Title: Unwanted Memories
Author: Mardia
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Amy/Colin and Ephram/Colin.
Summary: He doesn't want to remember. Doesn't, but must. Slash. Ephram/Colin.
A/N: This is my first attempt at slash, so please, be kind. And as for you slash-flamers, screw you, 'cause I'll just laugh and delete your reviews. Not that I don't appreciate constructive criticism.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't sue.
//please don't change/please don't break/the only thing that seems to work at all is you//
//Matchbox20, Real World//
He doesn't want to remember. He doesn't want to remember about Amy or Bright or his family or anything and just how fucked-up is that?
To remember means to go back to that Colin's life. To being Colin the First. The Colin who was madly in love with Amy and didn't have any doubts-the Colin who had no clue who the hell Ephram Brown was.
As selfish and crazy as it is, he doesn't want to remember. But he knows that he must. That his family and Bright and Amy and practically everyone in this whole stinking town is waiting for him to remember everything and to go back to being Colin the First.
Everyone but Ephram. Ephram, who he knows is madly in love with Amy the way that he should be madly in love with her. Should be, but isn't.
When he thinks about Amy and Bright, they are in black and white photos. Or it's like they're moving so slowly, unreal and foggy in his mind. Slippery thoughts that flit away like dried leaves in the wind.
Ephram, on the other hand-Ephram is in color. Bright, solid, intense colors and clear-cut and always moving quickly. Like a movie in his head that he can turn on anytime he wants, because it's been imprinted into his brain and his soul.
He hasn't forgotten anything about Ephram. He doesn't need any notes to remember Ephram or how Ephram has a sister and how he loves anime or that his mother died about a year ago. He doesn't need any help to remember that Ephram's eyes seem to glow when he gets excited.
And he's okay with that.
The only thing he's okay with at this point.
It's nice, with Ephram. Really nice, actually. With everyone else, it's like he's trying to play a role when he hasn't even read the script. But not with Ephram.
With Ephram, it's okay and sometimes he thinks that being Colin the Second isn't so bad, that he'll be okay and everything'll be okay so long as he's with Ephram.
But that's only when Ephram's around.
He should be trying to remember harder. For Amy's sake. For everyone's sake.
But he's tired of worrying about everyone else. Tired of feeling like he's got the weight of the damn world on his shoulders. Tired of feeling like he's a jigsaw puzzle someone bought where the pieces just don't quite fit. Tired of feeling like a freak, and feeling like even more of a freak for not wanting things to go back to normal.
Maybe he should consider seeing a shrink, because it is just not normal to want to ask your male friend if he's ever kissed a guy before, and if no, then maybe Ephram should start with him.
But then, his life and normal don't really mix at this point.
He's strangely okay with those kind of thoughts about Ephram. The only thing tainting them is a nagging concern that maybe he should be more concerned about them.
But he doesn't want to be concerned. Concern means there's hard and he just doesn't want things to be hard anymore. He's had enough hard in his life. He wants something easy for a change.
Things are just so easy with Ephram. With him there is no worry and no pain and no fogginess and he sometimes can swear that his brain is working like it used to.
But that's only with Ephram.
Sometimes he will have nightmares where he can't remember the exact shade of Ephram's eyes.
End.