Catalog Drabbles

One

I know that he will not stay.

This man is not to be tied down. His dark eyes are restless, always looking beyond the confines of this small office, this Earth. He stands at the window, statue-still, but I imagine he is planning his flight. My heart aches.

"We will be finished soon," I say.

He turns to me wordlessly.

"I will present the paper." I am resigned to the situation. "Go, when your ship returns."

He nods fractionally and turns away, relaxed now that I have offered him escape.

But oh, I would keep him if I could.

Two

I mourn his absence for days.

He was only passing through, pausing here merely to complete the assigned project. But I felt as though I were falling. I am falling still.

I cannot forget his dark, brilliant eyes, or his rich voice. I cannot let go of the time we spent together working side-by-side.

I will never be more to him than a colleague. But the sight of my name beside his on the final paper warms me irrationally.

We never even touched.

I present the paper.

Years pass. I don't think I will ever see him again.

Three

I would know his eyes anywhere, even from the back of a crowded conference hall.

His face is different, aged. How many years have passed? Surely not as many as I see in his face.

His name is not in the conference program. A recent addition, then, after this latest mission.

I thought he had gone home.

I thought I would never see him again.

I thought my feelings were tempered by the passage of time.

I was wrong.

His voice rolls over me.

When his presentation is finished, I bolt from the hall, hoping he has not seen me.

Four

A hand seizes my elbow. It is the first time he has ever touched me.

I turn, intending to show no emotion, but when he says my name I am lost.

"You...have aged only a fraction."

I know him well enough to recognize the awkward compliment.

"I enjoyed your presentation."

A conference attendee approaches. I try to leave, but his grip on my arm, though gentle, is firm.

He dispatches the interloper and turns to me, his hand sliding to mine. I am afraid to wonder what this means.

"May I...buy you dinner?"

"Do still like Thai food?"

Five

I watch in amusement while he devours spring rolls, dtom yum soup, vegetarian pad thai and wine. Years ago, I remember him carefully portioning out tofu, rice and vegetables, as if preemptively counting calories before each meal. Now he eats with abandon, clearly enjoying every mouthful.

"How long will you be here?"

He pauses but does not look up. "After the remaining mission debriefings, I must stay behind for retraining."

"Retraining? You?"

"It is prudent." He looks up at me, his eyes very dark. "I will be here a minimum of six weeks."

The waiter comes. We order more wine.

Six

His voice becomes smoky with the wine.

"This last encounter has...changed me."

"I see that." I glance pointedly at the plates before him, the empty bottle, the glass in his fingertips.

He looks away. "I left Starfleet to purge myself of...impurity. I see now that I have nothing to purge. I see that I am...lacking. I do not know what I need." His eyes seize mine. "But I do know that I need."

"And that has made all the difference?"

"Yes."

I catch my breath.

"Would you like to come home with me now?"

"Very much so."

Seven

"You are beautiful."

His face, covered in a light sheen of sweat, hovers above mine.

"I'm not."

"You are." His eyes sparkle in the moonlight streaming in from the window. "I knew that, before. I did not know --"

"How to act on it?"

"I did not know that I could."

"And now you can?"

"Yes." He presses his warm body to mine. "Oh yes."

"To whom do I owe thanks for this revelation?"

He almost smiles. "It would be too difficult to explain."

He smothers my next question with a long kiss. I curl my fingers into his silky hair.

Eight

He wakes me with gentle fingers on my face.

"It will be dawn soon," he murmurs. "Come watch the sunrise with me."

I try to pull him back into the warmth, but he resists.

"Please come."

"It's just the sunrise."

"But it is a new sunrise. A new day." His hands go still on my face. Even in the early morning half-light, I can see the wonder in his eyes. "There will never be another day like this one."

I touch his cheeks, his lips.

In a moment, I follow him into the sunrise, my hand wrapped in his.

Nine

The days pass in a blur.

Each day, we watch the sunrise together, then he departs for Starfleet Command.

Each evening, he returns for a sunset shared in anticipation of the approaching night.

There are more revelations. He has an insatiable sweet tooth. He plays with my dog like a boy. He delights in giving gifts, something he never deigned to do before.

He is a selfless lover, but cannot contain his pleasure when the tables are turned.

I refuse to think that he will soon be gone.

Six weeks go by. Eight. Ten. But I know this cannot last.

Ten

I know when he's ready to leave.

His silences become brooding and restless. His lovemaking becomes distracted and desperate.

He takes to the mountains, short hikes that stretch into long absences, then days of wandering.

Looking heavenward, his hooded eyes leave me in favor of another time, another star. The dog circles his feet, whining.

I scratch the pet's ears to calm her. But she knows.

Again, I am resigned to the loss. "You will go?"

"Yes. Will you come?"

The dog licks my cheek. "No."

He raises a hand. "Live long and prosper."

"Until you return."

"Until I return."

Songs:

My Opening Farewell

(Bonnie Raitt and Jackson Browne, "Road Tested")

Falling Off the Face of the Earth

(Neil Young, "Prairie Wind")

One Love

(Cheryl Wheeler, "Mrs. Pinocci's Guitar")

Courtin' Disaster

(Neil Diamond, "The Best Years of Our Lives")

Where Are You Going

(Dave Matthews Band, "Busted Stuff")

Here I Am

(Mary Chapin Carpenter, "The Calling")

Yes I Will

(Neil Diamond, "Serenade")

Another Day

(James Taylor, "Hourglass")

You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go

(Bob Dylan, recorded by Shawn Colvin on "Cover Girl")

My Traveling Star

(James Taylor, "One Man Band')