To hurt the one that loves you

By End of Grace

I HATE bullying of any kind, but the bullying I hate most is the one that comes disguised as helpful comments, "I'm only thinking of you" and from the people who are meant to love you no matter what size or shape you are. There are a lot of people with weight problems due to ill health and medicine its not because their lazy or don't eat right and sometimes it can simply be genetics. Having both suffered with bulling and weight I could help but think of North and how Bunny reacting negatively to his weight and how everyone would rather Bunny with Jack. I would usually say enjoy but I don't think you will.

It was late January and North was sitting in his office staring out of his window at the endless white scenery. January was the only time he really got off to recover from Christmas but now he should be getting to work on new designs for this years toy line. Yet he couldn't do it. He had spent the last few weeks almost in a slump that even getting out of bed seemed like a chore. He walked around the pole aimlessly, taking in the emptiness of the place he called home. Yes the Yetis and the Elves lived with him but they seemed oblivious to his pain; not all Phil had noticed and commented but North assured him he was fine. The truth was he was lonely, which many would say that was silly since North had only thrown the biggest New year party for spirits. Yet it was not that kind of company that North wanted, he wanted something a lot more intimate, he wanted his lover. Well, he thought lover and indeed thought of this person as such, yet he had a feeling that this person did not feel the same way.

When he and Bunnymund met many hundreds of years ago, they had become friends and brothers in arms, and when Bunny started to rut again after centuries alone North had been on hand to help. In fact he still was, every year just some time after Easter he would go to the Warren, where Bunny would drag him to his nest and he would not leave for almost two weeks later. In their younger days, they did it all year round both in the Warren and the Pole, with lots of kissing and cuddling in between. Of course their duties extended over the years as more children were born and they started to see less of each other till it seemed that outside of parties and guardian meetings North only saw his love during his rut and it had seemed for the last few times...that Bunny was simply going though the motions. Despite the many offers North had been loyal to Bunnymund even thought of him as his significant other even though Bunnymund had never given him his mate mark. After another morning of restlessness North could take it no longer and decided to go and see Bunny. He knew Bunny would be busy with preparations for Easter but he was sure Bunny could spare and hour or two for him. He went back to his room, groomed himself up and changed in to a nicer shirt before taking a snow globe to the warren. He walked over the lash grass and looked over the many flowers ready to blow with eggs, Bunny had clearly went all out this year. He reached Bunny's home, which was a large hobbit hole in the side of a hill, and knocked on the door. There was a small crash and a lot of cussing before the door swung open by a annoyed looking Bunnymund.

"North! What are you doing here?" he snapped as he glared up at the guardian of wonder.

"I guess I came at bad time?" said North feeling a little guilty as he rubbed the back of his head "I simply came to see you"

"To see me? BEFORE Easter?"

"Yes...?"

Bunny snorted and matched off back in to his home leaving North to come in and close the door behind him. He followed Bunny in to his small kitchen where on the table were large pots of paints and on the stove where saucepans filled with different colours liquids. On the floor were a couple of empty cans that had fallen and now had several dents. Bunny reached down and snatched them up and dumped them on to the side.

"Make it quick North, I've got things too do, I ain' got time to waste on hospitality"

"I can help if you like? I was hoping too..."

"No thanks! Unlike you I take pride in the fact that I do not need an army of yetis to help me get my holiday together"

Normally this would set North off and make him leave in a huff but instead the winter spirit took a deep breath and released it slowly, controlling his temper. "I know you take great pride Aster and your eggs every year are more beautiful then the last but surly it would not hurt to have a little help?"

"Pull the other one North" Bunny snapped as he glared at the old man "I can smell your hormones from here. Your want to get your leg over while I'm almost up to my elbows in paint"

North stepped back with his hand's held up in defence "Niet. I mean, da I wish to...but I would like to spend some time with you. I have missed our time together and..."

"North for crying out loud I don't have bleeding time for this nonsense" snarled Bunny as he went back to his paints. "I'm sure there is someone else other then me who can get over that fat belly of yours and satisfy your needs"

North stumbled back as if he'd been slapped. How could Bunnymund say that to him after so many hundreds of years of being together?

"Why would you say..."

"What are you kidding me? What part of no ain't you getting? What do you think I'm just going to halt all my work just to get crushed in my nest by you heavy weight just so you can have your way with me"

"I didn't come here for that Aster I..."

"Will you just get your fat arse out of here? I'm trying to work!" growled Bunny not once looking at North as he continued to make his paints. North swallowed the large lump in his throat and straightened himself up, trying to ignore the numb feeling in his body while his heart lowered its self to his belly to weep quietly. He turned around and slowly walked to the door, telling himself that he was fine as the tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. He knew what it was like and the stress of working to a deadline, Bunny was simply stressed out, yes that was it, stress. He reached the door and briefly looked back at Bunnymund, but the pooka still had his back to him, not once looking over his own shoulder to look at North. Taking another deep breath and his head held high North left the warren quickly, grateful that no one had seen him leave, for he doubted he could explain why he was feeling so deeply hurt.

- Line Break-

It was the fourteenth of February and North was beyond trilled. After years of favours North had finally gotten the snow goose egg that Bunny had wanted for his collection. It was a beautiful one too, a bit larger then the one Katharine had been given and its shell shone brightly. He could not help but giggle as he wrapped up the gift imagining Bunny's surprised face when he opened the box. Surly this would make up for his last visit, Bunny had always taken a half day to spend Valentines with him; he would grumble like an old man with a toothache about it but he always did it every year because of how much the holidays meant to North. With gift and present in tow North once again ventured to the warren being careful of the many egglets that were now running around. North enjoyed walking though the warren, its warm and bright colours were a nice change from the cold and white snow of the pole. Suddenly the egglets were running towards him quickly as if they were running away from something. The warm spring air turned cool and the ground beneath North turned frosty as the older winter spirit looked to the sky.

"JACK!" North bellowed "What is big idea? Freezing warren so close to Easter! It is not good guardian behaviour"

Jack floated down in fount of him holding a large paper bag in his hand. "Hey North! Happy Valentines! Here to spend it with Bunny?"

"Yes...but what are you doing here Jack, I would have thought you would still be causing more snow days for children"

"Well since I've become a guardian and all I thought it was best not to cause any trouble on the really big holidays like this one. I want to try and stay on the "nice" list this year and as too why I'm here...Bunny asked me to come over"

North's heart twisted slightly and his belly turned with a small warning "Bunny...asked you too come? Any reason why?" He asked his throat feeling tight and dry.

"Yeah...he just sent one of his eggs out of the blue and asked me to come and get these chocolates. Said he made them just for me...kind of like a peace offering he said to make up for the way he acted over the blizzard of 68. I really glad he's finally forgiven me for that, at least now we can try and be friends, isn't that great?" said Jack excitedly as he jumped up and down on the balls of his feet and looked in to his bag taking a large sniff of the chocolate goodness. North clutched his present tightly as he smiled at Jack.

"That is wonderful Jack! It is good that you are taking your duties so seriously too. Now I'm sure you wish to go and share those chocolates with Jamie and the other children..."

"You mean you want me to go so you and Bunny can get all mushy and lovely dovey right?" joked Jack as he laughed at North's rosy cheeks.

North frowned and waved his hand as if he was swotting Jack away but his blue eyes showed his mirth "Away with you cheeky imp, before I go changing my mind about naughty list"

Jack laughed as he waved good bye and flew away, leaving North to walk to Bunny hut alone, his belly was still giving him a bad feeling. Why had Bunny given Jack chocolates? He never gives gifts, not even at Christmas or any other holiday for that matter. North could count on his hands the times Bunny had given him gifts outside of his birthday and each one was a treasure he held dear. While he on the other hand was always looking for an excuse to shower the pooka in gifts, homemade or otherwise. He nervously knocked on the door and let himself in when he received no answer. He could hear the clanking of pans and Bunny muttering to himself and followed the sounds to Bunny's kitchen that now doubled as his own workshop where large pans of chocolates were being cooked. Bunny was in an old apron that was covered in chocolate splats and flour and seemed oblivious to the fact that North was even in the warren let alone his kitchen. North placed the gift and card down on the small dresser that held most of Bunny's crockery.

"Happy Valentines Aster" he said loudly causing the pooka to jump high and spun around to look at him angrily.

"North...what are you doing here?"

"Because its valentines...remember? We always spend it together...do not tell me you have forgotten"

"No" said Bunny looking slightly guilty and rubbing his elbow "I've just been really busy that's all. Lost track of time and such"

"But you gave Jack some Valentine chocolates, I just saw him with a bag full, you sent for him"

"Oh that? I just had a lot of chocolate and your always going on about how I should get on with the frost bite. So I made him some"

"I see" said North softly, not believing Bunny's story one bit as the pooka was still elbows deep in chocolate vats and egg moulds. He then shrugged and picked up his gift and held it out "Anyway, Happy Valentines Aster, here open your gift"

"Just put it on the side there mate, I'll open it later, I've still got a lot of work to do" said Bunny as he went back to the vats and started to stir. North felt his body shake as his belly gave a sharp tug as he placed the gift back down.

"Would you like some help Bunny? That way we can at least spend the day together, even if it is work"

"Nah I'm good North, just a little behind is all, I should be done by tonight. I'll come by the pole then and have a drink or two with you"

Deciding it was best to to take what ever Bunny was willing to give him, North nodded and headed back to the pole, his mind a buzz and his heart heavy. Bunny had not even said "happy valentines" too him nor given him his usual hug and kiss. He instead invited Jack to the warren for valentine chocolates and then lied about it. North knew things between them had been different the last couple of years, now thinking about it, just before Jack joined the group and it snowballed from there. Yet North could not put his finger on what he was doing wrong that was upsetting Bunny so much that the pooka would go out of his way to avoid him. He did a couple of rounds of his workshop, the yetis surprised to see him there but thought better of mentioning it, before going to his study to set it up for tonight. Phil walked past North's study later about early evening as North was putting the final touches together. There was candles of reds and whites all lit around the room and some of North's ice sculptors. A warm fire was going and several bottles of North's best wines and spirits were on the table with two glasses. There was also a large picnic basket on the rug as well as North sat in his chair ready and waiting for the Easter Bunny to arrive. Phil shook his head over the cheesy of the scene but after all the years of watching North and the pooka together it did not really surprise him as he went on to his duties. It was well past midnight when he walked past the study again, frowning slightly at the open door and decided just to peek in to see if things were alright. Many of the candles had melted away and the fire had died out. North was still in the same seat, glass in his hand half drunk asleep and what was worse, he was alone and had been all night. Phil shook North's shoulder, not wanting his friend to sleep in the chair and gently took the glass out of North's hand as the winter spirit opened his eyes and yawned.

"Errrr wha?...Phil? What is it? What time?"

Phil grumbled that it was almost one in the morning as he helped North to his feet and told him to get to bed. North looked at Phil and then looked around the room before sighing deeply his head hung low and his eyes cast to the floor.

"Your right old friend. I best get to bed, I should have known Bunny was to busy to visit dah?"

North tried to laugh but it sounded so hollow and fake that he stopped. Phil patted him on the shoulder and started to lead him back to his room. North was grateful for the small comfort and even more grateful of the fact that Phil had not brought Bunnymund up. North bid Phil a goodnight and thanked him for his hard work before entering his room and quietly sat on the bed and buried his face in to his hands.

-Line Break-

It was the week after Easter now and North had been quite busy during those weeks. North would be the last person in the world to admit that he was sensitive about his weight, but after the tongue lashing he had reserved from Bunnymund a few months back, he had been deeply hurt by the pooka's comments. So he went on a diet, ordered the yetis to stop making cookies and sweets and to remove the ones that were in storage. The elves had cried and threw tantrums when they saw the yetis throwing the cookies away. He started to excise for a few hours a day, mainly sit up to tone his belly and brisk jogs around the pole. He had lost a couple of stone and while he was still a bit round in the middle, he was a lot better then he was. Surly this would please Bunny, who was a week or so away from going in to his rut, and perhaps rekindle their flame. For Bunny, he would do anything to make the pooka happy again. He had thought about going to see Bunnymund and demand an explanation as too why he had not come on valentine night, but decided not to, knowing Bunny would have simply told him that he was busy after along day and had forgotten. He stood in fount of a mirror and looked over his appearance. He did look a lot better now he had lost the weight and decided to grow his hair out as he pulled it in to a small ponytail. He was combing his long white bread wondering for a moment wither or not he should cut it back to the same style he had in his youth when Bunnymund walked in to his workshop.

"Bunny" North said joyously "Welcome, let me get you drink, how was Easter? All went well?"

"Of course it did. Every kid had half a dozen eggs in their baskets easily this year" said Bunny as he took the glass from North and quickly drained the wine, which alerted North to something being wrong, as Bunny was not much of a drinker. There was a slight shadow under Bunny's eyes as if he had not slept well the night before, his fur was unkempt and he fidgeted and played with the glass between his paws.

"Bunny? Is something wrong?"

"What? Er...no...I mean...yeah...damn it!" Bunny grumbled as he ran his paw over his long ears "Can you take a seat mate? I...I gotta talk to ya"

North's heart gave a painful thump and his belly gave him the feeling of foreboding as he sat back down. Bunny poured himself another drink and drank it down in a few gulps as he looked North over.

"Have you lost weight mate?"

"Yes, few stone, still have some to go before I reach good size, you like?" said North happy that Bunny had noticed.

"Yeah...you look good...I guess"

"You guess?" That wasn't what North wanted to hear and the way Bunny was acting was making him worried. "What is wrong Aster? Have you started your rut early? Your awful jumpy?"

"Er..about that...about my rut..." Bunny took a deep breath and said softly "Would you mind that...Damn it. Look, I'm going to take someone else from now on alright?"

North slumped; while a part of him had not been surprised but it hurt never the less. He gave a weak smiled and his voice shook as he spoke "Well...of course...you have found someone to be your mate da? Someone important?"

"I don't know about that, I have yet to ask him first but I'm sure he'd say yes, he and I have been getting closer lately"

"Aster, who is it?"

"Jack Frost"

"Jack Frost" North repeated the name bitterly his fists shaking against the chair arm. He knew, he should have known really, he had seen all the signs and ignored them.

"Yeah, I mean sure he can still be annoying and a bit irresponsible but I don't know, he smells real nice and..."

"I see..." North muttered as he turned around so his back was to Bunny. "I'm no longer good enough for you..."

Bunny rubbed his elbow and looked away, not wanting to look at the friend he knew he was hurting. "Its not that mate...its just that I want to try something else. You got to admit things have got a bit boring between us and we've had a good long run. Its great that you've lost some of the weight mate, it is, maybe if you have lost it sooner things could have been different, besides its not like we're mates or anything..."

North's head shot up, his fists clenched tightly that his nails were cutting in to his palms as he turned back and stood up, his body shaking in anger. "For over seven hundred years Aster I have been your lover. I have been loyal, forsook all others, doesn't that mean nothing too you? I was with you during your ruts, your nightmares of your home world in flames and when you turned in to a small bunny because of Pitch I held you in my arms. I have given all I could offer you and never pushed you or asked for your mating mark. I give you gifts and asked for nothing in return and that is what I often received, nothing! Now, NOW, you push me aside? You call me names, hurt me and for what? Because you find me boring? And since when did my appearance or belly started to disgust you Aster? Because I have never heard you complain before now or has the boy turned your head and your senses so utterly that you do not care who you hurt as long as you get what you want!"

He had wanted to keep his cool but with each passing word North's rant got louder. His eyes were stinging like mad but he would be damned before he allowed himself to cry in fount of Bunnymund. Bunny stepped back, jaw dropped and eyes wide for a split moment before frowning back at the older winter spirit.

"Look, I'm sorry that I'm hurting you with this North, but its just the way it is. I'm am grateful for you being there for me but I never asked you for the presents and such. That was all you! And I never meant to hurt you with my fat comments either, but clearly they did their job if you finally got off your big behind and did something about it"

This comment seemed to knock all the fight out of North. His shoulders dropped as he released a long defeated sigh as he turned back to his work bench.

"I think its best you leave"

Aster was slightly stunned, he expected North to argue maybe even punch him but he had never thought he would simply dismiss him and ask him to leave. He was actually quite relieved that it was over but a small part of him, the part that most likely would always belong to North was crying out and thumping madly against his chest painfully. He turned around and reached for the door before turning back to look at North's shaking back.

"Nort...Nicholas...we're still ok ain't we? We can still be friends right?"

There was silence for a good long while before he picked up a soft whispered "Please Aster just...get out"

Bunny stepped back in to the room and his jaw dropping as if to speak but the words got stuck in his throat. He wanted to say he was sorry again, that what they had would always be important to him and he hoped that they could still be friends. But the words refused to surface so he shook his head sadly and swallowed as he pushed that aching feeling down and left with out saying anymore. North waited until he could not hear Bunny's footsteps anymore and went about drawing up more blueprints for toys that he on his work bench. As he continued his work, large wet patches appeared on the paper, making the paper soggy and unusable so North rolled it up in to a ball and threw it away. North couldn't help put compare himself to that bit of paper, once thin and useful now all screwed up and fat and thrown away, as he curled up in to his chair and wept.

The end.

(might continue...well see)