I wrote this story last night while babysitting and wondering how hard it would have been for Snape to see the Staff after they thought he was evil. I always think the staff would fight constantly with him and they'd all tease eachother but be friends (secretly in Snape's case) however, that woul dall change when Snape killed Albus :( So sorry for the sadness of this story!
It took him two hours to work up the guts to go down to the staffroom. He paced up and down the office until he realised with slight horror that he was tracing Dumbeldore's steps in the slightly worn rug. Then he'd gone completely still and stared out the window.
The staff had started arriving at the School that afternoon. Though Snape hadn't watched to see which ones had come in so far. He didn't expect many would chose to come early in the current situation, apart from those who wanted more then anything to protect the school.
Snape's job from the Dark Lord was to stay at the school fulltime and watch the teachers, until the students arrived and his job was to watch both. The Carrows weren't arriving until the last minute because the Dark Lord was still giving them orders. They didn't need to deal with the teachers.
He'd been talking to Albus' portrait for the first hour, trying to glean some comfort and instruction. But soon he needed to go downstairs and face whoever had come. He had to go down today or appear weak. It was going to be hard. He had to make even them think he was the Dark Lord's servant. If they suspected his true alliance with Dumbledore's side they were too much of a liability. Even the strongest couldn't know a thing. It had sounded easy. He was great at undercover work.
But Severus had never expected this pure sickening shame. Perhaps because he'd never really accepted the fact that he respected them, that he liked them.
He didn't want to look into Minerva's eyes and see his guide, mentor and oddly close friend disgusted with him. He didn't want to see Pomona loose her spark at the sight of him, and flinch when he came near. He didn't want Filius' voice to go even more squeaky when he spoke to him, or have him avert his eyes. And the other staff that had sort of become his friends would hate him too. Trelawny, Sinistra, Vector, Hagrid, Slughorn, Babbling, Burbage- Snape shook himself. No, she was dead, and he felt a little to blame-But the rest would all hate him now. The ones he'd liked and respected, and the ones he'd liked because they were amusing, like Trelawny. But either way he didn't want the people who he'd managed to actually bond with to hate him.
He wasn't good at connecting with people. But he had, shockingly found his place amoung the Hogwarts staff. They made the amount of people who had come to genuinely like him number more then two- number more then just Lily and Dumbledore.
The staff might fight all the time. But they'd shared a lot, and lived and worked together a long time. They were like a family. Or rather, what a real family like the Evans family had been like, not his expiriences with family.
So Severus had taken a long time to be able to face the prospect of meeting them again. But after two hours he gathered himself together and opened his door. Slowly locking his muscles back into his proud straight posture, Severus began his walk.
He was calm again. It'd be fine.
And as he reached the staff room he heard hushed voices. The very people he'd been dreading meeting again the most, yet the same people he'd predicted to be there early.
"... and it's our duty to protect them, not help whatever mad schemes they come up with!" Pomona was saying.
"Oh, I know that, but you can't help wishing we got to join them." Minerva sounded whistful.
"I just hope they won't get in too much trouble. Severus will know who's involved. Dumbledore's Army wasn't exactly such a huge secret." Filius added sadly...
Severus gulped one last time and opened the door.
It was even worse then he'd ever imagined it would be.
Filius squeaked and fell out of his chair. Pomona sloshed hot coffee down he front. She didn't seem to notice despite the heat. Minerva didn't even blink. She kept her stone cold eyes fixed on him from the second he'd entered.
"Headmaster," She greeted him. Though her voice was steady Severus saw the little dimple in her brow. The one that only appeared when she was upset. Filius and Pomona seemed to have recoverd themselves. The coffee stain was gone with a subtle wave of Pomona's wand. Filius was back in his chair.
"Headmaster" They each echoed, with a slight incline of the head. Severus refrained from flinching with great self-control. They really really hated him.
Without a word of greeting (he didn't trust his voice just yet) Severus reached for a mug and watched as the ever brilliant House Elves downstairs filled it with his usual straight black coffee. There was no comment from Minerva... But she always told him off for having too much caffine each day. She always made a snide comment like "And that's what? You fifth cup of coffee today?"
Of course, things were different now. But he'd still hoped...
Minerva was unfolding a copy of the Daily Prophet. Pomona went back to her book. Filius continued to copy out notes from a dusty book in front of him. The scene was so familiar. The tension in the air, however, was not. Severus studied Minerva's face while she wasn't watching. She'd always been like an Aunty to him. Maybe things could be the same.
They could still snip away at each other. Pomona could still join in, amused by the whole thing, and Filius could still try and keep the peace. Things didn't have to change.
Minerva slowly became absorbed in her paper. Filius got really into his note-taking. But Pomona kept glancing up, distracted, and she seemed to have read the same line at least ten times.
After about five minutes of silence Severus couldn't bear it anymore. He had to say something. He decided to start with the typical start-of-year comment. He always had little word-battles with Minerva about the House Cup.
"I hope you remembered to polish up that House Cup until it's nice and shiny before you hand it in to Slytherin." He smirked.
Minerva's eyes flew up to meet his. She glared and opended her mouth to retort, when suddenly she jumped as if she'd been kicked and her eyes flew to Pomona. She closed her mouth sharply; sharply enough to draw blood, if her wince was anything to go by.
"It's as shiny as ever, Headmaster." She said stiffly.
Snape needed all his self control to nod and sneer back. Keep acting, keep acting. He told himself. But it was harder then it had ever been before. He cursed himself for making such stupid attachments to the staff. He had to leave. He had to leave or he'd crack. He'd crack and beg them to forgive him.
He was never supposed to care this much. But it was all to plain that this next year would be one of the toughest he'd ever had to endure...
Snape stood up sharply. "Well. I expect you and the other staff at our first meeting tomorrow morning. You shall pass on the messgae. The students will arrive in the evening. I want to warn you not to do anything rash. I'm sure can imagine the result of that. You know you're being watched. I'd be very, very careful if I was you."
"Well thank you for your consideration, Headmaster." Minerva said with barely veiled sarcasm.
Snape nodded and whirled around in a sweep of robes and up the corridor as Pomona began to tell Minerva off for "losing her temper" behind him. Of course they talked when he was gone, when the silence had driven him crazy. He wished they would stop calling him 'Headmaster'. He didn't even deserve the title. It should be Dumbledore. And then Minerva deserved it acter Dumbeldore was gone. Not Severus. Never Severus. He wished he could go back to how they used to be...
Bur he was being childish. This was necessary. He had to save Lily's son, and this was the only way. He'd have to lose the only other people he'd ever cared about for the one he cared about most.
Me: Aww, it's okay Snape *hugs*
Snape: get off me!
Me: No, you need hugs when you're sad.
Snape: I have never needed hugs.
Me: Everyone needs hugs! *hugs tighter* Come on reveiwers! Hug him with me!
Snape: I hate you.
Hemhem, anyway... please do review! (and hug Snape! Annoying Snape is fun :P)