A/N:

Hi! This is my first story, you know the drill, blah blah blah de blah. It's just a collection of one shots, all ending with Buffy staking Edward. Why am I writing it? Coz it's fun. I don't want to offend anyone, I know there are a lot of Twilight fans out there. If you don't like my story, flames are welcome. Seriously, don't be afraid to speak your mind. I respect your opinion.

--CeleryRox

Chapter One: Cafeteria

"Hey, why are you looking at the Cullens that way?" Jennifer asked suddenly.

I cleared my throat and scooted forward on the cafeteria bench.

"I wasn't looking at anybody." I said, stuffing my face with my sandwich.

"Yeah, you totally were!" Jennifer exclaimed, peering at me, "Oh my gosh! You like somebody!" She whirled around to stare at the Cullens. "Let me guess- Emmett? Jasper? It's not a girl, is it? Of course it isn't." She babbled

"Not so loud," I hissed through gritted teeth. A fleeting glance around the cafeteria assured me that nobody was had heard. That, or maybe spontaneous crushes on Cullens were commonplace here.

"Excuse me," A blonde girl said, brushing past me. As she turned, her black jacketed arm knocked over Jessica's milk carton. It bounced to the floor with a muffled thud.

"Hey!"

"That's not very nice!"

"Yeah! Well, good thing it was half empty anyway," Jessica grumbled.

We both watched the rude girl stride down the cafeteria.

"Wait a minute, is she walking towards the Cullens?" I whispered.

She was, indeed, walking towards the table where the Cullens sat. As she went, she reached into her jacket sleeve and pulled a slender object out of her sleeve. It looked vaguely like a pencil.

"Maybe she wants their autograph."

"What a dorky pencil, though. Did she carve it herself, or what?"

"She doesn't have a chance in hell."

The girl reached the table, crossed her arms, and tapped her foot. She was wearing high heeled boots. Who did she think she was, a superhero?

Edward looked up at her and a strange expression crossed his features. It looked like horror, but that couldn't be right. It must have been disgust, for this situation should have provoked it. In a flurry of people shoving and arm flailing, the Cullens made a grand exit. Amidst the confusion, there was a faint wooshing sound that I dismissed as the pencil girl farting.

"Hahaha, what did I tell you?" Jessica said.

"Woohoo, what an idiot."

We watched the pencil girl run after them in delayed pursuit. Then I frowned.

"Hey, did you see Edward leave with them?" I asked, looking around.

"Yes, I knew it! THAT'S who you like!"

I blushed.

Later, as we walked out, I noticed a large pile of dust on the cafeteria floor. It shimmered in the afternoon sun.

"Somebody needs to fire the janitor," I said to Jessica. She nodded in agreement.

A/N2: Tell me what you think! Ideas for new chapters are greatly appreciated.