She's the Man Characters:
Viola Hastings
Sebastian Hastings
Duke Orsino
Olivia Lennox
Toby
Andrew
Paul Antonio
Kia
Yvonne
Coach Dinklage
Headmaster Gold
Daphne Hastings
Malcolm Feste
Monique Valentine
Eunice Bates
Maria
Justin Drayton
Coach Pistonek
Cats Characters:
Rumpleteazer-Viola Hastings
Mungojerrie-Sebastian Hastings
Griddlebone-Monique Valentine
Alonzo-Duke Orsino
Bombalurina-Olivia Lennox
Jennyanydots-Daphne Hastings
Skimbleshanks-Coach Dinklage
Bustopher Jones-Headmaster Gold
Demeter-Maria
Etcetera-Eunice Bates
Admetus-Malcolm Feste
Electra-Kia
Jemima-Yvonne
Mistoffelees-Paul Antonio
Pouncival-Andrew
Plato-Toby
Tumblebrutus-Justin Drayton
Asparagus-Coach Pistonek
Cats all over gathered at the beach to play beach soccer. Rumpleteazer was the one with the ball. She swiftly dodged the other players and scored a goal which was praised by howling and jumping in excitement. Her boyfriend Tumblebrutus came to her and picked her up and walked with her over his shoulder to a towel. He sets her down on the towel lying half way on top of her, "You're getting really good."
"Aw you too, I mean when we first going out you couldn't kiss at all."
Tumblebrutus laughs quietly, "I meant at soccer."
"Oh really?" Rumpleteazer replied with a smile.
"Absolutely. You're already better than half the guys on my team."
"Hmm…probably more than half." She grabs the back of his neck and pulls him closer for a kiss. The kiss continued until a few short seconds later Tumblebrutus pulled away, "What do you mean I couldn't kiss at all?"
Rumpleteazer giggles at his confused yet attracted face, "Don't worry I've taught you well."
Rumpleteazer and her friend Jemima walked to soccer practice while talking. They talked about what college would be best suited for the best soccer play time.
"I mean seriously don't you think that you'll have better play time at a school like Lake Michigan?"
"Yeah maybe but it's always been about being a target for me. I'm going to wear that Carolina blue."
Jemima nudged Rumpleteazer playfully, "Hey."
When they reached the field they noticed right away that the Lacrosse team was playing when and where they were supposed to. "Okay what is the Lacrosse team doing on our field?"
Electra had been running to catch up with them and when Rumpleteazer and Jemima stopped she came up to them and held out a clipboard saying, "The school board cut our team."
"Wait what?" Rumpleteazer asked shocked.
"Not enough girls signed up." Electra said holding the clipboard so Rumpleteazer could see the paper.
"So they just cut us?" Rumpleteazer asked getting angry.
"They can't do that." Jemima put in.
All three of them looked around at the Lacrosse team when finally Rumpleteazer spoke up, "Okay this is not over." A whistle was blown and Rumpleteazer looked to see Coach Skimbleshanks. They walk up behind him and he greets them before they have a chance to say again, "Hi girls heard the bad news."
"Bad? It's a disaster." Rumpleteazer said.
"Now college scouts won't even get to see us play." Jemima said showing her frustration. The other girls around agreed with head nods or vocal agreement.
"I know. If there's anything I do just say the word." All this time Coach Skimbleshanks wasn't even looking at them his eyes were glued to the boys playing on the field.
"As a matter of fact there is." Rumpleteazer said to him, "We want to try out for the boy's team."
Coach Skimbleshanks started laughing but then looked down at Rumpleteazer and stopped, "Uh…anything besides that." He said in a serious tone.
"Coach come on you know that we're good enough!" Rumpleteazer yelled finally blowing over.
"I don't know if that's a thing that I know." He quickly noticed that he sounded off and his eyebrows came closer together to show that emotion.
"All we're asking for is one shot." Rumpleteazer said in a calmer voice. The other girls agreed with her.
"Girls, we have two weeks before school starts, and we open against Illyria, a rivalry game. We have to win."
"And we can help you win." Rumpleteazer said looking at Coach Skimbleshanks in the eyes.
"Hey baby," Tumblebrutus said jogging over to her.
"Hey." Rumpleteazer greeted back with a smile.
"What's going on Coach?" He asked as the other boy players gathered around him.
"Uh, the girls here want to try out for the team." He said crossing one arm over his chest and with the other held his whistle come to his mouth. Rumpleteazer looked hopefully to her boyfriend but the look quickly faded when he and the other boys started laughing.
"Seriously?"
"Alright alright, look you're all excellent players, but girls aren't as fast as boys." The boys agreed and the girls looked disgusted, "Or strong, or athletic," he looked at Tumblebrutus who nodded at him. "That is not me talking." He said seriously to the girls, "It's a scientific fact. Girls can't beat boys; it's as simple as that." He looked at Rumpleteazer.
"Okay well Tumblebrutus you're the team captain, what'd you think about it?" She said looking at her boyfriend.
Tumblebrutus looked at his Coach then back at his girlfriend, "I think that Coach said it all."
"Yesterday you told me that I was better than half the guys on your team." At that the other boys voiced their confusion and looked at Tumblebrutus. He turned his head left to right then looked back at his girlfriend, "I never said that."
Taken back by what he said Rumpleteazer became very upset, "What are you talking about? Why are you lying?"
"Rumpleteazer…end of discussion." Tumblebrutus said interrupting her before she could say more.
"Fine. End of relationship." Rumpleteazer started walking away when Tumblebrutus said to her, "Come on baby don't be like that. I just don't want you to get hurt."
"Aw," Rumpleteazer smiles at him, "you are so full of-" The rest of her sentence was drowned out by Coach Skimbleshanks' whistle blow. Rumpleteazer threw the ball at Tumblebrutus' head while Coach Skimbleshanks said, "Back to practice!"
Rumpleteazer was walking to her house door listening to her music not noticing Griddlebone's calls at her. Griddlebone finally catches up with her and turns her around only to show a face of disgust, "Eww... It's you. God you and your brother look scary alike from the back. I think it's your total lack of curves."
"Hey Griddlebone, it's so good to see you too!" Rumpleteazer said with a slight roll of the eyes.
"Hmm. I'm looking for Mungojerrie. Where is he?" Griddlebone asked.
Rumpleteazer thought a quick second, "I don't know."
"Just remind your brother how lucky he is to be in my life. And tell him to give me a call if he wants to stay in it, okay?"
"Okay. Does he have your number? 1-800-BEE-OTCH?" Rumpleteazer said then laughed at herself.
Griddlebone mimicked her, "Nyenyenyenyenyeh?" And walked away back to her car.
Rumpleteazer watched her go, "She will do great things."
Walking into the house she was greeted by her mother.
"I have a surprise for you." Jenny said smiling largely.
"All this is why I don't bring friends over." Rumpleteazer said to herself. "Mom not now, I had a really bad day so I don't want to…"
"Just a minute this will perk you up," She covered her daughter's eyes and walked her a few feet into the house. Removing her hands she went to the couch and told her daughter to open her eyes, "Surprise," Rumpleteazer's smile faded into a frown and eye roll faster than she could say bye.
"Beautiful gowns for my beautiful darling debutant."
"Mom, have I not told you a thousand times I have no interest in being a debutant. It's totally archaic."
"How can I wind up with a daughter who only wants to kick a muddy ball around a field all day?"
Rumpleteazer sighed, "The world has been sent right mom, they cut my team." She started for the stairs. Her mother followed after her, "What no soccer?"
"Yeah that's right no soccer." Rumpleteazer said over her shoulder.
Jennyanydots grabbed a dress from the coach and followed her daughter to the bottom of the stairs, "How sad."
"Yeah I see you're all torn up."
Her mother smiled and handled the dress, "Well Tumblebrutus is going to love you in this."
"Yet another reason not to wear it. I dumped him." She started up the stairs.
Her mother looked confused and concerned, "What but why? He's so handsome, and rugged, and chiseled, and great…"
"Then why don't you date him mom?" Rumpleteazer said walking down the hallway after she reached the top of the stairs.
Jennyanydots fantasized for a moment then giggles, "Oh no…I couldn't." Then goes on continuing the rest of her daily activities.
"Hey Mungojerrie," Rumpleteazer greeted as she walked into her brother's room.
"Hey," He replied not stopping his packing.
"You okay?" She asked sitting on his bed.
"Yeah," He said looking down at the floor gathering his clothes.
"Griddlebone was looking for you," The tone in her voice clearly showed that she was annoyed by her.
"Hmm…" Mungojerrie said giving a sickened look at her.
"Why do you even date her anyway?"
He picked up some clothes and stuffed them into a bag, "She's hot." He smiled at his sister. Rumpleteazer looked at his with displeased eyes and Mungojerrie quickly said, "It's a guy thing." Then he went back to gathering his clothes.
"But she's so awful,"
Mungojerrie laughed and threw his bag out the window.
"You know you could use the front door." Rumpleteazer said pointing to the bedroom door.
"And mom can't see me. Mom thinks I'm staying at dad's, dad thinks I'm staying at mom's and in two days they both think that I'm going away for school." He looked at his sister while he packed up his guitar, "That is the beauty of divorce."
"Wait, where are you going?" She asked leaning against his head board.
"New York, for a couple of weeks," He took his guitar and tied a rope to the handle.
"As in New York, New York?" She asked sitting up.
He stopped and rested the guitar on the window sill and looked at her, "Yeah my band got a slot in the music festival there."
"Okay what are you going to do about school?" She asked confused.
Mungojerrie lowered his guitar out the window and turned his head to face her while doing it, "Yeah, I was kinda hoping you could help me with that. Could you like pretend to be mom and call Illyria and tell them I'm sick. Something good that sounds like it would last a couple weeks. Like uh…mad cow."
"Mungojerrie, you just got kicked out of Cornwell for skipping this is not exactly the way you want to start out."
"Hey I wanna be musician okay? Last time I heard they don't need to know trigonometry besides if you want to chase your dreams, sometimes you have to break the rules right?" He leaned out the window and started to climb onto the roof.
"Do you know the percentage of bands that actual make it to the big time?"
"Probably the same as female soccer players," He said with one leg still in the room then completely got onto the roof, "I will see you in two weeks." He jumped down from the roof.
"Mungojerrie," Rumpleteazer said then heard the cry of pain as Mungojerrie hit the ground, "MUNGOJERRIE!" She yelled still looking at the window.
"Were you just talking to your brother?" Asked her mom from the doorway. Rumpleteazer looked at her, "No, yes, on the phone, he's at dad's" she picked up the phone, "bye dad…" she said then put it back on the base.
"Picture this, we're at the Country Club, they call your name and you emerge in this. Tada!" She held the dress against her and lifted one end.
Rumpleteazer made a gagging sound, "Sorry mom I have a strict no ruffles policy."
Her mom lowered the dress from her body and watched her daughter as she walked to her brother's dresser, "Sometimes I think you just might as well be your brother." She said then left the room.
Rumpleteazer walked in front of the mirror and took the picture from the mirror. She studied it then looked at herself, "You know what? If you can't join em, beat em."
Mistoffelees laughs as he asks the question to be sure he's hearing right, "You want me to turn you into your brother?"
"That's right! I'm going to Illyria as Mungojerrie, I'm going to make the boys soccer team there, and then in 12 days, I'm going to beat the Cornwall boys team!" Rumpleteazer said.
"Okay, you've taken way too many soccer balls to the head." Mistoffelees said pointing at her.
Rumpleteazer rolls her eyes at him, "You know I can do it Mistoffelees,"
Mistoffelees quickly replied back, "Yeah expect for the voice, and mannerisms, and the breasts, and the mentality and the,"
"Besides it doesn't matter," Jemima cut in, "nobody in Illyria has even met Mungojerrie, they wouldn't know the difference."
"They'll know he's a girl," Mistoffelees said twirling his paw in the air.
"Oh come on Mistoffelees," Rumpleteazer pouted.
"Yeah come on Mistoffelees," Jemima and Electra said at the same time after Rumpleteazer.
Mistoffelees looks at them then rolls his eyes, "Okay, okay, I'll see what I can do."
Rumpleteazer, Jemima, and Electra all exchange excited looks and verbal happiness.
After countless hours of picking and choosing what hair, facial hair, and clothes Rumpleteazer should wear to best look the part of her brother and following other toms around town to get the walk, talk, and voice right, she was finished.
Walking down the stairs with her bags of clothes and soccor gear she walked to the door. Her mother was sitting at the dining room table, "Where are you going?"
Rumpleteazer didn't turn around, "Mom I told you I'm going to dad's for 2 weeks."
"No you didn't and you're not going." Jenny said and Rumpleteazer turned to her, "We've hardly spent any time together this summer now you just go upstairs and unpack."
Rumpleteazer had walked over to her mother, "Okay mom, I thought about what you said and you know that Griddlebone is going to be there 24/7 with Mungojerrie so I don't know I was just thinking that maybe she could show me the ropes on the whole debutant thing."
Jenny stood, "Oh this is so exciting."
Rumpleteazer faked her happiness, "I know." She smiled at her mother.
"You are going to have so much fun." Jenny said walking her daughter to the door. "Now there's the formal ball or course and the lunch in and did I mention the fund raiser next week? It's going to be a carnival."
Rumpleteazer wasn't really paying attention to her mother's words and when Jenny stopped Rumpleteazer looked up at her then opened her mouth wide and said, "Get out!"
"Now you're brother promised to be there so remind him when you see him alright?"
"Okay," Rumpleteazer nodded smiling at her mother.
"Oh my little girl," Jenny said hugging Rumpleteazer. "You're finally going to be a lady."
Rumpleteazer smiled one last time at her mother then walked to the door not really believing her mother let her go that easy.