Rating: M / NC 17 (just to be safe)
Disclaimer:
I own nothing related to or affiliated with Disney, ABC Daytime, or General Hospital. Characters are not mine; they are merely being borrowed.
AN:
I seriously need to stop listening to all music. I can't keep up with the stories I have going and I'm going to start another one. Dam muse! She really is a bitch.
This was supposed to be a one shot but it's so long i'm going to break it up a bit. Only three parts. It's my take on how things could have happened. It start from Alan's funeral. It's my first short piece so be kind.
What About Now??
Part 1/3
Elizabeth sat in what could be called the Quatermaine living room. She was hiding. From Lucky, Emily, and everyone she cared about. Especially Jason. Liz couldn't take the pain on his face anymore. It was killing her to know she was the cause of all his pain. To know that with a few words she could take it all away.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Elizabeth knew she shouldn't be there. She had no right. In fact she firmly believed she had given up all her rights when it came to Jason the moment she asked him to give up their child. Still here she was on the day of Alan's funeral. Elizabeth knew he was alone. She just wanted to comfort him. However wrong that may be. She softly knocked on the door praying he would be too angry to see her.
Jason was surprised to see her but he let her in anyways. He told her that she should be at Alan's service. That Emily needed her. They talked about losing someone. She tried to help him find comfort in losing a father he never really knew. Then the baby, their baby kicked. Jason reached out instinctively. Then he pulled away just as quickly. Liz had gently took his hand and placed it on her stomach. When Jason felt the baby kick he looked so happy. Then she had to go and screw it up, again. It seems that was all she was capable of anymore.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Elizabeth sat lost in thought. Tears running unchecked down her face. "That was Alan's favorite chair." Monica said from the doorway.
"No. Yes. I don't know. I really shouldn't burden you with this."
"You look like you could use someone to talk to."
"You have enough to deal with. It wouldn't be right to add to it."
"You look as sad as I feel. It would help me if I could help you."
Elizabeth looked at Monica, she was so sincere. Just like Jason. The realization caused fresh tears to fall from her eyes. "Have you ever done something you knew was wrong, unforgeably wrong, even while you were doing it but did it anyways?"
"I think everyone has at some point."
"How can I take back all the pain I caused?"
"You can't but you can move past it. Alan and I did many times."
"Really?"
"That's what love is. Move past the pain and savoring the good."
"You really miss him don't you?"
"Terribly."
"I should go before some misses me. Thank you Monica. You really helped me."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Let it go Spinelli."
"But Stone Cold.."
"I mean it. I don't want to hear about it anymore."
"It's not fair. You would be the world's most awesome dad."
"Spinelli stop. No more. Do you understand?"
"Sure thing Stone Cold, but I'm here if you need to vent or something."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Liz looked around the Spencer house cursing silently. What in the world was she doing? Monica's words kept playing in the back of her mind. It seems she was the only one who thought she should make things right for her. She wondered if Jason knew how much he was like Monica? The thing was Elizabeth hated herself. She hated what she was doing. The pain she was causing. Even if people didn't know about it. This had to stop soon.
"Lizzie, are you down here?"
God how she hated that name. Why couldn't he just call her Liz or Elizabeth? More importantly, why couldn't Lucky just leave her alone for five minutes? She felt so trapped. It was like he knew she was unsure of her choice. Unsure? Hell that didn't even come close to describe how she felt. What she was doing? She asked herself for the millionth time. Liz shook her head. "Yeah. How are things going up there?"
" Well it would go better if you decided on a color."
"I know. I just can't choose. You've been so great about it too."
"I just want you happy." Lucky said. Liz could hear the sincerity in his voice.
"I want that too. I think I'm going for a walk. Maybe it will clear my head."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Elizabeth walked down by the docks. She wondered if she purposely choose the most likely place to run in to Jason. Probably. She seemed like she enjoyed causing them both as much pain as possible. "Hi."
"Hi." Jason said standing up.
"I... um was just taking a walk trying to decided."
"We're in the middle of painting Cam's room.. and the baby's in our new house. Well Lucky's old house but now were moving in. And I'm having a hard time choosing a paint color. Lucky wants it pink and I don't think that's such a good idea. I decided to go for a walk to clear my head."
"Another good reason for my walk."
"Ah.. how... how are you feeling?"
"The baby's doing really well. How are you?"
"When I see you like this, when I see you happy I know I did the right thing."
Happy, was he kidding? Jason used to be the one person who knew when she was pretending. Now he was just like everyone else. "I shouldn't be talking to you about paint colors."
"Its okay. I don't mind hearing about your plans. So did you pick a color?"
"Cameron picked out the color of the Santa Fe train. His choice not mine. I'm still thinking about..I want to do a mural but I'm not sure of a theme yet."
"Yeah. It's funny cause when Michael was young I used to read him this travel book about Africa. Elephants, and giraffes, and lions, and monkeys. Kids love those animals." Elizabeth laughed softly. "And you know dinosaurs. Of course."
Jason cellphone rang stopping whatever she was going to say. "Excuse me. I'm on the pier. Why? What do you need?" Elizabeth saw that it was business so she decided to leave. She had a shift soon anyways.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jason stood with Sonny in the Cellar. They were discussing the problems Sam's new job was creating for them. Reporters were following both of them constantly. It was starting to affect the business. The Five Families wanted this taken care of. Now. Sam either had to sign the restraining order or quit the show.
Then without warning all hell broke loose. Three gun men had appeared from nowhere. Shots rang out and before Jason knew what was happening it was over. The gunmen were dead. Sonny just had a minor head wound. Nothing serious. As the cops questioned him Jason was thankful for the first time about giving up his child. Doing so meant his son or daughter would never know this life. Sigh softly Jason left the Cellar to go check on Sonny.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Elizabeth was half way through her shift. She loved working. Especially lately. It was the only time Lucky couldn't hover over her. She knew he was worried. And it was sweet. But she just couldn't take it anymore. Lucky's concern only fueled her guilt and anger. Why wasn't he this worried last summer when he was tearing their world to shreds? Why wasn't she and Cameron enough?
"Hey, Elizabeth, you want to grab something after work?"
Liz smiled at Robin. It was like her friend knew exactly when she needed someone. "That sounds nice. Cam is with Grams so I'm sure she won't mind." Liz said before doubling over in pain.
"Hey what's wrong?" "I think I just had a contraction."