Loners and Innocence Protectors
I don't think I had ever seen so much blood in one day.
Kurama had taken the first fight. I had wanted it, but something in his eyes told me to leave well enough alone.
Hiei went next. Again, I had wanted the fight. And the shrimp had ghosted into the ring after saying something to Urameshi.
I wish I had been listening. I really do. In hindsight, Hiei had probably said something scathingly respectful. Probably it would have clued me into Genkai-baasan's death. His warped personality would only let him be nice if he included a quick rebuke.
Kurama is the opposite. He's always the one who drags us out of the ring and fusses over our cuts and scrapes. When the storm is blowing, he always opens his door and offers a cozy place to sleep, made even cozier by his quick smiles and charming wit.
Urameshi is kind of like that. Only he won't coax and tempt you with hot chocolate. More like, he'll just drag your butt in the house, like it or no. He won't admit that he's grown incredibly attached to having so many friends. Not his style.
Which I guess makes him like Hiei. It is so not his style to admit how much he likes us. Or maybe he just likes Yukina and Urameshi, and tolerates the rest of us. Kurama, Koenma, Botan and my dear sister grate on his nerves, and I don't think he sees a point in me or Keiko. Or I don't know; maybe he just ACTS that way so that we think he acts like he tolerates us, but that he secretly likes us.
Hey, in that head, you never know what's going on.
All of them are kinda like that. You never know what's going on in those heads. All three of them draw back into their own worlds at times, to puzzle and ponder on the next battle or the meaning of existance.
Me, I'm not like that. I'd rather enjoy my life, hang around with my sis and friends, rather than dwell on the chance that all of it will end.
Too freaky to think about.
They don't think so.
Urameshi's died. Kurama kinda died. Hiei's probably come pretty close. All of them contemplate death. You can see it; the way their eyes slide out of focus, as they stare at old injuries.
I can practically see the words in their brains.
'What if it went deeper? What if I were hit here? Would it hurt more? Hurt longer? End?'
All of them have dark thoughts. I can tell. Kurama waves it off with a grin, Urameshi denies it, Hiei says it's none of my business.
They all know I don't think like that. Dark, and death-preoccupied. They all know I live in the moment. So do they! But they still have that nagging sensation that "hey, we're not immortal."
I know I'm not immortal.
Just don't expect me to admit it.
I guess they think it's cool I can still think innocently. I guess they admire that I haven't had all kinds of bad stuff happen. My life is no picnic, but it's a fool's paradise compared to what I've gleaned from them.
I get the idea they want to preserve that in me. They want me to be able to still not assume the worse in every situation. That power dip, Genkai-baasan's death, all of them immediately figured "Genkai's dead." I didn't. I'm not programmed to assume all of that.
They know that.
They know I can let myself go and laugh with my friends. My teammates are all loners. They can't do that, not the way I can. You would never guess it, but even Kurama has trouble making friends. Urameshi's only been friends with Keiko forever. And don't ask me about Hiei.
They didn't tell me Genkai-baasan was dead. They don't tell me a lot of stuff, I'm willing to bet. Heck, for all I know, they might have known about Yukina's brother all this time, and decided to protect our innocence. It's their style.
I appreciate the concern. But I'm not a loner. And they no longer have innocence to protect. I have friends and even family here. I am Kazuma Kuwabara.
Just as the cherry blossom is a flower among flowers, Kuwabara is a man among men!*
Koenma staked his life on this fight, so I will, too. I'll be protecting the loners, not their innocence. I've had fourteen, almost fifteen years to enjoy my innocence, and the fact that I have friends who will protect it.
These loners and innocence protectors need time to scrub the cynicism from their hearts.
I can die peacefully, right?
-----
*quote from the episode this fic is based in. I'm sorry, I love this episode, and I love that line.
I don't think I had ever seen so much blood in one day.
Kurama had taken the first fight. I had wanted it, but something in his eyes told me to leave well enough alone.
Hiei went next. Again, I had wanted the fight. And the shrimp had ghosted into the ring after saying something to Urameshi.
I wish I had been listening. I really do. In hindsight, Hiei had probably said something scathingly respectful. Probably it would have clued me into Genkai-baasan's death. His warped personality would only let him be nice if he included a quick rebuke.
Kurama is the opposite. He's always the one who drags us out of the ring and fusses over our cuts and scrapes. When the storm is blowing, he always opens his door and offers a cozy place to sleep, made even cozier by his quick smiles and charming wit.
Urameshi is kind of like that. Only he won't coax and tempt you with hot chocolate. More like, he'll just drag your butt in the house, like it or no. He won't admit that he's grown incredibly attached to having so many friends. Not his style.
Which I guess makes him like Hiei. It is so not his style to admit how much he likes us. Or maybe he just likes Yukina and Urameshi, and tolerates the rest of us. Kurama, Koenma, Botan and my dear sister grate on his nerves, and I don't think he sees a point in me or Keiko. Or I don't know; maybe he just ACTS that way so that we think he acts like he tolerates us, but that he secretly likes us.
Hey, in that head, you never know what's going on.
All of them are kinda like that. You never know what's going on in those heads. All three of them draw back into their own worlds at times, to puzzle and ponder on the next battle or the meaning of existance.
Me, I'm not like that. I'd rather enjoy my life, hang around with my sis and friends, rather than dwell on the chance that all of it will end.
Too freaky to think about.
They don't think so.
Urameshi's died. Kurama kinda died. Hiei's probably come pretty close. All of them contemplate death. You can see it; the way their eyes slide out of focus, as they stare at old injuries.
I can practically see the words in their brains.
'What if it went deeper? What if I were hit here? Would it hurt more? Hurt longer? End?'
All of them have dark thoughts. I can tell. Kurama waves it off with a grin, Urameshi denies it, Hiei says it's none of my business.
They all know I don't think like that. Dark, and death-preoccupied. They all know I live in the moment. So do they! But they still have that nagging sensation that "hey, we're not immortal."
I know I'm not immortal.
Just don't expect me to admit it.
I guess they think it's cool I can still think innocently. I guess they admire that I haven't had all kinds of bad stuff happen. My life is no picnic, but it's a fool's paradise compared to what I've gleaned from them.
I get the idea they want to preserve that in me. They want me to be able to still not assume the worse in every situation. That power dip, Genkai-baasan's death, all of them immediately figured "Genkai's dead." I didn't. I'm not programmed to assume all of that.
They know that.
They know I can let myself go and laugh with my friends. My teammates are all loners. They can't do that, not the way I can. You would never guess it, but even Kurama has trouble making friends. Urameshi's only been friends with Keiko forever. And don't ask me about Hiei.
They didn't tell me Genkai-baasan was dead. They don't tell me a lot of stuff, I'm willing to bet. Heck, for all I know, they might have known about Yukina's brother all this time, and decided to protect our innocence. It's their style.
I appreciate the concern. But I'm not a loner. And they no longer have innocence to protect. I have friends and even family here. I am Kazuma Kuwabara.
Just as the cherry blossom is a flower among flowers, Kuwabara is a man among men!*
Koenma staked his life on this fight, so I will, too. I'll be protecting the loners, not their innocence. I've had fourteen, almost fifteen years to enjoy my innocence, and the fact that I have friends who will protect it.
These loners and innocence protectors need time to scrub the cynicism from their hearts.
I can die peacefully, right?
-----
*quote from the episode this fic is based in. I'm sorry, I love this episode, and I love that line.