Good Friends 1/1
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: General/Humor
Rated: G
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Unknown/None
Warnings: Unlikely events occurring, minor angst, slight humor, Out of Timeline
By Moon Faery
Disclaimer: A statement created solely to save one's @$$ from becoming lawn for the proverbial legal mower. I do not own Ranma 1/2, and 'A Good Friend to Me' is by Jessica Andrews, and also not owned by me and/or anyone I know. However, this story line and plot are MINE. (Holds fic close to her.) Grrrr....
Author's Notes: Slightly weird fic coming up! Notes at the bottom.
***
Ranma walked down the street, eyes downcast. He was visibly deep in thought; his hands were stuffed into his pockets and he was nibbling on his lower lip. Internally, the pigtailed boy was reveling in the solitude. He almost never had any time to himself, just to think or watch the clouds go by. There was always a new psycho to fight, a fiancée to pry off or a new technique to learn.
Lifting his eyes to the sky, Ranma tipped his baggy hat back on his head and watched a bird wing past. 'When was the last time I did this?' he asked himself. 'I've been so busy with the fiancée thing an' all...' He sighed, pausing to soak in the peace and tranquility. It really was a gorgeous day...
"Nihao!" The moment was shattered as a bike landed on his head.
"Hiya, Shampoo," Ranma said, forcing himself to smile. 'I guess it was bound ta happen.'
The Chinese girl grinned down at her husband-to-be. "Ranma! Shampoo make delivery and see walking, so Shampoo stop see Ranma!' She bounced down from her perch, purple hair flying in the Amazon-made breeze, and wrapped her arms around him, pressing a big kiss to his cheek. "[1]Wo ai ni, Airen!"
Ranma sweat dropped, having no idea what she was saying. However, he was smart enough not to say something like, 'Me too'. So he did the only thing he could. "Uh, thanks Shampoo..."
The purple cat-girl cuddled up to Ranma for a few more minutes. Finally, she let go.
"Bye-bye! Shampoo see Ranma later!" With those cheerful words, the Amazon climbed onto her bike and rode off.
"And what was THAT?" asked a very annoyed voice behind him.
Ranma turned red. "Hiya, Akane." He didn't even bother to turn around. "It wasn't nothing," he answered, wincing in preparation for the inevitable.
There was a disbelieving snort. "Sure. Nothing. PERVERT!" Ranma was suddenly doused with cold water. The shorthaired tomboy walked off, muttering about men in general.
[2]Ranko stood on the empty sidewalk, feeling the uncomfortable sensation of large breasts pressing tightly against cold, wet, and rough cloth. "Oh, like YOU care," she muttered semi-bitterly, then forced herself to turn around. "Uncute tomboy!"
"Egotistical perverted jerk!"
Ranko pushed down the urge to stomp off in a hissy fit, knowing that it was just a girl thing. Instead, she began wringing out her pigtail, counting down the seconds until she was attacked again. "Five... Four... Three... Two... One..."
"My Pig-tailed Goddess! At last I have found thee!"
Once again, without looking, the martial artist reacted. Sticking her leg in the air, she sent Tatewaki Kuno into [3]LEO with a well-placed foot to his face. Without pause, she finished drying herself off, patting a pocket to insure it's waterproofing had worked.
"Well, at least somethin' went right," she remarked absently with a scowl, bending over to shake out her shoes. "Can't they try somethin' new now an' then?" The curvaceous redhead shook the last drops of water off herself and began walking once more. Effortlessly she dodged several suitors, fiancées, psychos and the usual rabble. Eventually, she reached her destination; a little known park just outside of the Nerima district. There was no playground, sandboxes or any of the usual park equipment, just water fountains and fields and trees, with the occasional flower patch or rose bush. No one knew that he/she came here; it was a place for thought and meditation, and not one that his/her friends would be able to appreciate.
Which was the exact reason why she came here.
Pulling a notepad and a pencil out of her waterproofed pocket, Ranko took a seat on the edge of her favorite fountain. For several long minutes, she simply sat there, listening to the water and composing herself. Emotions ran over her face, trickling through her mind like sand through an hourglass. The fountain tinkled its silent encouragement. Finally, the heir(ess) to the Tendo Dojo flipped the book open and began writing.
She spent the rest of the day by the fountain. Some of the time she wrote furiously, moving her fingers through the air in strange, hypnotic patterns. Most if it, though, she stared off into space, simply thinking or taking in the day. Sometimes, something almost seemed to crash through her, but the moment always passed quickly, and was written down, gone before it was completely identifiable.
Once Ranko had finished, she had taken up a large number of pages in the notebook. In the west, the sun was going down in a riot of colors and shades. She watched for a moment, the light turning everything around her a bloody red, then stood and walked out of the park. After checking carefully for fiancées, cameras and anyone else she knew/suspected, the cursed girl/boy took off at a run for the dojo.
'Whew! If anyone knew what I was doin', I'd never live it down!'
***
The next day, a girl with a red pigtail was careening down the street, a purple and white cat clinging desperately to her head. Behind them charged Ryouga, a set of ludicrously large bullhorns stuck to his head.
"CATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCAT!!!!!!!!!" Ranko shrieked at the top of her considerably healthy lungs. She jumped several buildings in her haste to escape the ferocious feline.
A woman in a leotard jumped directly in the path of the out of control girl. "Pigtailed girl!" she shouted. "I challenge you for the heart of Ranma Saotome!"
Ranko ran her down, and over.
Shampoo dropped to the ground, finally jarred loose. She landed on Kodachi, claws extended, hissing and scratching.
Ranko, feeling the horrible weight drop off of her, paused for breath.
"Pigtailed girl! I will date thee!"
Once more, Kuno somehow found his way into LEO.
Above the alley where she had stopped, an elderly female voice began to speak. "Oh, just toss it out the window, dear."
*SPLASH!*
Ranma glared up at the window. "Well, at least it was hot," he muttered.
"Oh, Ranma-sir!" someone cried behind him. "Ohohohoho!!!!"
Ranma was off like he'd been shot from a cannon once more. The black-haired boy bounced over several buildings, eventually loosing Kodachi and finding himself on a secluded rooftop somewhere in central Tokyo.
"Sheesh, what a mornin'!" He wiped off some sweat. In the distance, a cloud of dust was clearly visible over the Nerima district, where Ryouga- who was currently possessed by a Bull Demon- was wreaking more havoc than usual. "Ya'd think by now he'd know better than to trust mysterious scrolls."
Ranma settled down to wait out the ruckus, hands behind his head as he leaned back against a wall.
"Geez, why do they all push so hard?" he wondered. 'They don't even give me a chance to choose!' Something stuck him, for once only figuratively, and he sat up straight. Pulling his notebook out of its pocket, he looked at it. 'Ya know, it IS almost done, an' I ain't got anything to do...' he thought. 'Why don' I just...'
The martial artist flipped the book open and began writing furiously.
***
Male-type Ranma sat at the dinner table, toying absently with some noodles. His eyes were locked on an invisible point somewhere in midair.
"Ranma? Are you feeling alright?" Kasumi asked worriedly, wrinkling her brow a little.
'It's all done now... but what good'll it do me?' the cursed boy/girl mused silently. 'No one'd ever believe-' Kasumi's question pushed through his consciousness. "Oh, yeah, Kasumi, I'm fine," he answered absently. "Just thinkin'."
"Thinking? You?" Akane snorted derisively.
"Oh? About what?" the eldest Tendo sister murmured politely, dishing some more food onto her plate. "The Funrikan Talent Show?"
Ranma sat up. "Talent Show?"
Nabiki nodded, quickly deciding that there was no possible money to be made off the information. Yet. "Yes, in one week. At the high school."
Ranma agonized for a few minutes before standing up. "I'll be back later."
"Where are you going boy?" Genma-panda demanded, holding up a hastily scribbled sign.
Ranma winked. "To sign up for a talent show!"
***
Everyone in Nerima filed into the school auditorium. It was packed to the brim; people were even sitting on the roof beams.
"Why Ranma ask Shampoo Talent Show?" a curvy lavender-haired Amazon asked a wizened old lady in broken Japanese.
The withered old hag simply shook her head. "Son-in-law is up to something," was all she said.
Kodachi glared at her brother. "Did you have to take away my roses, brother?" she growled.
"Yes," Kuno nodded. "My pigtailed Goddess beseeched it of me."
The gymnast snorted. "Idiot."
"What's that pervert up to now?" Akane grumbled, crossing her arms and sitting down with a huff.
"Happosai?" Kasumi asked, pointing to where the old Master was crawling around under the seats.
"No, Ranma!"
The gentle girl paused thoughtfully, one finger tapping against her cheek. "Well, earlier this week, I saw him writing something... He was awfully secretive about it, though..."
Soun and Genma began to cry in each other's arms.
"Oh, it's is finally about to happen!" Soun wailed, tears pouring down his cheeks in rivers.
"My boy is about to be a man!" Genma cried, wrapping Soun up in a giant bear hug.
On stage, Prinipal Kuno swaggered uo to the microphone. "AloHA!" he cheered. "We'come to da Talent Show! An' hea's da speaka, Meesta Erikaru fr'm da biology depatment!" He stepped off stage, handing the microphone to an elderly gentlemen who was wearing a suit.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," Erikaru began in a slow monotone. "Thank you all for coming to Furinkan High School's Annual Talent Show. Before we begin, I would like to address a few issues concerning the school." He pulled a small scroll from a pocket and unrolled it to reveal a list of monumental proportion. "Let's start with the A's. The abbacus in the math department is very old, and..." He droned on for what seemed like an eternity. Soon, the entire audience was asleep.
"And now, I return you to Principal Kuno," Erikaru finally finished, stepping sedately off stage.
"Thank ya, Meesta Erikaru!" the principal cheered loudly, creating a screech from the speakers and waking many people from their stupor, "An' now, here's da first act, Saito Kuroi an' his amazin' jugglin'!"
The members of the crowd that had not awakened at the sound of the principal's booming voice did so to the even more obnoxious noise of circus music. On stage, a teenage boy with coke-bottle glasses was riding a unicycle around, juggling several multi-colored balls. Amazingly, he had not lost control of all of them; only three of five were missing. Noting that the man with the fluorescent shirt was gone, the audience settled down comfortably to be entertained.
The usual cheerleading, musical and just plain strange acts when by. After roughly two hours, the crowd was beginning to fall asleep again. Well, those that hadn't already fled.
Principal Kuno walked on stage, rubbing his ears. "Well, thanks ta Modoe-san an' his singin' monkeys. An' the next, an' last, act's Ranko Saotome!"
The odd mix of martial artist, parents and teenagers in the audience went wild. Not at the mention of everyone's favorite redhead, but at the fact that she was the last thing they had to sit through.
A lovely young girl walked out on stage, almost flowing with a natural predatory movement. Her flaming crimson hair was pulled up over her shoulder in a waterfall of fiery curls, held in place with an onyx, sapphire and amethyst comb. She wore little make-up, only a bit of lip gloss and some light eye shadow, but she didn't need it. The lavender-blue silk of her Chinese-style dress clung to her figure, the split up the right side showing a nearly indecent amount of leg and hip.
The entire crowd sat up straight in their seats. There was a faint murmur of surprise as everyone wondered what he/she was doing up there. A number of people held high hopes for a declaration of love aimed in their direction. However, their numbers were small compared to the boys (and girls) who wanted Ranko to give a martial arts demonstration and kick REALLY high.
The beautiful cursed girl/boy waited for the noise to die down. There were butterflies in her stomach, and the sheer number of faces in the crowd were giving her stage fright, but she was determined to go through with it. 'Don't think about it,' she reminded herself. 'You know all of these people.'
For some reason, it only made her more nervous.
And even worse than the error bubbling up inside of her... she was wearing stilettos. A nightmare in and of itself. [4]
She cleared her throat and picked up the microphone. "Hi, I'm Ranko Saotome; you all know me in one way or another." She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. There were several nosebleeds in the front few rows. "I asked a lotta ya here tonight 'cause I wanna give you a special message. Ya know who ya are.
"For my talent, I'm goin' to be singin' a song written by me an' Ranma Saotome. The message is from him too, even though he ain't here. He's the one singin' back up on the tape." A small flick of her hand and the lights became dimmer, a spot-light focusing on her voluptuous figure. Music with a heavy beat began to thunder through the auditorium, booming out of the loud speakers.
Ranko strutted up and down the stage, eyes flashing as she moved to the pounding beat. Finally she paused, strawberry- colored eyes fixed on the crowd with a wicked gleam in them. Her voice was a seductive contralto as she began to sing.
"There's no doubt you're good lookin', I'll say
And now I see you're lookin' my way
Say ya wanna get to know me better
Show me your side of town."
The silk of Ranko's dress swished around her feet as she sashayed her way over to the other side of the stage. Once there, she preformed a slow bump and grind that had many members of the audience gaping.
"I feel it when we're walkin' and I know
You're not just into talkin', oh no
I don't wanna loose think new thing
'Cause it could be a good thing
Hello!"
The stunning redhead moved back to center-stage, the male background voice finally beginning to become easily audible. It's deeper timbre blended perfectly with her own, creating an incredible doubled effect. Ranko danced before the audience.
"Don't say you love me 'cause I feel it too
But I don't think I'm ready yet to make that move
"So give me just a minute - hold tight!
I'm not ready to commit - it's my life!
Yeah, you're a real fine guy
But you're gonna have to try to be
A good friend to me."
Out in the audience, Kodachi Kuno was sniffling, her hanky held between her teeth. "Oh, Ranma-sir, I did not realize you felt so," she murmured sadly.
Beside her, Kuno was also in tears. "Ah, my Pigtailed Goddess, so innocent and sweet! That I could have realized sooner the pain my advances were casing you!"
Up on stage, Ranko continued singing.
"You keep on pushin' everyday
Don't realize you're pushin' me away
I wanna tell you slow down, hold up
Show me a little real love - wait!
"I know you think you're showin' me that you care
But right now baby I'm not goin' there."
One by one, Ranko locked gazes with the people that she had invited, making certain that they understood before moving on to the next person. Eventually, she allowed herself to be satisfied, and concentrated on the performance. They knew what she had been trying to say from the start, and that was more important than pride. Or being beaten up. Just in case, she had boned up on the Crouch of the Wild Tiger and the Saotome secret technique, not that she was going to need them. Blissfully, Ranko sank into the tune.
"So give me just a minute - hold tight!
I'm not ready to commit - it's my life!
Yeah, you're a real fine guy
But you're gonna have to try to be
A good friend to me
"C'mon, let me hear you say
'I'm with it'
You say you'll be my man
I need a gentleman
And I'm countin' on you
"So give me just a minute - hold tight!
I'm not ready to commit - it's my life!
Yeah, you're a real fine guy
But you're gonna have to try to be
A good friend to me."
The music faded out, and Ranko took her bows. The applause were especially thunderous from the Jusenkyo section.
She didn't get first prize (the guy with the explosive drums did), but she hadn't expected to. All he had wanted was a little peace and quiet to think over the fiancée thing, and (if his luck held out) it looked like he had gotten it. It wouldn't help with the psychos, new fiancées, evil beings or the learning of new techniques, but it just might buy him enough time to think his way out of the whole mess.
No one mentioned anything that night, but they all seemed to look at Ranma with new eyes. For once, it was a peaceful evening. Nothing strange happened beyond the usual sex change, and that was becoming second nature to him/her.
The next day, things went... different. Akane hadn't accused him of being a pervert, even when she (as Ranko) had accidentally walked in while she was changing. Shampoo had landed on his head, but only to say good morning. Even Ukyou had been quiet, treating him more like a friend than a love-interest.
And so, here he was, walking down the sidewalk on a peaceful Saturday morning.
"Maybe that song DID do that trick!" the black-haired martial artist exclaimed, hands behind his head. It seemed like the fiancée-war was over for good.
"Saotome, you fiend!" A bokken suddenly appeared mere inches from his nose. "I challenge thee for the hand of beauteous Akane!"
"What're you talkin' about, Kuno?" Ranma asked, easily dodging a strike.
"Ranma!" another voice yelled from down the street. "Prepare to die!"
"Ryouga!" The cursed boy dodged a thrown bandana.
Well, at least Shampoo wasn't glomping him.
***OWARI 03-11-02***
Notes:
[1] Wo ai ni - I'm fairly sure this means 'I Love You' in Chinese, but I can't quite be certain since I don't speak Chinese.
[2] Ranko - I haven't read the manga/seen the episodes where Nodaka shows up and he/she starts being referred to as Ranko in female form and I'm not even positive that this happens at ALL, so I'm probably getting some details wrong. (Like I'm fairly sure that her grammar is way off.) So Ranma/Ranko will be used only as a male/female indicator, and is not to be seen as indicative of the timeline.
[3]LEO - Low Earth Orbit
[4] Stilettos - as in high heels. If you've ever worn them on a polished and waxed stage, while trying to deal with a massive case of stage fright, you'll sympathize. Heck; if you've ever worn them at ALL, you'll sympathize. If you have no clue what I'm talking about... I envy you.
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: General/Humor
Rated: G
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Unknown/None
Warnings: Unlikely events occurring, minor angst, slight humor, Out of Timeline
By Moon Faery
Disclaimer: A statement created solely to save one's @$$ from becoming lawn for the proverbial legal mower. I do not own Ranma 1/2, and 'A Good Friend to Me' is by Jessica Andrews, and also not owned by me and/or anyone I know. However, this story line and plot are MINE. (Holds fic close to her.) Grrrr....
Author's Notes: Slightly weird fic coming up! Notes at the bottom.
***
Ranma walked down the street, eyes downcast. He was visibly deep in thought; his hands were stuffed into his pockets and he was nibbling on his lower lip. Internally, the pigtailed boy was reveling in the solitude. He almost never had any time to himself, just to think or watch the clouds go by. There was always a new psycho to fight, a fiancée to pry off or a new technique to learn.
Lifting his eyes to the sky, Ranma tipped his baggy hat back on his head and watched a bird wing past. 'When was the last time I did this?' he asked himself. 'I've been so busy with the fiancée thing an' all...' He sighed, pausing to soak in the peace and tranquility. It really was a gorgeous day...
"Nihao!" The moment was shattered as a bike landed on his head.
"Hiya, Shampoo," Ranma said, forcing himself to smile. 'I guess it was bound ta happen.'
The Chinese girl grinned down at her husband-to-be. "Ranma! Shampoo make delivery and see walking, so Shampoo stop see Ranma!' She bounced down from her perch, purple hair flying in the Amazon-made breeze, and wrapped her arms around him, pressing a big kiss to his cheek. "[1]Wo ai ni, Airen!"
Ranma sweat dropped, having no idea what she was saying. However, he was smart enough not to say something like, 'Me too'. So he did the only thing he could. "Uh, thanks Shampoo..."
The purple cat-girl cuddled up to Ranma for a few more minutes. Finally, she let go.
"Bye-bye! Shampoo see Ranma later!" With those cheerful words, the Amazon climbed onto her bike and rode off.
"And what was THAT?" asked a very annoyed voice behind him.
Ranma turned red. "Hiya, Akane." He didn't even bother to turn around. "It wasn't nothing," he answered, wincing in preparation for the inevitable.
There was a disbelieving snort. "Sure. Nothing. PERVERT!" Ranma was suddenly doused with cold water. The shorthaired tomboy walked off, muttering about men in general.
[2]Ranko stood on the empty sidewalk, feeling the uncomfortable sensation of large breasts pressing tightly against cold, wet, and rough cloth. "Oh, like YOU care," she muttered semi-bitterly, then forced herself to turn around. "Uncute tomboy!"
"Egotistical perverted jerk!"
Ranko pushed down the urge to stomp off in a hissy fit, knowing that it was just a girl thing. Instead, she began wringing out her pigtail, counting down the seconds until she was attacked again. "Five... Four... Three... Two... One..."
"My Pig-tailed Goddess! At last I have found thee!"
Once again, without looking, the martial artist reacted. Sticking her leg in the air, she sent Tatewaki Kuno into [3]LEO with a well-placed foot to his face. Without pause, she finished drying herself off, patting a pocket to insure it's waterproofing had worked.
"Well, at least somethin' went right," she remarked absently with a scowl, bending over to shake out her shoes. "Can't they try somethin' new now an' then?" The curvaceous redhead shook the last drops of water off herself and began walking once more. Effortlessly she dodged several suitors, fiancées, psychos and the usual rabble. Eventually, she reached her destination; a little known park just outside of the Nerima district. There was no playground, sandboxes or any of the usual park equipment, just water fountains and fields and trees, with the occasional flower patch or rose bush. No one knew that he/she came here; it was a place for thought and meditation, and not one that his/her friends would be able to appreciate.
Which was the exact reason why she came here.
Pulling a notepad and a pencil out of her waterproofed pocket, Ranko took a seat on the edge of her favorite fountain. For several long minutes, she simply sat there, listening to the water and composing herself. Emotions ran over her face, trickling through her mind like sand through an hourglass. The fountain tinkled its silent encouragement. Finally, the heir(ess) to the Tendo Dojo flipped the book open and began writing.
She spent the rest of the day by the fountain. Some of the time she wrote furiously, moving her fingers through the air in strange, hypnotic patterns. Most if it, though, she stared off into space, simply thinking or taking in the day. Sometimes, something almost seemed to crash through her, but the moment always passed quickly, and was written down, gone before it was completely identifiable.
Once Ranko had finished, she had taken up a large number of pages in the notebook. In the west, the sun was going down in a riot of colors and shades. She watched for a moment, the light turning everything around her a bloody red, then stood and walked out of the park. After checking carefully for fiancées, cameras and anyone else she knew/suspected, the cursed girl/boy took off at a run for the dojo.
'Whew! If anyone knew what I was doin', I'd never live it down!'
***
The next day, a girl with a red pigtail was careening down the street, a purple and white cat clinging desperately to her head. Behind them charged Ryouga, a set of ludicrously large bullhorns stuck to his head.
"CATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCAT!!!!!!!!!" Ranko shrieked at the top of her considerably healthy lungs. She jumped several buildings in her haste to escape the ferocious feline.
A woman in a leotard jumped directly in the path of the out of control girl. "Pigtailed girl!" she shouted. "I challenge you for the heart of Ranma Saotome!"
Ranko ran her down, and over.
Shampoo dropped to the ground, finally jarred loose. She landed on Kodachi, claws extended, hissing and scratching.
Ranko, feeling the horrible weight drop off of her, paused for breath.
"Pigtailed girl! I will date thee!"
Once more, Kuno somehow found his way into LEO.
Above the alley where she had stopped, an elderly female voice began to speak. "Oh, just toss it out the window, dear."
*SPLASH!*
Ranma glared up at the window. "Well, at least it was hot," he muttered.
"Oh, Ranma-sir!" someone cried behind him. "Ohohohoho!!!!"
Ranma was off like he'd been shot from a cannon once more. The black-haired boy bounced over several buildings, eventually loosing Kodachi and finding himself on a secluded rooftop somewhere in central Tokyo.
"Sheesh, what a mornin'!" He wiped off some sweat. In the distance, a cloud of dust was clearly visible over the Nerima district, where Ryouga- who was currently possessed by a Bull Demon- was wreaking more havoc than usual. "Ya'd think by now he'd know better than to trust mysterious scrolls."
Ranma settled down to wait out the ruckus, hands behind his head as he leaned back against a wall.
"Geez, why do they all push so hard?" he wondered. 'They don't even give me a chance to choose!' Something stuck him, for once only figuratively, and he sat up straight. Pulling his notebook out of its pocket, he looked at it. 'Ya know, it IS almost done, an' I ain't got anything to do...' he thought. 'Why don' I just...'
The martial artist flipped the book open and began writing furiously.
***
Male-type Ranma sat at the dinner table, toying absently with some noodles. His eyes were locked on an invisible point somewhere in midair.
"Ranma? Are you feeling alright?" Kasumi asked worriedly, wrinkling her brow a little.
'It's all done now... but what good'll it do me?' the cursed boy/girl mused silently. 'No one'd ever believe-' Kasumi's question pushed through his consciousness. "Oh, yeah, Kasumi, I'm fine," he answered absently. "Just thinkin'."
"Thinking? You?" Akane snorted derisively.
"Oh? About what?" the eldest Tendo sister murmured politely, dishing some more food onto her plate. "The Funrikan Talent Show?"
Ranma sat up. "Talent Show?"
Nabiki nodded, quickly deciding that there was no possible money to be made off the information. Yet. "Yes, in one week. At the high school."
Ranma agonized for a few minutes before standing up. "I'll be back later."
"Where are you going boy?" Genma-panda demanded, holding up a hastily scribbled sign.
Ranma winked. "To sign up for a talent show!"
***
Everyone in Nerima filed into the school auditorium. It was packed to the brim; people were even sitting on the roof beams.
"Why Ranma ask Shampoo Talent Show?" a curvy lavender-haired Amazon asked a wizened old lady in broken Japanese.
The withered old hag simply shook her head. "Son-in-law is up to something," was all she said.
Kodachi glared at her brother. "Did you have to take away my roses, brother?" she growled.
"Yes," Kuno nodded. "My pigtailed Goddess beseeched it of me."
The gymnast snorted. "Idiot."
"What's that pervert up to now?" Akane grumbled, crossing her arms and sitting down with a huff.
"Happosai?" Kasumi asked, pointing to where the old Master was crawling around under the seats.
"No, Ranma!"
The gentle girl paused thoughtfully, one finger tapping against her cheek. "Well, earlier this week, I saw him writing something... He was awfully secretive about it, though..."
Soun and Genma began to cry in each other's arms.
"Oh, it's is finally about to happen!" Soun wailed, tears pouring down his cheeks in rivers.
"My boy is about to be a man!" Genma cried, wrapping Soun up in a giant bear hug.
On stage, Prinipal Kuno swaggered uo to the microphone. "AloHA!" he cheered. "We'come to da Talent Show! An' hea's da speaka, Meesta Erikaru fr'm da biology depatment!" He stepped off stage, handing the microphone to an elderly gentlemen who was wearing a suit.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," Erikaru began in a slow monotone. "Thank you all for coming to Furinkan High School's Annual Talent Show. Before we begin, I would like to address a few issues concerning the school." He pulled a small scroll from a pocket and unrolled it to reveal a list of monumental proportion. "Let's start with the A's. The abbacus in the math department is very old, and..." He droned on for what seemed like an eternity. Soon, the entire audience was asleep.
"And now, I return you to Principal Kuno," Erikaru finally finished, stepping sedately off stage.
"Thank ya, Meesta Erikaru!" the principal cheered loudly, creating a screech from the speakers and waking many people from their stupor, "An' now, here's da first act, Saito Kuroi an' his amazin' jugglin'!"
The members of the crowd that had not awakened at the sound of the principal's booming voice did so to the even more obnoxious noise of circus music. On stage, a teenage boy with coke-bottle glasses was riding a unicycle around, juggling several multi-colored balls. Amazingly, he had not lost control of all of them; only three of five were missing. Noting that the man with the fluorescent shirt was gone, the audience settled down comfortably to be entertained.
The usual cheerleading, musical and just plain strange acts when by. After roughly two hours, the crowd was beginning to fall asleep again. Well, those that hadn't already fled.
Principal Kuno walked on stage, rubbing his ears. "Well, thanks ta Modoe-san an' his singin' monkeys. An' the next, an' last, act's Ranko Saotome!"
The odd mix of martial artist, parents and teenagers in the audience went wild. Not at the mention of everyone's favorite redhead, but at the fact that she was the last thing they had to sit through.
A lovely young girl walked out on stage, almost flowing with a natural predatory movement. Her flaming crimson hair was pulled up over her shoulder in a waterfall of fiery curls, held in place with an onyx, sapphire and amethyst comb. She wore little make-up, only a bit of lip gloss and some light eye shadow, but she didn't need it. The lavender-blue silk of her Chinese-style dress clung to her figure, the split up the right side showing a nearly indecent amount of leg and hip.
The entire crowd sat up straight in their seats. There was a faint murmur of surprise as everyone wondered what he/she was doing up there. A number of people held high hopes for a declaration of love aimed in their direction. However, their numbers were small compared to the boys (and girls) who wanted Ranko to give a martial arts demonstration and kick REALLY high.
The beautiful cursed girl/boy waited for the noise to die down. There were butterflies in her stomach, and the sheer number of faces in the crowd were giving her stage fright, but she was determined to go through with it. 'Don't think about it,' she reminded herself. 'You know all of these people.'
For some reason, it only made her more nervous.
And even worse than the error bubbling up inside of her... she was wearing stilettos. A nightmare in and of itself. [4]
She cleared her throat and picked up the microphone. "Hi, I'm Ranko Saotome; you all know me in one way or another." She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. There were several nosebleeds in the front few rows. "I asked a lotta ya here tonight 'cause I wanna give you a special message. Ya know who ya are.
"For my talent, I'm goin' to be singin' a song written by me an' Ranma Saotome. The message is from him too, even though he ain't here. He's the one singin' back up on the tape." A small flick of her hand and the lights became dimmer, a spot-light focusing on her voluptuous figure. Music with a heavy beat began to thunder through the auditorium, booming out of the loud speakers.
Ranko strutted up and down the stage, eyes flashing as she moved to the pounding beat. Finally she paused, strawberry- colored eyes fixed on the crowd with a wicked gleam in them. Her voice was a seductive contralto as she began to sing.
"There's no doubt you're good lookin', I'll say
And now I see you're lookin' my way
Say ya wanna get to know me better
Show me your side of town."
The silk of Ranko's dress swished around her feet as she sashayed her way over to the other side of the stage. Once there, she preformed a slow bump and grind that had many members of the audience gaping.
"I feel it when we're walkin' and I know
You're not just into talkin', oh no
I don't wanna loose think new thing
'Cause it could be a good thing
Hello!"
The stunning redhead moved back to center-stage, the male background voice finally beginning to become easily audible. It's deeper timbre blended perfectly with her own, creating an incredible doubled effect. Ranko danced before the audience.
"Don't say you love me 'cause I feel it too
But I don't think I'm ready yet to make that move
"So give me just a minute - hold tight!
I'm not ready to commit - it's my life!
Yeah, you're a real fine guy
But you're gonna have to try to be
A good friend to me."
Out in the audience, Kodachi Kuno was sniffling, her hanky held between her teeth. "Oh, Ranma-sir, I did not realize you felt so," she murmured sadly.
Beside her, Kuno was also in tears. "Ah, my Pigtailed Goddess, so innocent and sweet! That I could have realized sooner the pain my advances were casing you!"
Up on stage, Ranko continued singing.
"You keep on pushin' everyday
Don't realize you're pushin' me away
I wanna tell you slow down, hold up
Show me a little real love - wait!
"I know you think you're showin' me that you care
But right now baby I'm not goin' there."
One by one, Ranko locked gazes with the people that she had invited, making certain that they understood before moving on to the next person. Eventually, she allowed herself to be satisfied, and concentrated on the performance. They knew what she had been trying to say from the start, and that was more important than pride. Or being beaten up. Just in case, she had boned up on the Crouch of the Wild Tiger and the Saotome secret technique, not that she was going to need them. Blissfully, Ranko sank into the tune.
"So give me just a minute - hold tight!
I'm not ready to commit - it's my life!
Yeah, you're a real fine guy
But you're gonna have to try to be
A good friend to me
"C'mon, let me hear you say
'I'm with it'
You say you'll be my man
I need a gentleman
And I'm countin' on you
"So give me just a minute - hold tight!
I'm not ready to commit - it's my life!
Yeah, you're a real fine guy
But you're gonna have to try to be
A good friend to me."
The music faded out, and Ranko took her bows. The applause were especially thunderous from the Jusenkyo section.
She didn't get first prize (the guy with the explosive drums did), but she hadn't expected to. All he had wanted was a little peace and quiet to think over the fiancée thing, and (if his luck held out) it looked like he had gotten it. It wouldn't help with the psychos, new fiancées, evil beings or the learning of new techniques, but it just might buy him enough time to think his way out of the whole mess.
No one mentioned anything that night, but they all seemed to look at Ranma with new eyes. For once, it was a peaceful evening. Nothing strange happened beyond the usual sex change, and that was becoming second nature to him/her.
The next day, things went... different. Akane hadn't accused him of being a pervert, even when she (as Ranko) had accidentally walked in while she was changing. Shampoo had landed on his head, but only to say good morning. Even Ukyou had been quiet, treating him more like a friend than a love-interest.
And so, here he was, walking down the sidewalk on a peaceful Saturday morning.
"Maybe that song DID do that trick!" the black-haired martial artist exclaimed, hands behind his head. It seemed like the fiancée-war was over for good.
"Saotome, you fiend!" A bokken suddenly appeared mere inches from his nose. "I challenge thee for the hand of beauteous Akane!"
"What're you talkin' about, Kuno?" Ranma asked, easily dodging a strike.
"Ranma!" another voice yelled from down the street. "Prepare to die!"
"Ryouga!" The cursed boy dodged a thrown bandana.
Well, at least Shampoo wasn't glomping him.
***OWARI 03-11-02***
Notes:
[1] Wo ai ni - I'm fairly sure this means 'I Love You' in Chinese, but I can't quite be certain since I don't speak Chinese.
[2] Ranko - I haven't read the manga/seen the episodes where Nodaka shows up and he/she starts being referred to as Ranko in female form and I'm not even positive that this happens at ALL, so I'm probably getting some details wrong. (Like I'm fairly sure that her grammar is way off.) So Ranma/Ranko will be used only as a male/female indicator, and is not to be seen as indicative of the timeline.
[3]LEO - Low Earth Orbit
[4] Stilettos - as in high heels. If you've ever worn them on a polished and waxed stage, while trying to deal with a massive case of stage fright, you'll sympathize. Heck; if you've ever worn them at ALL, you'll sympathize. If you have no clue what I'm talking about... I envy you.