Get ready people, this'll be fun! If there are other fics like this one out there, this is NOT plagerism. I really wanted to do a Futurama The Grinch parody, and I present it.
Note, this is completely based on the cartoon special from 1966.
Here's a quick list of the charachters:
The Grinch: Bender
Narrator: Prof. Farnseworth
Cindy Lou Who: Leela
Max: Nibbler
Singer for, 'Mr. Grinch': Zoidberg
Everyone else is just a generic Who. Now, I know for a FACT that all of you out there have seen the Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas cartoon special, or at least
read the book, so all you have to do is imagine the whole thing with Futurama chars instead of regular. For any of thos whom have not watched the cartoon special, get the
hell out of here, go to the nearest video store, and WATCH THAT FRIGGIN' MOVIE. Then come back.
[In this part, imagine the beginning with the singing before the narration starts in.]
Every meatbag down in New New York liked Xmas a lot, but the Grinch-bot, who lived just north of New New York, did not.
The Grinch-bot hated Xmas, the whole Xmas season! Please don't axe why, no-one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. It could have been that his shiny metal ass wasn't screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely explanation of all were to be that his heart unit was two sizes too small.
But whatever the reason, his ass or his shoes, he stood there on Xmas eve, hating the meatbags.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinch-bot frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every meatbag down in New New York was busy now, hanging a mistltoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their damn stockings!" He snarled with a sneer.
"Tommorow's Xmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch-bot fingers nervously drumming,
"I've GOTTA find some way to keep Xmas from coming! For, tommorow, I know.. all the meatbag girls and boys will wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys! And then, oh the noise! Oh the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing I hate! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And they'll make shrieks and squeals, racing 'round on their damn wheels.
They'll dance with frickin' jingtinglers tied onto their frickin' heels!
They'll blow their damn floofloovers, they'll bang their damn tartookas.
They'll spin their trumtookas, they'll slam their shitty slooslunkas!
They'll beat their blumbloopas, they'll wham their whowonkas.
And they'll play noisy games like zoozittacarzay, a roller-skate type of lacrosse and croquet!
And then they'll make earsplitting noises galooks on their great big electro whocarnio flooks!
Then the meatbags, young and old, will sit down to a feast. And they'll feast! And they'll feast! And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They'll feast on meatbag pudding, and rare meatbag roast beast. Raw roast beast in a feast I can't stand in the least! And THEN they'll do something I hate most of all!
Every meatbag down in New New York, the tall and the small, will stand close together, with Xmas bells ringing[imagine Bella for that bit]. They'd stand hand-in-hand, and the meatbags will start singing!"
[meatbag Fah-hoo For-ez song part]
"Fah-hoo For-ez Dah-hoo Dor-ez"
"Welcome, Xmas, come this way."
"Fah-hoo For-ez Dah-hoo Dor-ez,"
"Welcome, Xmas! Xmas day!"
"Welcome! Welcome! Fah-hoo, Fah-hoos!"
"Welcome! Welcome! Fah-hoo, Fah-hoos!"
"Xmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp."
"Fah-hoo For-ez..."
[Grinch-bot's fantasy ends]
"They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!"
And the more the Grinch-bot thought of this meatbag-Xmas-sing, the more the Grinch-bot thought,
"I must stop this whole damn thing! Why, for 53 frickin' years I've put up with this now! I MUST stop Xmas from coming! ...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea. An awful idea! The Grinch-bot got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch-bot laughed in his throat. "I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat!"
And he chuckled and clucked,
"What a great Grinch-bot trick! With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like St. Nick!"
[first 'Mr. Grinch' song. Remember, by Zoidberg!]
You're a mean one you are, Mr. Grinch-bet
You really are a heel you are,
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch-bet!
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!"
"You're a monster, Mr. Grinch-bet,
Your heart unit's an empty hole,
Your processer is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul you do, Mr. Grinch-bet!
I wouldn't touch you with a 39 1/2 foot pole I wouldn't!"
[song over]
"Now all I need is a reindeer..." The Grinch-bot looked around, but since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the Grinch-bot? The Grinch-bot simply said,
"If I can find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he took his pet, Nibbler, and he took some black thread, and he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
Then he loaded some bags and some old empty sacks on a ramshackle sleigh, and he whistled for Nibbler.
Then the Grinch-bot said,
"Cheese it!"
And the sleigh started down toward the homes where the meatbags lay a-snooze in their town.
[now imagine the hilarious sled scene from the cartoon]
All their windows were dark, quiet snow filled the air. All the meatbags were dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When HE came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number 1." The old Grinchy-bot Claus hissed. And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch, but if Santa could do it then so could the Grinch-bot.
He got stuck only once for a minute or two, then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue where the little meatbag stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," He grinch-botted. "Are the first things to go."
Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant,
around the whole room, and he took every present!
Laser guns, pampoogas, pantookas, and drums!
Checkerboards, bizilbigs, popplers, and plums!
And he stuffed them in bags, and the Grinch-bot, very nimbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
"You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch-bet. You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick sewer mutant,
Mr. Grinch-bet! Given the choice between the two of you, I'd pick the seasick sewer mutant I would!"
"You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch-bet. You're the king of sinful sots you are!
Your heart unit's a dead tomato splotch with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch-bet!
You're a 3 decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!"
Then he slunk to the refrigeration unit. He took the meatbags' feast!
He took the meatbag pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox quick as a flash, why that Grinch-bot even took the last can of meatbag hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"Now," Grinned the Grinch-bot, "I will stuff up the tree!"
As the Grinch-bot took the tree, as he started to shove, he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small meatbag! Little Leela-Lou meatbag, who was no more than [insert small # that rhymes with -ag]
She stared at the Grinch-bot, and said,
"Santy Claus, why? Why are you taking out Xmas tree? Why?"
But you know, that old Grinch-bot was so sly and so slick, that he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick!
"Why my sweet little tot," The fake Santy Claus lied, "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it back home to my workshop, my dear. I'll fix it up there, and then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink[booze], and he sent her to bed.
And when Leela-Lou meatbag was in bed with her cup, he crupt to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar, and the last thing he took, was the log for their fire. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food that he left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for an owl.
Then he did the same thing to the other meatbags' domiciles, leaving crumbs much too small for the other meatbags' owls.
"You nauseate me you do, Mr. Grinch-bet, with a nauseous super naus!
You're a crooked dirty jocky and you drive a crooked hoss you do.
Mr. Grinch-bet! Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most delicious- I mean disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!
You're a foul one you are, Mr. Grinch-bet. You're a nasty wasty skunk!
Your heart unit if full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch-bet!
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote I do, "Stink, stank, stunk!"
It was a quarter to dawn. All the meatbags still a-bed, all the meatbags still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled, packed it up with their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings!
Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mt. Crumpet, he rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it.
"To hell with the meatbags!" He was grinch-botilly humming, "They're finding out now that no Xmas is coming! They're just waking up! I know just what thet'll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, then the meatbags down in New New York will all cry boo-hoo!
That's a noise," grinned the Grinch-bot, "That I simply must hear!"
He paused, and the Grinch-bot put a hand to his ear.
And he did here a sound rising over the snow. It started in low, and then it started to grow.
"Fahoo Forays, Dahoo Dorays!
Welcome Xmas, come this way!
Fahoo forays, Dahoo dorays!
Welcome Xmas, Xmas day!
Welcome, welcome! Fahoo fahoos
Welcome, welcome! Dahoo dahoos
Xmas day is in our grasp!
So long as we have hands to clasp!"
But this sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded glad!
Every meatbag down in New New York, the tall and the small, were singing without any presents at all! He hadn't stopped Xmas from coming, it came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch-bot, with his 40% grinch-bot feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling,
"How the hell could it be so?! It came without ribbons! It came without motherf***ing tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!" He puzzled and puzzled 'til his puzzler was sore, then the Grinch-bot thought of something he hadn't before.
Maybe Xmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Xmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
[sled starts sliding off the cliff; Grinch-bot tries to save it]
And what happened then? Well, in New New York they say that the Grinch-bot's small heart unit grew 3 sizes that day! And then the true meaning of Xmas came through, and the Grinch-bot found the strength of TEN Grinch-bots, plus two!
And now that his heart unit didn't feel quite so tight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light! With a smile to his soul, he descended Mt. Crumpet, cheerily blowing, "Who! Who!" on his trumpet.
He road into New New York. He brought back their toys. He brought back their floof to the meatbag girls and boys. He brought back their snoof and their tringlers and fuzzles, brought back their pantookas, their dafflers and wuzzles.
He brought everything back, all the food for the feast. And he, he himself, the Grinch-bot carved the roast beast.
Welcome Xmas, bring your cheer, cheer to all meatbags, far and near. Xmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp.
Xmas day will always be, just as long as we have we.
Welcome Xmas while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand
It's DONE! How'd you all like it? Great! You will love this thing, I know I do!
I don't own anything, this all belongs to either Matt Groening or Dr. Suess himself.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!