gisei

by Yui Miyamoto

When Takaba returns to Japan after being kidnapped to Hong Kong, will Asami let him go back to the world outside of his own?

fandom: Viewfinder
title: gisei.
pairing: Asami x Akihito
rating: r
description – When Takaba returns to Japan after being kidnapped to Hong Kong, will Asami let him go back to the world outside of his own?

Disclaimer – This manga Viewfinder belongs to the gorgeous (I still believe she's one of the sexiest women on this planet) Yamane Ayano-sensei. But this couple is one of the ones I love best so I'm writing a fic! As always, the poem is mine!

Holding out your hand,
I wondered what kind of world
co-existed with the one we lived in
occasionally.
You were a mysterious universe
all on your own.

When I think of the vibrance
of the day I realized
I caught my dream,
I also despaired on how
to preserve the light a little longer.

But a human shouldn't possess such things.

As I walked blindfolded
of my own device,
the wire became straighter
and though I tiptoed,
I could still believe
that you were there
on the other side waiting

for me to catch up.

gisei. (sacrifice.)
By miyamoto yui

The older man stopped breathing all together when he walked into the scene before him.

He'd been looking for his iron-pressed shirt only to find it wrapped around the shoulders of the young man who sat peacefully on the wooden dining room chair looking out into the ocean.
The wind blew outside the large glass windows, but he didn't feel it at all. The flying sand softly scratched the sliding door before him.

Still, the young man did not notice him.

For a brief second, the young man closed his eyes as if a sparkle entered them and made him blink in slow motion. His shoulders lifted up along with a wide grin on his face with his lips parting to show the upper part of his white teeth.
He lifted up his cup and crouched his shoulders as if to absorb the warmth. His feet were up on the chair with legs as slender as a woman's, lightly being touched by the pale yellow blouse that hung loosely over him. The blouse itself appeared to be hugging him with its sleeves hanging over his shoulders, the cuffs touching the inside of his thighs and the hems of his shorts.

The young man continued to stare through the transparent glass rectangle that separated him from the wide, sandy beach and the fingers of waves that caressed it. He wondered about many things: What happened before this moment and more importantly, what would happen after it.
Drinking the warm cocoa in his hands, he nodded to himself and placed the cup down onto the wooden table with a light tap. He hugged his knees and placed his chin on his bruised arms. His eyes never left the ocean's beckoning hands.

Not knowing what to do with this rare moment of serenity, the older man folded his arms and leaned on the doorway looking at the boy's profile, whose eyes were so focused he still didn't know his lover had stepped into the room. His head rested on the threshold, wondering what to do with the boy from then on.

Feeling that he was being watched, the young man finally noticed him and turned his head slightly, tilting it a little. "Ryuichi?"

That sweet expression didn't match the deepness of the voice that called the older man's name.

The young man pushed his messy bangs away from his eyes, clearing his throat. He was so embarrassed but he had wanted to just try if he could call Asami by his first name. From the burning of his cheeks, he had failed to act so cool.

But no matter what had happened to him before that very moment, nothing could have prepared Asami for that face with those lips saying his name in that manner. Though his heart beat loudly inside of him, he showed no sign of it.

He was amused all the same. The young man never failed to surprise him to point of making him stop his endless thinking for a split-second.
What a 'cute mistress' indeed, but if he ever hinted to Takaba of such a thought, Takaba would never let him forget his words.

Maybe it was worth that wrathful exchange of flirtations…
Just maybe.

Asami couldn't hide it any longer when Takaba blew his bangs with his mouth and his ears turned bright red. He pushed himself from the threshold, but stood there covering his mouth, analyzing his young lover.

Takaba puffed up his cheeks, blinking at him with a pout. "You can't keep me here forever, you know."
Again calm, Asami folded his arms once more. "So you think."
Letting out a sigh, Takaba took another sip of his cocoa and looked into the cup while rotating his wrist to see the liquid swirl around.
"I have to get back soon. There are only so many excuses I can say to my grandmother." At that moment, he looked at Asami once again while finishing one last sip of the cocoa.

A little drop slipped from the side of his chin and he wiped it away with the back of his right hand. He put the cup down.

The air smelled of nothing but chocolate now.

"Why so eager to leave me again? Weren't you just saying 'Asami, I want to go home to Japan?' I brought you home." Imitating Takaba's manner on the phone, Asami tried very hard not to chuckle as Takaba's face became more perturbed.
Exasperated, Takaba nodded quickly. "Yes, yes, to the country itself. To Atami…Not Tokyo."
"You're inside the borders, good enough. I can see you in front of me." He held his arms a bit tighter.

"You also have a lifetime supply of ice cream in the freezer." For once, Asami tried to make a joke for both of their sakes.
Takaba laughed at Asami's attempt to make him smile. "It's things like this that you'll never take me seriously as an adult."
"Well, you do keep me first on your phone list, as should be. I imagine it will be on speed dial from now on."
Looking over his shoulder, he smiled in that same childish way as when Asami first saw him a few minutes ago.

Asami looked deeply into his eyes but still couldn't budge from his place.

At this, Takaba became overwhelmed at the intensity of the gaze, but his heart pinched a little that no matter what he did, he couldn't keep up with it somehow. Quietly, he put his feet on the ground and walked over to the sliding door. Without thinking, he put on the oversized pale yellow blouse. The sunlight touched him and he closed his eyes for another brief second, absorbing its warmth as best as he could.
He touched the glass door with his fingers and then pressed his palms as much as he could against the iciness, but the tips of the cuffs blocked half of his palms from the coldness between Winter Snow and Spring Rain.

"Before I was kidnapped, there was a contest my boss wanted me to enter as the representative of our magazine." His tone was no longer light, but serious and focused. His eyes searched through the waves to find the words to say to Asami, who was staring at the reflection he refused to look at in that instant. "I wasn't inspired. I was totally empty, pretending that I knew exactly what I was doing."

Seeing Takaba having that pained expression, Asami was about to take a step forward when Takaba's eyes looked into Asami's reflection on the glass. "Wait."
Asami's eyes didn't ever look elsewhere. As always, they were so clear and forward.

I don't want to runaway and make my mind blank anymore when I'm with you.

"I wondered why my pictures and my own feelings weren't in sync anymore. Yes, many things were happening around me and though I went to you and my friends were kidnapped, I had a lot of time to think in Hong Kong. Of why I waited for you. Of why I had hoped you would come though your words always told me things I couldn't accept sometimes."
Takaba's hands pressed even further onto the freezing ice as he closed his eyes. He gulped. "I wanted to blame you for involving me in all of this. And no matter how much I hoped, you don't know how much I hated you every time I was hit by a stranger, every time I was put into a cage with chains, every time I wanted to kill myself so that I could escape from everything, every time I heard your voice but you were nowhere near me…."
His eyes opened, but lines of tears simultaneously and quickly fell in a blink. "… and every time Fei touched me and I let him because there was no one else who could protect me."

"And then, I realized that I couldn't hate you. I had been living all my life with no real worries and though I was in the face of danger with my job, I was still 'safe enough'. Though I gave everything of myself, it still wasn't good enough. And then I realized that this was the life you lived every single moment. That's why you can stare at me without wavering."
He turned around and looked directly at his older lover. "That was the person I faced when I met you, Asami Ryuichi: I hated myself for believing I was an adult with my job and my independence. And you reminded me there were so many other things. Worse things. Beautiful things. Things I was going to miss by pretending to know I knew about the world and reporting half-truths with my viewfinder."

He smiled at Asami with a self-assurance that had never existed before their meeting. "But now, I know what I must do, Asami."

Asami unfolded his arms as Takaba stepped towards him. He pulled on Asami's towel as Asami's wet hair dripped onto his arms. Looking straight into his eyes, he said, "Thank you. That fighting spirit you're so proud of still lives. I was ashamed it died when I was in Hong Kong.
"But Fei Long reminded me when you last talked to one another."

Asami held his breath though he wanted to kiss this Akihito that stood before him with the potential he had seen inside of him. "And what was that?"

As Takaba pulled for Asami to lean forward, he tippy-toed to tilt his head and felt his whole body want to enwrap itself around Asami's. As his cheeks turn redder than ever, he declared, "Asami, when I conquer you, it is then that I will be your equal."
"Oh, will you now?"
Then, he laughed as he pulled himself away. But his expression turned serious once more as he promised, "I don't know how I will do it, but I will take you out of here."

I didn't know if you understood me, but I can see it so clearly now.
I understood it the first time you touched me and why others wanted to possess me. When people can no longer understand how to get to the light, they will do anything to get it back. Even if they have to steal it from another person or dirty that person who carries it. Whether good or bad, they will do anything because they want it so badly.

But you, you're different. Though you're inside, you always try to fight it. You still haven't submitted to what everyone else slowly succumbs to: Fear of the responsibility of getting what they want.

And I can no longer stand by watching everything, especially with you, as if I don't know what's going on.

So even if it's useless, I want to be what your dead heart called out for me to be because I know now that I want to be that to you.

I want to learn what we're capable of.

At first, Asami's eyes and mouth opened slightly in shock. Next, he looked at Takaba with a pleased, affectionate expression. Though his silence didn't ever reveal what he thought, for once, Takaba had understood.

Takaba was going to pass him when Asami hugged him from behind, wrapping his arms in a cross over his thin chest. He buried his face onto this back, pressing his lips against the blouse and feeling the heat of Takaba's back.

You are truly stronger than the darkness, Akihito.

Turning around, Takaba shook his head, unable to stand Asami's silent grief. And he did something he only did when he was drunk: He began to push off Asami's towel while kissing his cheeks and his lips.

Your eyes always look so sad behind that fierce exterior.
I understand the fear you had when you exchanged everything for me.

But I'll make it worth your while.

It was then that Takaba reached up to touch his bare shoulders and kissed his neck.
"If you keep doing things like this, I won't release you back to the world out there."
"Yes, you will."
Asami shook his head at the direct flirtation. "You sound so certain."
Takaba pushed Asami to step backwards and then pushed him to the soft white couch. Kneeling on the couch with his calves touching Asami's thighs, Takaba slipped off the blouse. It dropped to the floor.
"You'll never want something so certain. I know you, Asami. I at least have to keep that appearance up, don't I?"
Takaba licked his right ear. "Aren't you feeling ashamed over this?"
His whole face beat in one rhythm: Wanting to be wanted.
"Heh." Asami took a hold of Takaba's lower back, carrying him as if he were a child.
Pulling back, the young man protested, "I hate that arrogant face of yours."
"Sure you do." Asami's right hand went up Takaba's spine as the left one pulled Takaba's body tighter and tighter around him. From this mere touch, Takaba felt all of his body tighten from the inside out. His heart pulled in many directions and his body was anticipating the next step.

But Asami didn't kiss his lips first, he started with the middle of his chest as Takaba bent his back backwards as Asami whispered to that wonderful, helpless face, "I haven't even undressed you yet and you're already like this."

Takaba cupped his right hand on the back of Asami's neck. Seconds after, he slipped both of his arms to hug Asami breathlessly. In between gasps, Takaba answered in a way he'd never done before: Decisively.

"Because it's the only way I can match you for now."

Asami took a hold of his waist as he switched their positions, putting Takaba on the couch. He knelt on the ground as Takaba dug his fingernails onto Asami's shoulders. Takaba shivered as Asami put his head between Takaba's legs without bothering to take off the shorts…

Hours later, waking up in the early evening, Takaba took a shower and walked around the beach house. There was a closed room but it was not locked so he walked inside.
Clicking the light on, he found a bare white room with only a laptop on a desk. The window was covered with blinds, but this room too faced the ocean.

But as he walked up to the black office desk, he immediately saw Asami's phone next to his camera.

His camera was still in perfect condition…

And there were two shinkansen tickets to Tokyo the next morning.

He looked out to the open door and back at the blue JR tickets that stared at him. He closed his eyes again as his heart filled with unspeakable words.

Then, his gut feeling told him to open the top left drawer of the desk.

It was Asami's work folder. He'd recognized it because he saw it once in his briefcase when he looked over at Asami taking a phone call in his limo.
But when he lifted up the plain, dark blue A4-sized folder, he smiled and tried not to cry.

There were only three sections with a scribble of medium-sized, cursive, yet clear writing on small pieces of notepad paper saying: "'Gorgeous.' 'Powerful.' 'Good Angle/Concept.'"

He picked up the stack and saw the newspaper clippings and the rows of developed prints that his boss 'sold'. Each one had a date printed concisely on the back.

He took out a photo from the 'Powerful' file. Undressing his own history, he first saw his debut article with the train suicide of a middle-aged man who had lost his job.

Moving onto 'Good Angle/Concept', his eyes filled with tears at a more recent picture of a Shibuya Crossing with its mismatch of people's walking paths and the large television screens flashing onto the people along with big trucks blasting music from the latest soon-to-be-forgotten idol. It was taken from a coffee shop overlooking the late Saturday night activity as if God were watching.

But his tears fell when he picked up the last photo in 'Gorgeous':
Shinjuku's Golden Machi deserted on a sunny afternoon. The government had recently sanctioned that the row of shops of bars and small restaurants in the entertainment district that had to be demolished and so he had taken an article as a remembrance of the 'Past' that was slowly being killed mindlessly by the 'Future'.
It was the piece that won him a small award.

"I used to walk that street everyday in my childhood."

Moved by a small statement of the past he couldn't ever ask about, Takaba turned his head to his left to face Asami, who had only his pajama pants on.

Putting the folder down on the desk, Takaba walked over to Asami and looked up at him.
With the confidence he once doubted within himself and the will that Asami believed in, he looked straight into Asami's eyes and assured him,

"I promise. I won't fail you, Ryuichi."

With that, he pulled Asami's hand and turned off the light to exit the room, closing the door as gently as he had come in.

Owari.

Author's note:

Ah, finally, a sweet fic. Yes, it is rotting your teeth, isn't it? You must know that I like to do such things and say them but to accept them makes my face turn red. So in writing this, I blushed madly from the warm feeling I wanted to press inside the words like playdough.
Actually, I wanted something nice and light after all that crying I did over the Hong Kong arc. I totally love this couple, but to see Takaba crying is so…so…wrong. But to have Asami with that dazed expression of shock just broke my heart in tiny pieces.

Thank you for updating me, Rieaki-san. I dedicate this to you and Rose.

Thank you to everyone who read this. ^_^

Love,
Yui

3/7/2009 7:38:24 AM – Los Angeles
3/8/09 12:38 AM - Tokyo