A/N: I don't know quite where this idea came from. It started with one word: oxygen. I wrote up a little snippet of an idea which wound up working in his as the one paragraph, well, where that word is used. I don't want to give it away. I actually love how this turned out, even though I wasn't sure about the idea at first. There's a lot of Hermione-Draco interaction, but it's by no means ship-y. Though, if I were ever to write a companion to this, I could imagine this being the foundation of something ship-y. Lol. Anyway, there are some themes involving suicide…not really explicit and it could be argued that it's not really about suicide at all. But if that's a touchy subject for anyone…I would recommend not reading. So, enjoy. R&R. Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own HP.
Rejoice, For Your Soul Is Alive
It had been two days. Two of the longest days of her life. Two days since the greatest battle the Wizarding world would ever see had reached its conclusion in the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Two day spent with nearly no rest for anyone—especially for those under great mourning. It had taken most of the forty-eight hours to establish the full magnitude of the death toll—though no one would be able to calculate the impact some of the deaths would have on the people she loved most. It hadn't taken her even half as long to realize that the kiss with Ron had been based more on the adrenaline in the heat of the moment than on actual romantic feelings toward him—she wasn't sure he had understood her when she tried to explain this to him, but he had the loss of Fred bearing him down so she let it go. She would explain again when he was more coherent (perhaps when she was more coherent). It took two days for the remaining members of the Order with consult from Harry to decide what to do with the Malfoy family—it was clear Lucius would have to face his crimes, while Narcissa and Draco would be granted a kind of cautionary clemency, an action personally advocated by Harry himself. So two days after the battle, she had watched as Lucius was taken into custody by Kingsley Shaklebolt while Narcissa clutched her son to her side looking conflicted between grief and relief.
For two days, she had watched families and friends pass through Hogwarts with mournful tears in their eyes. For two days, she had watched those strong enough to participate attempt to clear the castle and grounds of all remnants of the battle. For two days, she had watched everyone around her find the hope to move forward while she felt completely on pause in the darkness left over from the battle. And she couldn't take it anymore.
Hermione had been sitting at a table in the Great Hall, picking at a plate of dinner when she broke. She had run from the room, earning shocked looks from Harry, Ron, Ginny and Neville who had all been sitting with her. She wasn't aware of the confusion she left in her wake. She had burst out into the grounds, her feet sinking in the damp grass. It wasn't until she had taken a large gulp of fresh air that she realized she had been holding her breath. She shouldn't have been surprised. She hadn't been able to breathe for two days—it was as if her lungs had gone out with the souls of her fallen friends. She was moving in a haze as she started to walk down toward the lake.
The sky was dark and few stars dotted the clouded sky. The weather had been dismal for May, though it created a picturesque background for tragedy. A light breeze picked up her hair, tossing it around her face as she walked. She came to the edge of the lake and stared at the dark water. She watched the wind form ripples in the otherwise still depths. She had made the decision to enter the water before it registered on her conscious mind. Slipped off her robes which she had been wearing out of habit since she had settled into her old dormitory the first night and had been able to retrieve some change of clothes. She left them pooled on the grass, the Gryffindor emblem facing up at her, as she began to pull off her shirt and slip out of her jeans. Once only in her under things, she dived in without thought. She gave herself no chance to realize this was the stupidest thing she could have done (save for facing the evilest people inhabiting the world as only a teenager with an incomplete magical education).
The cold water hit her skin all at once. Before she could feel any discomfort from the temperature, her body grew entirely numb. She had yet to resurface for air and she made no attempt to. She let herself sink further into the depths until her body began to crave oxygen. Her eyes were wide open, even though the water burned her eyes. She could see nothing but the small bubbles rising to the surface from where she breathed them out. They began to lessen in number as she ran out of air and she tilted her head to watch them rise. Every nerve in her body was finally awake. She was alive, this experience had proved it.
Suddenly, the water around her was disturbed by the presence of another. She felt strong arms wrap around her and begin to pull her upward. As they broke the surface, she pulled in a deep breath that caused her to choke. She coughed, expelling water from her lungs. The intruder dragged her onto the shore of the lake. As she sat up and continued to couch, she caught a glimpse of platinum blonde hair. She tried to wipe the water from her eyes so she could see more clearly. Sitting beside her was a dripping Draco Malfoy—it appeared he had dove into the lake after her fully clothed. He suddenly had her robes in his hands and he was wrapping the dry clothing around her shoulders.
"What the bloody hell were you thinking, Granger?" Draco yelled at her. "Do you know how long you were under there? Are you suicidal? Hmm? Because if you feel the need to off yourself, there are simpler ways…and you should try to do so when you're not in my presence, I don't want your demise on my conscience. Gods, do you know how long you were down there? I kept waiting for you to come and when you didn't, you had me panicking. I didn't think I would get you out in time. Bloody hell."
Hermione wanted to say she could have easily made it back to the surface in time without his assistance, but he wouldn't have believed her. She wasn't sure she believed herself. So, she chose the easiest response, "Why do you care? One less Mudblood in the world, right?"
Draco sighed, "It may be hard to believe but the loss of a human life does have a deep, significant impact on me. I couldn't leave you there to drown whether you wanted me to or not. As I said, I don't want it on my conscience."
"Well, consider yourself free of any obligation to save me," Hermione responded. "You should have left me."
"You're not seriously suicidal?" Draco exclaimed, "You, of all people, should have something to live for. You just played a significant role in winning an impossible fight. If anyone should be diving head first into the lake it should be me, but I have to live with the fact that I took part in a battle for a cause I didn't believe in, that while I watched my father be taken away I felt nothing but immense pleasure, my own father…I have to live indebted to Potter for both saving and sparing my life and the life of my mother."
"Need I remind you, you did dive head first into the lake," Hermione smiled softly.
"Only to drag your loony arse out," Draco replied exasperated. "I can't imagine what you were thinking…Did you really want to die in those skimpy scraps of black lace? I doubt that's the scene you would have wanted Potter and Weasley to stumble upon when they had to fish you out of the lake in the morning."
Hermione tugged her robes tighter around her body as she flushed a deep crimson. It had only then occurred to her that not only had Draco Malfoy seen her half naked, but there was a good chance he had witnessed her strip before diving in. Unable to fashion a worthy witty response, she settled for, "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I already felt like a part of me had died with my friends that fell during the battle. For two days, I've felt empty…my heart was beating but I wasn't breathing. I was proving to myself I was still alive."
"B-b-by ne-nearly k-k-killing yourself-f-f?" Draco questioned incredulously. His words came out in a stutter, his voice stilted by the fact that he had started to shiver violently.
"Oh, you're going to catch pneumonia," Hermione replied. She turned quickly to find her clothes.
She was still fiddling with her jeans when he spoke, "You're worried-d-d ab-bout-bout me? You're s-soaked t-too."
"Yes, but I was smart enough to leave my clothes dry," Hermione commented as she freed her wand from her jeans' pocket. She aimed it at him and he recoiled, "Oh, calm down. I'm going to use a drying spell on your clothes."
Draco opened his eyes as the spell took effect. He was still cold, but at the very least he wasn't wet. Hermione used the spell on herself, and then made him turn away while she pulled her clothes back on. Once she was decent, she gently touched his arm. He turned back to face her.
"We should get back to the castle, so you and I can get properly warmed up," Hermione suggested. Draco nodded and they fell in step together as they headed back to the castle.
"I supposed I shouldn't mention this to Potter or the Weasel," Draco replied casually after awhile.
"I would appreciate it if this could remain between us," Hermione agreed, ignoring the jab at Ron. "They'll only worry unnecessarily and they have more important things to focus on."
Draco nodded, "As long as there are no repeats of this ridiculous stupid stunt, then it's our secret."
"There will be no repeats. I feel more alive than I ever have before," Hermione said softly.
They had reached the steps of the castle, Hermione turned to him. They stood together for a moment before Draco bid her goodnight and began to walk away. Hermione sighed, as she was unsure if she should say something else. She rushed up a couple steps to catch him, making the quick decision.
"Malfoy, wait," Hermione called out. Draco paused in his movement on the step above her. She met his eyes as she spoke, "I just wanted to say, you should rejoice in your circumstance. You've been offered a pardon for your past actions. Now you have the chance to redeem yourself and save your soul. Tonight is evidence enough to show you already have. The Draco Malfoy of a year ago or even two days ago wouldn't have pulled me out…"
"He may have," Draco smirked, "But he would have made you feel guilty about it."
Hermione laughed lightly, "Goodnight Malfoy."
"Goodnight," Draco nodded to her.
"Oh, and Draco?" Hermione said, "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Hermione."
As the two entered the castle, the dark cloud obscuring the sky began to clear. The bright stars made their reappearance and the moon reflected on the still surface of the lake. The healing had begun.