Janeway sat in shuttle bay two, her arms rested on the console in front of her. She stared out of the view screen, her only view now, that of the shuttle bay doors, but it had not been so only a few hours earlier. Herself and Tom Paris had been returning from an away mission with the people of Euros prime, a simple people who had many natural resources to trade, but were xenophobic in nature. She and one other had been permitted down to the planet to finalise negotiations. Janeway had no hesitation in asking Tom to pilot the shuttle, after it was discovered that Euros prime had a highly ionised atmosphere not conducive with their transporter. The negotiations had gone well, and their business was completed within a couple of hours. Loading up the shuttle Janeway and Paris had begun their return journey to Voyager when a Kazon vessel had appeared taking aim at their shuttle. Janeway remembered the explosions all around her, the defining sound of the proximity alert alarms and the heat upon her face. It was a situation she had been in many times. Keeping cool under fire was one of Janeway's strongest attributes. This time however there was another facet to their predicament. Whilst the shuttled was buffeted around under the fire of the Kazon ship, Janeway could see on the view screen two more ships converge on Voyager. She had no way of helping them out, commanding her ship and getting it out of danger. Communications had been down, and Tom was having a hard enough time keeping them alive, let alone trying to save Voyager.
In that moment Kathryn had felt as helpless as a child. Her life seemingly spiralling away in front of her very eyes. She recalled now hearing Tom shout to her that the port nacelle had been hit, that he could no longer manoeuvre the shuttle out of the path of the Kazon fire.
For a moment Janeway remembered the look in Tom's eyes as he turned to her, the pain that flashed there, the adrenaline pumping though his veins, enough so that Kathryn could actually see the pulse point in his neck.
"Set a collision cause Mr Paris." Janeway had ordered her voice sharp and clear cutting though all the noise of battle. She saw Tom's fingers hesitate over the conn panel, she instinctively reached out and placed her hand over his, the pad of her thumb running a soothing trace over the back of his hand. It was in this moment Kathryn chose to look at him again. This time the hurt in his eyes was unmistakable. She ignored it, saving her ship was her first priority and they had been out of options.
"Do it Mr Paris." She had commanded, not letting go if his hand as he used the other to set the course. The shuttle had moved slower than she had expected, the damage done, far more extensive than Janeway had first realised.
"Computer set auto destruct, two minutes." Janeway spoke as the Kazon vessel engaged with Voyager loomed large in their view screen. She could now feel Tom's hand squeezing her back, his grip was firm but comforting. In these last few minutes all protocol fell away, they were no longer Captain and Lieutenant. Janeway could feel the shift, it washed away like sand beneath her feet as the waves washed it back into the sea. For a moment their eyes met, words fell from Tom's lips, ones that even now, safe alone on her ship made her shudder.
"I just wish we could have gotten to know one another better Kathryn." Janeway had almost not heard the last part as the transporter beam had grabbed them, their hands still joined as the sound of their ship exploding all around them vanished into nothingness.
They were safe, Voyager had prevailed, but at a price, she was now limping though space at warp one. Several key systems had been damaged along with the warp drive, and plasma injectors. B'Elanna had insisted as soon as they were out of danger they would have to stop and repair them.
After receiving all of the reports Janeway had come back to the shuttle bay, there was nothing more she could do right now, and although supposed to be off duty and in her quarters, she had found it to constricting on this night. Sitting now she realised that once again she had been seconds from death, she did not know how many more times along this journey she would have to face her own mortality again, but one thing was for certain, it would happen. This thought had little impact on her, she knew without a moments hesitation that she would give her own life for her crew. No what was gnawing at her now was the look in Tom's eye when she had ordered him to collide with the Kazon vessel. Janeway knew Tom was also prepared to give his life for Voyager, but there had been something else there, something like betrayal. Did she in fact value his life less than other members of her crew. Tuvok, young Ensign Kim, Chakotay? Janeway knew this was not true, but the question was did Tom Paris. Taking a deep shuddering breath Janeway started to get up from her seat when a gentle cough came from behind her.
"Funny that I should find you here Captain." Tom's voice cut though her as she turned her head and regarded him with wide eyes.
"Indeed Mr Paris, but if my presence here is unusual, yours must be considered just as odd." Janeway said trying to maintain a semblance of professionalism as her heart thumped inside her chest.
"Perhaps, but I am a pilot and this is a ship, some might say I was right where I should be." Tom replied with only a hint of irony. Kathryn caught on to this quickly and allowed herself to relax slightly.
"Coming back to the scene of the crime, so to speak?" Tom asked moving closer until he was positioned in the chair next to her. It was a precise replica of where they had been earlier. The memory was almost too much for Janeway. She braced herself against the back of the chair and held her ground.
"Something like that." Janeway replied catching herself before she revealed too much to her subordinate. Tom Paris was perhaps one of the few people on board with whom Kathryn ever let her guard down with. She couldn't put her finger on exactly why this was, but right now she needed to hold her mask, for she felt if it crumbled so would she.
"I couldn't sleep either, nearly exploding does that too me." Tom said, now the hint of a smile touched his lips, but Kathryn could see it was a fascarde.
"I guess it would play havoc with anyone's rest." Kathryn conceded as she studied the side of his face. It was half lit by the low illumination inside the shuttle. The rest of his face was bathed in shadow, and for a moment Kathryn just admired him. There was no denying that he was handsome, her own wondering mind had made testament to that fact on more than one occasion, but now it was more than his good looks that drew him to her.
"You know when you come face to face with death, it makes you look at your life, sum it up almost. Was it good, could I have done more, or maybe just done anything of importance at all." Tom said now turning to her and once again placing a smile on his face. Kathryn did not miss the turmoil in his voice, nor could she ignore it. If absolution was what Tom wanted from her, then she could at least offer him that.
"You have done many important things in your life Tom. You have saved this crew, many times over, in more ways than I can count. And I don't just mean literally. You are the heart and sole of this ship, you provide entrainment, where there is only duty, you offer friendship, where there was only suspicion. You are far more important than you realise." Kathryn said reaching out and taking his hand once more. This time without the threat of impending death the gesture took on new meaning. Kathryn had not intended this, the electricity inside the cabin shot up, the air almost invisibly charged all around them, and Kathryn urge to pull away was strong.
"Thank you." Tom uttered, it was quite, almost a whisper, but Kathryn heard it, felt it though her fingers still entwined with his. She gathered her courage and looked up into his eyes. The large black disks looking back at her surprised her for a moment. Then his words echoed in her head.
"I just wish we could have gotten to know one another better Kathryn."
"Tom, Lieutenant, this is inappropriate." Kathryn said now pulling her hand away and returning it to her lap. Yet she did not make a move to leave. Kathryn wondered if she was a masochist, or was simply punishing herself for almost killing them earlier. Either way she remained firmly in her seat and forced herself to look up into his disappointed expression.
"You're right Captain." Tom said after a moments pause, his eyes turning steely and his expression hard. This hurt Kathryn far more than she was prepared for. As Tom stood Kathryn could feel herself reaching out for him. Her hand clasping around his wrist as he made to leave.
"Tom." His name was all she could muster as he looked down upon her with disappointed eyes. His responding silence spoke volumes, the ball so to speak was in her court. She had seen his desires laid bare, and she had rejected him, now she was asking him to stay.
"I don't want to leave it like this Tom." She said finally, finding at least some words to ease her guilt.
"I don't know how else to leave it Captain, I think you have made yourself clear." Tom said almost biting out the word Captain. Kathryn felt her anger start to rise, the grip on Tom's arm had tightened slightly and she knew he felt her change in mood also.
"I don't want to start a fight." Kathryn said swallowing down her anger and trying to remain calm. It was a well practised thing for her, but not in such unusual circumstance.
"I had no intention of getting in one with you either, seeing as I would almost certainly loose." Tom said now also relaxing, as Kathryn let go of his arm. It then fell in to place, everything that had happened between them on the shuttle, and before, until this moment. Tom was someone who did not see rank and protocol as black and white, but in infinite shades of grey. He knew when to joke and when to obey. This Kathryn realised was why she found herself so drawn to him.
"I do know though that life is so short, sometimes shorter than we could have ever imagined." Tom said suddenly and Kathryn found herself nodding in agreement with him.
"I know that as we get older time seems to fly pass us at warp speed, and if we are not careful we will wake up one day and wonder where it has gone." Tom continued as Kathryn remained silent in the seat next to him.
"I think this has been the fastest year." Kathryn replied into the now silence of the shuttle, her hands clasped in front of her as Tom's came to rest over the top of them. This time she did not pull away, nor feel the urge to do so. She took some strength in his offer of support and once again raised her eyes to his.
"Did you mean it Tom, back on the shuttle, did you mean it when you said you wish you had known me better?" Kathryn held her breath as Tom blinked slowly and returned his eyes to her own.
"It was probably the most honest ting I have said in years." Tom finally said as Kathryn almost hissed in her breath. For a moment she was silent, but being someone who also thought actions spoke louder than words Kathryn moved forward in her seat. Releasing one hand from below Tom's she ran it up the side of his face. His stubble scratched the palm of her hand slightly, the sensation made her shudder before her hand closed behind his neck.
Kathryn found that she did not have to use a lot of pressure to encourage Tom forward towards her lips. At first they kissed tentatively, barely touching, his hands still covering one of hers, and her hand slightly crooked around the base of his neck. The it all changed, Tom moved his hands from hers and clasped her around the face, pulling her more fully towards him. His lips now crashing over hers as his tongue pushed into her mouth, claiming it almost totally until Kathryn responded. Pushing forward until she was standing. Kathryn broke the kiss, trailing her lips down his jaw line as she moved forward until she was hovering over Tom's lap. Tom's hands found her hips and encouraged her to sit. His own lips quickly going to the exposed flesh on her throat. Kathryn allowed her head to lull back giving him as much access as he needed. Kathryn could feel the pressure building up within her. It had been so long since she had felt like this, and her passion was now threatening to break loose. She now took her hands and ran them up Tom's chest, stopping at his zipper she pulled it down, and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. Tom broke his exploration of her neck in favour of also divesting her of her jacket. His hands ran down her arms, the touch was so tender, it seamed out of place here, where passion and lust were taking over both their minds. Kathryn quickly attached her lips to Tom's again, calming his mouth like he had done to hers earlier. Toms hands had found her breasts now, his thumbs bushing across her nipples. The touch was not enough, it made her ache. Pushing herself against him, encouraging him to touch her more, but her request went unanswered. It seemed like Tom was intent on teasing her. Kathryn ground her hips downwards, shifting her weight to rub against his arousal. The corresponding grunt from Tom made her smile around their kiss. Tom's hands moved from her waist to her hips, and round to undo the clasp at her trousers. Kathryn raised herself to aid in his removal of her clothes. Both panting for breath from their seemingly endless kissing, hands reaching for what remained of their clothing. It came off now in a flurry of movement, one minute they had been simply kissing, now Kathryn was lowering herself onto his lap once more, this time both in their naked glory.
"Your so beautiful." Tom gasped out as his lips now found her nipple. Kathryn couldn't help but grasp hold of his shoulders, her nails digging in. She, for a moment, wondered if she was hurting him, but his hands running high on her thighs distracted her. Coming so close to where she wanted them most, then retreating. Getting almost beyond the point of return now, Kathryn reached down and took his manhood in her hand. Stoking it gently, she took a certain amount of pleasure in now having full control of him. His hands rested on her hips gently now. Thumbs tracing unknown patterns into her skin, breaths coming in short gasps.
"Stop Kathryn, this isn't what I want." Tom said finally stilling her hand. Kathryn was not hurt, far from it, she knew exactly what he meant. As she released him, Tom seemed to come back to life, this time one hand going straight for her sex. Finding her hard nub and flicking it, until she was grinding down on to him. Her head thrown back as her tongue came out to moisten her lips. Her belly tightened and her thighs shook with each flick of her sensitive bud.
"God yes Tom." She hissed though clenched teeth as all of a sudden his hand was gone. The small whimper of regret was replaced by a grunt as Tom guided himself into her opening. Kathryn raised herself slightly, and then lowering down slowly, allowing her body a moment to adjust to his size. She watched his eyes as she sank down. His hands coming to rest at her waist, his eyes never leaving hers as she began to move.
Soon they found a rhythm, Kathryn's passion began to rise once more, the tightening in her muscles threatening to break her before she fell over the edge. Collapsing in Tom's arms as he gave a few final uncoordinated thrusts until he reached his climax also.
For a long time they just sat there, panting on one another's arms, neither wanting to let go, for they both knew as soon as they did they would have to go back to reality.
Janeway stood first, not just because she had to, so that Tom could move, but because she knew that even now, covered in sweat, naked and smelling of sex, she was still the Captain. Pulling on their clothes in silence they finally turned to each other. Tom's eyes smiled down at her own as she attempted to fix her hair. Giving up she returned his smile, and reached out and placed her hand on his arm.
"You're right Tom, life is too short." She said allowing her hand to once more caress his cheek. With that she turned away from him and walked towards the door of the shuttle. She knew Tom was watching her walk away, and for a moment she nearly run right back into his arms. Tucking her head down and walking down the steps she paused and turned back, poking her head though the open door, she looked at him still standing in the same place that she had left him.
"Next time, perhaps we should try somewhere more comfortable." Her small wink was returned with a generous smile from Tom. For now Kathryn turned on her heel and made her way out of the shuttle bay, a small knowing smile on her face.
THE END
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