Author's note:
Not mine, however much I love them.
I felt like writing for an angsty married Harm and Mac. You know this sort of thing would happen.
He could feel before he even got home that Mac wasn't okay. Somehow their connection had become deeper with time, richer and stronger and more emotive. Sometimes he swore he felt her emotions like his own. He wondered often whether that went further than how much he knew her and how much he loved her, into a realm peopled by souls and soulmates. He could say with complete certainty now that if some couples were meant to be, he and Mac were one of them. Absent-mindedly rubbing a simple silver ring against his lips (it had become a reassurance for him whenever he was nervous), he opened the door to his apartment and stepped inside.
Mac was on the sofa, nothing immediately apparent from the back except slumped shoulders and mussed hair. He made quick work of the floor until he was standing in front of her and gently knelt to take her hands in his. "Mac," he whispered, "what's wrong?"
"It's all my fault," she answered, barely raising a tear-stained red face. "All the men in my life are either dead or feel like they are."
"Mac," he said with more urgency, sliding up on to the sofa in an attempt to pull her into his arms. "You know I said that out of anger. I truly, honestly didn't mean it and I regret it all the time."
"You were right, though. I mean, look at you."
"I'm not sure what you mean, Mac. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have a beautiful wife who makes me better every day, and I never have to worry about a dispassionate plan again." The corners of his eyes crinkled in the way she loved so much.
All of a sudden, Mac cracked. She stood up with enough force to make the sofa rock, turned and began pacing. "You don't deserve this," she shouted, red-faced and throaty-voiced. "You deserve a wife who can give you everything, not a mess you have to fix all the time."
"Maac…" Harm was approaching her slowly. She moved further away from him and kept pacing.
"You didn't sign up for this. You deserve someone who gives you kids and dinner and won't cry for no reason."
He was getting closer. She tried to move back and realised she'd hit a wall. Moving sideways instead, she didn't notice the tear making its way down his face.
"You deserve someone who will put family before work, someone who isn't an addict, someone who isn't me."
She'd kept up a steady stream of words despite Harm's attempts to interject, partially because she thought he'd probably bring her around and that wasn't okay. She fully intended to get out of his life, and give him a shot at a better one without her. She loved him too much to make him deal with her messes forever.
"Mac, I don't think you get it. No, I didn't sign up for this. It was a very vague contract and I avoided the fine print because I love being surprised by you. In fact, I think what I signed up for was just "Y.O.U." in big letters."
Mac's tear-strained laugh was forced, but it was something.
"I couldn't deal with you leaving my life. I love you, Mac. You're the sunset and the sunrise and every step I take. You pick me up and brush me off when I fall down and come up with a better plan for next time. You're smart and funny and sassy and beautiful, and every day I'm amazed that you chose me. If you love me even half as much as I love you, then it's a whole darned lot."
Tears streamed down Mac's reddened face. Her nose had started to run and every breath was somehow choked. Harm thought she was gorgeous.
"Of course I love you, Harm. I'm ashamed to admit it, but if I loved you any less I'd probably saddle you with me and ride the horse to the finish." She'd scrunched up her face to hold the tears back, and Harm could see from the set of her mouth she was seconds from losing it. "It's because you seem to have permeated the air I breathe to become a part of my soul that I want to let you go. Every time I see something beautiful I think of you. You're the only one I could ever imagine a family with, even when we weren't together. You're my favourite adversary, my best friend, and the one person I would take with me into a fight because I'm selfish." Harm wasn't taking any more than that.
"Mac," he felt like he was careering round a corner at 80 miles an hour with no way to stop. He had better not judge this wrong. "What if I want to be saddled with you just like you're saddled with me? What if the best way I can imagine going out is together? What if you're the only one I've ever loved like this, and I am 100% going to make this work if it kills me?"
Mac laughed again, softly and sadly. "Then I would say you need to let me go all the more."
Harm took a long look at her face, crossed the distance between them in three strides and picked her up in a crushing bear hug. "This ring," he rubbed his silver one against her nose, "says I'm never letting go again. This one," he picked up her ring finger and kissed the gold band softly, "says you aren't. Now will you stop pretending it's a good idea to leave what is the only truly fulfilling relationship either of us have ever had out of some twisted sense of duty?"
She sighed against his shoulder. "I love you."
"I'll tell you if it changes." He kissed her forehead softly. "And that's more of a distraction than an answer to my question, ninjagirl. Don't think I didn't notice."
She seemed to relax further into his arms. "Are you sure you want me to stay? Are you sure I'm not going to leave you in a ditch someday with no way to get out?"
"Mac, I would argue I'm almost as messed-up as you are. You deal with me as often as I deal with you, and I couldn't cope without that. You are everything to me."
"OK."
That was all he needed to hear. He pulled her down to the sofa and into his arms, and switched on the TV with one hand. "Now, what are we watching?"
Mac smiled. "I've had enough of making decisions for people for tonight. You choose."