Author: Not one for one shots but I'm making an attempt! Hope you like!
Disclaimer: Don't own sm!
Alone in the darkness I sit, saddened eyes staring blankly ahead of me. My muddled mind captured in the reminiscence of the one thing that brought happiness into my lonely life. Serena Tsukino; my Princess, my lover, my best friend…my everything. Out of fear, I pushed the one person that I loved more than life away from me…I couldn't bare to see any harm come her way over my selfish needs; I just couldn't!
I did what I had to do; I listened.
Those terrifying dreams that haunted my sleep night after night of the love of my life dying in my arms, her lifeless blue eyes staring blankly back at me. I hold her warm body close to me with trembling arms, tears streaming down my blood stained face as I slowly rocked her back and forth, trapped in a bitter sweet denial.
Then the voice…the voice that tells me to stay away or you will die…die because I want to be with you in every waking moment of my life.
Every night I had awakened drenched in sweat, images of your mangled form branded in my mind's eye.
What would you have done?
I thought I was doing the right thing.
I thought I was protecting you.
So I listened…
I did what I had to do to keep you safe.
-\-\-\10 Months Ago\-\-\-
Sitting on a park bench, I watch as you walked towards me. You were adorned in your school uniform, your school briefcase clutched in both hands before you. You had the most serene expression upon your face as you stared up at the bright blue sky in utter admiration.
I felt myself frown; I was going to crush the peaceful demeanor on that pretty little face of yours.
With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my tousled hair. I had not been sleeping well due to mortifying nightmares, leaving me with heavy bags beneath my eyes. I had chugged a large cup of coffee in hope that I would feel better, unfortunately I felt worse than I did before I drank it. Avoiding my blonde haired vixen was also taking a serious toll on me…she was so determined and persistent it was admirable but a major pain in the ass.
I cringed as I heard your angelic voice say my name and I raised my head to stare into bright crystalline blue eyes. Your pink lips curved into a smile as you cocked your head to the side and looked down upon me curiously.
Damn you're adorable.
I closed my eyes, seeking courage from deep within me, praying that the Gods will forgive me for what I was about to do…praying that Serena will one day forgive me and understand why I was doing this. I could feel my heart begin to quicken its pace as I swallowed deeply, swallowing the lump that suddenly formed in my throat.
How can I possibly do this?
How can I break her heart?
How can I go back to the depressing loneliness of a life I once had?
I stiffened as I felt you place a hand gently upon my shoulder and I opened my eyes slowly. I stared into your eyes, seeing the love and concern you held within them…and it was all for me. Tears came to my eyes and I stubbornly wouldn't let them fall; I don't deserve you…I have to let you go.
I can not and will not let you die.
I had promised you that I would protect you from anything.
Even if it meant myself.
With a deep sigh, I removed Serena's hand from my shoulder and my eyes turned cold, a look the blonde knew all to well from the past. "We need to talk."
Serena furrowed her brows at the sudden tone and look I gave her. "About what?"
"Us." I watched as you frowned, becoming confused and clutched the strap to your briefcase; your knuckles turning so white I thought your fingers would break.
"What about us?" I heard you question, voice wavering. I stared you hard in the eyes, knowing that my lover was no idiot and I believe you knew what I was going to say before I said a word. So, I decided to test my theory and let the words roll right off my tongue.
"I think its time we go our separate ways."
Serena's frown deepened as her eyes narrowed incredulously. "What?"
Okay…so maybe she didn't know exactly where I was going but she knew something was up!
I shifted my eyes from her, finding a near by tree a tad bit more interesting. Guilt was flowing throw my veins and I felt my confidence dying out. I nervously licked my lips, trying to hold my self together.
"We both know things haven't been going too great lately…"
"Where is this coming from Darien?" I suddenly heard you whisper, cutting me short. I clenched my jaw, seeing tears welling in your eyes. I took in a shaky breath, desperately trying to keep my composure.
"Why do you think I've been avoiding you Serena?" I glared at her as she tried to find the words to say to me. She suddenly shifted her eyes to her feet as a few tears slid down her flushed cheeks. You suddenly tightened your grip on your bag as your brows furrowed together A smirk came across my face as you easily fell into my trap…and boy was this killing me inside to do this. I could clearly see you trying so hard to hold back your tears, wanting to be strong, wanting to prove that you weren't a crybaby.
"I love you…" You shift your eyes upon me with the most pained expression on your face that sent shivers up an down my spine. My breath hitched in my throat, taken a back by your intense gaze.
"I love you so much that it hurts Darien…why can't you see that?" you murmured and much to my relief you turned your gaze back onto the ground.
"You're too young to know what love is Serena! I'm the only guy you've ever been with…I'm not the one."
"Don't tell me what I feel is false Darien, you're the only one I want to be with." Your voice was so calm that it was actually scaring me. I swallowed deeply, running my fingers through my hair. I chewed on my bottom lip momentarily as I decided to speak the words I knew I would regret for the rest of my life.
"I…I just don't love you anymore." I clenched my hands into tight fists as those words made my stomach turn. Serena's jaw clenched as her large blue eyes stared upon me in disbelief.
"You don't mean that."
I looked upon the girl that held my heart in her very hands, the girl that I've died for…I looked upon the girl that I swore I would never hurt and love always.
"I do."
I saw raging anger infused with hurt and sadness flash in your eyes that I've never seen before as you tossed your briefcase to the side and stomped your way over to me, jabbing your finger painfully into my chest. "Don't you dare tell me that…after all that we've been through…don't you dare!"
I grabbed her arms painfully tight and held her back from me, anger now burning in my own eyes. "I've said it once and I'll say it again…I don't love you anymore."
I tightened my grip and began to shake her roughly. "I don't love you!"
I pushed her away from me and watched as she collapsed to the ground, clenching a fist full of her skirt in her small trembling hands. She slowly raised her head and my breath caught in my throat as I watched the fire in her eyes die. Those bright blue eyes that were always filled with so much joy were now dull and empty like I had seen them in my nightmares.
I involuntarily shivered, feeling my heart cracking as I watched the love of my life trying to recollect herself. She slowly stood to her feet and took a hold of her fallen briefcase and stepped before me, eyes downcast to the ground.
"If that is how you feel Mr. Chiba…then I won't bother you anymore." Without as much as a glance, Serena turned and walked away. I watched her leave and it took everything in my will to not run after her, to embrace her tightly and tell her it was all a lie…that she was the very air I breathed...that life without her wasn't worth living.
Though…I did none of those things. I simply lowered my head and walked away, I walked away from the most important person in my life and made my way back home to wallow in my self pity.
-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-
I had attempted to go a week without seeing my meatball head and sadly, I only lasted a day and a half, finding my self sitting in the crown arcade waiting for the bubbly blonde. I nearly choked on my coffee as my eyes finally spotted the blonde walking up the street.
Her pace was slow, her movement nearly robotic. Though what had struck me the most was the expression she had on her face…or rather, lack of. To be frank, her expression was blank. She didn't look angry, sad, happy…it was empty like her soul had been crushed.
I gripped the handled of my coffee cup as I felt my throat tighten with unshed tears.
I did this…
This was all of my fault…
What have I done?
I shook my head trying to think clearly; this had to be done, this was for her protection.
My eyes locked upon Serena's form as she walked through the door; slowly dragging her feet. I frowned deeply as she ignored Andrew's greeting and slowly made her way to the booth area, eyes locked onto the floor. Picking the normal table she took her seat, folding her arms upon the table and burying her face within them.
"Geeze…did someone die?"
I turned to Andrew with a shake of my head. "No…we broke up."
"Oh." whispered Andrew, eyes locking upon Serena's depressed form. "Well, I'm going to make something to cheer her up." Andrew disappeared from the counter and left to perform his task. I turned in my seat and kept my eyes upon the blonde, my heart calling out for her; I wanted to hold her so bad it's driving me crazy. Guzzling the last bit of my coffee, I placed my money down on the counter and left the arcade.
I couldn't look upon my Princess like this.
This was wrong.
My lover is always suppose to smile.
Though…it will pass in due time…
She needs time to heal…
I quickened my pace, desperately wanting to get home. I have a date with Brandy and we're going to try and drown away my sorrows…drown away Serena's zombie like state from my mind…drown away the longing and pain from my heart.
-\-\-Present-\-\-
I shook my head at the memory; for two months it was the same thing. I would come to the crown and get some coffee, Serena would come dragging in looking like a sad puppy. Though, two months later something happened; something changed.
Serena had that fire in her eyes.
I don't know how it happened but all I know was that it angered me. She must have found someone new, someone else to give her love and affection to. Even though I knew that this would happen, deep down inside I'd always thought she would wait for me and it hurt that she moved on…might of moved on…
I know I shouldn't be angry.
I don't want to be that "if I can't have her than no one can" type of person.
I can't help it though…I love that girl to death…
But I have to let her go and let her be free.
So she can stay out of death's grasp…
Damn…
Life's a bitch…
About three or four months later…you suddenly disappeared. I swear you vanished; you weren't at school, the arcade, the shrine…I couldn't find you anywhere! After a few days of freaking out and thinking the worst, I finally cooled out and took a moment to think. You couldn't be dead because the girls would have come to me and I would of felt our bond disappear; gratefully that was out of the question. The only other reasonable options would be that you are really really sick or that you moved…
Both of those options suck…
Though…
As selfish as it sounds…
I hoped you were just really really sick.
The months rolled on by and the nightmares came less and less. I continued my daily routine of walking by your school in the mornings, checking out the arcade in the afternoons, and passing by the shrine in the evenings, hoping that I would catch a glimpse of you somewhere.
Each painstaking day that passed, the more I sunk into my depression. Sitting alone in my dark apartment, wasted in a drunken stupor, lost in cherished memories of you and I. My life was wasting away and I truly didn't give a damn…life with out my angel is no life at all.
But…
I did see you again…
Oh God did I see you…
So beautiful…
I had been heading towards the arcade when I spotted you sitting in a booth from within the window. I was awe struck! Your golden blonde hair had turned a shimmering silver, your crystalline blue eyes turning a pale silver. You had the brightest smile upon your face and you still had that fire burning in your eyes…although, the fire had intensified by a ten-fold. Curious by the transformation, I began to head towards the door of the arcade when I seen you stand.
I frowned deeply as I watched you walk to the arms of some guy I've never seen before. The hug seemed a bit too intimate for my taste and I felt my heart shatter to a million pieces.
You moved on…
That fire in your eyes are for him…
You don't need me anymore…
Turning from the arcade, I made my way home. I went home and drank till I couldn't drink no more and now here I sit on the kitchen floor, a sharp blade dripping with fresh blood lying loosely in my hand. Breathing heavily I shifted my eyes down to my mutilate arm with long hideous gashes decorating it. Blood pooled around me as I felt my body uncontrollably trembling. It was so very cold in here all of a sudden. Though, as I felt my eyes closing heavily and feeling my self falling to unconsciousness…I had two lingering thought.
What if I had talked to Serena about this?
Could we have worked something out?
Well…its too late now…
I've already let the darkness consume me.
-\-\-\-\-\-
I really thought that this was going to be easy…but no!
Life just had to fuck with me one more time!
I open my eyes to see my self standing within a cemetery. I was still adorned in my same clothes, but my arm had no indications that I had afflicted any wounds upon it. Confused, I raised my head, seeing a group of people walking from a burial ground where a casket had been lowered. I watched as everyone left but one lone figure who stared down at the casket silently.
I watched as you reached out a hand that held a lone red rose and drop it on top of the casket. I began to walk towards you as you crashed to your knees, giving off a mournful cry. I stopped frozen as I saw that this person was Serena. I swallowed deeply, feeling tears well in my eyes as your dull eyes stared down at the casket.
The fire was gone from your eyes…
"Why?" I jumped startled as you suddenly spoke.
"Why Darien…why did you do this?"
Holy shit!?! That was my body in that casket!
Completely stunned, all I could do was stare at you as you continued to speak.
"What brought you to this…why couldn't you talk to me? Damn it Darien, I need you! We need you…"
We?! Who the hell is we?!
I watch as you wiped the tears from your eyes and sniffle. "Your daughter is so beautiful Dare…she has your smile." You smile ruefully as I crashed to my knees.
You were pregnant…
I have a daughter…
She has my smile…
I'm a Daddy…
…was a Daddy…
"That picture Rei placed in your hand during the funeral is a picture of her…I…I couldn't do it…I couldn't go up there and see you like that…" You abruptly stood to your feet, wiping the rest of you tears away.
"I hope you know I never stopped loving you…and I never will." with those spoken words, you turned away and began to leave. Panicked, I jumped up and ran to embrace you…only to go right through you.
Falling to my knees, I wrapped my arms around myself and let the tears fall.
I didn't want this!
I want to see my daughter…
I want my Serena back…
Your retreating back disappeared and all was dark again…
-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-
I sucked in a deep breath and my eyes snapped open, only seeing shimmering silver in my line of vision. I felt a good bit of weight against my chest and down the majority of my right side. I felt my arm was wrapped around something and I shifted slightly to look down at what was on top of me. Feeling my heart stopping in my chest, I saw that it was Serena who curled up on top of me. Confused, I looked around my surroundings, realizing that I was in the hospital.
What the hell?
How did I get here?
Wasn't I dead?
Was this another sick joke?!
Your movement snapped me out of my thoughts and silver met navy blue. Your eyes widened with unshed tears and wrapped your arms tightly around me. I slowly wrapped my arms around you and held you close, breathing in your heavenly lavender scent.
God I missed you!
"I thought I lost you."
I held you more tightly, burying me face into your neck. "I'm not going anywhere." We held each other in the peaceful silence, but that moment came to an end when you pulled away from me, looking upon me seriously; I shifted my eyes from her.
"How did I get here?"
You sighed deeply, running a hand through your bangs. "Well I really needed to talk to you and I wanted to talk to you alone. So I went to your apartment…"
"How'd you get in?"
You shot me a look that made me cringe for interrupting you. "Have you forgotten I have a key to your apartment?" I smiled sheepishly as a light blush tinted my cheeks. With a satisfied smirk, you continued.
"I knocked a couple of times, then decided to just unlock the door and walk in. That's when I spotted you on the floor in the kitchen, propped up against the cabinets." Your eyes darkened at the memory. "There was so much blood…I called the ambulance and you were rushed here." A frown suddenly appeared on your face and you glared at me.
"What is your problem?!"
My jaw dropped, a bit exasperated. I turned my head; I needed to know something before I explained. "Who was that guy you were hugging in the arcade?"
You cocked your head to the side, arching a brow, completely taken a back by the question. "Are you spying on me?"
"Just answer my question…please." I begged.
"He's my cousin Erin. He met me at the arcade so I could take him to see Rini."
"Rini?" I turned towards you as you took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"My daughter."
I furrowed my brows. "Whose the father?"
"You, silly!" you exclaimed, slapping my on my upper thigh. I smiled, taking your small hands in my own and you smiled at me bashfully. You reached over, grabbing your purse off a near by chair. Taking a moment to rummage through it, you pulled out a picture and handed it to me.
Taking a hold of it, I looked at it, seeing Serena passed out on the couch, holding a wide awake infant that was the splitting image of my once blonde haired angel. She had large cinnamon red eyes and a patch of cotton candy pink hair on top of her head. She had the biggest grin upon face as her head lay upon her mother's chest, a pudgy little hand outstretched towards the camera.
"Her name is Serenity Usagi Chiba." I felt my heart swell…she had my last name.
"She's gorgeous." I whispered, taking in the child's every feature. I turned to you once more as I noticed your mind had drifted off dreamily as you thought of our baby girl, but soon you became serious once more.
"What are you hiding from me Darien…why did you push me away? Why did you do this to yourself?"
I sighed heavily, looking down at my bandaged arm, than looked back up into your rapidly watering eyes. "I was trying to protect you."
"Protect me from what?"
I gripped my bed sheets as tears burned in the back of my eyes. I felt your soft hands enclose mine and I looked upon your concerned face.
I had to do it…
I had to tell you…
You deserved to know….
Licking my dry lips slowly, I began to explain. "I've been having these nightmares. Every time you die and I hear this voice telling me that this will become a reality if I didn't stay away."
"Then you should of let them come get me."
"Wha…?" I was shocked! Has she lost her damn mind?
"I'd rather die than be with out you Darien." You leaned into me and hugged me tight, burying your face into my chest and feeling your tears seeping through my hospital gown. Clutching a fist full of my clothing into your small hand, you turned and looked up at me.
"Can you not do this again?"
I chucked, kissing your forehead, then rested my chin on top of your head. "I promise."
I realized that this experience was a test…
A test that I failed miserably.
This wasn't about me protecting her, no…this was about me. This was about me having to stop looking down upon my Princess as if she were a child. I was suppose to prove to her that I loved her enough to confide in her with my problems and not hide them and face my hardships alone.
You will always be there…
Needing me as much as I need you…
God I'm a fucking idiot!
Smiling softly, I snuggled up against my meatball head, running my fingers through her soft silver tresses. Things were going to changes and I welcomed it openly. I had my girl back and there was nothing that was going to tear us apart again.
Besides…
She has that fire in her eyes…
And this time it was for me!
Author: Please review and tell me what you think!