Heartsong
Rating: K
Warnings: None
Pairings: None
Summary: He noticed the humming then. It was a gentle sound, soft and quiet. It was so quiet, in fact, that Edmund wasn't very sure he heard anything at all.
Thank you toEsther-Channah for beta'ing!
He wasn't sure when it started, exactly. He thought perhaps it might have been around the moment he decided, at Mr. Tumnus' desperate and pleading look, not to tell the White Witch about Aslan or the Stone Table. He felt like it was the right thing to do, so he pushed past the gnawing hunger for Turkish Delight and his fear that the witch might leave him in her dungeons to freeze to death – like, it seemed, she was doing to the faun in the cell next to his – or kill him. In a rare moment of courage, he pushed past his own fears and desires, and did what he felt in his heart to be right.
He noticed the humming then. It was a gentle sound, soft and quiet. It was so quiet, in fact, that Edmund wasn't very sure he heard anything at all.
But for the smallest, most fleeting of moments, he felt a sliver of hope and a calm wave of peace.
The moment ended almost before it began. The White Witch's icy gaze focused on Mr. Tumnus and she ordered him from his cell. Edmund flinched, drawing back with horror as he listened to Mr. Tumnus' groans of pain as he was dragged along the ice. His fear, both for the faun and for himself, returned full force.
It was then that the witch told Mr. Tumnus how Edmund had spilled Lucy's secret. It hit him, at that moment, the truth of what he'd done. That he was responsible for Mr. Tumnus' presence these dungeons. He was responsible for his frozen legs and for his pain.
Edmund thought of how he'd been tempted by the evil queen's power and magic, and how he'd believed in her promises. His desire to be king and his hunger for Turkish Delight pushed their way to the front of his mind. But, for the first time since Edmund had come to Narnia, he realized how silly both were. There were more important things. Mr. Tumnus was being hurt, and he was trapped in a dungeon of ice, and he wasn't sure if Lucy and Susan and Peter were okay. He didn't like them, of course, but they were his family.
Edmund watched as Mr. Tumnus was hauled away and flinched at the look on his face. He hoped he would never have to see it again. It was a look of betrayal, disgust, and hatred. Directed at him. With good reason.
There was no humming in that moment.
Later, as he was being shoved through the courtyard, Edmund caught a glimpse of Mr. Tumnus. He was a stone statue, trapped forever in a state of despair and fear.
There was most certainly no humming in that moment. There was no comfort or peace or hope. To Edmund, it seemed as though none of those feelings would ever return. It seemed as though the world was made up of only ice and despair.
Later, desperation rose up in him again and he stepped between the witch and the fox. The humming returned, as quiet and gentle as before.
"Wait!" he cried, hoping to save the fox from the same horrible fate as Mr. Tumnus.
The humming fled as quickly as it had come when he spied the little fox's disappointed look and heard his hopeless sigh. The witch turned the fox to stone without another thought and, for the first time since his father had left to fight in the war, Edmund thought he might cry.
The world filled with despair again. Despite the warming temperatures and the melting snow, Edmund was numb with cold.
As the horrid dwarf, Ginarrbrik, shoved him toward the sleigh with an abundance of vicious sneers and taunting insults, Edmund silently promised himself that he would never do anything to warrant that disappointed look again.
Time seemed to pass much too slowly as the witch's army gathered and his life became a blur of pain and fear. Though it had made itself known to him only in the last few days, Edmund found himself longing for the quiet humming. He felt its absence quite keenly.
As he rested against a tree trunk, battered and bruised, Edmund rejoiced in the sound of hooves in the distance. He wasn't sure if the hoof beats heralded the arrival of something good or something wicked, but he felt comforted in that moment. There was only one reason for it: the humming had returned and it was louder than before. It was as though someone was holding him close and humming the faint echoes of a lullaby in his ear. In that moment, he didn't feel quite so alone anymore.
When a great centaur untied Edmund with gentle hands and quiet murmurs, the humming seemed to turn into something much greater. Never in his life had Edmund heard such a wonderful and glorious song. It warmed him from the inside out. Happiness thrummed through him and he looked up at the centaur and smiled.
His body might have ached and his mind might have been filled with regret and fear and worries, but at that moment, he had never felt more at peace.
The singing would never again be as loud as it was the moment he first saw the great Lion.
"Your heart knows well what your mind may not," Aslan told him in a gentle voice as they walked down the hill toward his siblings that day. "Listen to it."
It was a few days before Edmund realized what Aslan meant. He felt the joy in his heart and heard the jubilant singing that pushed away all the worries and fears that occupied his mind. Edmund put two and two together and pressed his hands against the heart beating in his chest. He closed his eyes, listening carefully.
For the rest of his life, there would be moments when the singing would rise above his thoughts again, reminding him of its presence. Even outside of Narnia, he would hear it and feel the joy and peace almost as clearly as if he were standing in the presence of the mighty Lion again. He would stop and sing along, listening to what his heart was telling him and knowing it would lead him in the right direction. When he heard the song, there was no room in his heart for any doubt of Aslan's wondrous love. He knew Aslan was never out of reach.
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