Here is Gone
Ruthie encounters her worst fears when she realizes her father has had a heart attack. TBone seems to be the only one willing to pull her together. [RuthiexTBone] [Oneshot] Please Read and Review!
[K+] [Drama, Romance] [Complete]
Disclaimer: I don't own 7th Heaven or any of its characters, neither do I own the lyrics used which belong to the Goo Goo Dolls' song, "Here is Gone"
Quick Note: I think I watched this week's episode, "You Don't Know What You've Got Until He's Gone" Episode 10, Season 11 about three to four times. I loved it to pieces and it never ceased to surprise me (every time I watched it!) with the Ruthie/T-Bone pairing. I think they're a beautiful pair and this is my take on the two of them. This is a stand-alone meaning it'll make decent sense to you even if you haven't watched the episode.
And we wake up in the breakdown
With the things we never thought we could be…
The worst part –besides the funny looks she got that dinner- was that she had no come-backs. With Peter it was puppy love, it never worked. With Victor it was all mush and no passion, that didn't work either. Martin was a one-sided love, a fantasy, as much as she could figure he was chasing after Sandy now and she could care less. T-Bone had a quip for everything she tried to pull out. None of the fast-paced comments were jumbled either; later she'd be collecting her thoughts and she tended to pull back their conversations and mull over what he'd said.
"Knock, Knock." She heard a familiar voice from behind her door.
"Who is it?" She tried to sound bored, while focusing her attention on her toenails which were getting painted.
T-Bone snuck a not-so-subtle grin between a crack in the doorway, "Only the man of your dreams."
"Well, you're obviously announcing his arrival. Tell me when he comes, will ya?" Ruthie didn't have to suppress her chuckling; T-Bone could do better.
"Listen, they know…"
T-Bone came into the room fully and leaned against the wall. Ruthie put her feet to the bland but somewhat sticky floorboards of the attic. She sighed and tucked strands of deep brown hair behind her ear, revealing small studs.
"…about what?" She asked.
"Don't play dumb, Ruthie. Everybody knows we've kissed. If there were newspapers based solely on the Camden's household we would be plastered all over the front page-"
"And…? We knew this would happen; I told you third period. The twins have some sort of telepathic power. The second they know something it's been blabbered across the family tree. Not to mention your friends don't help much either."
Ruthie rotated her foot around a few times in hopes of airing the polish, before leaning against the foot of her bed, opposite T-Bone.
"Let's make this clear: those two aren't my friends. They're more like baggage. Or a dog that follows you home." Ruthie rolled her eyes and T-Bone immediately held up his hands. "I didn't come here to argue about Jane and Margaret though. I wanted to know whether we should announce something. Either to the school or…"
"…my family, right. Well, do you consider us in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship?" Ruthie's stare was unrivaled.
"No. More… make-out partners, right?" T-Bone showed another ridiculous grin.
Ruthie flipped him around by the shoulders and led him down the first few stairs, "Whatever. We aren't boyfriend-girlfriend so there's nothing to announce. If you excuse me I have homework."
Ruthie pulled her door shut with a little too much force and belly-flopped onto her bed. Her curls were spread everywhere, her limbs splayed over the covers, when she began to scream into her pillows. To what end T-Bone could infuriate her?! She growled into the pillows.
"Homework as in painting your nails?" She heard snickering from behind her door and her immediate reaction was to toss a pillow across the room.
The snickering grew farther and farther away until she could sink back into the bed in peace. He was maddening, but what bothered her was that she liked it. He challenged her to be something she thought she couldn't, teased her, pursued her like a bloodhound… things that no one had ever attempted before. But it worked for T-Bone. Her scowl lifted into a smirk and she settled herself under the covers, ignoring the fact that her toenails still weren't dry.
You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me
And I've got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me
She was dreaming, somewhat pleasantly, when she felt two small hands shake her awake. Ruthie groggily opened her eyes to see the twins. Their hair was mussed as if they had been sleeping as well, but their eyes were rimmed with red like they had been crying too.
"Ruthie, wake up!" pleaded Sam.
David gave her another light shaking, "Please, wake up!"
Ruthie knew she had been sleeping for less than an hour but she restrained herself from strangling the two. They looked upset and anxious so something was definitely wrong. She shook her head, trying to shake away the sleepiness in her eyes, and sat up so they could see she was awake.
"What's up, you guys?" Ruthie's voice sounded optimistic but it cracked in the middle, revealing her own anxiety.
"Mom is crying!" David grabbed at her sleeve and tried to tug her out of bed.
"She's on the telephone but she won't hang up." Sam was almost hopping on his feet, waiting for David to drag their sister down to see.
"They said something about Dad. Come on!" David began to pull again and this time Ruthie willingly fell out of bed.
Ruthie felt tears welling behind her eyes but she did nothing to stop them. She was too busy willing her feet to move as quickly as they could down the stairs. As they reached the second floor she stopped both Sam and David.
"Who's they?" Ruthie asked, slightly scared to go down the next set of stairs because she could hear commotion down in the kitchen already.
"T-Bone!" Sam and David persisted in tugging on the sleeves of her pajamas. Ruthie felt her eyes widen, who? "And Jane! And Margaret!"
She was towed down the stairs until she caught sight of the scene in the kitchen. Her mother was clutching their phone tight, tears streaming down her face as she hiccupped and spoke into it. Jane and Margaret were hovering, looking helpless, and T-Bone had his arm wrapped around Mrs. Camden.
The second T-Bone caught sight of her he gave a pat on Mrs. Camden's shoulder and walked past a still-hovering Jane and Margaret and towards Ruthie. Ruthie hugged herself, uncomfortable.
"It looks like you like my mom more than me." She chuckled weakly, but one look in his eyes and her heart stopped. "What's happening?"
"Your mom was calling around trying to find your dad-" He was explaining when Ruthie interrupted him impatiently.
"I know!"
"And then someone called and we know where he is." T-Bone started back up again, slowly. "He's in the ER. He had a heart attack, Ruthie."
In the midst of the two Jane and Margaret were looking at each other, scared themselves. Mrs. Camden was shaking but steadily loosening her grip on the phone. Her tears began to stop as she pulled herself back from hysteria.
"I-I'm sorry, I've been calling around to see where he went… and it turns out he's with you." She wiped away her tears, her voice becoming firm. "How's his condition? What ward is he in?"
There was someone's voice on the other end but it was hard to make out. Jane looked at Margaret again. Margaret's shoulders trembled as if she was keeping something enormous inside of her. Finally she blinked away tears and grasped Jane in a tight hug. Jane was stunned but gave a weak smile, hugging back now.
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all
Sam and David both caught one of Ruthie's legs and hugged hard, not attempting to keep in the tears. Ruthie shifted, still uncomfortable.
"It's not serious." Ruthie's voice wavered. "Right?" T-Bone was shaking his head, her voice grew in volume and quickened, "I bet people with heart problems have heart attacks a few times in their lives. He'll be fine, right?"
T-Bone sighed, frowning, "Ruthie, it's serious. I don't know your father's condition at the moment but this is a life-or-death sort of thing."
Her eyes widened at his bowed head. He was shuffling his feet almost like…
"What aren't you telling me!" Ruthie shouted.
The shout was enough to make Sam and David scurry to their mother's side. She held both of her sons as she got more information from the hospital. Jane and Margaret broke their hug and looked at T-Bone and Ruthie, trying to follow their conversation.
T-Bone saw the effect Ruthie was having on everyone and bit his lip. Without warning he grabbed one of her hands and starting pulling her up the kitchen's stairs. She struggled but he stopped her when they reached the landing.
"What do you know that I don't?!" Ruthie screeched. "You said… you said at school he was fine… you said he wouldn't die!"
Ruthie, unable to release her emotions which were penting up further and further, reached up to slap T-Bone. She struck one cheek but he grasped both her hands when she tried to slap him again.
"Ruthie, you need to get a hold of yourself." T-Bone tried to explain; it was getting harder since his own emotions were floating around.
Ruthie's tough exterior fell as she collapsed into bitter sobs, "You can't tell me what to do! You can't make me!"
"You need to for your family." T-Bone was saying; she was about to exclaim something equally melodramatic when he let go of her hands and held her shoulders, staring at her fiercely. "Listen to me."
She reached out, trying to beat her fists on his chest in her flurry of upset but he took a hold on her hands again. T-Bone wracked his mind for something, anything to reassure her. He found his eyes falling over her lips. Without another thought he cupped her face in his hands and planted a long kiss on her lips. Ruthie fell limp, somewhat confused but sedated nonetheless.
"Your father has an enlarged heart. A couple of weeks ago the doctors had given him one year to live. That's what you don't know. That's why everyone was coming for Christmas."
"W-what?" Ruthie had a look of utter confusion.
Just then her mother was hanging up the telephone and collecting herself. She announced to the clan, "Jane, Margaret, why don't you take your car? You can follow the minivan; we're going to see Eric in the hospital."
Ruthie numbly followed her brothers to the family's car. T-Bone fell in behind her, trying to sneak peeks at her. Her face showed nothing, though. No emotion whatsoever. Just emptiness.
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
In the car T-Bone sat shot gun and kept up a steady conversation with Mrs. Camden. The Reverend was in Intensive Care but the doctors were optimistic and he still had his vitals going for him.
The hospital greeted them with cold, sanitary-smelling air and they shuffled into the waiting room. It was a grim place, most of the people sitting with the same numb look on Ruthie's face, others openly sobbing, a few bravely trying to cheer up their friends or family. T-Bone sat with Sam and David in barely-comfortable chairs, not speaking although he wanted to. Across from him Ruthie was curled into her chair, running her hands through her hair listlessly.
Jane and Margaret arrived a few minutes later, equally stiffened by the look and feel of the Intensive Care's waiting room. Jane sat with T-Bone; they both talked in low voices. Margaret sat next to the twins, attempting to cheer them up. It was difficult because of how upset she was, herself.
Jane stared at T-Bone long and hard, "You know where you need to be. You need to be with the Camden girl, helping her out. Isn't she your girlfriend?"
"No, I don't know where I need to be. Even if I did it's not with Ruthie. And no, she is not my girlfriend." T-Bone said, gritting his teeth, as annoyed with Jane as he ever was.
"Okay, maybe neither of you have admitted the girlfriend-boyfriend thing. That doesn't mean you don't care for her. It doesn't mean you don't love her." Jane gave T-Bone a half smile.
T-Bone sighed heavily. For once Jane was right. And since she was he could just admit to himself that he was too unsure of how to help Ruthie to even try to sit with her. All he wanted was for her to talk, just like she had at school, how she'd said she cared but she was acting like she wasn't. He never got to hear the end of that. One more heavy sigh and he was encroaching on Ruthie's personal space, breaking the bubble, and sitting beside her.
"What are you doing?" Ruthie asked, in a monochromatic tone.
"Being the masculine comfort someone in your situation needs." T-Bone said, in the same toneless fashion.
"You've got to be kidding." She said, but the way she said it Ruthie didn't seem to think so.
T-Bone shrugged, "I could be. But I'd like to think you know me better than that."
"The only people who need that sort of 'comfort' are Sam and David. If you haven't noticed I'm the only one who has 'a hold of herself'." Her face was sour.
T-Bone looked stumped, "Is that what you think? Ruthie, you were going to beat me to a pulp! I'm pretty sure Margaret and the boys are the only ones grieving properly. Not you! Do you think your dad needs you to be strong now? He's probably not conscious!"
"You are so insensitive!" He'd hit a nerve in Ruthie. A bad one. "So here you are telling me to bottle everything up and then to spill it, that makes loads of sense, Dr. Phil! There is no proper way to grieve so get off my case… besides, who needs to be grieving? He hasn't died yet! He's not going to! God won't let him!"
"I meant grieving for your father's current condition." T-Bone said meekly, unable to respond to anything else Ruthie had said.
A few minutes went by and neither of them said anything, they both looked away into space.
"Just…shut up, okay?" Ruthie snapped and leaned back in her seat.
T-Bone squirmed under the thick atmosphere that seemed to surround Ruthie. Well, he had gotten her to talk. He knew what was wrong but had no idea how to right it.
A few more minutes of awkward silence and Annie Camden summoned the boys and Ruthie back to a room where they could see their father. Ruthie tensed, in between leaving the three runaways (T-Bone in particular) and seeing her father. She looked at T-Bone, whose long face was staring into space again.
Mrs. Camden and the boys were already rushing down a hallway without her towards anywhere they could see the Reverend. A nurse stood in front of the FAMILY ONLY doors.
"I want to take T-Bone… I mean…" Ruthie took hold of his hands and pulled him with her, "… my boyfriend, please?"
The nurse behind a pane of glass, guarding the doors with a watchful eyes, looked skeptical but nodded. The minute they were behind the doors Ruthie let go of T-Bone's hand and ran ahead to see her father. T-Bone stopped in the middle of the dimly-lit hallway. What had just happened? He didn't try to make sense of it, he followed Ruthie's pitter-patters until he was in a room with Mrs. Camden, Sam, David, and Ruthie who was hanging towards the back of the room.
Ruthie was leaning against the back wall, looking pained now that she saw her father unconscious, wired up to so many different machines. T-Bone approached her carefully, swallowing hard after seeing all the different monitors in the room.
"I'm sorry," He murmured. "No one should allow him to die. But it's hard to watch you keep all of this in. If you can, cry for me. Please."
Ruthie looked away from T-Bone and towards her father. He was pale with cold sweat covering his forehead. His face looked twisted in pain, like the medications weren't enough. Like his heart was three sizes too big. And that was all it took: Ruthie turned around and without a word burrowed her tears into T-Bone's sweater. He tentatively held her, crying himself.
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone
Everything that had held the Camden family together seemed to be slipping away from their grasp. It was hard to digest, for anybody. All their security and comfort was gone, stripped bare. Annie sat on the side of his bed and prayed, tears streaming down her face. The boys hugged their mother, unable to cry anymore. T-Bone held Ruthie, relieved he had allowed her to open up.
Under the sheets Eric Camden moved ever so slightly. Slowly he reached a hand up to his forehead, "Where?" Mrs. Camden shouted in surprise, giving him the most warm hug she could muster. The boys jumped at the hospital bed, trying to get on top of it.
Ruthie sniffled and looked over at her father who was –miraculously enough- coming around. She looked up at T-Bone who grinned like he always did and her heart soared. Ruthie placed her arms around his neck and placed a small kiss on his cheek before rushing to her father's side.
"Ruthie, have you been crying?" Her father smiled in disbelief.
Ruthie threw her arms around his neck, "Don't do that again, Dad!"
T-Bone inched towards the door, unsure of why he was in the room anymore when Mrs. Camden hollered.
"T-Bone!" She was splaying one of the most grateful grins he'd ever seen.
Immediately, from the hospital bed, the Reverend craned his neck, "T-Bone? Where are you going?"
Where was he going? It didn't feel like he belonged in such an intimate family moment. But they were inviting him to join them. He skipped over to the right side of the bed, where Ruthie was.
"So glad you're doing okay, Reverend, sir." The Reverend laughed at his formality.
Ruthie put protective arms around his side, hugging him tightly. T-Bone looked at the five of them. His somewhere was here.