A Merry little Christmas

Summary: Every year the team gather at Chris's ranch for Christmas… except Ezra. Everyone has their own idea of why but no-one has ever bothered to find out what he really does. Until a row leads two of the team to investigate and find some surprising answers.

Please note: Unusually for a Christmas fic this is not particularly friendly to Chris Josiah Buck or JD. However if you like Ezra Nathan and Vin you should be in luck. It was born from listening to the song Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (Buble version) and wondering how Ezra would celebrate the festivities – would he sit down to a frozen dinner and morbid thoughts as is often portrayed, waiting for the team to rescue him with familial love and Christmas joy because it's a well known fact that a solitary Christmas is a sad and lonely one? Or does he have happy holiday traditions of his own and will he be willing to share them. Just to admit to a vested interest in the plot as I celebrate the season with just Willow the cat every year and have a great time despite the pitying looks from work colleagues.

This is just a short story, by my standards anyway, (should be completed by New Year) but after taking a much needed break from writing of any sort after finally obtaining my degree (2.2 English lit) it's hopefully a precursor to getting back into the groove in the new year.

X*M*A*S

It was one week 'til Christmas and things were not going well. It seemed that some of Chris's elves were rebelling.

"Well if'n that's what you think you can stuff your annual Christmas gathering where the cook stuffs a turkey!" Vin's expression reflected his mood every bit as forcefully as his words.

"Why you ungrateful little brat! If it weren't for me you wouldn't even have a Christmas. You should be glad that you have family even if we aren't blood. If we didn't want you you could end up as lonely and miserable as Ezra."

"Now that's hardly fair Chris!" Nathan had been feeling increasingly unsettled at the way these holidays had been shaping up. From the moment Chris had announced that Mary, Billy and his grandparents would be joining them the fledgling traditions that they had begun to develop had been dropped for new compromises… except that the team seemed to be doing all the compromising. Chris didn't seem too bothered by the turn of events but then he now had the chance at a proper Christmas again with his new love. And who could blame him. Nathan didn't and he was certain that Vin didn't either. The problem was that instead of branching off from the others to join the Travis family their leader had pretty much ordered everyone to come along for the ride. Now Buck hadn't minded because as long as he had food and drink and sports on the TV he was happy, and the eye he had on the young housekeeper in the Travis employ didn't hurt either. JD was excited by the whole thing… Nathan suspected that it was as close to recreating his childhood christmasses with his mother as he'd ever had. And with Nettie and Casey spending the holidays miles away with family he was sure that their youngest was seeing the situation as a Godsend. And Josiah, well as usual he took the path of least resistance. As long as the others were happy then so was he, or at least the majority. The majority always ruled in Josiah's philosophy.

Except that not everyone was happy. For as much as they spent the holiday together each of them also had their own little rituals and traditions, especially Vin. Telling the sharpshooter that he couldn't spend the first part of the morning with the teens he mentored in Purgatorio because he was expected to present a united front at the Mayors mansion for breakfast and a church service, one of Judge Travis's commitments, hadn't gone down well. Nathan himself was more than a little miffed that he was expected to show support for a man he hadn't voted for, and regarded as a publicity seeking lightweight, he'd bet there would be photographers….

Bet. Trust that word to remind him of their seventh. He wondered just what the southerner got up to at Christmas. There had been many theories but as far as he was aware no-one had ever bothered to ask him. About the only thing they were sure of was that he didn't spend it with Maude who spent every winter either on the slopes of Val d'Isere or the beaches of various luxurious tropical islands. Bucks theory was that she did it to avoid her scrooge of a son and that perhaps they should rename him Ebeneezer. Nathan steered his thoughts away from that particular episode. He hadn't covered himself in glory by going along with the teasing. Not that Ezra showed any sign of taking offence, he never did, but that didn't make it right.

"You can't order me how I should spend MY time off!"

"Or me." Nathan surprised himself by agreeing with Vin out loud but when the Larabee glare turned his way he didn't flinch. He might not have anything as important to do as Vin but he always went to his local church and lit a candle in memory to his late mother and stopped by the hospital to visit the old folks ward. Then he would phone his dad in Washington before going out to the ranch. It may not be as important to Chris as indulging his lady but there was a time when their leader would have understood. No more it seemed. And it wasn't fair to dictate to Vin how he should live, the man deserved to do as he pleased without being made to feel guilty that he was letting his friends down. Lord knew he had had enough years with no Christmas at all and he wasn't twelve for goodness sake. Maybe he and Vin should join Ez for Christmas. Frozen turkey dinner and probably some highbrow reading in the original French didn't sound any worse than what they seemed to be letting themselves in for.

"You!? Don't be stupid Nate, you have to be there. You both do. What's Orrin going to think if half of one of his teams is a no show. What will Mary say? The whole team have to be there… For breakfast at the Mayor's event (Nathan was pleased to see even Chris wince at that demand) At the townhouse for dinner and the evening party Evie always holds for her friends."

That raised the medics eyebrows for two reasons. Firstly since when had the whole of Christmas been hijacked by the Travis family even down to location. And secondly what was this about the whole team? Chris was aware that Ezra wouldn't be there. They may have had their difficulties at the beginning of their relationship with the southerner but he was a good friend now. He had thought that Chris felt the same, that his attitude was some kind of game between them… seemed not.

"He doesn't count." Chris muttered his reply as Nathan expressed his concerns, at least about the location and Ezra's presence.. The rest of his thoughts he kept to himself; he wasn't an idiot. "We can always say he can't appear in public because of his undercover status. And we, Mary and I, thought Billy would be happier spending Christmas somewhere he was more familiar with."

Neither Nathan nor Vin could argue with that final reason, but saying that Ezra didn't count was going too far. Didn't Chris remember that none of them would be alive if it weren't for Ezra. All of them had been saved by the supposedly uncaring mercurial agent at one time or other. But both men could see that any further argument would get them nowhere. Leaving Chris convinced that he won them over the two disgruntled men went back to work. A glance between them every now and then confirmed that neither was happy with the outcome.

"Drink after work Nate?" for that Nathan read 'we should talk about what happened'.

"Sure Vin. Rosie's at six?"

"Sounds good." Vin knew that the choice of a venue not often used by team 7 meant that he had gotten the message behind the invite.

"That invite include us?"

Vin rolled his eyes. For such a big man Buck was good at sneaking… probably all that experience leaving married ladies bedrooms.

"And why Rosies?" JD added with puzzlement, for where one found the one there also was the other Nathan mused while desperately trying to come up with a valid excuse. No way would Buck approve of them going off to moan about their leader.

"Need to discuss Christmas stuff in private guys… can't do that somewhere where you've dated half the staff Buck." As Vin surmised the two eternal teenagers immediately interpreted Christmas stuff as their presents and it was true, Buck had dated all the female staff at the Saloon at some point or other and finagling information out of them would be easy. Except Inez of course. She had more sense it seemed. And certainly more self respect than to become another notch on Buck's bedpost.

As the two excited agents gave him a wink and retired to let them discuss…well, them, Nathan gave Vin an impressed thumbs up. The sharpshooter had obviously been spending a lot of time with their con artist southerner.

X*M*A*S

Ezra finished making his list. Well his latest list. He'd already made his food shopping list and his present list. This was his to-do list. It was a little luxury he allowed himself. As an undercover agent… a spy by another name, he didn't dare commit anything to paper and so had to keep all his plans in his head. Not difficult after a lifetime practice and with a photographic memory but to be able to do things like ordinary people was a little thing he treasured. There were many things that most took for granted that he enjoyed the novelty of and Christmas more than any other time of the year gave him the opportunity to indulge in them. Oh he knew what the others said about him and to some extent what they thought but they couldn't be further from the truth. Sometimes he wished he could share his own Christmas traditions with them, not that they were particularly old. Grifting and Christmas had a whole other connotation than most childhoods and did not give the opportunity to develop traditions but since he was no longer tied to either the conning trade or his mother's apron strings – he snorted at the mental image of Maude wearing such a domestic garment- he had begun to build his own version of the festive season, some elements of which would no doubt surprise his team mates. But they were his traditions and so were precious to him and he didn't want them dismissed, or worse, ridiculed so he kept them to himself. Did he miss his lack of inclusion in the Larabee Christmas experience? Maybe a little if he was honest with himself. He missed the team itself… or most of them anyway. And he missed seeing the reactions at present opening time… not that he ever gave the presents he really wanted to. Not since Josiah had taken him aside after the festivities of his first year with the team and advised him to not give such luxurious gifts as it looked a little like rubbing their noses in his wealth. Ezra hadn't shown how hurt he was at that. He couldn't help it if he was rich. He had simply wanted to spread the joy and all his gifts had been practical. It wasn't as though he had been giving out gold Rolex watches for goodness sake…. And to add insult to injury the following year Buck, Chris and JD had complained that he had been a cheapskate with the others though never of course with their own present. He couldn't win! Well at least Nettie had appreciated her Spa break even though Josiah had seemed to think it unduly frivolous. Try telling that to the seventy year olds arthritis. Those treatments had invigorated her. Perhaps this year he should ignore Josiah's advice to give her a set of towels. Ezra sighed and began a new present list. He really did love lists, it was humanity he sometimes found exasperating!

X*M*A*S

"You think I went a bit far Nate?" Vin didn't know what made him more concerned about his behaviour, the fact that he didn't feel as guilty as he suspected he should or the fact that Chris had been so sure that he would simply follow along with his plans like a fluffy sheep. Chris should have known him better by now, he thought that they had some sort of brotherly connection… Well if that was what having a brother was like he was glad to be an only child!

"Nope." Nathan's reply came back immediately. Not only did he think that Vin's reaction was justified but that it was a lot less violent in tone than most would have managed. "You have commitments just as important as his majesty the Mayor and no matter what Chris's relationship status is with Mary he had no right to dismiss that importance." Nathan thought for a moment, his brow furrowed in concentration. "Of course now I think about it I suppose it's always been that way, Mary or no Mary."

"How do ya mean?"

"Well remember last year. You may have spent the morning with your street kids but you had to give in when Chris and Buck vetoed you having tea with Maria Hernandez and her family. Then there was last fourth of July when I was planning on going to Washington, that soon fell apart thanks to" Nathan made air quote marks "Team loyalty"

Vin hadn't looked at it that way before. "But at least that was just the team and we were somewhere we all felt comfortable. Can't say I'm feeling comfortable hanging out at the Mayors mansion or Travis's townhouse."

"Me neither" Nathan agreed with a sigh, then he grinned and laughed.

"What?" Vin was glad that his friend had found the funny side of this but he couldn't think what that side was.

"Just thinking that for once Ezra might be getting the better end of the deal."

"Do Ah hear mah name being taken in vain?"

The two agents jumped up at the familiar southern drawl.

"Jeez Ez! Don't do that!" Vin clutched at his chest in shock while Nathan dropped back down into his seat coughing and spluttering as the peanut he had been eating slid down the wrong way.

"Enough! 'cough cough' I said enough!" Nathan managed to choke out as Ezra and Vin 'helpfully' began slapping him on the back…hard.

"Why Nathan, first aid is a serious business!"

"You taught us that Nate." Vin added to Ezra's assertion his emphatic nod of the head accompanied by yet another slap. Nathan didn't miss the look of mischief that passed between the two younger agents.

"Indeed Mr Tanner. One cannot be too careful with health matters…perhaps I should administer the Heimlich manouver?"

"Or we could turn him upside down and shake him?"

"Perhaps we should get him to drink some water from the far side of the glass while holdin' his breath."

Vin considered that idea between slaps. "I think that's for hiccups Ez."

"Ah… Do you perchance feel an attack of the hiccups coming upon you Mr Jackson?" The boyish hope in Ezra's voice resulted in Nathan laughing as much as he was coughing.

The two agents were grinning by now. Nathan was just pleased that they'd stopped hitting him. He waved the concerned looking waitress away and brushed the tears from his eyes, not totally sure whether they were a result of his coughing fit or his friend's antics.

X*M*A*S

Two hours later several beers, and some stronger spirits, having been consumed and Ezra up to date with Vin and Nathan's situation a comfortable silence had settled over the trio. It was broken suddenly as Ezra uttered words that he might never have said if he had been entirely sober. They were words that would change his relationship with his team members and theirs with him. They were words that he would, unlike many events and decisions in his life, never regret.

"Why don't y'all spend Christmas with me?"

His two team mates looked at him incredulously.

"You're drunk." Nathan nodded his agreement to echo Vin's statement.

Ezra glanced down at the empty glass in front of him and considered that his friends might be right. He decided that it didn't matter. Of course he expected them to refuse… politely though because that was the sort of men they were. Maybe he should retract the offer to spare them the embarrassment … what had he been thinking! Of course they wouldn't want to spend the festive season with him; hell given the choice HE wouldn't want to spend the holiday with him either!..."

"EZ! EZ!"

Ezra dragged his rapidly downward spiralling thoughts back up to meet the insistent sound of his name… or part of it anyway.

"Mr Jackson?"

Vin and Nathan had indulged in a silent conversation that Vin had thought only to be possible between himself and Chris while Ezra's self doubt was making itself manifest. Neither man knew Ezra's entire life story but they knew enough to be sure that he was no stranger to rejection. That he was so convinced that they wouldn't want to spend Christmas with him was more of a testament to the southerner's past than any judgement on them so they didn't feel hurt at his doubt in their friendship. What was more shocking to the two was how much they actually DID want to spend time with him. That the idea of Christmas with Ezra had banished any guilt they were feeling at not wanting to be with the others. Time to convince Ezra of that.

"Really!? Y'all are sure?... We are drunk y'know… it is unwise to trust our own judgement when ineb…ineber…imembri… tipsy."

"We're sshure Esh."

"Yes we are" agreed Nathan who was probably the most sober though that wasn't saying much. "But let's have this conversation again when we're clear headed. We can meet for breakfast at my place and work stuff out?"

"Shounds good… but nooo oatmeal…yechh." Vin shuddered at Nathan's usual idea of suitable foodstuffs.

"Or grape… hic… fruit… hic"

Nathan shook his head in exasperation and filled a glass with water from the carafe on the table. "Drink this Ez, and hold your breath!"

Ezra did as he was told then beamed at the medic as only a drunk can.

"Told you it works!" he crowed. Vin laughed and slapped the undercover agent on the back.

"Hic… damn… hic."

TBC