"Dimmock! The jackass is here!"
Will Dimmock, regardless of what Sherlock Holmes claimed, was actually a rather competent detective. Even if he hadn't been, keeping track of all of Sally's nicknames for the consulting detective would still have been the first thing Lestrade instructed him on when he worked a case with the other man's usual team.
'Jackass' was definitely not one of Sally's usually sobriquets, so it wasn't a surprise that the first thing he wondered on hearing her words was if Lestrade had kept another consultant from him.
(The first time he met Sherlock had been a rather memorable incident for everyone involved.)
Of course, the second thing he realised was that regardless of the moniker, there was no one else capable of making Sally Donovan sound like that – and if there was, he was resigning from the force and hiding out in that old nuclear bunker his (rather paranoid) grandfather had built. The only thing two Sherlock Holmeses could mean was the impending apocalypse.
Thankfully, it was just the same old Holmes with Dr Watson following behind him, but it did make him curious.
"Jackass?"
"What? It fits!"
"I'm not denying that, Sally, but you don't usually change up your 'Sherlock labels,' like you called them that one time. Why the sudden need for a variation of scenery?"
"Unfortunately, ever since Watson decided that dating him is a brilliant idea, I can't exactly call him 'freak' anymore. If he can make the good doctor – who, despite his baffling fondness for Sherlock Holmes, is actually a good man – happy, then I suppose he isn't completely insane after all. Jackass, on the other hand – well, I cannot see him changing enough for that to become inaccurate, so I think I'm going to stick with that."
"Good point."
He blinked. "Can you imagine a – dare I say it – polite Sherlock Holmes, though?"
…
"Oh, God, please don't give me a headache. My brain's already spinning in circles trying to imagine it. What do you want to hypothesise about, an even crazier Holmes?"
Both of them shuddered simultaneously. There were some things that were best kept mysteries.
A/N: Originally written for a kink meme prompt.
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