Disclaimer: The characters here and the world they inhabit are the creation and property of JK Rowling and her assigns.
"Definitely Nargles."
Luna tossed her wand at Hermione's feet and hoisted herself out of the coal cellar. She extinguished the tip of her wand and tucked it somewhere. Hermione didn't want to consider the state of Luna's attire. She was wearing an azure-colored workman's jumpsuit, and now she was covered with sooty dust. Coal had stopped being used for heat in this house a few decades ago, but apparently the cellar had gone that long without a cleaning, too.
"So what do I do?" asked Hermione. She looked up at the knots of green high up in her shade trees. Mistletoe was supposedly where the Nargles nested, and there was certainly plenty of mistletoe in Hermione's yard.
"I think we should do the full extermination immediately," said Luna. "First we get rid of most of that mistletoe. I think we can move it to a nice forest where it won't hurt anyone. Many of the Nargles will just follow it."
"Do we just leave the rest of them?"
"Oh, no. We need to gather the poor dears up, if you ever want your things back. There's a potion that will make them leave the house, and because the house will be under a tent, we can direct them into a soft trap that we will use to transport them to the forest. It will work perfectly."
"You're going to put a tent up around my house?"
"It's not uncommon when the infestation is bad. They do it in parts of America where household pests are numerous."
Hermione digested this. It sounded a bit odd, but she was desperate. Luna was the third exterminator she'd tried so far. Perhaps some crazy American procedure, done by the crazy Ravenclaw, would be the best choice. She sighed and decided. Now there were just details to worry about. "How will I get in and out?"
"In and out of where?"
"The tent." Hermione knew a moment of uncertainty. Wasn't Luna paying attention to her own conversation?
"Oh, you won't be living there at all. You need to move out." Luna brushed through her hair with her fingers and tucked the remains of a spiderweb she found into the pocket of her jumpsuit.
"Out?"
"Yes. There have been bad reactions in humans to the potion, and if you're there, it will just confuse things. You have to move out. Today would be best." She snapped her fingers and a clipboard flew into her hand. After tapping a parchment in several places with a quill and then blowing on it, Luna handed the clipboard over. "Sign next to the 'X,' please."
What could Hermione do but sign? But where would she go for—she glanced at the parchment—a month? She thought for a minute. It was late August. She only had to find a place to stay for about a week. Where would she go, by tomorrow at 6:30 am?
Hermione looked over her fifth year lesson plans. In order to complete March, she really needed to re-read the fourth chapter of Practical Transfiguration of Invertebrates. She Summoned the book from her shelf, but it didn't come. Putting down the scroll in her hand, she waved her wand and Summoned the book again. It still didn't come. Then she remembered. She hadn't been able to find it in the few hours she had to pack, and had decided that the Nargles must have it. She had immediately decided to use the library copy if she needed it.
She stifled a groan and then realized she was one of six people in the castle, so she groaned aloud. Minerva had been quite understanding about her coming early to Hogwarts, and had mentioned that the Defense Professor was also in residence early. The other faculty members already at the school were Trelawney, who hadn't left the castle since the night she had foretold Lord Voldemort's death, Poppy, Hagrid, and Minerva herself.
At any rate, in order to complete the very detailed agenda lists Hermione had made herself, she must finish this portion of this lesson plan tonight, so now she must go to the Library. She tightened her robe and set off, hoping Madam Pince wouldn't be too angry with her. Then she remembered. She was a teacher now, not a student, and she had access to the library whenever she needed it.
"Come on, Crookshanks," she said as she opened the door.
The sconces on the walls increased and decreased luminescence as she passed through the hallways, but she had to light her wand when she entered the library. The Transfiguration books were in the stacks farthest away from the doors. Hermione walked straight over to where her book would be found and set the ladder in just the right spot. She climbed up, and realized that the book had been miscatalogued.
Placing her right hand firmly on a shelf, she reached over with her left... and then the ladder fell to the floor, leaving her hanging for dear life. She couldn't let go without possibly injuring herself, but she wouldn't be able to hang on here all night, either. Thinking things that would not be appropriate for her fifth years' class, she took several deep breaths and saw orange fuzz out of the corner of her eye.
"Crookshanks! Go get Minerva."
She started reciting ancient runes to herself to pass the time and had gotten about half way through when she heard the library door open and saw a light bouncing along the ceiling.
"Hello?" she said. "I managed to trap myself in the Transfiguration section. If you would be so kind as to set the ladder straight..."
Just a moment later, the ladder was set up right next to her, but for some reason, Hermione couldn't move. Through fear or from hanging on for several moments, her arms and legs had frozen into position, and she couldn't seem to get to the ladder.
A voice remembered from long ago said, "Yust let yurself fall; I catch you."
"Viktor!" Hermione lost her grip on the shelf and dropped. An instant later, she discovered it was indeed Viktor Krum, holding her in his arms. "How? Why?"
"Hermyown, it is you. I see the kitty and think it is yur cat."
"Why are you at Hogwarts?"
"I teach Defense this year."
Hermione thought back to all the conversations she'd heard about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. She'd heard much about Minerva's search in Great Britain and on the Continent, but nothing at all about who had been chosen. Viktor, of course, was quite qualified. Hermione quieted the urge to nestle into his arms and moved to stand on her own feet.
"I see your Seeker skills haven't suffered since your retirement." Good Godric, was that flirtatious? "I mean, that was an excellent catch."
"Is Seeker's job... to alvays catch vhat is precious." Rowena's crown, was he—not flirting—back?
It was time to put things back on a more professional footing. Hermione cleared her throat and reached for a bright tone. "I'd like to thank you for coming to my aid." She Summoned the book now, thinking to herself that she should have done so to begin with. "I actually have this book, but I couldn't find it when I came. I had to leave my house a bit abruptly."
"Is my pleasure, Hermyown. As Defense Professor, I patrol the Castle since I come, looking vor dangers and devenses for students."
"Well, I guess I'll see you later, then."
"This is my hope."
A/N: Thank you so very much to Blue Artemis for beta reading and encouraging this flight of fancy.