Pottergate-SG1: Another Day, Another Fray
UPDATE 9/13/2007: Fixed some spelling errors in the first two chapters, and added a third episode (Ch3: Out of the Frying Pan).
Plot is loosely...uh, make that very loosely taken from Stargate episode 'In the line of duty.'
Starring:
Harry Potter as Colonel Jack O'Neil,
Hermione Granger as Captain Samantha Carter,
Ron Weasley as Doctor Daniel Jackson,
Charlie Weasley as Teal'c,
Albus Dumbledore as General George Hammond,
Fred Weasley as Random Security Guard Guy,
Madam Pomfrey as Doctor Janet Frasier,
Gildroy Lockhart as Blonde Man,
Neville Longbottom as Partial Elephant Boy,
Security Troll as Burly Security Troll.
Disclaimer: I don't own the plot, I don't own the names, I don't own the characters...in fact I don't own anything, so I thank whoever dreamed them up for this unauthorised use of them, and I apologize whole-heartedly for wrecking them so badly.
Note: Please do not expect anything to conform to the laws of physics or any other laws defined in either Stargate or Harry Potter, cause I've taken poetic licence to the extreme.
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Colonel Harry Potter ducked as a pale gold spell screamed past his ear. He quickly raised his wand arm and fired a cheering charm at the Grindylow who had shot at him, pasting a goofy grin across its face and sending it charging after a fellow creature in an attempt to hug it. Turning away, Harry shouted at the cluster of refugees behind him, "Come on! Get moving!" His eyes searched for Doctor Weasley, "Ron! Get that fireplace dialed up! We've got to leave NOW!"
"On it!" cried Ron, as he tried to force his way through the crowd.
Harry fired off a Patronus to stall the dragon-mounted Grindylow that was attempting to swoop down on the refugees, "Dammit Charlie!" He bellowed, "Do something about that dragon!"
Charlie's response was drowned out by the screams of the refugees and the constant barrage of spells, but he moved off toward the dragon, so Harry turned his attention elsewhere. A confundus curse slammed into a refugee nearby, and Harry stabbed his wand towards the attacker, instantly shrinking it to the size of a golf ball. It was then promptly trodden on by another Grindylow who charged toward the group before an Engorgement charm from Harry left it clutching its bulging belly.
Spinning around, Harry saw that Ron had managed to get the fire lit, and the refugees were beginning to pour through. Turning back, he dodged a leg-locking curse and answered it with a tickling charm. "Granger!" he yelled over the noise, looking around for her, "where the hell are you!" Finally he spotted her on her knees giving a kiss to a blonde man who had taken a hit from a nasty jelly-legs curse. Harry ran over too her and pulled her to her feet, "Captain!" he hollered at her, "We've got to hold them off! I need your grenades!" She stared at him with a vague expression on her face. Harry shook her gently, "Your dungbombs, Granger! Give me your dungbombs!"
She appeared to snap out of her trance, and passed Harry a number of dungbombs, which he began lobbing at the approaching Grindylows. When his supply was exhausted he grabbed Hermione and pulled her towards the fireplace, where the last of the refugees were disappearing. Firing spells over his shoulder, Harry yelled for Ron and Charlie to go through, and they didn't need to be told twice.
When Harry and Hermione reached the fireplace, Harry unceremoniously shoved her through, gave a quick glance over his shoulder to check that everyone who could leave had done so, then dived through himself.
"Close the iris!" Harry bellowed as he tumbled through the fireplace in General Dumbledore's office. Immediately a heavy metal grating clanged down across the hearth. A couple of the braver Grindylow attempted to follow the refugees through, and ended up with their heads jammed through the bars.
"What the hell happened out there Colonel?" asked Dumbledore.
Harry glanced around at the dozens of refuges crammed into the small office and grimaced, "Long story, sir."
---
Later that day, Harry was lounging in the SG1 common room, playing a nice, relaxing game of exploding snap with Charlie. He was nursing a luke-warm butterbeer, about half of which currently adorned the front of his uniform-robes after a particularly violent round. He was just about to suggest that they call it quits when the Golden Galleon in his pocket suddenly heated up. He pulled it out and looked at the serial number, which was now spelling out 'NOWNOWNOWNOW'.
He leapt to his feet, "Emergency in the gate room, Charlie, let's go!" The two of them ran out of the room and charged down the corridor to General Dumbledore's office, where they burst through the doors to find Hermione standing in front of the fireplace holding a dungbomb.
Her eyes glowed, and she spoke in a heavily distorted voice, "Give me the floo powder, or I'll detonate it." She waved the dungbomb around for effect.
Harry locked eyes with her and said firmly, "No one's going to give you any floo powder, your not going anywhere."
Hermione's eyes glowed again, the anger in them easily visible, "You must let me go!"
Harry started to shake his head, but at that moment the baby mandrake that Dumbledore kept in a pot in the corner of his office finished digging its way to freedom. It leapt into the air with a triumphant squeal, which rendered everyone in the room unconscious.
---
When he awoke, Harry found himself lying on a bed in the hospital wing with the others from the gate room arrayed on other beds around him. All except for Captain Granger, that is. Quickly he asked Doctor Pomfrey where she was, and found that she had been locked up in the dungeons with a burly security troll stationed outside the door. Relieved, Harry lay back and waited for the others to awaken.
Half an hour later (nearly everyone had awoken shortly after Harry, but Ron had apparently decided to make the most of an unscheduled nap) the three remaining members of SG1 were gathered around a small card table in a broom-closet, discussing the days events.
"So she's got a Goa'uld now?" asked Dumbledore bluntly.
"Looks that way, sir," replied Harry, "though how one of those horrible diary things managed to infect her--" He slapped his forehead, "Of course! That blonde haired man!"
Several moments of silence followed that statement, until, when it became clear that Harry was not going to elaborate, General Dumbledore asked, "Care to enlighten us, Colonel?"
Harry looked at him, "Oh," he said, "back with the refugees, sir, there was a blonde man that had taken a direct hit from a jelly-legs curse. Granger was bending over him for some reason. I thought I saw a flash of black in her hand as she stood up, but it vanished so quickly I thought I'd imagined it."
Doctor Pomfrey, who had tagged along to the meeting, chimed in, "If a diary can infect a human with no detectable signs...we're going to have to start doing complete searches of the belongings of every person who comes back through the fireplace!"
Dumbledore nodded and sighed, "Colonel? Could you go and have a word with our new guest, and see if you can find out what it was trying to do here?" Harry nodded. "Doctor Weasley, Charlie, if you could help me do a search of this facility to see if we can find what it was up to?" More nods. "Alright then. Dismissed."
---
Down in the dungeons, Harry walked up to the bars of the cell containing the captive Hermione and said simply, "You're a Goa'uld."
The vehemence in the reply made Harry take a step back in surprise, "No! I am not a Goa'uld!"
"Really?" asked Harry, "Care to explain the little black book then?" he pointed at the object in her right hand.
"Yes," she sighed, "my spirit resides in this diary, but I am not a Goa'uld! The assumption that I am is blatant bookism, and is against the wizarding conventions of six-seventy three!"
"Pardon me," said Harry, "but you have seized control of a member of my team and threatened to release hazardous materials into this base...I don't think I'm the one that's going to get in trouble with the law."
At that point, a Bashing Boomerang smacked Harry in the back of the head, rendering him unconscious again.
This time when he woke up he was still in the dungeons. He looked over to see Hermione lying on the floor of her cell, covered in what appeared to be confetti. As he watched, her eyelids fluttered open, and she gazed weakly at him. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper, as though all the strength had been sapped from her body, "It gave it's life for me," she croaked, "Fred Weasley...he was holding another diary. He threw a fanged frisby at me, and the Goa'uld in me thrust its diary up to save me..." then confusion flickered over her face as she said, "then Fred apologized...". Hermione's strength gave out then, and she lapsed into the land of nod.
Harry pushed himself to his feet, and scrambled out of the dungeons, dodging the unconscious form of the security troll as he did so. Judging from the dent above the door, the troll had started chase Fred, but had forgotten to duck to get through the doorway. Harry plowed on.
Harry raced down the corridors, but people kept getting in his way; at one point he had to crawl on his stomach to get past Neville, who had somehow managed to partially turn himself into an Elephant.
Finally he reached Dumbledore's office, and he threw the door open. Inside he found Fred Weasley, holding an ominous black diary in his hand, engaged in a deep conversation with himself.
"Look," said Fred to himself, "we can't just blow the place up! Where's your class, where's your style? I'm all for roughing the place up a bit, but wanton destruction is not the way to go!"
"Quiet, human!" replied Fred in a distorted voice, "your desires are meaningless. This facility will be destroyed."
"Aww, come on!" said Fred, "Why not leave something really memorable, like a swarm of tribbles or something?"
"I do not know what a tribble is," said distorted Fred, "and nor do I care, be silent so I can finish my task."
"Hey, don't be like that!" said Fred, "if we work together I know we could come up with something great!"
Harry stood there watching the display for a while, scratching his head. Then he slowly pulled out his wand and used it to send the black diary tumbling into the fire, where it quickly burned down to nothing.
Fred stared into the fire for a few moments, then shrugged. With a slight "Oh", he walked past Harry and left the room.
Harry stood there for several minutes, then his shoulders sagged and he headed for bed. Hopefully tomorrow would be an easier day.
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--The End--
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Check out Chapter 2: Wonky Wardrobe!