The Nightmare

"You look quite tired, brother," Thor told me, placing a crushing hand on my shoulder, "Why, I've seen corpses with more life than you. Look at those circles beneath your eyes!"

"Thank you for that keen observation," I replied, wanting to punch that goofy grin off his face, "But I'm just fine, thanks."

Unfortunately, I wasn't going to get out of conversation that easily.

His hand gripped my shoulder more firmly, trying to coax a moment of sincerity out of me.

"I care about you, Loki. I want to be sure you are well rested to enjoy all the festivities when I am crowned king tomorrow. It's not every millennia such a celebration happens."

My stomach burned just thinking of Thor hailed a king, someone whose head was filled with more meat than brain.

"I'll keep that in mind," I told him, forcing a smile, "I don't want to ruin your special day."

He laughed heartily, the tone grating my nerves.

"You could never ruin any day, Loki."

My fake smile turned genuine at hearing this.

Not because of the heartfelt sentiments of my brother, but because I remembered the special surprise I had planned for him in the form of several uninvited guests from Jotunheim.

"There he is!" Thor exclaimed seeing my joyful expression, "I knew my happy brother was hiding in there somewhere. Now, why don't you go and get some rest before you really become a corpse."

He laughed again and slapped me on the back causing me to almost fall from my chair.

"I'll try."

Not wishing to hear anymore about how deep the darkened circles were under my eyes I walked away and went back to my room and locked the door.

The curtains were still closed hiding the windows, only a few rogue streams of the Asgardian sunset sneaking past the thick fabric.

Every step took effort as I finally flopped myself onto my bed, my arms and legs weighted by the fatigue of many sleepless nights.

The problem wasn't because I couldn't sleep. The problem was that I could, and once I did, the most vicious nightmares consumed me.

I would always find myself deep underground in a cavern, naked, my wrists and ankles chained to a large rock. Surrounding me stood the court of Asgard, Thor and my father among them.

And they laughed.

Pointed.

Mocked.

But that wasn't the worst part.

A great serpent was positioned overhead, its fangs shooting a stream of venom that flowed down my naked flesh.

I'd writhe and cry out in pain, but none of them would stop their taunts.

None of them except a woman I didn't know.

She was radiant. Blonde curls tumbled down to her shoulders, a flush of pink brightening her porcelain skin.

But it was her eyes that allowed me to know hope. Vivid blue shone into me, the sensation of cool water taming the rage in my soul.

Holding a wooden bowl she would place it beneath the stream of venom, allowing me some brief moments of relief. But the bowl could only hold so much until she would have to dump out the poison, the waterfall searing my skin once more.

And I would scream again.

Every night my screams woke me. The damp sheets stuck to my back, a chorus of my own ragged breaths filling my ears with the residue of fear.

I stared now at the ceiling, the few lines of sunlight growing fainter as night lay claim to the day. Not wishing to surrender I waved my hand lighting several candles, enjoying their comforting glow.

Picking up a small cup I threw it up into the air, watching it tumble as it fell into the palm of my hand. Again, I threw it, the silver of the cup clashing against the gold of the candles.

Anxiety slowly fizzled as the steady rhythm of each catch and throw matched my own heartbeat. I savored the calm before the inevitable storm.

My eyelids grew heavy and my body seemed to sink into my mess of sheets. Concentrating harder on the cup I tossed it into the air again, but this time I didn't even hear as it hit the floor and rolled across the marble.

Sleep won as it always had.

I fell into darkness until a chill seeped into my skin, the uneven texture of a rock biting as I squirmed my naked back against its surface. Tugging my arms I heard the rattle of chains, the unmoving shackles digging into my wrists and ankles. The smell of earth filled my nose as I inhaled the damp air.

I knew exactly where I was and my heart thundered as cold sweat beaded on my forehead.

"Look at him!" A voice exclaimed somewhere in the black.

"So afraid of a little pain," another voice replied.

All at once torches erupted in flames all around revealing the entire court of Asgard.

Pulling again at my bonds I tried to get up, a grunt escaping through my clenched teeth. The cuffs stung as they bored deeper into my flesh, but I didn't care. What was coming was far worse.

"Please help," I asked, looking at the familiar faces.

None of them moved.

"Please, let me go!" I cried again.

"It's only a bit of fun," a voice I'd recognize anyway said, "besides, if you feel you would be a better king than me, a little venom from a snake should be no problem. You are so weak."

Thor laughed that same hearty laugh he always did.

"Yes. You are weak," another voice echoed, "Exactly why Thor is the better brother. Why I chose him to be king over you."

My heart sunk hearing the words fall from my father's lips, hearing him voice what I always knew to be true.

"At least you admit it now," I spat, rattling my chains again, "But don't you love me at all?"

They remained silent, only a wave of their hand telling me everything as they commanded the beast to begin its torture.

Looking away from them I gasped in horror seeing the green scales of the serpent slide on a ledge above me. Yellow eyes bore into my own, its red tongue slithering in and out of its large mouth.

Opening its jaws two bright white fangs appeared, a torrent of venom falling from their dangerous tips and onto my naked skin.

Pain.

Agony.

The poison flowed down my flesh, searing every nerve and cell in its wake causing my mind to blur. I almost believed I was being doused in lava, my muscles melting from my bones as the liquid ate my body.

"HELP!" I shrieked, a fresh wave of anguish coursing through my very core as the snake shot more venom.

I writhed again, the rumble of chains echoing in my delirium.

"Will none of you help?" I begged, looking at their silent figures through the haze of pain.

Even death ignored me.

Not knowing how I would endure another moment the woman I had seen so many times before appeared, a large wooden bowl cupped in her milky hands.

The snake hissed at her as she leaned over me, but she didn't flinch. Positioning her bowl under the monster's mouth the flow of venom ceased, only a residual burn sizzling my skin.

The fog clearing from my vision I looked up at her, those bright blue eyes staring straight into me.

I would be ok.

At least until the bowl was full.

"Who are you?" I asked, the words rough as they gurgled up from my scorched throat.

"Someone showing you are not alone."

She smiled and I almost believed.

Almost.

"Really? How decent of you," I replied, preferring she let me out of these infernal chains rather than holding off the inevitable.

She didn't respond except with a grimace looking into the bowl.

It was full.

Pain again.

I arched my back as a new wave crashed over me.

But she returned quickly, placing the bowl back beneath allowing my body to heal in just enough time for it to be destroyed.

I turned my head and looked at the crowd gathered to watch my torture. Pleasure was etched on each of their expressions. They loved this. Just as I knew they always would.

"They would help if you let them," the woman said, somehow knowing my thoughts.

"Then why don't they come?"

"Because, you really don't want their help."

I laughed at the ridiculousness of such an idea.

"Why do you laugh?" she asked, her face twisting into one of confusion.

"Because, you are gravely mistaken. They are enjoying this! Not one of them truly cares for me."

She didn't answer, only apologized, as she had to remove the bowl once again, the searing liquid devouring every inch of me.

And the figures still refused to budge hearing my pleas.

"See?" I said, catching my breath once she returned, "Not one comes to my aid."

"You can make it stop."

"How? I didn't put myself in these chains. They did. I can't make stop what others cause."

I was growing irritated. Everything was my fault, it seemed.

Even this.

But her face grew somber, her blue eyes telling me I was wrong.

"But you did," she whispered, pity radiating around her.

My breathing slowed as she carefully freed one of her hands from the bowl and placed it against my cheek. A sensation I had never known flowed into me from the contact. It was warm and pure. Beautiful.

"My poor Loki, you don't understand," she smiled, and I oddly found myself smiling back, "this poison is your jealousy. These bonds your hatred. If you can let go of the anger in your soul, you will be free."

She removed her hand and the weight that had lifted from my soul returned.

I woke up.

The candles were nearly burnt out. Morning approached.

Running my fingers through wet hair I exhaled several deep breaths, willing my heart to slow. Standing, I walked over to the large windows and opened the curtains looking out over the city.

The first rays of light tried to clamber over the horizon, flecks of blues and pinks filling the sky.

If you can let go of the anger in your soul, you will be free.

The woman's voice echoed in my mind.

I shook it away turning from the window. I didn't want to waste my time thinking of the absurd philosophies of some dream.

They were just philosophies.

Weren't they?

I spent the day avoiding Thor best I could. But he always had the unhappy talent for finding me.

"Come, I must show you the preparations for tonight!" he said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me along.

"No, I don't think that's best. You know how I prefer to leave these kinds of things a surprise," I protested, but his grip didn't relent in the slightest.

Opening the door to the great hall decorations the like I had never seen bedecked the walls. Tapestries, flags and flowers hung from every pillar, the entire room ablaze with color.

"What do you think?" Thor asked, marveling at the room.

I couldn't say anything.

"Speechless, eh?"

"Something like that," I blurted out.

"I can't believe tomorrow I will be King of Asgard!"

"I can't believe it either."

That familiar burn in my stomach returned while a crushing sensation wrapped around my lungs.

Thor stood before the throne observing his pretty new chair, his large shadow encompassing me fully.

Acid bubbled into my throat. My hands curled into fists.

It should be me.

I should be king.

Heart thundering I wondered how difficult it would be to make one of the large tapestries fall on his head without him suspecting me.

But they always suspected me. They all hated me. I knew it. Beneath the smiles, embraces and warm sentiments, they despised me.

"Brother, are you alright?" Thor asked, concern on his face.

I realized I was shaking and could taste blood on my lip having bitten into the flesh.

My gods.

Jealousy was consuming me whole.

I hated it.

"No, I'm fine, just ignore me," I said, my heart wanting to believe his concern genuine, my mind telling me I was a fool if I did.

"You look ill! Please, let me call the doctor," he pushed again, patting my shoulder, "I don't know what I'd do without you by my side."

Hot tears tried to push into my eyes, but I turned away before he could see.

"I'm just tired, that's all. So tired," I said, walking away.

I went back to my room and immediately fell onto my bed.

The woman was right.

Anger weighed down my soul and I wanted to be rid of it. I wanted that taste of peace again, to feel my heart float among the stars.

I wanted to be free.

For the first time in weeks I welcomed sleep and it did not take long to fall into its embrace once more.

The same scene as always materialized before me.

The rock.

The chains.

The snake.

Faces remained stone as I screamed out, the venom more intense than ever before as it seemed to sear my organs and char my very bones.

Blonde curls filled my vision, the woman returning with her wooden bowl to ease my pain best she could.

Catching my breath during those few sweet moments of relief I looked into her eyes, knowing what I must do. I couldn't bear this torment any longer.

"How can I end it?" I asked, wincing as new skin grew over my gaping wounds.

"Let go," she replied, her words soft and simple.

Letting go was not in my nature.

I turned away from her and stared at the underside of the bowl. Closing my eyes I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"I don't know how," I said, my breath catching in the back of my throat.

Silence.

Turning back to face her, I said the two words I never knew existed in my soul.

"Help me."

A smile radiated from her and she looked down at me with utter happiness.

"Look at your father and brother."

I did as she said.

Their stoic faces remained uncaring as they looked upon my broken body. No amount of pain they witnessed me endure caused them even to flinch, only to mock.

"It hopes!" Thor exclaimed with a laugh.

"He always was a fool," Odin replied, that icy glare of his eating into me.

My heart raced and teeth clenched as I turned away.

More pain immediately followed, a downpour of venom falling over my naked form.

"Look at them and forgive them," the woman's voice pushed as she returned the newly emptied bowl, "let your hatred go and you will be free. The pain will end."

"I can't!" I cried, keeping my eyes shut tight.

"You can! Don't let your anger win. The bowl is filling up quickly this time."

Gathering my courage, I faced them one final time.

"Remember the peace you felt. You can have it forever. You only have to forgive."

"He is too weak to forgive," Thor said, disappointed, "he creates us to punish himself."

He was right.

And I couldn't let him be.

A new sensation bubbled deep within me, every cell vibrating as I kept my gaze locked firmly on their own.

"I am not weak," I told them, "You are nothing but illusion. And I don't want to be imprisoned by illusion. I…"

My throat grew tighter, but I continued.

"I…forgive you. Oh gods! I can't spend another moment of my life hating you both as I do. It is killing me! I want to move on. I need to move on. I will move on. I am not weak. I am strong."

In an instant their forms disappeared, and the bonds around my wrists and ankles broke.

The pain and heaviness I had grown used to vanished, a fulfillment replacing the empty feeling in my soul.

Joy exuded from the woman as she put the bowl down and touched my arm.

"See?" she said, her eyes brighter than I had seen them before.

A smile spread across my face and my heart leapt.

I no longer hated.

I was no longer jealous.

I was free.

So drunk from the elation flowing through my veins I barely noticed the cool sensation coming from her hand against my skin. I tried to pull my arm away, but she didn't release me.

Her grip turned to ice and I looked down, seeing my arm and hand completely blue like I had been made of frost.

"What does this mean?" I asked her, horror struck.

"Just a warning your greatest challenge is yet to come," she said quite calmly, "Only you can choose to keep the peace or not."

I tried to pull my arm away even harder, but still her clasp remained tight.

"Don't fall back into darkness," she said, ice crystals eating up my arm reaching my shoulder.

Then there was only black.

I woke up with a gasp and quickly looked at my hand.

It was a healthy pink. Just as it had always been.

"Thank gods," I said, stretching and looking towards the windows seeing the sun begin to set.

Thor's coronation ceremony was about to begin.

Rushing down the maze of hallways, I finally entered the great hall seeing the entire court of Asgard present ready to accept my brother as their king.

Taking my place on the steps beneath the throne acid didn't burn my throat. My stomach remained free of its usual knots.

In fact, I didn't care I wasn't to be king at all.

The doors banged open and there emerged Thor, his red cape flowing behind him as he walked down the sacred hall. And there, sitting on his throne was Odin, the allfather, ready to crown him the new King of Asgard and the Nine Realms.

Thor kneeled reverently and Odin stood.

"Do you swear…" His voice boomed, beginning the ceremony of ceremonies.

I found a smile had infected my own face, an odd sensation of pride welling within me seeing my brother receive what was destined for him.

However, just as Thor was about to take the scepter, Odin paused.

A look of dread fell over his ancient face and I felt a pit form in my stomach as I suddenly remembered the special surprise I had planned for Thor.

"Frost giants," Odin spoke, worry on his breath.

Panic spread throughout the entire court.

I knew now I had been wrong adding such mischief to Thor's big day. But there was no need for the fear that currently gripped them all.

What harm could a few frost giants really cause, anyway?