Never Get the Girl
They say that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Whoever said that was clearly a fool. A fool who had never been in love or known the meaning of true love. Never known what it feels like to put your life on the line for the person you love, sacrificing your life, your happiness, everything for them. Keeping them at arm's length because you can't break that promise you made to yourself when you first met them, that you will keep them safe no matter what.
These were the thoughts running through Oliver's head as he leaned against the cold stone wall in the foundry, a pained expression on his face and a heart heavy with something he'd never felt before… he didn't know if it was guilt or regret, or maybe it was a mixture of both.
He'd been in love before, or at least he thought he had until he realized that he'd never known what true love felt like until this very moment.
He would have been better off not knowing what love was, not knowing how it felt to lose the one person on the entire planet who meant the world to him, the only person he would sacrifice his own life for without hesitation.
"I think..." he said to the man standing opposite him and pausing for a moment, "...I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life and it's too late for me to do anything about it. I should have listened to you when you warned me this would happen, that she would move on with or without me. And now she has and I'm never going to get a second chance with her. I was selfish to think that she'd wait for me until I was ready."
Oliver started pacing, "When I saw them together, saw her with him, she looked... so happy and content. The only other time I've seen that same look on her face was when I asked her out on a date. And we both know how that ended. She's not safe when she's with me, she'll never be safe around me."
Oliver came to a sudden stop when he saw the fern on the desk by the monitors, and gently touched it; memories of the day Felicity presented it to him came flooding back. The way she flirted with him, smiled at him, teased him.
"I've done so many bad things over the years, made so many bad choices, but I've never looked back or regretted any of them until tonight. I regret pushing her away, letting her go, allowing her run straight into his arms because of the choices I've had to make." Oliver turned around so he was facing Diggle again, "I thought I was keeping her safe by keeping her at arm's length, telling her over and over again that I could never be with her, that we could never be together because it would mean that she'd always be a target because of the life I lead, that she would be in constant danger because of me. She deserves to be with someone who'll bring light into her life and be that light for her, not pull her into the darkness."
"I kept telling her that she'd be better off without me, but what I never realized until that very moment was that I will never be better off without her. I knew that this day was coming that she would move on, but deep down inside I selfishly thought that she would wait for me, wait until I was ready."
"Every time I close my eyes all I see is the two of them together and it's tearing me apart. She's moved on with her life and I need to do the same. I need to be able to face seeing her every day knowing that she can never be mine, knowing that she's found comfort and protection in another man's arms. I said that I wanted her to be happy and I meant it. Even if it means that she's found her happiness with him."
"Guys like me, we never get the girl."
Fin