Emotionless
As you grow older, you change. Some people more then others but everyone does. Draco Malfoy was one of those that changed greatly over the years. You wouldn't believe it was the same Draco from fifth year. Most didn't know it was due in part of the return on Lord Voldemort and another part on his father. Many knew that his father was a deatheater but fewer knew that he didn't want to follow in his father's footsteps and become one as well.
Maybe he did have too much pride but he wasn't about to die for a cause that he didn't care for. Over the years he had grown to like the phrase 'Live and let live'. But why the sudden change from the small boy who use to trade petty insults and walk around the school as if he owned it?
His father left him.
Not only that but his mother who was dispirited and his 4 year old sister who barely even knew the handsome blond man he use to call his father. So Draco grew up too fast and became the man of the house.
Draco wasn't dumb or blind he knew a lot of his peers, mostly Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, thought him to be become a deatheater. And he'd be lying if he said at first it didn't bother him but as the months went by he stopped caring. It seemed by the end of Sixth year he didn't care about anything, not Quidditch, school, or the wizarding world war. If it wasn't for his mother or sister, he'd probably leave the wizarding world all together. Sometimes when he couldn't sleep he would dream about departing and going to some other country, like Italy or even America. Then he would always picture his mother sitting by one of the many windows they had in the estate or his sister who would ask him when daddy was coming home. No he couldn't leave them.
So he went through sixth year of Hogwarts not socializing with anyone, distancing himself from his dorm-mates. He still played Quidditch and won to everyone but the Gryffindor team but it didn't give him the satisfaction it used too. He got good grades and for once didn't cause any rumors or fights in the corridors with Longbottom or 'the dream team'. No one cared of course, expect for Snape who sort of became his mentor. It didn't bother the Potions Master at all that he didn't open up, but he did talk with the men from time to time.
Seventh year came and with it came a sense of significance. He'd survive seven years in Hogwarts but he couldn't help wondering what's next. After this summer he wouldn't have Hogwarts to go back too. Draco Malfoy would be a wizard. It was already half way through the year; Halloween and Christmas had already come and went. Three times Potter had already been out of class over a period of time, always having to do with the ever-growing war. It was a rumor that Potter was getting trained secretly by Albus Dumbledore himself. But Draco buried himself in his studies and kept out with anything to do with the war. He didn't care.
The blond Slytherin was in the library well into the dinner hour, nobody was there expect him and Madam Prince who watched him like a hawk every time he stood to get a new book. The only thing was he couldn't work, his mind refuse to focus on the work he was suppose to be doing. So finally throwing his quill down with a frustrated sigh, he put his head down. He thought about his father and wondered what he was doing.
Sitting up he picked up his quill again, re-dipped it in his black inkbottle and began to write on a clean parchment. He didn't exactly know why he was writing but he knew he just had to get it out. Some words were smudged as he swiftly wrote the words that were coming to him so easily.
Hey dad I'm writing to you.
Not to tell you that I still hate you.
Just to ask you how you feel?
And how we fell apart?
How this fell apart?
Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you miss your son?
So do you miss you little girl?
When you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if were all right?
We're all right
We're all right
It's been a long hard road without you by my side.
Why weren't you there all the nights we cried?
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life.
It's not Ok but we're all right.
I remember the days when you were a hero in my eyes.
But those are just long lost memory of mine.
I spent so many years learning how to survive.
Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive.
The days I spent so cold.
So hungry, were filled with hate.
I was so angry.
The scars run deep inside this tattooed body.
There's things I'll take to my grave
But I'm Ok.
I'm Ok.
It's been a hard long road without you by my side.
Why weren't you there all the nights we cried.
You broke my mother's heart.
You broke your children for life.
It's not Ok but were alright.
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes.
But those are just a long lost memory of mine.
Now I'm writing to let you I'm still alive.
And sometimes I forgive.
Yeah and this time I'll admit.
That I miss you.
I miss you.
It's been a long hard road without you by my side.
Why weren't you there all the nights we cried.
You broke my mother's heart.
Broke your children for life.
It's not Ok but were alright.
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes.
But those are a long lost memory of mine.
Now I am writing just to let you know I'm still alive.
And sometimes I forgive.
And this time I'll admit.
That I miss you.
I miss you.... Hey dad.
By the last line his eyes were blurred with unshed tears. When he was younger his dad use to tell him that tear were for weak people who didn't the have power over their emotions. At the age of 7 he forgot how to cry and only had done so once since then. Closing his eyes tightly he fought to get a hold of his emotions and cursed his father forever leaving them.
"Malfoy are you alright?" A hesitant voiced spoke from in front of him.
Startled and shocked at being caught of guard he opened his eyes to face Potter. Of all the students in the whole damn school to catch him crying it had to be Potter!
"I'm fine Potter." Draco scrambled to gather his books and leave.
"Y-you look like you're about to cry."
"I have something in my eyes." The blond snapped defensively. Idly he wondered how many people in the world used that one idiom when they didn't want to admit the truth.
Just by looking at Potter he could tell that he didn't buy that poor excuse of a lie. He picked up his last book hastily and turned to leave.
"Wait-" the gryffindor started to say but Draco didn't look back and quickly left to the safety of his room, which he shared alone, since he was the headboy. It wasn't until later that night that he realized that he had left the damn song/poem at the library. Draco sat down on his bed and thought. Maybe Potter would think it was someone else's in view of the fact that there was no name on it.
Draco gave a snort and sat Indian style. Not even Potter was that thick. There was no one in the library but him, it was on the table he was using and to add to the great fiasco he was about to cry. Yeah Potter really isn't going to figure out that it was the slytherins work.
Uncrossing his legs and letting his body fall back completely on the bed he curse himself for ever writing the damn thing. After so many years why did he have to care now about his father and why did it have to be Potter!
* * *
For the rest of the week Draco avoided Potter at every chance he got. He knew Potter would want to say something, probably taunt him for crying over his stupid dad. In Potions he made sure to be the last to get there and the first out the door. But finally Potter caught him and the Gryffindor didn't even go looking for him.
It was a Hogsmeade weekend and most of the school was gone, wanting to enjoy the unusual spring like February. Draco, being bored with the town settle on staying. The slytherin made his way down to the lake and to his surprise found that someone else was already there. Potter. He retracted slowly hoping to get away.
"Why do you keep avoiding me?" Potter spoke and Draco cursed.
"I'm not avoiding anyone; I just changed my mind about coming here." He put on his usual drawl.
Potter turned around with a raised inky eyebrow. "And because I happen to be here has nothing to do with it." He asked innocently.
"Exactly." Draco said playing right along.
"Malfoy cut the bull and stop running."
"I'm not running." He snapped back. There was a prolonged silence where both 7th years tried to out stare each other. In the end Potter sighed and turned to the lake.
Where were his two best friends anyway, Draco looked around and saw no sign of either Granger or Weasley. The blond turned back to Potter who still had his back to him. He thought that maybe Potter was done talking to him when he spoke.
"It was beautiful." No mocking tone just appreciation. If Potter had been facing Draco he would have seen the look the blond was giving him.
"You read it." It wasn't a question.
This time Potter did turn around and gave him a guilty grin. For some reason it put him at ease and almost smiled back.
"Your lucky thought."
"Why?"
"Because you have a choice." Potter said to him. Intrigued Draco sat near the Gryffindor and waited for him to continue. Potter didn't and just kept staring at the water.
"And what choice is that?"
"Think about it. You have your mum and sister right?" Draco nodded. "And you don't have to be part of this war. You have the choice to do anything after Hogwarts."
"But my mother, I can never leave her by herself." Draco found himself telling the boy-who-lived.
"Have you ever asked her if she wanted to live elsewhere?"
It was a reasonable question but one that staggered Draco. He'd never thought of it, maybe his mother wanted to leave the huge estate and live somewhere else new. Narcissa Malfoy was anything but dumb and could find work in many places, especially in decorating, a hidden talent she had.
"Well have you?" Potter repeated.
"No, but can I really leave the world that I grew up in my whole life. "
"I never said leave the wizard world; you just have the choice to stay neutral in this war." Potter stood up and reached into his pocket, he pulled out a folded piece of parchment and handed it to Draco. The slytherin took it and watched as Potter went back into the school.
* * *
Four months after his talk with Potter, Draco found himself packing his trunks in the headboy room for the last time . In the past four months he found himself going through more life changing experiences. He became a bit more open with his dorm-mates and did other things then just study. He wrote his mother more and was happy to see that she was finally getting out of depression. Prof. Snape had commented with his new more out going personally once, but he just shrugged it off with a small grin.
He never did tell anyone about his chat with Potter, nor did it seem that Potter told anyone. They didn't become buddy-buddy but there was a mutual respect between them that no one save but a few would probably understand.
It was two days before graduation. There was no house rivalry between any of the 7th years as they were too happy that school was over for good. There was a lot of crying girls, promises to keep in touch, to do something together during the summer or that they would see each other at the 20th year reunion. It was hectic time but one of those you will always look back too and have a smile on your face.
Slytherin house was a having a party with only Seventh years allowed, Draco had stayed there for most of the night, talking with Blaise but left around 11:45pm to take a walk. He was still headboy so wouldn't be stopped by any Profs. or Prefects out in the corridors.
He found himself going to the lake where he had his chat with Potter. The Slytherin was only half surprise by the fact that the same Gryffindor was there.
"Do you come here often?" He asked as he sat by Potter who had has his knees to his chest and arms around them.
"Is that a pick-up line?" Potter teased him with a smile.
"Git."
Potter gave a soft laugh. "I like the water. As a child I never got to go to the beach. The lake helps me think." He turned back to the blacken water that shone with stars and a half moon.
"Think about what?"
"Everything. How are you?" Draco knew he was changing the subject but didn't pressure him to talk.
"Nervous about graduating."
"Know the feeling. Where ya heading afterwards?"
"Don't know mum feels like traveling so we might do that."
Potter gave him a smile. "That's nice."
"What about you?"
"Staying here." Potter's smile faded and turned back to the lake. Draco knew it had to do with Voldemort.
They remained in silence for awhile, before Harry got up and patted himself clean of any dirt that he might have gotten on his pants.
"Your headboy yet you didn't give me detention for being out late."
"Call it a graduation gift."
"How generous of you." Potter laughed. Suddenly Potter stuck out his hand. Draco took it.
"Good luck to you Draco."
"Same to you Harry."
Fin
Disclaimer- Don't own the Harry Potter characters. Or the song Emotionless. Just the plot.
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