Lullaby, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

Lullaby

This wasn't happening. It… It couldn't be. R-Right? Losing. Arthur Kirkland was on the losing side of a war against China. His defenses were low; his cities captured. People were dying every day because he wasn't strong enough to protect them. Why? Why was this happening? It… It couldn't be… God, why couldn't he fight them? What was so wrong with him that he couldn't fight off a fool like China? Only... China wasn't a fool, seeing as how he had managed to invade and destroy a majority of England's army. He shook, hot tears threatened to spill over, searing his eyes with their mockery of him. He was weak. He was nothing. He needed… Something. Anything to get his mind off of this…

Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge

I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

Crying softly, Arthur sank to the floor, clutching the steel blade. The sobs he emitted shook his entire body, leaving him feeling vulnerable, utterly defenseless. Why? The question tore at his mind as he pressed the cool metal edge to the pale skin of his wrist, and dragging the blade across the flesh, he began to cry harder. Florets of blood began to rise from the cut, sliding down his hand and dripping onto the floor. Again he cut, harder this time, watching as his blood hit the floor at his knees. Why couldn't he do this? Why was this war so hard? Stifling a sob, he let out a soft yet strangled cry as the phone began to ring. One ring. Two. Three. The phone nearly begged him to answer, and yet he remained on the floor, shaking. He wouldn't answer. He didn't want to talk to anyone. The phone rang again and again, screaming at him to pick up, only to once again return to silence without even a thought to see who was calling.

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

With a deafening thud, the door burst open to reveal Ivan, his eyes wide with worry and chest heaving with pants. Seeing his love sobbing on the floor, he quickly rushed over to Arthur's shaking form and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Gasping at the sudden contact, Arthur's tear-filled eyes shot up to meet the pale violet ones of his partner. The warm blood continued to slowly seep down his arms, dripping onto and staining the khaki colored coat Ivan wore. "I-Iv-Ivan….?" He whispered into the shoulder. "Shh…"Came the soft reply from the Russian's lips as he ran his hands slowly, tentatively up and down the sides of his lover, trying to calm him down. He sniffed slightly, smelling the obvious stench of blood in the room and glanced down at the blonde. "You were not answering the phone, so I became concerned and decided to come and see what was wrong." The only response that came was the shaking yet silent nod of acknowledgement of Arthur's head against his shoulder. "I was worried," Ivan muttered.

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

With a sigh, Ivan placed a soft kiss on his forehead, pulling him flush against his chest. Inhaling with a shaky breath, Arthur began the slow decline to calming himself. He closed his eyes, letting a few stray tears leak down his cheeks and onto the Russian's shoulder. "Мой подсолнечник…. Why would you do such a thing?'' Ivan muttered against the skin of Iggy's neck, his icy breath dancing across the Brit's flesh with an almost interrogatory feel to it, yet it was gentle enough to not be frightening. Arthur shuddered at the feeling, whimpering, "I'm s-sorry... I just... This war... And the stress of it all… It just… Felt like the right thing to do…" He shook softly against his lover, who in turn placed a gentle kiss on his trembling lips. "There is much more to life… Especially yours Arthur. You can't give up, for the greatest things have yet to reveal themselves. You can win this... I know you can." Arthur didn't answer, instead burying his face in Ivan's neck and pressing himself closer to the larger nation's body. The Russian stroked his sunflower colored hair gently, lightly kissing the Englishman's cheek. Wiping his eyes with the cuffs of his sleeves, he looked up at his lover, who wrapped his arms protectively around the small of his back. Arthur gave the slightest hint of a smile, leaning up and pressing his lips into Ivan's with the softest of pressure. All too happy to return the gesture, Ivan kissed him softly, picking the blonde up and standing to his feet. He carried him to the bedroom and laid him down gently on the plush sheets of the bed they shared.

Sighing, Arthur sleepily curled into Ivan's side and buried his face in the crook of the Russian's neck. Ivan kissed the top of his head softly, pulling the blankets over them and Arthur closer. He took his love's hand, lacing their fingers together as Arthur began to dose off into a deep sleep and quietly whispered in his ear, "I love you my Sunflower… Remember… You will never have to fight alone." And turning the light out, Ivan slept, guarding the sleeping man against him, and daring anything to try and hurt the one he loved.

Your very own lullaby…