Decisions

Note - This takes place in the same universe as Episode of the Past & Might have Beens

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Warnings: mentions of abuse

Petunia still remembered the day that had shook her world so much as to make her go against the values she had been raised by. She'll never claim to be a good person. She had difficulty thinking that she had any worth at all, that she can do things of any worth.

That day...the world had refocused for her again and what she had seen of herself and the situation had horrified her. She had wondered how she could have let it get that way at all. Where was she through all of it? What would her parents think of her and what had happened?

Her sister Lily would never forgive her.

Later, she would never understand why the thought of mirrors popped into her head, but it had. When was the last time she had willingly looked into a mirror? When had she last looked into the mirror to actually look at herself? They were strange thoughts to be thinking at that moment and that's why later on looking into a mirror was never taken for granted. She took the time to always look into her eyes and think of some truths that she needed to remember.

Only at that moment when she was both frozen and inordinately scared, she should have taken immediate action. She would always say something about her lack of action. Say something about how she must have been a part of what was happening because she didn't do anything despite knowing what was going on was wrong.

She remembered thinking her voice didn't want to work. All that came from her mouth was strange raspy sounds. Like her mouth and throat were too dry to speak clearly. She would stop and swallow and try again. It hurt.

It had hurt and only later with the help of the support group and counselling would she come to accept that just because Vernon had never really raised a hand to her or Harry didn't mean the man hadn't been hurting them. That seeing what was happening that day had just jolted her in realizing that fact.

She would constantly be hard pressed to really think about herself being an abused spouse. For a long time she had problems meeting anyone's eyes let alone her nephew's.

She had just begun to move when she couldn't say anything. She grabbed one arm and held it back as she had moved between the downed boy and his abusers. She remembered looking into her son's eyes and seeing Vernon glare at her with his round beady eyes.

Petunia had eventually found her voice after Dudley had spouted one of Vernon's favoured spiteful descriptors of her nephew. "Freak!"

"He's your cousin!" Petunia snapped back.

She doubted that she would have done anything if she hadn't witnessed that. Seen her son and saw instead her husband who seemed to constantly assure her that only he could see the worth in her. That she was too delicate to handle any of the real house work that was pushed off onto Harry. That she would realize later on that she was being abused as well just not as openly as her nephew.

She had packed up both her son and her nephew that very day and moved out of the house. Dudley had protested but she wouldn't hear any of his talk. Harry had been quiet. She had sent the kids out in front of her and stood in front of the door.

Vernon had been raging and blustering. The words that spewed from his mouth were hurtful. She had always known he had a temper; it was why she was always careful not to wake it and did everything to soothe him into a better mood. Yet, she never would have believed he'd raise a hand to her.

Petunia didn't remember what she had said to make him lash out physically at her. She recalled clearly how her head had snapped back and her going flying back through the door. When she got some awareness back she remembered staring up at him in shock. Her hand held her face.

He was purpled with rage; chest heaving and he continued to spill such bile at her.

When she had felt Harry and Dudley touch her, she had flinched. She couldn't hear what the boys were saying. She had told them to get back into the car. She hadn't looked at Vernon again as she shakily climbed into the car. She had just sat there staring at the wheel of the car, when she finally went to turn the key her hands had been shaking so badly.

Never once did she look back as she pulled out of the drive way of the house on Privet Street.