want me to be his pleasure slave?
The Master lets go of me and takes a step forward, putting himself between Dean and me. He's smiling dangerously now. Dean holds his gaze and suddenly the Master's hand shoots up in the hair and grabs him by the throat. Dean is on his knees before I have the time to realize what happened.
The Master is still smiling in that weird, scary way. I can see that Dean is struggling to breathe. His eyes are opened wide and his face goes a little red. His hands are desperately clutching the Master's forearm as he tries to pull himself away. It's not working. The Master is strong.
"Listen to me, you little piece of shit. You're here for a reason. You can deem yourself lucky I'm the one who bought you. I'm willing to forget that you killed some of my kind before, and hell, I can even pretend I forgot everything you did to Ana. But don't you try to spread those kind of bullshit ever again, you hear me? Don't you try hurting the kid to get through me because A) it won't make me get rid of you, and B) it'll just piss me off real bad, and you don't want to see me pissed, I guarantee it. Is that understood?"
Dean just keeps staring at him the whole time the Master speaks but now he looks more scared than angry. He doesn't try to answer, though.
"Is. That. Understood?" The Master says again.
Finally, very slowly, Dean opens his mouth.
"Y-yes." He manages.
The Master lets go of him and Dean takes a huge breath.
"Yes who?" The Master goes on, bending over him in a menacing way.
Dean looks up from where he's kneeling. He pants really hard and the anger is back in his eyes. His mouth tightens in a thin line and he seems to hesitate for a second.
"Yes Master." He spits.
"That right, your Master. That's what I am. You're a slave. And it's your fault. Get used to it because you're here for life."
Master Gabriel straightens up then, gives Dean one last look and walks away. He extends his arm behind him, inviting me to come with him so I do. I keep watching Dean until we are safely inside the house though.
I don't like it. I've never seen the Master so angry before. I hope Dean won't be too bad.