Warning: OOC Luffy, crack, swearing like the pirates they are. Dressrosa Arc-centric
Disclaimer: Don't own it, you know it.
"Didn't you hear me, you bloody idiot!?" The raving captain threw the plate full of meat, other assorting dishes containing meat and a glass full of water on the floor with a resounding crash. His jet black gaze glared with such an unnerving intensity that Chopper yelped and dived under the table.
Unfortunately, his captain's feet were under there too, so the small reindeer ended up being hurled onto the bar's countertop by a well placed kick to his side.
Sanji's furious exclamations about the wasted food and Nami and Usopp's own protests about their doctor's treatment did nothing to deter the man sitting at the table. Zoro risked a glance backwards while he struggled to keep a livid, idiotic cook at bay and found the young man with the nastiest scowl he had ever seen on someone's face. He kept looking between the people gathered in the galley with what was most certainly contempt.
Those unforgiving black eyes finally stopped to rest on Sanji's still struggling form and he decided to make the blond see the error of his ways. And repent in the most brutish manner possible.
"You, blond bastard." His words instantly stilled all activity inside the room and expectant eyes fell on his waiting form. Latching his fingers together in front of his face, the pirate captain gazed over them towards Sanji. "I wish for another dinner right away. I hope this time your inadequate cooking skills will not hinder the placement of more diverse foods on my precious dish."
The idiot twitched and opened his mouth to protest the obvious idiocy of his food making skills, but the green haired oaf next to him halted him mid-yell. The captain silently approved his course of action. It would simply not do to just kill him now and starve later. With another look of complete mutiny, Sanji stormed off to make another round of food. Just for one bastard.
"Sanji-kun, please calm down. You know he didn't want to say that." The exasperating orange haired woman admonished gently, rubbing soothing circles on the man's back. "Isn't that right, Luffy?"
That blond pervert looked quite smug now. Snorting in the most disgraceful manner he could muster, the black haired teen bit back with another scowl.
"I've only explained – rather concisely – that his cooking skills were most displeasing, not to mention a complete atrocity. And your continuous meddling in my business is going to reward you with walking the plank!" Most of the sea urchins scattered through the room threw him nasty looks that Luffy only associated with trash and trashy people. How dare they?
"And you'll follow her if you so wish!" The teen felt compelled to add.
That Sanji guy looked even more aggravated now, obviously because his only other occupation besides serving atrocious food was to drool over that woman and he surely wouldn't want the object of his attentions to get thrown away like that. Even if they had another female in the crew.
"Is it just me, or is the guy more eloquent than ever?" The deformed, shoulder-boulder shipwright asked, scratching his equally deformed chin with one obviously abhorrently big metal hand.
Luffy silently applauded his common sense, wishing to rightfully reward his obviousness with something worthwhile when the long nosed, lanky, self-claimed sniper intervened.
"Haven't you found anything, Robin?" His tone was pleading and Luffy had to physically stop himself by stabbing his hand with the fork in order to not lunge at the guy and kick him until he bled.
How were these people even real pirates?! When he had woken up on this bloody ship, thoroughly undeserving to be called a pirate one, the black haired teen was obviously horrified by the weak ass crewmates he had found himself with. As soon as his head had cleared and his inspection of the place ended, the-ahem-real pirate proceeded to test his 'friend's' fighting skills. Most weren't that bad, but when Luffy had ordered them to take care of some crew from a recently raided ship, those idiots started shitting themselves and even proceeded to heal them! How can such a person, who cannot even distinguish between friends and enemies, even be allowed to climb on a ship?
In his opinion, only those who had the strength of mind and body to withstand the uncertainties of this great ocean had the right to even stand on the same wooden floor as him. Unfortunately for Luffy, these sissies were stuck with him and vice versa until they got to the next port. In the glorious moment when he'd finally disembark this ship, the teen promised himself to get out of there while his sanity still held. And probably set the annoyingly happy vessel on fire, just to be sure they had something to do while he fled – er, retreated – to a quiet and safe place.
Robin's sigh broke his contemplation of future plans of freedom, something that made Luffy deeply resent that woman. His schemes were obviously much more important than any novelty they had to discuss. He looked over at the still cooking bastard, crossed his arms and brooded over the unfairness of it all.
"Sadly, no." She said it as if it was truly paining her.
Just what were they hiding from him anyway?
"These books offer no clue other than stating the impossibility of such thing happening naturally."
"So it was a Devil Fruit." The green head crossed his arms, faking a look of concentration. Obviously everyone knew better than to believe the oaf was really thinking.
"Well, there is that problem of finding that Devil Fruit user." Nami shook her head, a look of exhaustion on her face. Exhaustion over what, Luffy wouldn't know. She had lounged on a chair in the sun all morning.
"Maybe we could begin looking when we arrive at the next port. I've heard that a powerful Devil Fruit user had just departed the last one we've been in-" The living skeleton, who was possibly the only crewmember Luffy didn't outright detest – mostly because he was a freaking skeleton and how cool was that – and would like to keep close at hand, suggested. His bony hand was stroking his guitar, earning quiet little sounds that made no sense in the teen's opinion, but he was still a cool skeleton. If only he'd agree to Luffy's offer in joining him and scaring the hell out of people...
"And risk losing our advantage over Doflamingo?" Ah, there it was, his favorite non-crewmember, Law. That guy had the guts and the brains, but he didn't have the authority and as far as the straw hat wearer had been informed, they had an alliance going on so ordering him around will be a delightful pastime he couldn't wait to enjoy. At least someone knew what being a pirate was all about.
The orange head and the sniper threw him reproachful looks and the doctor even had the nerve to glare at him, only it resembled more of a hurt puppy look than a real glare. Luffy made a mental note to man him up, maybe he wasn't a lost cause yet.
"You think that guy Caesar would know what's wrong with him?" Franky fired another one of his stupid questions that made you question your IQ more than you were meant to.
Luffy rolled his eyes and forced the discussion to the back of his mind, opting instead to throw his cook a displeased look as the man placed the plates full of – at last – diverse types of food in front of him. Steeling his heart for a possible disappointment in flavor and quality, the captain dived in, oblivious to the fired debate going on around him, about him.
"Took you bloody long enough. I was starting to wonder if you were planning to kill me." The teen grumbled, taking another bite and chewing it thoughtfully.
"I would've liked that very much, trust m-!" Sanji's mouth was full of leftover bread from the counter, courtesy of Nami. She was obviously trying to stop the guy by all means necessary, even going as far as chocking her own crewmate – as seen in this situation – in the hope that Luffy wouldn't be forced to hear more of his stupidity.
Stupid, but the captain applauded her obvious shot at redemption.
" -then what do you suggest we do?" Usopp's frantic question broke through his munching. "You heard Robin, this is no accident. We should really start looking for the guy, I don't want Luffy to remain this way!"
"None of us want that, Usopp." Zoro shook his head, the golden earrings glinting in a stray ray of sunlight. Luffy wondered how much he would get if he sold them.
"I think it would be better to ask around. I was thinking we could even try returning-" Robin began gently.
"And do what?" Law cut in, crossing his arms over his chest. "Obviously we wouldn't find anything else besides people telling us that Strawhat was cursed. Maybe we should try some exorcising rituals first."
Oh goody, they were talking about him, in front of him, like he wasn't there and would certainly be so asinine to not realize they were really discussing about him. And what was that, exorcising rituals? Now that was a good way of spending some free time. Maybe they'd try it on the skeleton, Luffy was curious what would happen. He was just about to offer some tips on that when a shrill voice, that caused his ears to ring, shouted out.
"Guys!" Chopper skipped into the room, looking abnormally pleased with himself.
Every, technically, responsible adult in the room turned to look at him. Obviously Luffy was not one of them. He wasn't responsible for any of their sorry asses.
"Since I'm so useless at dealing with Luffy's problems-" Goodie now, he was insulting his own person as well as his captain. It surely can't be healthy. "I figured I should ask Caesar." Obviously the idiot had stolen Franky's idea. "He's a scientist and I thought he can help us." Of course he'd be thinking that, but he hadn't thought about the guy almost killing all of them back on Punk Hazard.
Now that he thought about it, that Caesar guy seemed a pretty reasonable idea of a pirate.
Most of them looked doubtful save Franky, since the idea was his, but they nodded nonetheless and allowed the white clad figure to enter the room.
Caesar glared around him before his jarring gaze fixed on Luffy. The teen grinned sardonically right back at him. The scientist blinked at the show of obvious madness and decided that what the raccoon had told him was true. He didn't know if it was the right moment to laugh at their situation and more exactly, their captain, but since he was still a captive on the same ship, the man decided to leave that for later.
"Well," Nami urged, "what's wrong with him?"
Caesar blinked at the rather acute show of idiocy. "He's obviously switched personalities, you inept woman. Look at him!" The scientist lifted a bound hand, pointing his index finger at Luffy's still eating form. The teen was munching, but his attention was clearly focused on their discussion. "I say he has an acute syndrome of One Eighty Personality Flip."
The group blinked as one and even the captain raised an eyebrow, albeit involuntarily.
"Is that even a real disease?" The clueless raccoon asked, eyes all hopeful and shining.
"'Course not!" Caesar sneered, making Chopper jump. "It's just a metaphor for his crazy ass behavior. Though that's what that Devil Fruit power must have done to him. You can't be telling me he's not acting out of character!"
"For once, this guy makes sense." Law nodded, earning himself another sneer from the scientist. "Do you know anything about that user?"
The gas man fought down a grimace and shook his head. The nerve of him! First they ask for his expert opinion and then they try to extort even more information out of him, the bastards.
"Don't trust him, I saw him speaking with a shady guy down by the docks." The insufferable Samurai child piped up from the doorway.
Instantly, every accusing glare was fixed on him. Caesar squirmed involuntarily when he saw some of them brandish their weapons and conceded at last.
"Fine, fine, I spoke to him! But I didn't know he had done something to your captain."
"Where is he heading to?" Zoro's katana was dangerously close to his nongaseous throat.
The scientist gulped. "Dressrosa."
A/N: I tried to write something serious, but then it came out like this... so yeah.
This is a fast update because I decided to split this story into short chapters. The updates will depend on how fast I can finish it, but I've got material for now, so I might be posting next week at the latest.
This is kind of an experiment for me, though I do have some experience when dealing with OOC Luffy (how come most of my stories tend to include intended-out of character Luffy?... sniff, I don't know either)
Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
Reviews and Feedback are loved! :D