Florae Ad Usum Vindicus
A/N: So, first, Voldie has no Horcruxes. Second, this may be slightly cracky, but I don't care.
Harry Potter had a difficult, redheaded problem. Also known as his girlfriend, Ginny Weasley. She was picking fights over the most insignificant things lately: stuff like Harry not giving her flowers often enough, or his state of muddiness after Quidditch practice. Whenever he suggested or muttered that she might be just PMSing, she commenced using him as a practice dummy for her jinxes. Especially the Bat-Bogey one. It was awful.
At the same time, every spare minute was spent with Hermione, researching ways to kill Voldemort. They were trying to find ways to get all the Death Eaters together for a final battle, one last confrontation in which Harry could kill Voldemort once and for all. Hermione was insisting that the Dark Marks on the Death Eaters' arms were the key: If they could just figure out a spell to track the tattoos, they could find out when the Death Eaters were all in the same place.
It went on like that for some time: Harry and Hermione searching huge, dusty tomes for ancient spells; Ginny being generally bipolar; Ron being his clueless self, and Harry avoiding everyone but Hermione. Finally one day, Harry was looking in a book for more spells. He turned a page, and there it was: Pereniallis. The page said the spell would turn anything into a lovely bouquet of flowers. Harry jumped up from his chair, shouting, "Eureka!"
Hermione's head whipped toward him, and she said anxiously, "What? Did you find another tracking spell?"
Harry's face fell a bit. "No," he admitted. "But I did find an awesome flower-transfiguring one! Ginny will never be able to complain about not getting flowers again!" He waved his wand and said the incantation at his quill. It grew petals, but stayed exactly the same. Harry sighed and looked back at the page for more explanations. Suddenly, he noticed a note in the margin, in a loopy hand he didn't recognize. It was a short, cryptic message: Florae Ad Usum Vindicus.
After staring, puzzled, at it for a few minutes, Harry gave up. He was used to seeing things he didn't understand in books, and Hermione might not know what it was. Or, she might decide it was evil and take away his book. Harry shrugged and returned to practicing the Pereniallis charm.
After many days of practice, and many bouquets used to pacify agitated redheaded girlfriends, Harry was very good at the Pereniallis charm. He could change anything from a Bertie Botts Bean to an ottoman into a lovely bouquet of flowers, or just one flower if he felt like it. He could make any kind of flower, too: daffodils, daisies, sunflowers, roses, forget-me-nots, honeysuckle, snapdragons, chrysanthemums... You get the picture. Anyway, he was good. Life was alright for a few weeks- aside from the Voldemort Problem, but that was as usual.
A few weeks later, Voldemort finally came to Hogwarts. Oddly, though, instead of just stating his demands and attacking, like, "Hello. I wish to kill Harry Potter. I also want to rule the world. Let's all try to kill each other now," he demanded single combat.
They people of Hogwarts inevitably protested. Dumbledore, Hermione, and McGonagallHe hit all the people except for himself and Harry with spells, keeping them silent and still, and then he advanced on Harry.
"Now, Mr. Potter, it is time. I have been waiting for this for a long time. Today, I will finally kill you!"
Harry laughed. "Yeah, you'll kill me, sure. Just like all the other times when you killed me- oh. Wait that was me killing you. Oops."
Voldemort scowled. "Shut up. Shall we duel?" Harry nodded, and they got into their places, twenty paces apart. They raised their wands, and- well, we all know Harry Potter. He had been trying to research ways to kill Dark Lords, but it hadn't been going well so far. He hadn't really prepared, and he was nervous. And what happens when Harry gets nervous? He whips out the first spell he thinks of. That's what happens.
Harry dodged Voldemort's spell, then quickly shot the first spell he thought of. For a second, nothing happened.
Then Voldemort started to shrink. He got smaller and smaller, until he was just about six inches tall. As he shrank, he began to grow leaves. And petals. He also turned a funny greyish color. He stretched, and shrank, and grew plantlike appendages, and soon everyone had stopped their battles, and was staring at Voldemort- or, what used to be Voldemort.
Harry walked cautiously up to it, and poked it.
Hermione shouted, "Harry! Be careful!" But nothing happened. Harry stroked the flower, and then walked away from it again. Hermione and Ron ran up to him.
"Blimey, Harry, what spell was that?!" Ron asked. "I've never seen a person turn into a flower before!" Harry smiled, saying, "I guess he wasn't guarding against Pereniallis. It's a spell that transfigures anything into flowers. When I cast it, I just remembered that beside the spell, there was handwriting that said 'Florae Ad Usum Vindicus.' So I thought it might do something, I guess."
Back on the lawn of Hogwarts where the battle had taken place, where before had been the imposing figure of the Dark Lord, there was now a small, slightly grey daisy.
(A/N: I don't even know why. This is just the most random little thing.