Final Fantasy Limericks
Well, it's been a hot, hot day in the UK for a change, and all the sunshine keeps the angsty plot bunnies indoors – so here's some pure silliness – Limericks for most of the main characters in Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children.
Warnings – daftness!
Cloud and his Crew
The boys
Cloud had a long journey to make
He found out his past was a fake
But he beat Sephiroth
So to all those who scoff -
Chocobo-head isn't a flake!
Young Zack was impossibly keen
A puppy? We know what they mean…
He faced Shin-Ra's hoard
Armed with only a sword –
Compilation's most tear-jerking scene.
Cid Highwind once aimed for the moon
He's not getting there any time soon…
But he flies in the sky
And drinks tea – what a guy!
Bet his extra long spear is a boon!
Big Barret finds oil for the rest.
Big muscles, big arms and big chest.
His gun-arm is cool
He calls everyone 'fool'
But no-one should wear a string vest!
Now Vinnie is technically dead –
His cloak and his eyes are blood red…
He sleeps in a coffin
So excuse us for scoffin'
"I am not a vampire" – he said…
The girls
There once was a Cetra called A –
Either Aeris or Aerith's okay…
She made flowers bloom
In the slums, in the gloom -
When it's raining she comes back to play.
There once was a girl from Wutai
Who would take on the badass-est guy.
She looked pretty funky
A materia junkey
A tough kid – no word of a lie.
(Yeah – I know badass-est isn't a word…)
Now Tifa is one of the best.
She passes the feminist test.
She's nobody's fool
She kicks ass, and she's cool –
So why all the shots of her chest?
The 'Pet'
I'm a sentient being, I say!
I am not a cute doggie – no way!
I am not a pet
Don't you dare to forget!
Now – tickle my tummy – Okay?
Shin-Ra
Dad's dead, and the company's done
And somebody trashed your big gun
And you've got a disease
So tell me, Sir, please…
Have you really not had this much fun?
There once was a Turk from Wutai –
A sexy, if sinister, guy.
He would get the job done
With a knife, or a gun
But he never got blood on his tie!
Oh Reno, I wish you were mine!
The fic writers think you're so fine
That they slash you with Rude
And Rufus, and Cloud – and Tseng and Sephy and Zack and Loz, Kadaj and Yazoo – often all at the same time – and Vinny and Gen and Cid, not to mention Aerith, Tifa, Yuffie, Elena and Cissnei – and even Red XIII (Yes I have actually seen this one!)
And they've just buggered up my fourth line! ^^
There once was a Turk, name of Rude,
Who wasn't a talkative dude.
When folks asked him why
He would give this reply:
…
Oh it's hard to be female and Turk -
At least one of the guys is a jerk -
But with Tseng as her boss
It's not such a dead loss
Now Elena's enjoying her work.
The SHM
Young Sephy is doing okay
Just fighting in SOLDIER all day.
Then he finds out that mom
Was some alien scum –
And then it's downhill all the way!
Now Loz was a really big guy
A good six foot four inches high!
He could fight pretty rough
And he looked kinda tough…
At least 'til he started to cry!
Pretty Yaz was the middle of three
Which gave her a complex, you see.
So she trashed Reno's chopper
And no-one could stop her –
What – seriously? That's a he..?
(Just kidding Yazoo fans – you know I love him really!)
Kadaj and his bros were all bad…
But Kaddy was specially mad.
Completely insane
With his mom on the brain.
Just a larva of Sephy – how sad!
Thanks for reading. Please suggest other characters - I know I've missed a lot!