PRIMROSE ACRES 5

by Heartwings

The next installment of post Endgame life, where Kathryn & Chakotay both have to mend fences, face their demons and...

-1PRIMROSE ACRES 5

Gretchen let Kathryn have a good cry and sent her to the bathroom to wash her face and clean herself up. She had rarely seen her daughter let loose and cry like that and knew it meant two things: her daughter still needed her and little Katie was most definitely in love. Gretchen had only met Chakotay twice, once at a Starfleet affair where Admiral Paris introduced them and they exchanged a few brief pleasantries and then once at Kathryn's house, after her accident, when he brought over some homemade sweet rolls. Her initial impression was that he was articulate, polite, good looking and seemed to genuinely care for her daughter and she was also a little jealous, as the sweet rolls he'd made were better than her own. Katie had mentioned him with increasing frequency over the last several weeks. Gretchen knew from Phoebe that he and Kathryn had settled whatever their differences from Voyager were, and she was quite pleased when Kathryn told her the two of them were dating. When she told her that Chakotay had moved into her house, Gretchen took it as a very good sign, even though Kathryn was quite explicit that they were just house mates and it was a temporary arrangement. She was very happy that Kathryn had found love once again, assumed Chakotay probably wouldn't be in the guest room for very long and couldn't imagine how things with him had gone awry so quickly.

When Kathryn returned Gretchen gave her a hug as she said, "OK, Katie Bird, sit down, have some coffee and tell your mother what happened."

Kathryn sat, took a sip of coffee and forced a smile. "I messed up, Mom, I messed up bad."

"Alright, Katie, tell me what happened. I'm sure it's not that bad and nothing that can't be patched up. Now, start from the beginning and tell me."

Kathryn leaned back and ran her hands through her hair. "Oh, Mom, I don't know! I was happy that he moved in and thought it would be a good 'trial run', you know, if things got more serious between us. I actually thought for a moment that maybe this was it and he'd be moving out of the guest room and staying forever, but it was a fiasco almost right from the start and I just don't understand how I couldn't get along with someone I loved so much."

"Here, Katie, eat something. How was it you two didn't get along? Heaven knows you're not the easiest person to get along with because you're so stubborn and independent, but you two had known each other for so long and lived together before, right? What was it, Katie, what happened?"

"I don't know, Mom, we just seemed to annoy one another almost from the start. Chakotay is one of those highly organized neat and tidy a place for everything and everything in its place kind of people and he kept criticizing and nit picking. Well, he didn't really say things, but he kept cleaning, organizing and rearranging, because the way I had or did things didn't suit him. I tried to tell him that I'm one person when I have the uniform on and another when I don't, but I think he really expected me to be like I was back on Voyager. Even when I was off duty there, I still had to be the captain."

"Well, that's true," her mother agreed, "you can be two very different people and I wish the captain had been living in your pigsty of a room when you were still at home and not you. What about when the two of you lived on that planet together, did you have the same problems there?"

"No, we didn't, we got along pretty well, but that was a long time ago and a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then. We were two different people back then, I didn't have the same feelings for him then that I do now. I was still in love with Mark and going through the process of dealing with the fact that I was probably going to have to spend the rest of my life there on that planet with him. I admit I was starting to fall in love with him there, but I was still grieving for my relationship with Mark and my friends on Voyager and was still in the process of leaving Captain Janeway behind and I never really let go of her. There was another big difference he pointed out the other day, that house was our house, it wasn't him moving into my house, it was us making our own home from scratch."

Gretchen poured more coffee and got comfortable, for she knew this was going to be a long conversation and one that they needed to have. She and Kathryn were very close, but it wasn't often that her daughter totally let down her defenses and spoke so candidly and she had been rather vague when discussing her growing relationship with Chakotay up to this point. "That's a very good point, Katie, and he was right and there is a big difference. You knew he was one of those meticulous organized anal people, didn't you?"

Kathryn finally laughed a little. "He's not 'anal', Mom, he's just neat and systematic, that's all, and he was the consummate first officer too. Unlike me, his Starfleet professional side is almost the same is his personal at home side. I have to admit, he knows a lot more about running a house than I do. He's a great cook and I think he actually likes to clean and he's very handy at fixing things and doesn't even seem to mind mowing the grass, doing the laundry and all those other chores I hate."

Gretchen leaned forward. "Let me get this straight, a man who has a good job, is intelligent, polite, good looking, takes you out to nice restaurants, brings you flowers, buys you presents for no reason, can cook and clean, doesn't have to be nagged to fix things and keep up the yard and doesn't expect sex just because he bought you dinner? Uh, what's the problem, Katie?"

She sighed as she tore off a piece of her brownie and ate it. "I don't know, maybe that is the problem, he's everything I'm not."

"I think there's more to it than that. You don't look good, Katie, and your sister told me you had an argument with her the other day and now with Chakotay. Is there something wrong with you, aren't you feeling well?"

"I'm OK, I've just been having problems sleeping lately. Phoebe is only mad at me because I wouldn't take the kids and that wretched dog for the weekend so she and Bruce could go to the beach."

Gretchen giggled, "Neither would I, she's mad at me too. I love my grandchildren, but all of them at once and that beast of a dog is more than I can take. What else was wrong?"

"We fought over money too. You know I'm in a bit of a financial bind right now and he knows it too and he kept trying to buy me things, pay for stuff and lend me money."

"Do you think he expected something for his money, so to speak?"

"No, of course not, Chakotay's not like that. He's generous to a fault and he has a really good job now teaching at the university and doesn't have the expenses I do, so he can afford it is all. He was just trying to be nice and, if the situations were reversed, I would have done the same thing and tried to help him out."

"Katie, you said you and Chakotay had a fight, what was that all about?"

"Nothing," she mumbled as she shoved the last bit of brownie in her mouth."

Gretchen put another brownie in front of her. "Don't 'nothing' me, Katie Janeway, you said he moved out in the middle of the night, that's not nothing! Now, tell me what happened."

"It was my fault, it was all my fault!" Kathryn sobbed.

Gretchen got up, got the box of tissues and placed them on the kitchen table. "Alright, Katie, just start at the beginning. What happened?"

She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. "Well, the morning after he moved in, Monday, after he went to work, I went in his room and looked around. I guess I was snooping, I do admit that. Anyhow, there was this old clay pot sitting on the table beside the bed and I picked it up to look at it, the lid fell off and it had sand, what I thought was sand, in it and it spilled out. I tried to clean it up, but that awful carpet swallowed it up, so I just ground it in with my foot and left it."

"And he moved out over that?"

"No, well, yes, well… Mom, it wasn't sand, it was his grandfather's ashes, I didn't know! Last night he opened the jar to talk to them, well, I don't know, he's very spiritual and I don't really understand it all. Anyhow, he noticed the ashes were gone and he got mad at me." Kathryn started sobbing again.

"Katie, you didn't tell him when you did it?"

Her sobs burst out into another wave of tears as her mother caressed her face and tried to wipe them away. "No. Oh, Momma, it was an accident, I didn't know it was his grandfather's ashes!"

"Yes, Sweetheart, I know, but, even so, you should have told him."

"I know, I know! I didn't want him to know I was snooping around in his room and I didn't think he'd notice. He accused me of trying to deceive him… of snooping… invading his privacy… of having no respect for his beliefs… the spirits he believes in… for his grandfather… Oh, Momma, he was so angry, he was crying, I'd never seen him like that before. I tried to hug him, to say I was so sorry, and he pushed me away, swore at me, called me a bitch, told me to get out and said he never wanted to see me again!" Kathryn wiped her face on her skirt and tried to compose herself. "Mom, I was afraid of him. I went to my room, locked the door, took some sleeping pills and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up this morning he and his things were gone. I looked all over the house, but he didn't even leave a note or anything. Oh, Momma!"

Gretchen finally got Kathryn settled down enough to listen to her. "Katie, put yourself in his place. What if your dear father had been cremated and he'd done the same thing with his ashes and then tried to hide it from you? I know you didn't know it was his grandfather's ashes, but you knew the pot was his and you essentially lied to him when you didn't tell him what you did. I'm not trying to take sides, but I think he had every right to be angry with you even though he shouldn't have lost his temper. A relationship is based on honesty and trust, Sweetie, they're very important. It sounds like the two of you weren't communicating very well and it just snowballed and that was the last straw."

"Yes, I agree. Now that I think of it, he tried to get me to sit down and talk things out with him more than once and I didn't. I know I'm used to getting my way, can be hard to live with and I'm stubborn sometimes."

"Sometimes?" Gretchen laughed. "Alright, Katie, what's done is done and you both have to live with the mistakes you each made. What's important now is what you're going to do about it. The first question you need to ask yourself is do you want to just give up and move on or try to work things out?"

Kathryn slumped back in her chair and put her feet up on another chair. "He told me he never wanted to see me again and left, Mom. I don't think there are any pieces to try to pick up and put back together."

"Kathryn, that's not what I asked you. Do you want to try to reconcile?"

"I don't know. I love him, Mom, I really do, but living together got me to thinking that maybe we weren't meant to be together. We argued too much; you and Daddy never argued."

Gretchen laughed. "Katie, your father and I had some monumental arguments and I even walked out once for a couple days the year after we were married. We had our differences, Honey, believe me, but we did our best to make sure you kids never knew about them and we loved each other and always worked it out. I'm not going to try to tell you what decision to make, Katie, but I think you need to take a few days and think about it, about him. I will say that, up until the last week or so, it seemed to me like you were very happy and that made me happy."

"We were, I thought I was the luckiest woman on Earth. Moving in together was the problem. Well, we weren't sleeping together, we were just sharing a house."

"Katie, you were sharing a lot more than a house, you were sharing your lives and starting to take steps to make two lives into one. I know you love him, Katie, you wouldn't have just cried your way through a whole box of tissues if you didn't."

Kathryn took a long sip of coffee and sighed. "I do love him, that's why it hurts so much, and, in hindsight, I think I'm largely to blame for messing things up. I'm trying to be rational and I just don't see the logic to trying to resume a relationship when we couldn't get along living under the same roof. Mom, we were dating and starting to get serious and I was actually starting to think about marriage and he said some things so I know he was too, but what would be the sense in going on if we'd end up miserable once we got married?"

Gretchen snickered. "Who says you'd be miserable? Katie, you were dating for what, a couple weeks, and were living under the same roof for less than a week? It takes longer than that, much longer, and relationships can be hard work, but the rewards are infinite. Sweetie, you never moved in with any of your boyfriends and taking a vacation together or spending the weekend together wasn't the same thing. It can take time to learn how to live with a man, sometimes it isn't easy and both of you are older and set in your ways. You two got along before, so I don't think it's as hopeless as you say. You don't seem like you've been yourself lately, so that might have something to do with it too. Katie, maybe you should pop into sick bay next week and get a check up? It would make me feel better."

Kathryn gave her mom a hug. "I'm fine, I just haven't been sleeping well and I'm a little tired. I'm glad we talked and I promise I will think about what you said."

"Alright, Katie Bird, that's all I ask. What do you say we forget about everything for now, go downtown for lunch and then go shopping? I heard what Phoebe's dog did to your shoes, so please let me get you a couple pairs and I'll take it out of her inheritance."

Kathryn giggled and hugged her mother again. "New shoes, the perfect way to get over a broken heart! C'mon, Mom, let's go!"

/\

Kathryn spent the night at her mother's house and returned home late Sunday night armed with plenty of leftovers, a new dress, three pairs of new shoes and a lot to think about. She put the food away, took her overnight bag upstairs and checked her messages. There were several, but none from Chakotay. She went to his room and looked around more thoroughly, only to discover that he had apparently been meticulous and packed every last thing. Kathryn took a look at the spot in the carpet where the ashes had fallen and moved the bed over to cover it so it would no longer remind her of what she'd done. As she sighed and left the room, she found a piece of the pot he'd thrown at her on the floor. Searching through the thick carpet, she found several more, for it probably hadn't broken into more than a dozen pieces. Another piece was peeking out from under the dresser, so she picked it up and pushed the dresser aside to see if there were more. She found another and, back behind the dresser, was a framed picture. Kathryn reached her arm behind and retrieved it. It was the one of the two pretty girls with the horse, and must have fallen back there when she fell against the dresser. She placed the pieces of the pot and the picture on the dresser, left the room and slowly closed the door on that chapter of her life.

A check of the bathroom reveled that he had also removed all of his belongings from there, however he had left the toothbrush and toothpaste he borrowed sitting in the medicine cabinet. Kathryn picked up the toothbrush and raked her thumbnail through the bristles several times before she threw it in the trash. She didn't bother going back to the spare bedroom where he had stored all his extra things, for she had checked that the morning before and knew it was empty.

Kathryn took a long hot bath, settled into her bed, and picked up the Gothic romance novel she had started the other night. She found that it couldn't hold her interest as her thoughts kept wandering to the man that was even more dashing and heroic than the one in the novel. She tossed the PADD aside, put out the lights and settled into the bed, willing her mind to stop thinking about him. It wouldn't, so she tossed and turned for over an hour, then got out of bed, went outside in her nightgown, sat beside the pool and slipped her legs in. It was an unseasonably warm evening and the cool water felt good.

The night was silent and very dark, for it was cloudy and the neighbors had long since put out the lights and gone to bed and Kathryn's house was dark as well. She kicked her feet around gently in the water. The soft noise it made soon conjured up memories of another warm starless night and a cool river on a planet a lifetime away that she had once lived on. She and Chakotay had walked down to the river there on a very hot night, sat side by side on a rock by the shore as they dangled their feet in the water and complained about the heat. She smiled as she remembered he had suggested they go skinny dipping, she'd refused and he said he was sure she was lying when she told him that she had never been skinny dipping. She wasn't lying, she really never had. Kathryn stood, pulled off her nightgown and quietly slipped into the water. It felt good and she swam to the other end of the pool and then back and forth again several more times.

She climbed the stairs out of the pool, wrung out her hair, wrapped it in her nightgown, walked back to the house, up the stairs and lay on her bed. The window was open and she felt a chill as the night air blew across her damp naked body before she pulled up the sheet. As Kathryn lay there, she began to touch herself, glad that she and Chakotay had never made love and she would never have to deal with haunting memories of his touch or the tastes, scents and sounds of his love. Her mind drifted back to that night long ago, the night he told her an ancient legend, and she'd almost invited him back to her bed. Chakotay was surely a good lover, Kathryn thought, he would probably be tender and gentle and satisfy her many times over before he sought his own pleasure. Yes, it was good that she had never experienced him or given too much of herself to him, that would make him easier to forget.

Kathryn's release never came and, frustrated, she drifted off into a fitful sleep for an hour or two before the rain beating against the house woke her. She got up to close the windows. The wind gusting through the windows, heavy with rain, sent a chill through her. She grabbed the bedspread off the floor at the foot of the bed, wrapped herself in it and curled up in the middle of the bed as she shivered. Kathryn's eyes were still open as the gray dawn came. She grabbed her damp pillow and clamped it over her head, suddenly throwing it aside as she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She listened and heard nothing, so she rolled over and willed sleep to rescue to her. She heard a noise again and sat up, listening. Yes, she heard another bang; there was someone downstairs. Kathryn grabbed her robe off a chair and headed down the stairs. She stopped on the last step and definitely heard noise in the living room, so she softly called out, "Chakotay, is that you?" as she headed into the room. She stood and called out twice more until the back door again banged open in the wind and she realized she must have forgotten to close it when she came in from the pool last night.

She shut the door and turned to go back upstairs, but knew sleep was a useless pursuit, so Kathryn went to the kitchen, made coffee and toast and sat at the table as she tore the toast into little pieces and slowly ate them. She scrolled through the morning news as she had three more cups of coffee. Out of boredom she logged into her sister's tabloid subscriptions and laughed. One of them had she and Chakotay partying in Monaco over the weekend, another detailed their three day gambling spree in the elite Dabo parlors on Ferenginar and the third had news of the showdown between Chakotay and Brad Borat, the actor whose love child she was allegedly carrying, over the baby's paternity. She patted her slightly rounded abdomen as she rose to go get dressed. "Nothing in here but too many desserts!"

Kathryn headed out to the hardware store and bought the supplies she needed to strip the wallpaper in her dining room and paint the walls. She looked through the many reproduction vintage wallpapers they had and took samples of several, but knew re-papering the walls was a project that would have to wait for quite a while. When she got home she changed into some old clothes and got to work, discovering very quickly that the old wallpaper had another layer of wallpaper under it and neither of them was going to give up without a fight. She would have to go back to the store and get something to repair the places where the paper took some of the wall along with it and realized this project would take several days, at least, and wasn't going to be anywhere near as quick and easy as the instructions on the wallpaper remover said it would be. By mid afternoon Kathryn was tired and took a break to get something to eat. It had stopped raining, so she went outside to dump the water off the poolside furniture and found that her neighbor Mrs. Westerman was doing the same on her back deck.

Kathryn waved to her and she waved back as she shouted, "Kathryn, do you think you could help me for a second? This is too heavy for me."

"Of course," Kathryn replied as she ran next door She dumped the rain water out of the chairs for her, righted a potted plant the wind had blown over and picked up a wet beach towel that had blown off the clothesline and hung it back up. Mrs. Westerman was very old and seemed to have difficulty getting around, usually using a cane or sometimes a walker, but she was as spry mentally as any person and was obviously a very well educated and a totally charming lady. "Is there anything else I can do for you, Mrs. Westerman?"

"Thank you, Dear," she smiled. "Yes, would you care to join me for tea? Today is Minou's day off, so I'm all alone."

Kathryn nodded, went into the house and helped her make tea as Mrs. Westerman's cute little dog Sara danced around the kitchen in anticipation of the bowl of food that her mistress was preparing. The kitchen looked pretty much the same as it had before, except Kathryn noticed there were now lace curtains on the windows that hadn't been there before. Kathryn carried the tea tray into the living room, placed it on the table and helped Mrs. Westerman to the sofa. The elderly woman's hands shook slightly as she poured the tea and served some pretty little tea cakes, but it was obvious she was well versed in the etiquette of serving tea.

Kathryn smiled, "Thank you so much. Mrs. Westerman, I'm home almost all the time, so if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me. I told you the last time I was here, I'd be very happy to help you with anything: take Sara for a walk, run to the store or whatever you might need. This is a very pretty tea set. It's not the same one you used the other day, is it?"

"No, no, I have several, I got this one in France back in the 30's. My grandmother was from England and she insisted upon having a proper tea every afternoon and I think it's a lovely tradition, so I have done it almost every day of my life. Albert and I, that's my late husband, always enjoyed tea together right here on this sofa."

"How lovely! I think it's a nice custom too. I have a pretty tea set my mother gave me and it's still packed away, but I think I'll get it out and perhaps you can come over for tea one day and teach me the proper way to serve it?" Kathryn pointed to a picture on the side table. "Is that Mr. Westerman?"

"Yes, it is. He passed away almost twenty years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him. Being all alone is a terrible thing, isn't it, Kathryn? Ah, well," she sighed, "life goes on! Kathryn, my doctor insists that I get a hover chair, even though I don't think I really need one yet, and some of the furniture will have to be moved to accommodate it, so do you think you could ask Chakotay to over when he gets home from work, if he'd be kind enough to move it for me? I hate to ask, but Minou couldn't possibly do it and my grandson can't come until next weekend."

Kathryn sat silent for a moment as she couldn't will the tea in her mouth to go down her throat. "Uh, I'm sorry, but Chakotay moved out. He was only staying in my guest room for a few days… until his new apartment was ready, he moved on Saturday. I can try to help you if you want, I'm stronger than I look," she smiled.

"No, no, Dearie, I suspect it may take two men with antigravs to move some of it. He moved out? Will you be speaking with him soon? I found some napkins in the back of a drawer in the dining room and I'm sure they must be his, so I'd like to return them. Perhaps you could ask him to come over the next time he comes to see you?"

Kathryn stared into her tea. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be speaking to him or seeing him any time soon, we're both so busy, you know. I can look up the name of the movers I used if you'd like. They were very good and I'm sure they could send some people right over to help you."

"Yes, that would be so kind of you. Kathryn, dear, forgive me for prying, but that just seems rather odd as Chakotay sat right here the other day and went on and on about you and it certainly sounded like he was rather fond of you, more than fond, I'd say."

Kathryn forced a smile as Mrs. Westerman poured more tea. "Well, perhaps he was talking about someone else?"

"Perhaps he was," she agreed, although she knew Kathryn was lying. "Well, please have another cake. I can see you've been working, so please tell me what home improvement project you're tackling now."

The two women sat and talked for nearly an hour as Kathryn detailed her plans for her house and Mrs. Westerman told her all about her late husband and the most recent exploits of her great grandchildren. Mrs. Westerman wanted to hear all about Kathryn's adventures in the Delta Quadrant, so she agreed she would bring pictures the next time she came to visit and tell her all about them. Some friends arrived to take Mrs. Westerman out for dinner and Kathryn was invited along, but she politely declined and went home to resume work on her dining room walls.

/\

On Friday evening Kathryn settled on the sofa with a pizza on her lap and clicked on the news. The beep of the com link interrupted her before she'd finished her first slice, so she used her foot to slide it towards her on the coffee table and punch the button. "Hi, Mom, I was just about to call you! I was getting worried, I hadn't heard from you all week. Everything OK?"

"Hi Katie! Yes, everything's fine, I just thought I'd give you a little time to yourself. How are you doing?"

"Fine, I stripped off the old wallpaper in the dining room. It took me two and a half days, and then I fixed the places where I took off more wall than paper and put some refinishing sealer stuff on it and I just got done painting. You'll have to come and see it, it looks really nice! I ordered a pizza to celebrate, so why don't you beam over? I got a large, there's plenty."

"Thanks, but I already had dinner. What color did you paint the dining room?"

Kathryn showed her mother some smears of paint on her forearms. "This color, kind of an old Wedgwood blue. It goes well with my oriental rug and the drapes. Like it?"

"Yes, Katie, it's pretty, it matches your eyes. Well, Sweetie, have you done any thinking? Have you heard from Chakotay?"

"Yeah, I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching. He left some of his kitchen stuff and a picture here and I figured I should call and see about returning it and maybe he'd want to talk. Well, I didn't really know what I was going to say to him, it might just have been nothing more than making arrangements to get his stuff back to him as I don't know where he's living. Anyway, I left a message Wednesday and he didn't call back, so I left another Thursday and still didn't hear from him. I tried to call again this morning and got an automated message that his com link wasn't accepting unauthorized calls, so I guess he blocked me and doesn't want to hear from me. Maybe he moved to another planet or went back home or something?"

"I don't think so, Katie. He undoubtedly has a contract to teach at that university, the same as I do here, and you can't just walk out on one. Why don't you try to call him at work or go see him there?"

Kathryn finished up the last of her piece of pizza and grabbed another slice. "What would be the point, Mom? He obviously doesn't want to talk to me after what I did. If he wants his stuff back, he knows where I am and he can call. I miss him, I miss him so much!"

Gretchen leaned forward and touched the screen. "Katie, please don't start crying again. Maybe you two can work it out? I bet he needed time to cool off and to think too."

"Don't worry, Mom, I'm all cried out."

"Did you go see the doctor like I asked you to?"

"No, I haven't had time, I've been so busy with the dining room and all. Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Well, alright, but I still think you should. Unless that's paint, you have dark circles under your eyes, so I know you're not getting enough sleep. Katie, why don't you go out and start circulating again, do something, go have some fun."

"I'm not ready to start dating, Mom, and, besides, it's so hard to go anywhere without the press hounding me."

"Well, I can understand that. I didn't mean dating per se, I know you need some time, but why don't you go out with some friends or Starfleet people or call your cousin or something? Don't just sit there in that old house and rot."

Kathryn took a sip of her wine and giggled. "I'm not rotting, I'm painting! I'm going to take it easy this weekend and I think next week I'm going to tear the carpet that Mugwump ruined off the stairs and try to refinish them. The man at the hardware store in town is very helpful and explained to me how do it, showed me what I'd need and I can rent most of it."

Gretchen suddenly remembered, "Oh, I talked to your sister this morning and she says she hasn't forgotten and she will send you the money to cover the damage the dog did, but it'll have to be a little bit at a time because that credit cruncher she's married to hates the dog and would have a fit if he knew it had cost them more money."

Kathryn toasted the screen with her wine. "Gee, and all this time I thought my brother-in-law and I had nothing in common?"

"Katie, I hate to go, but I got conned into speaking at a luncheon tomorrow and I have to come up with something at least half witted to say and I'm getting tired, so I'd best get to it. I'm going to go visit Aunt Betty Sunday and spend the day in Chicago, but I'll call you when I get home from work on Monday."

"OK. Oh, wait, Mrs. Westerman, the lady next door, invited me over to have dinner on Monday night, so wait until later to call me, She goes to bed early, so I'm sure I'll be home early. Have a good weekend, Mom, I love you."

"Love you too, Katie Bird!" Gretchen said as they touched fingers on the screen.

Kathryn went to the grocery store Saturday morning, cut half the yard in the afternoon and spent the rest of the day floating on a raft in the pool and reading. She finished up the grass on Sunday morning, took her mother's advice and had dinner with her cousin on Fisherman's Warf Sunday night, however the paparazzi somehow found her and they had to cut their evening short and give up on a planned after dinner cruise on the bay.

Kathryn awoke with a headache Monday morning after another night of not sleeping well and finally went in to sick bay, thinking maybe she was coming down with something and to get more sleeping pills. The doctor gave her something for her headache, a stern lecture about her health and sent her home to rest, eat properly and get more exercise. Kathryn felt so bad when she got home she called Mrs. Westerman to cancel tea and their dinner, but the woman convinced her to wait, take a nap and see if she didn't feel better when she woke up. Kathryn did and managed to sleep for an hour or so. She still didn't feel like going, but knew her neighbor was lonely and had few if any visitors, so she called to say she was feeling better and would be over at five as planned.

Kathryn showered and put on the new dress her mother had bought her when they went shopping, put some makeup on for the first time in more than a week and put her hair up as well. She admired herself in the mirror and giggled. "You still clean up pretty nicely, Kathryn Janeway!" Remembering Mrs. Westerman wanted to hear about Voyager and the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn went through her desk and found the PADDs she wanted to take with her before she dashed next door.

Mrs. Westerman was just pouring the water into the teapot as she arrived. She looked up and smiled. "Oh my, don't you look pretty! I'm so glad you came, are you feeling better, Dear?"

Kathryn took the tea kettle from her and put it back on the stove, wondering why she went to all the trouble to make tea that way when she had a replicator. "Thank you. Yes, I do feel better. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"If you could carry the tray in please, I would appreciate it. I had the bakery deliver some Vulcan tea cookies and little pastries, I do hope you like them. I've always loved Vulcan sweets, they're practically works of art and they taste even better than they look."

"Oh, yes, Ma'am, they look just wonderful and I like Vulcan sweets too. I have a very dear friend who's Vulcan and he sent me a box of the most divine candies as a housewarming gift. Why don't you wait here and I'll take the tray in and be right back and help you to the sofa?"

When they were situated Mrs. Westerman poured the tea and they enjoyed it and the sweets as Kathryn showed her pictures and told her all about her seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Mrs. Westerman asked Kathryn to retrieve some old fashioned picture albums of her family from the bookshelves beside the fireplace and they went over those as well. She had had a long and interesting life, traveled all over, met many important people and had many wonderful memories to share. Kathryn was very glad that she came and to have such a sweet neighbor.

When they were finished with tea, the two went out to the deck. Mrs. Westerman sat in the last of the day's sun while her dog Sara played in the yard and Kathryn tended to all the potted plants. She was glad to have Kathryn do it as she complained that her companion Minou always over watered them. They went back in the kitchen and worked together to put the finishing touches on dinner, although Mrs. Westerman had prepared much of the meal earlier. The food looked and smelled wonderful, it was obvious she was also a gourmet cook.

Kathryn watched as Mrs. Westerman put various ingredients into a saucepan and placed it on the stove. She didn't measure anything and chopped fresh chives expertly, with the skill of a master chef. Kathryn's curiosity was piqued and she finally asked, "Were you a chef before you retired?"

"No, no," she chortled, "Oh heavens no! I didn't really get interested in cooking until I retired and starting watching all those cooking programs and collecting vintage French cook books." She checked her watch. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go freshen up and take my medicine. If you could be a dear and stir the sauce for me, it needs to be constantly stirred and it'll thicken in a few minutes."

Kathryn gave her a little grin. "I'm not a very good cook, Ma'am, I might ruin it."

"Oh no, just keep stirring it and it'll turn out fine, constant stirring is the secret! I'll be right back."

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders and kept stirring the sauce as her mouth watered, for everything smelled so good. She realized she felt much better now, her headache was completely gone, and her afternoon with her wonderful neighbor had really lifted her spirits. As promised, the sauce started to thicken and produce an aroma that was just short of heavenly. Kathryn dipped in a finger and snuck a taste, it was divine!

Mrs. Westerman returned and brought out a serving cart from the pantry as she looked up and smiled. "Minou ordered this for me, it's a hover cart and it's simply wonderful! I can guide it with just one finger and I can take everything into the dining room at once! Sweetheart, put the sauce in this sauce boat and help me put everything on the cart and I'll show you how it works."

They loaded it up and Kathryn followed Mrs. Westerman into the dining room carrying the basket of dinner rolls as there wasn't room on the cart for them. She stepped into the dining room and was taken aback by the magnificent sparkling chandelier overhead and the table that was so elegantly set with beautiful linens, flowers, china, silver and crystal until she dropped the basket of rolls on the floor and shouted, "Chakotay!"

"Kathryn?" he gasped as he stood in the corner beside the sideboard, bracing himself against it for support.

Mrs. Westerman stopped the cart and leaned on her cane with both hands. "Kathryn and Chakotay, I invited you both here this evening and I must confess I deceived you as I didn't tell either of you the other would be coming. I may be old, but I know both of you have been lying to me about the other, and I know the two of you were more than just friends and I'll explain all that later. I also know you've both been miserable since you split up."

Chakotay cleared his throat and started for the doorway to the living room to leave. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Westerman, if you'll excuse me?"

She reached out with her cane as he neared, gave his knees a good whack and stopped him before she leaned on it again and smiled. "I'm sorry, dear, but you're not leaving… and neither are you, Kathryn!" she said as she turned and shook a finger at her. "Both of you are wonderful people and have been good friends to me, I've come to love you both and it really hurts me to see you so miserable. It won't kill you to sit in the same room and have dinner with an old woman and keep her company, so, Chakotay, please clean up the rolls that spilled and get some fresh ones from the kitchen and, Kathryn, please put the food on the table." She tapped her cane loudly on the floor several times. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," they mumbled in unison as they each, totally stunned, did as asked and then took their seats to join Mrs. Westerman at the table. Obviously this sweet little old lady had her assertive side and was armed and dangerous.

Mrs. Westerman served herself some salad and passed it to Kathryn. "Salad, Dear? Chakotay, please pass the dressing." They each took some salad and began eating quietly. Kathryn ventured a quick glance across the table at Chakotay, but she looked down and rearranged her napkin in her lap when she saw that he was looking at her. He suddenly seemed intent upon cutting his salad into very small pieces. Mrs. Westerman slipped a crouton to her dog Sara, as always waiting patiently beside her chair. She gave the dog an apologetic look. "Sorry, Sara, but that's all for now! Lie back down and maybe Mommy will 'drop' something else later." She gave Kathryn and Chakotay disapproving glances before she said, "Well, are either of you going to speak or do I have to talk to my dog all evening?"

Kathryn broke the silence. "The salad is very good, Mrs. Westerman."

"Yes, it is," Chakotay added, "I hope you'll give me the recipe for the dressing."

"Of course, I'll write it down for you after dinner, it's very easy." She took a sip of her water and continued. "I suppose I owe you both an explanation. Kathryn, I see you almost every day and I've noticed how ragged you've been looking and how the sparkle from your pretty blue eyes has been missing this last week or so. Chakotay, when you beamed over here for dinner Wednesday night and moved the furniture for me you looked terrible and I could tell something was really bothering you. Neither of you is a good liar and I knew what it was right away." She looked at both of them and smiled. "My heavens, any idiot could see that the two of you were in love and I never bought that crap about 'just friends' and 'only renting a room' for even a moment. Anyhow, there are no secrets in Primrose Acres. That annoying busybody Peggy Peabrain Wentworth stops by to see me all too often, eats all my cookies and runs her mouth until I come about a centimeter from beating her to death with my cane, but she did tell me all about the two of you… more than I wanted to know," she chuckled. "She isn't fooling anyone, she could care less about me, she just knows my grandson is on the zoning board, her husband is a real estate developer and she's the biggest suck up Toledo ever produced." She could tell Kathryn and Chakotay were both shocked. "Oh yes, she's really from a low class pod park in Toledo. She married into money, just pretends her blood is blue and," Mrs. Wentworth laughed sadistically, "just wait until she finds out her husband and the pool boy are carrying on when she's off getting her wrinkles rearranged!"

"Really?" Kathryn giggled.

"Oh yes, the housekeeper at the Sandovals' house next door is good friends with my gardener Rodney and she told him all about it. If you want to find out anything about anyone around here, just ask the help. Well, not those blasted androids, they won't tell you a thing, not that I ever gossip, mind you! Anyhow, I didn't ask you here to because I wanted to gossip about the neighbors, I invited you here because I care about both of you, know you're miserable now and want to do something about it."

Chakotay put down his fork and smiled. "That's very sweet of you, Ma'am, and I appreciate it, but I really don't think there's any point."

"I beg to differ," Mrs. Westerman interjected, "You two have been friends for, what, seven years you said, Kathryn?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered as she took another quick glance across the table, only to find Chakotay intently chasing a crouton around on his plate.

Mrs. Westerman started passing around the rest of the food and they joined her and filled their plates. "Of course, I am making the assumption that both of you want to stop being miserable and not throw away seven years of friendship. If nothing else, you'll probably be seeing each other at work, perhaps working together, so it only makes sense that you have to at least be amicable, wouldn't you agree?"

"I suppose that makes sense," Kathryn reluctantly agreed as she toyed with the food on her plate."

Chakotay said nothing, so Mrs. Wentworth finally asked him, "Chakotay, won't you at least give it a try, if, for no other reason than to make an old lady happy?"

He put down his fork and thought for a moment before he looked up to answer her. "Ma'am, I agree we should at least be civil to one another and I'm willing to work out things to that point, but I don't think there's any sense in going beyond that, the relationship we once had is obviously over."

She passed him the asparagus. "Here, try some of the asparagus. It's fresh, not replicated. Chakotay, what makes you say the relationship is obviously over?"

He was quick to answer. "Well, Kathryn's moved on and she's dating someone else for starters."

"What?" Kathryn gasped. "I am not! Where did you ever get that idea?"

"I read it in the news and saw the picture this morning."

"What? For heaven's sake, Chakotay, you can't believe any of that rubbish in the tabloids! You ought to know better than…"

"It wasn't a tabloid," he interrupted, "it was in the Chronicle, a legitimate publication… you and some guy with his arm around you, sucking on your ear at that little Mexican restaurant down on Fisherman's Warf and…"

"What? Chakotay, that was my cousin Joe and he wasn't sucking on my ear, he was whispering to me he saw reporters and we should leave and he was just trying to get me out of there before they could get any pictures."

"Your cousin?"

"Yes, my cousin, Joe Janeway! He's in the family pictures in the den, you've seen them. He's older now and cut his hair and shaved off the beard, but I assure you he's my cousin and there was nothing going on! Gods, what do you think I am? My mother talked me into calling him and getting together, she thought I needed to get out and so did he. Call her and ask her if you don't believe me! Gods how I hate it when you jump to conclusions and judge me!"

"I'm sorry, Kathryn, I stand corrected, and you don't have to be so defensive."

Mrs. Wentworth passed the sauce boat and smiled. "Try some of the sauce on your asparagus, Kathryn made it. Chakotay, it's interesting that you were so upset when you thought that Kathryn was dating someone else, isn't it? Perhaps you do still care for her, although I wouldn't have pegged you for the jealous type."

"I'm not, it's Kathryn that is and she's the one that jumps to conclusions, not me."

"What? I am not!"

"Alright, you two, it's obvious you need a referee! Would you two be willing to talk it out and let me help you and, before we go on, please trust me that anything you say will not leave this room. I only gossip about people I can't stand, like Peggy Wentworth. I have a pretty good idea of what must have happened as I saw you carrying your things out to the front yard and loading up your car in the dead of night, Chakotay. Am I correct in assuming you two had a fight last Sunday night and Kathryn threw you out?"

"I did not!" she protested. "I never asked him to leave and didn't even know he had until the next morning and I said I was sorry!"

"You knew I was leaving! I made plenty of noise cleaning out my room and carrying all that stuff down the stairs. I so much as cough and you complain that I wake you up. Don't lie, Kathryn, you knew!"

"I did not! I took some sleeping pills and I wouldn't have heard a photon torpedo go off. Chakotay, I…"

Mrs. Wentworth clapped her hands. "Enough! Kathryn, please, I asked Chakotay a question, so please be kind enough to let him answer it for me. Now, am I correct that you two had a fight, Chakotay?"

"Yes, Ma'am, we did, and Kathryn didn't throw me out, I left of my own free will."

"What was the fight about if I may ask?"

"It's a long story," he replied as he shoved a forkful of food into his mouth.

Mrs. Westerman passed the potatoes and smiled. "Well, we have enough food on the table to last for several days and I plan on living for at least a few more years, so why don't you tell it?"

He stared down into his food. "There's nothing to tell, we just didn't get along, that's all. Kathryn isn't the same person I thought she was and we couldn't live under the same roof."

Mrs. Westerman shook her head and grinned. "That's pretty vague! I thought you Starfleet people were all about precision and details? Kathryn, would you care to tell me what happened?"

"It's like he said, as much as I tried, we just didn't get along. We did have a fight. I accidentally ruined something irreplaceable of Chakotay's and I apologized, but he wouldn't accept my apology." Kathryn looked across the table to Chakotay. "Chakotay, I really am sorry. What I did was wrong and you have every right to be angry with me, but can't you forgive me? Please? I tired to call you three times to apologize, but you didn't return my calls and then you blocked me."

"What? I did not, you never called! I tired to call you to make arrangements to get your garage door fixed and pay for it like I said I would and you'd blocked me!"

"I did not!"

Mrs. Westerman clapped her hands again. "Children! My goodness, my great grandchildren don't squabble as much as you two. Alright, Kathryn, please explain about your calls and, Chakotay, shut up, listen to her and eat."

"I called on Wednesday and again on Thursday and left messages, but you never called me back. Chakotay, I really wanted to talk to you, to apologize again and try to work things out. I called again Saturday morning and got an automated message that you weren't accepting calls from any unauthorized links." Kathryn gave him a dirty look. "You know as well as I do that means you blocked me."

Chakotay ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his face. "Kathryn, I didn't block you and I tried to call you after work on Friday because I hadn't heard from you and we needed to talk. I know what happened and I can see how you think I blocked you, but I didn't. Somehow my com link information got out and I had three hundred some messages on Wednesday and shut the thing off. Thursday there were almost seven hundred and I didn't have the time to go through more than a thousand messages, so I just deleted them all, got a new link on Friday after work and set the old one not to receive any more calls. When I called you from the new com link Saturday, it obviously wasn't in your list to accept calls, so I thought you'd blocked me. I'm sorry, I was so upset about the whole mess and still don't know how the information got out or where it is that I didn't think to let you know I'd had to change it. You didn't leak it to get back at me, did you?"

"Of course not!" Kathryn huffed as she threw down her fork. She picked it up again. "I'm sorry I shouted, but I would never do that. Use a little logic, if I did that to you I know you'd do the same to me and also let them know where I live, or worse. I would never try to mess with your privacy, I know…"

"But you did, Kathryn!" he interrupted. "That's what started all this, you went into my room and invaded my privacy. I know it was your house, but that was my room and you had no right to mess with my things, especially after you laid down the law about me going into your room and invading your privacy. Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you and cursed at you and I'm deeply sorry and appalled I took a hand to you as that was inexcusable, but…"

"What!" Mrs. Westerman interrupted. "You hit Kathryn?"

Tears started to well in Chakotay's eyes. "No, Ma'am, I shoved her, but that was just as bad. I lashed out at her physically in anger and there is no excuse for that and, if another man had done it, taken a hand to her, I would have killed him." He wiped the tears off his face with his napkin before he continued. "Kathryn, I was very hurt and angry, that I admit, and I do apologize for shoving you, but that's not why I left. I left because I was afraid of myself, terrified, because I had tried to hurt you. I didn't know who I was and I was just so angry, lost and scared I had to get away, I had to be alone. Kathryn, the look in your eyes that night, you were afraid of me, weren't you? I know it, I'm so sorry."

"Yes, I was, I even locked my bedroom door that night. I don't think I was afraid that you would hurt me so much as I was afraid of you because you were a stranger in my house and because I didn't know what I could do to right my wrong. Chakotay, Mrs. Westerman is right, and we need to sit down and talk, to work things out. I'm willing to do whatever it takes: keep a cleaner house, go to counseling, go to cooking school… whatever it takes."

Mrs. Westerman slowly rose from the table and took her cane off the arm. "I'm going to bring in the dessert and coffee and then get in that damn hover chair contraption and take Sara down to the park to play. I can see you two have some talking to do, so just enjoy the dessert and I'll give you some privacy. Both of you have to promise to be civil and there is to be no name calling or shouting. What I suggest you do is address why you didn't get along and what you can do about it. Just deal with one thing at a time and work it out. I can see you both still love each other, even if you won't admit it, and the least you can do is try. Will you please do that for me?"

"Yes," Kathryn quickly replied, "I really want to work things out and, you're right, you just don't go and throw away seven years of friendship. Will you talk with me, Chakotay?"

He put the last forkful of food from his plate into his mouth, slowly chewed and swallowed before he answered. "I suppose it makes sense. Here, let me help you, Mrs. Westerman, and I'll be right back." Chakotay helped her into her chair and out the door, brought in the coffee and dessert and served them before he resumed his seat and tried the pie. "This is good, do you know what kind it is?"

She took a bite, then a second and gave the matter some thought. "No, it's like old fashioned lemon chiffon, but different. I don't know what it is, but it's certainly good. Well, Chakotay, thank you for agreeing to talk to me and let me start by saying I had no idea you'd be here tonight. She didn't tell me when she invited me for dinner; I honestly didn't know."

He gave her a little smile. "Neither did I. She called earlier in the week and said she'd found some of my things here and asked if I'd come pick them up and invited me to dinner." He took a sip of coffee and sat back. "Kathryn, I don't really feel like talking, I just said I would to make her happy. I'm leaving as soon as she gets back and I get whatever things she found, although I suspect she didn't find anything and it was just an excuse."

"No, she told me she found some linen napkins in a drawer." Kathryn leaned across the table as she turned her coffee cup around and around in the saucer. "Why won't you talk to me? I know what I did and I can't help it if you never forgive me, but can't we at least try to figure out what went wrong? She was right and you know as well as I do we'll be working together after our leave is up."

"OK."

"Before we start, I have a confession to make and it will explain a lot. Chakotay, I wasn't feeling well and went to see the doctor the other day and I have a problem. You know I've been having trouble sleeping and it's made me irritable lately and…"

"No kidding!" he interrupted as he chuckled into his fist.

"Please, let me finish! I don't know how to tell you this and I'm very ashamed and I should have talked to you and asked you to help me, but I wasn't really aware I had a problem or how bad it was until I talked to the doctor. Anyhow, Chakotay, I have a drug problem."

"What? You don't use drugs, Kathryn. If you did I'd know."

"You didn't, I was embarrassed and hid it, but I obviously couldn't hide the side effects. You know I often have trouble sleeping, I always have. Anyhow, when we got home I complained to the doctor about it and he gave me some sleeping pills and I did just fine, until they ran out. When they did I couldn't sleep, so I went back and got some more. I couldn't sleep unless I took them, so I did. I complained about headaches and not sleeping after my accident and they gave me more, but said that was it. When I ran out my sister had some and gave them to me, then I found some at Mom's the last time I was there and took them without telling her. Anyhow, I'm addicted to them and can't sleep unless I take them and one doesn't do the job anymore, I have to take two or sometimes three. That's why I didn't hear you leave, I took three that night and was out cold. I've tried, I'd stop taking them for a couple days, but I couldn't sleep at all or only for a few hours. After a couple days of that, I was so tired and irritable I'd give in and take some to finally get a good night's sleep."

"I wish you'd told me. Are you going to get help?"

"Yes, I don't have any choice. It was that same doctor that treated me when I had my accident and he said I either had to do what he said and get help or it'll go on my record and he'll refer me for disciplinary action. You know that would ruin my promotion and I'd, no doubt, lose my house and probably my career. I need help, I recognize that and freely admit it. I have an appointment Monday to see a counselor and I'm wearing a sleep monitor at night so they can find out why I have so much trouble sleeping. I always figured it was too much coffee and stress and never did anything about it, but there could be a medical reason. I hope you'll keep this between us. I haven't told anyone, not even my mother, because I'm embarrassed I let it get this far."

"Of course, I'd never violate your confidence and I'm glad you told me. Maybe I should have known, you certainly have seemed to be different lately, that's for sure. You're lucky the doctor didn't report you right off the bat, you know."

"Yes, I know. He cited extenuating circumstances and said he'd keep it off the record, but only if I did everything he told me. I'm trying, I really am. This is only my fourth cup of coffee today and I'm only going to have this one." She took a sip and looked up and grinned. "You didn't expect me to go cold turkey, did you?"

"No, of course not. More pie?"

"Please," she replied as he served her another slice and pushed the coffee pot out of her reach. "Chakotay, can we talk about us, about what happened, why we couldn't live under the same roof and what we can do about it?"

He toyed with the meringue on top of the pie and finally ate a bite before asking, "What do you want to do, Kathryn? If you want me to forget about what happened or pretend it didn't, I can't do that."

"I know, that's not what I'm asking. I know I can't undo the past and I'm getting the help I need with my problem, but I'd like to talk about the future. I love you, Chakotay, and I miss you. What I am asking is if you'd tell me what I could do to make you happier, so we can get along better. I'm sure you probably don't want to move back, but can we at least start spending some time together again?"

"I think I need more time, Kathryn, I still have some thinking to do. I think you know what went wrong, we're just incompatible and annoyed the hell out of one another. I'm too neat and you're too messy, I get up too early and you stay up too late, you do things your way and I do them mine and on and on. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

"Yes, but maybe we could learn to compromise? You could be a little less organized and I can be a little neater and…"

"Kathryn, I tried, believe me, I tried to please you, I wanted it to work out, I really did. Maybe it's what you said once, I fell in love with Captain Janeway and you're not really Captain Janeway."

She drained the last of her coffee and stared down into the empty cup. "No, sorry, I guess I'm not. So, have you found an apartment?"

"No, not yet. I'm staying at the Wildman's while they're on a six week trip introducing Naomi to her family, but I'm looking. Their place is nice, but it's quite a ways from the university and the neighbors are noisy, so the sooner I can get out, the better. Remind me before I go, I'll give you my new com link information."

"OK, I'll add you so you can call me… if you'd like to talk. Oh, you left behind a picture and some things in the kitchen."

"Sorry, I'll pick them up before I leave. Go ahead and make arrangements to have the garage door fixed and I'll call and make arrangements to pay for it."

"Thanks, but don't worry about it, I owe you for the lawnmower and all the groceries you bought. Oh, your stuff isn't packed. Mom gave me a bunch of kitchen stuff and put it away and I don't know what's yours, what she left and what's mine, so you'll have to sort through and pick out your things. Would you like to come over when Mrs. Westerman gets back? I took down the wallpaper in the dining room and painted last week, so you can take a look and you can see what you think."

Chakotay ran his hands through his hair and stretched. "No, not tonight. I had to get up early this morning and I'm really tired. There's no rush, I don't need any of it at the Wildman's."

Kathryn thought for a moment. "Well then, how about coming over on Saturday and you could stay for lunch or dinner and maybe we could talk a little bit more?"

Chakotay shook his head. "I don't know about that, I'm pretty busy. I'll stop by about ten Saturday morning and pick it up, if that would be convenient. I think I hear Mrs. Westerman. She hasn't quite got the hang of that hover chair yet, so let me go help her in."

"Yes, that would be fine. I'll go grab that picture you left and I'll be right back." Kathryn ran home, flew up the stairs and grabbed the picture off the dresser in the guest room. When she saw herself in the mirror above it, she realized her make up needed a touch up, so she went to her room and took care of it, ran a brush through her hair and went back next door. She knocked on the back door and walked in calling hello.

"I'm in here, Dear," Mrs. Westerman replied from the dining room as she was taking bundling up the table linens to be washed. "Can you carry these to the laundry room for me, please?"

"Of course," Kathryn replied as she took them. "Where's Chakotay? He left this picture behind and I ran home to get it to return it."

"He left, Sweetheart. He cleared the dishes onto the cart and took them to the kitchen, said he was tired and beamed home. Didn't he tell you he was leaving?"

"No," Kathryn replied as she looked at the picture and sat it on the kitchen table. "Well, let me take care of the dishes for you."

"No, no, Minou should be home any minute and she'll take care of them. She does the housework too. Let's just leave everything so she can get something to eat if she's hungry; the woman eats like a horse, I don't know how she stays so thin! Come on, let's go sit in the living room and you can tell me how your chat went. Would you like more coffee? There's still plenty."

Kathryn looked at the coffee pot and bit her lip. "No, thank you, I've had enough. Would you like some and a slice of pie? The dinner was absolutely delicious, thank you so much."

Mrs. Westerman smiled. "Maybe a tiny little slice of pie, but no coffee this late, thank you. Did you two make any progress?"

Kathryn brought a slice of pie and joined her on the sofa. "Well, yes and no. We had a civil conversation, so that was progress, but I don't think he's ready to forgive me yet and I'm not sure he's interested in trying to get back together, but at least he didn't say no."

Mrs. Westerman patted Kathryn's hands. "At least you talked and, perhaps, you just need to be patient. He still loves you, of that I'm certain. Kathryn, if I may ask, what did you do that upset him so?"

"I accidentally dumped out his grandfather's ashes. I know I shouldn't have, but I went in his room and snooped around while he was at work. I picked up this old clay pot, turned it over to look at the bottom and the lid came off and what I thought was just some sand spilled into the carpet. I tried to clean it up, but the carpet in there is thick and swallowed it up. As if that weren't bad enough, I figured he wouldn't notice and didn't say anything. His grandfather was very special to him and, when he noticed, that's what started the fight the night he left."

"I see. Well, he does have a right to be upset, I know how I'd feel if someone spilled Mr. Westerman's ashes. He also has a point that, while it might have been your house, that room was his private space. Kathryn, perhaps he just needs more time? He's obviously upset at both losing the ashes and how he reacted that night and he needs to work that out for himself. Chakotay has very deep feelings, I'm sure you know that. He's a very complex person even though he appears simple and straight forward on the surface."

"You're right, of course," Kathryn replied as Minou entered the house and everyone exchanged greetings. Kathryn rose from the sofa. "Well, if you'll excuse me, it's late and my doctor has me on a very tight leash these days and I have to get to bed on time. Thank you again for the lovely dinner, that was very sweet of you and everything was positively delicious. I'm sure I'll see you tomorrow and, don't forget, you can call if you need anything. Goodnight and thank you again for a lovely evening."

/\

The next week was a difficult one for Kathryn. She was doing everything the doctor and her counselors told her, which was largely why she was miserable. She missed the coffee dearly, not only because of the caffeine her body craved, but also because it was a habit and a comfort to her. She'd bought some decaf and gave that a try, but decided it tasted so terrible it wasn't worth the trouble to make it. Chakotay had left behind an assortment of herbal teas, but they too were a poor substitute for coffee. Kathryn still wasn't sleeping well, which was the ultimate irony as she was so tired she had trouble keeping her eyes open most of the time, yet she still couldn't sleep.

To keep herself busy, which her therapist had suggested, Kathryn started in on her project to strip the old carpet off the stairs and refinish them. When she started on the bottom step, she discovered that, not only had the carpet been secured with lots of metal staples, it had also been glued down with liters and liters of gummy old fashioned glue. A call to the hardware store confirmed her worst fears, as the only way to remove the glue and not damage the lovely old oak underneath was to apply an adhesive remover and carefully scrape off all the glue by hand. Kathryn had loved the large and elegant old fashioned staircase when she first saw the house, but she hated it now and wondered why she ever started in on the project.

Kathryn abandoned the project on Friday and grabbed her cleaning supplies to make the house sparkle. She had resolved to be a better housekeeper and meant it, but had neglected it as the stairs took way more time than she estimated. Knowing that Chakotay would be in the kitchen the next day to pick up his things, she started there. Kathryn cleaned everything and straightened all the drawers and cabinets, giggling to herself as she finally threw away the yarmok sauce as he'd suggested, and wondered why some devious young Ferengi on DS9 ever talked her into buying it when all she'd gone into the shop for was a raktajino. Hoping Chakotay would stay for lunch, Kathryn scrolled through the PADD of recipes her mother had given her for ideas, trying to match what she had uncomplicated recipes for with what she knew he liked. She finally settled on her mother's minestrone soup recipe and would buy a loaf of crusty Italian bread and some fruit and cheese to go with it.

On Saturday morning Kathryn had managed to sleep fairly well and felt better than she had in days. She rushed to the kitchen to put the soup on first thing, as her mother said that fresh ingredients and long slow cooking were the secrets to a good soup. Planning ahead, she chopped all the vegetables the night before. As the soup simmered, she relished her two cups of coffee and ate some cereal. She was now down to just two cups in the morning and one at three in the afternoon, although she still craved it constantly. Kathryn tried on several outfits and finally decided on a simple skirt and top as she didn't want to look like she fussed. Yes, she was excited Chakotay was coming, but he didn't have to know that! She put on a little make up, brushed her hair and left it loose and slipped on the sandals Chakotay made her before she went to the kitchen to stir the soup. It was producing a wonderful aroma and she could hardly believe she'd made it.

Chakotay was a few minutes late and arrived at the door with an armload of boxes. Kathryn desperately wanted to hug him, but with his arms full, that was impossible, so she settled for rubbing his shoulder as he came in and said, "Hi, Kathryn, sorry I'm late. I had to go borrow a bigger car from a friend because I wasn't sure it would all fit in mine and he had to clean it out first. Where do you want me to start?"

She went to the refrigerator and took out a pitcher of lemonade. "Wouldn't you like to sit down and have something to drink first?"

He smiled politely. "No thanks, I'm kind of in a hurry, I have some stuff to do. I'll just start here if that's OK." Chakotay sat on the floor and opened a lower cupboard. "Wow, you straightened up! This looks nice."

She sat beside him and started taking things out. "Yes, I did. You were right and I am a slob. If a storage locker on my ship looked like this cabinet did, I'd raise hell, so I figured it was time I started running a tighter ship at home. You were right, when they're straight it's much easier to find things and the stuff doesn't fall out on my feet when I open the doors now. My therapist said I have to keep busy, so I am." She pulled out a casserole dish. "Yours or mine?"

"That's yours. How are you feeling? You look better."

"Thanks, I feel a lot better. I won't lie, it's been rough, but they found I do have a sleep disorder, probably from all those years in the Delta Quadrant of too much coffee, not eating right, long hours and stress. I don't sleep properly, I spend very little time in deep REM sleep. I won't bore you with all the details, but I have to follow a strict schedule now, keep busy, get a lot of exercise, do relaxation exercises and I'll have you know I'm down to just three cups of coffee a day now."

"Wow that's great. No more sleeping pills?"

"Nope. I couldn't take one if I wanted to. I have a bio monitor implant and it'll all go on the record if I test positive for anything other than what they're giving me. They're even monitoring the level of caffeine in my blood! The counseling sessions are really helping, I wish I'd continued them after I finished the ones they made me do when I got back. I still have a lot of guilt floating around in my subconscious, apparently."

"Well, you have no reason to. Are you sleeping better?"

"Not really, but I did do fairly well last night and felt good when I got up this morning, so maybe it's starting to work. I'm not allowed to nap now and it's frustrating to feel so sleepy and out of sorts sometimes and then not be able to sleep at night. I am doing everything they tell me and trying to keep a positive attitude and stay busy. I'm supposed to do some kind of vigorous physical activity for an hour every day, so I went down to the tennis courts by the park and batted some balls against the practice wall. Some woman asked me if I wanted to play and I did and she had a serve that damn near took my head off, so I think my tennis days are over and walking or swimming laps is more my style. How about you, how have you been?"

"Fine. Both of these omelet pans are mine and I don't really need two, would you like one?"

"Sure, thanks. I'm eating better now, healthier, and eating meals on schedule. I want to get better and I'm doing everything they tell me, I swear!"

"Well, that's good Kathryn. Come on, let's get to the next cupboard, I didn't realize there was so much to go through. I'm not going to bother sorting through the food, so just keep it."

It took more than an hour to go through all of the cabinets, sort everything, box up Chakotay's things, carry them to the car and neatly replace what remained. The conversation was limited to discussing various pots and pans and it soon became apparent to Kathryn all Chakotay wanted to do was get his things and leave. When he was done he washed his hands in the kitchen sink as Kathryn poured two glasses of lemonade and sat them on the kitchen table as she said, "Please, won't you stay for a few minutes and have some lemonade? I have that picture you left, I'll go get it. Please have a seat and here's some cookies. I'll be right back." He said nothing, so she fully expecting him to be heading for the door when she returned from the den with the picture, however he was seated at the table, eating a cookie. She handed him the picture and took a seat. "Here, it was behind the dresser in your room, it must have fallen behind the dresser when you… when I bumped into it. Is it your nieces?"

He looked at it a moment and touched the glass. "Yes, but it's about ten years old. They're all grown up now, although my sister still has the horse."

"They're lovely, I hope I get to meet them and I'd really like to meet your sister too. She's very pretty. What does she do?"

Chakotay took another cookie. "She's a senior editor for a scientific publishing company. These cookies are good, did you make them?"

She took one and grinned. "No, I got them at the bakery. I tried to make some the other day, but they turned out hard as rocks." Kathryn went to stir the soup. As she took the lid off the pot, a wonderful aroma filled the kitchen. "But, I did make this soup! It's almost noon, why don't you stay and have some lunch, Chakotay? It's minestrone, my mom's recipe. Please stay?"

"Well, OK, maybe I have time for a bowl of soup."

Kathryn started gathering the things to set the table. "Wonderful, thank you. I get so tired of eating alone all the time, it's nice to have company." As she started setting the table she realized, "Oh, these are your placemats and napkins, I'm sorry."

He gently touched her hand and smiled. "It's OK, you can keep them."

"Thank you, they're pretty, I'll use them every day." Kathryn continued speaking as she served the food. "Part of my therapy is I have to eat regular meals at the table, no more cramming food in my face in front of the com or vid link or eating on the run. The counselor said I need to be more organized and keep to a schedule and, so far, it's working out well. The first couple of days I felt like I was back at Starfleet Academy. You know, everything on schedule and someone telling you what to do every second of the day, but I liked being at the academy and I like the changes I'm making in my life." She sat the bowls of soup on the table. "I hope you like it."

"Thank you," he replied as he picked up his spoon and tried it. "Wow, this is wonderful, it's excellent!"

"Thank you, but Mom deserves the credit, it's her recipe. Chakotay, speaking of Mom, we never made it when she invited us for Sunday dinner and she was kind of upset about that. She wants to meet you. Well, she has met you, but she feels like she made a bad impression and would like to get to know you. Anyway, would you like to go to Mom's and to see the farm for dinner next weekend?"

"I don't know, Kathryn, I'm pretty busy."

"So busy that you couldn't spare a couple hours either Saturday or Sunday? Chakotay, you were never so busy before. Please, if you don't want to see my mother or spend time with me, I just wish you'd be honest and say so. I'm being completely honest with you now, so I wish you'd do the same."

Chakotay put down his spoon and started tearing a piece of bread into little bits. "OK, Kathryn, fair enough. The truth is I don't really want to spend time with you; I think we need some time apart. Sorry, I didn't mean to speak for you, but I need some time. It really upset me that we had such an argument, I moved out like I did and especially that I took a hand to you. That was inexcusable."

She placed her hand on his, but he slowly withdrew it. "Chakotay, you didn't hit me, you just pushed me, you didn't hurt me and I forgive you. I'm not afraid of you anymore, I love you. What I did was awful and you had every right to be upset with me."

"Upset, yes, but violent, no. You know me, I'm a pretty easy going guy, but living here with you brought out the worst in me and I need some time to deal with that. Kathryn, what if I do it again?"

"I'm not worried about that. Yes, we had problems, but most everyone does when they move in together. I know I have problems and I'm doing my best to get the help I need and be a better person. I admit, I wasn't what you expected and I was hard to get along with, was obstinate and expected you to change and that wasn't right. I've been under a lot of stress with not sleeping, getting hooked on the sleeping pills and then running out, all the paparazzi, financial problems and so on and I didn't deal with it well and, because of that, you suffered and our relationship suffered. Chakotay, we've known each other a long time, but we haven't been a couple long. I discussed the problem with my counselor and she suggested we might benefit from couples counseling. Would you be willing to go to counseling with me?"

"I'll have to think about that. I'm not saying I don't want to be friends, just that I think we should stop dating for a while, until we both get our problems worked out. My spirit guide said that was the wise thing to do."

Kathryn cringed at the sound of that, as she knew 'let's be friends' was the death of many a relationship. She also knew trying to argue with Chakotay's spirit guide was useless. She was more stubborn than he was and had probably been talking to his grandfather, whose ashes she had ground into the rug. "OK, what about Mom's this weekend? We'll both have a week to do some thinking and heal. It might be a good trial run, so to speak, and it won't be a date or anything like that, just spending time with my mother and maybe we can go riding or go for a hike and talk… or not. How about it?"

Chakotay rubbed his chin and gave it considerable thought. "OK, I guess it would be alright. I do feel bad about not showing up before when your mother was nice enough to invite us. It wasn't intentional, I was so upset I forgot about it."

"So did I, but she understood. More soup?" Chakotay nodded and handed her his bowl. She refilled it and brought it back to the table. "I took down the wallpaper and painted the dining room, take a look at it after we're done eating and let me know what you think. It was harder than I thought, there were two layers of really old wallpaper and some of the wall came off too, but I think I got it fixed up OK. I'm taking the carpet off the stairs, but it's the project from hell because it must have been much older than I thought and they used gobs and gobs of glue under it. I've been working on it, but I still have five or six stairs left before I can refinish the wood."

Chakotay laughed, "Glue? That carpet must have been really old! I bet it started to come up and somebody who didn't know anything glued it back down rather than fixed it right."

Kathryn giggled. "I know that now! I rented a phaser plane and tried that first and found out the hard way all it does is make the glue bubble and then it ignites and goes boom."

Chakotay laughed. "Yeah, that's exactly what happens with old style glue. You didn't burn yourself did you?"

"No, I had heavy gloves on. It gave me a good jump start, didn't miss the coffee so much that morning. The guy at the hardware store downtown has been very helpful and he did warn me not to do that. I just didn't listen and figured maybe it would work and I could save time and skip using adhesive remover and scraping by hand. It left some discoloration on the wood though, I hope I can get that out."

"I'll take a look after lunch. It shouldn't be a problem to get out with a phaser plane. I'll show you how to do it."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that."

"No problem. If my grandfather is going to be living here with you, the least I can do is make sure he has a good house." Kathryn gasped at that remark, so he added. "Kathryn, I know you didn't do it intentionally, and I forgive you. It still hurts that you chose to deceive me, but I forgive you for spilling Grandfather's ashes." He thought and smiled. "Grandfather says he likes it here and he'll take good care of you. His spirit is very strong and he liked coffee almost as much as you do, so you two should be compatible and well protected."

Kathryn wasn't sure what to reply to that, so she just started into her soup before she said, "Thank you, I'll do my best to look after him and you can come here to visit him any time you want. Who knows, maybe his grandson and I can get along too?"

After lunch, Kathryn showed Chakotay the dining room and he agreed it had turned out pretty well and the color she chose looked nice. They moved on to the stairs. Chakotay shook his head and laughed at the idiocy of some previous homeowner to have used so much glue and the wrong kind for the job as well. He went on at length, explaining to Kathryn how to refinish the wood properly and get the burn marks and discolorations off of the wood. She listened intently, even though everything he was telling her had been explained to her by the man at the hardware store. He pulled the carpet off the last five steps for her, carried it out and refinished a couple steps just to make sure she knew how to do it. Kathryn grinned as he worked, apparently he wasn't so busy after all! If there was one thing Chakotay loved, it was working with wood.

He dusted off his hands and stood back to admire his work. "There, I think I got the worst spots out, it shouldn't be so difficult for you now. If you ever find out who the genius was that did that, please let me know!"

"Thank you so much, I think I can handle the rest of the job. I don't know who did that, the last people only lived here two or three years from what I know, and it looks like that mess had been down there a lot longer than that."

He laughed. "Yeah, more like twenty or thirty years, I'd guess. That carpet was really old, but it was good quality when it was new, so it lasted a long time… until it met your sister's dog." Chakotay headed to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. "Well, I have to get going, I have plans tonight and I need to get home and shower and change first and I want to stop by and say hello to Mrs. Westerman and see if she needs anything before I go. Thanks for lunch and letting me pick up my stuff. The house looks great, you're doing good work and I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Thank you. Oh, Mrs. Westerman isn't home, Minou took her to San Francisco for the day. I'll tell her you said hello and we spent the afternoon together without an argument, she'll be happy to hear that. Chakotay, about next weekend, you'll let me know so Mom can make plans?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know tomorrow evening." Chakotay headed for the door and stopped. "Thanks again."

Kathryn gave him a hug, but it was rather awkward and one sided as Chakotay was turning to open the door. She reached up to kiss him on the cheek, but missed as he turned to leave. She stood in the door and waved goodbye as she said, "I love you, I'll see you soon." He waved over his shoulder, but didn't say anything as he walked to the car, got in and drove away.

Kathryn didn't take that as a good sign, but at least they got along for an afternoon and he noticed that she had cleaned up the house and was more like her old self again. Realizing she had missed her coffee break, she made her one afternoon cup and sat down to slowly enjoy it while wondering what was going behind that tattoo. Something was still wrong, that much she knew, as he was friendly, but only as much so as any casual friend. Kathryn was tired and craved a nap, but resisted the temptation and chose to work on the stairs as she couldn't possibly fall asleep doing that. What Chakotay had shown her worked well and she made good progress, figuring she'd only need another day or two to get them ready for several coats of finish.

The next day Kathryn cut the grass and was so exhausted when she finished, she headed straight for the pool to cool off. Reasoning that mowing the lawn qualified as her doctor prescribed hour of vigorous exercise and then some, she sat on the pool steps and just enjoyed the cool water as she wondered why she ever bought a house with such a large lawn to mow. Someone else to do it or, better yet, a fully automated mower moved up a few notches on her wish list. She giggled at Mrs. Westerman's comment about androids, as she could do very nicely with one to do all the yard work and housework. Unfortunately, even a used android didn't come cheap and it was simply out of the question for one of Primrose Acres' less affluent residents. Kathryn suddenly remembered Chakotay was supposed to call, toweled off and went in the house to check her com link. There were no messages and she now wished they had established a time that he would call. She showered and dressed nicely, wanting to look pretty if Chakotay called, and went into her den to wait. As she sat and waited, Kathryn reviewed her finances and realized she was going to have to make some cutbacks is she were to survive until the end of the month. Chakotay had left much of his food, so grocery shopping would not be necessary as long as she ate whatever was there in place of what she wanted. Losing a couple kilos certainly wasn't a bad idea, as he probably had his pick of pretty young things at the university, not to mention the throngs of admirers. Kathryn suddenly felt insecure. What if Chakotay chose to avail himself of one of those pretty young things? She knew, pushing fifty, she couldn't compete with the many younger prettier women who were undoubtedly throwing themselves at him and couldn't help but wonder if he would submit to temptation and end up in the arms of one of them.

Kathryn dismissed that thought. He loved her, she was sure, so she grabbed a PADD and started reading. After about an hour and two cups of herbal tea that she wished had been coffee, the com link beeped to notify her of a message. It was from Chakotay, he sent a text message instead of calling. Fortunately he consented to go to Indiana with her next Sunday. She tried to call, but he didn't answer, so Kathryn sent him the details and decided to go for a walk and then head up to bed. She was disappointed he didn't call as she really wanted to talk, but thrilled that he was going.

/\

On Sunday Kathryn arrived at her mother's a few minutes early. She popped in the house long enough to say hello and went out in the front yard to wait for Chakotay at the beaming coordinates. He arrived exactly on time and greeted Kathryn with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Before she could kiss him back, he held the flowers in front of him and said, "I got these for your mother, I hope she likes roses too. You house is pretty, it looks larger in person than it did in the pictures you showed me."

Kathryn replied, "Oh, thank you, Mom loves roses and those are beautiful! Yes, it's a deceptively big old house. Those pictures were taken at an angle and you can't see the addition my parents put on just after Phoebe was born. Come on in, I got here a few minutes ago and went in to say hello to Mom and the house smelled wonderful, so I think she must have lunch just about ready."

They went inside and Gretchen met them in the front hall, still wearing her apron and wiping her hands on a towel. Chakotay shook Mrs. Janeway's hand and gave her the flowers. "These are for you, Mrs. Janeway, thank you so much for inviting me. You have a lovely home, I'd like to hear about its history, if you know."

Gretchen inhaled the scent of the roses and smiled. "Thank you so much, these are just lovely and please call me Gretchen. We're not very formal here, so just make yourself at home and sorry about the mess, but Katie tells me you're teaching too, so I hope you'll understand. I know a bit about the house, I'll tell you during lunch. It's almost ready, so, Katie, why don't you so show Chakotay the house and I'll call you when the food is on the table."

She nodded and took him on the grand tour of the downstairs. When finished she said, "That's the downstairs, would you like to see upstairs? Those tennis trophies nobody believes I have are up in my room. I want you to see all of them, so next time Tuvok razzes me, you can say you saw them."

Chakotay laughed, "Tuvok razzing you? I think I'd rather see that!"

"No you wouldn't. He's so smug, making suggestions on how to improve my game, a game which he doesn't even play by the way, that it really irks me." Kathryn shook her head as they started up the stairs, "If I wanted a lecture on aerodynamics and the laws of physics, I'd go back to the academy! Well, here it is, this is my room and there are all my trophies. Go ahead and look around, I have to run to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

Chakotay looked at the trophies and, sure enough, Kathryn had the proof she was quite a tennis player in her younger days. He looked around a bit and searched for a place to sit, but the bed was the only available spot, as the two chairs in the room were piled with things. It looked like either Kathryn was sorting things to pack or her mother was using the room for storage. The entire house looked like someone was either coming or going as there were piles and piles of things all over the place. Since Gretchen had known for a week that company was coming, he surmised that what he had seen was an acceptable level of chaos in the Janeway home. Suddenly it hit him, this was the way the house that Kathryn grew up in was, so no wonder she was not given to being very neat and organized at home. Starfleet had forced her to be fastidious, but, if genes meant anything, it was contrary to her nature. Although at first glance the house appeared to be a mess, there was some organization to it and it certainly was a house that said to put your feet up on the coffee table and be comfortable.

Kathryn returned to the room, held up the largest of the tennis trophies and blew off the dust. "See, now you can tell Tuvok and everyone else you saw them! Sorry about the mess, but last time I was here I was sorting out things and didn't get too far and it looks like Mom dumped some of her junk in here too." She moved a stack of clothing and sat on the bed next to him. "Anyhow, if you think this is bad, you should see Phoebe's room! When Daddy was alive the house was neater, but he didn't have much time and finally gave up trying to change Mom and decided he loved her just the way she was… organized Janeway family chaos he used to call it. Believe it or not, there is a method to the madness and we can find anything if you give us a few minutes. Grandma even got Mom a domestic android once, but she couldn't stand the damn thing, reprogrammed it and it's still down in the barn mucking out stalls and pitching hay."

Chakotay laughed as he took the tennis trophy and examined it. "Blooming Preparatory Academy Junior Varsity Tennis Champion 23.…"

Kathryn snatched it from him as she said, "Never mind about the year! Come on, let's go down to lunch. I'm sure you've had enough of the mess in here, so let's go before you get nauseous. I'm starved!"

They sat down to lunch at the kitchen table and somehow the mess in the kitchen produced a meal that was beyond compare. Several cats circled the table like sharks, at the ready for anything that happened to drop. Chakotay much preferred dogs, as did Kathryn, but somehow an old farm house full of dusty vintage furniture and cats suited an older widow like Gretchen and it was obvious where Kathryn's love of animals came from. During lunch Gretchen recounted the history of the old house as the story had been passed down to her from Kathryn's great grandfather. Kathryn giggled here and there at the tale, knowing it was probably about as embellish and true as some of the "ancient legends" that a certain someone had shared with her over many a cup of late night tea or coffee.

After lunch Gretchen suggested that Kathryn and Chakotay go for a walk to the barns to work off lunch and have a look around the farm. Kathryn was so full all she felt like doing was sitting on the porch swing, however Chakotay reminded her that she was supposed to get an hour of exercise a day and a good brisk walk was the best way to work off eating too much. His reminder meant that he obviously still cared and she really did want to talk to him now that they'd had a week to think. As they walked along towards the pasture where the horses were, Kathryn reached for Chakotay's hand, but he had them both shoved in his pockets as he ambled along. He finally broke the awkward silence. "Boy, that lunch sure was good, but did I ever eat too much!"

"Ugh, so did I! Mom loves making big Sunday lunches like that and I think she outdid herself."

"Well, she can cook for me anytime! Do you know how to make that pasta salad? It was so good, I had three helpings."

Kathryn looked up and smiled. "Sorry, I'm not certain what she puts in it, but I'm sure she'd give you the recipe. Mom likes you, I'm sure you'd be welcome to eat here anytime you want. I've been so busy with the house I haven't been to visit her much and I want to start coming out here more often. Maybe we could come together?"

"Maybe," he replied as he stopped at the pasture fence. "Wow, those are pretty horses. Do you ride much when you're here?"

Kathryn tried to call the horses over to the fence. "Once in a while, but not as much as I used to. Seeing as my tennis days are over, maybe I'll take up riding again. There's trails all though the woods back there, it's really nice and all the horses except for that young gray one are dependable and gentle. Well, it doesn't look like they're going to come to the fence, so how about we go out there to pet them and then I'll take you to my tree."

"Your tree? Did you plant it?"

"Heaven's no!" Kathryn laughed, "It was probably here when my great grandfather was. I told you about it, remember, the tree where I'd go when I wanted to be alone?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember now. If you want to be alone, I'll just go play with the horses or look at the barns for a while, if that's OK. I like old barns."

"No, no, I meant I want to be alone… with you. Chakotay, do you think we could sit under the tree and talk for a while? I did some thinking this week and I hope you did too; I'd really like to talk." She extended her hand. "Hold my hand while we walk?" He took her hand and they walked through a meadow, pet the horses, then continued through a copse of trees, and finally to a large old oak tree on the edge of a cornfield. "See here it is! It's mossy underneath and the roots are gnarled up out of the ground, just like a big old chair. Come on, sit down, it's very comfortable."

They sat and took in the view for a while. There was obviously a stream nearby that could be faintly heard through the trees. The location was isolated as no signs or sounds of civilization were noticeable, only the sound of the stream, the birds and the gently rustling cornstalks. Chakotay took it all in and came to understand why Kathryn loved the spot so much as it was private, natural, peaceful and a good place to think. He leaned back into the tree and sighed. "OK, what do you want to talk about?"

"About us."

"I figured that much, Kathryn," he replied as he picked up some small stones and idly rolled them around in his hands.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking and there's a question I need to ask you. Chakotay, do you still love me?"

He grinned as he looked at a stone. "Of course I love you."

"Yes, I know you love me, but are you in love with me? There's a difference."

He was silent for so long Kathryn could feel tears starting to try to push their way outward before he replied, "I'll be honest with you and tell you that I don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking this week and had a long talk with my sister and she basically said that it was pretty pointless to continue the relationship when we don't get along and, if we were meant to be, we wouldn't have to change to be happy. She said we were meant to be good friends, but not lovers. It's kind of hard to argue that, even though a part of me wants to. She hasn't met you and she's the one that had to listen to me piss and moan when you first moved in next door and I don't think she can understand how I could love someone she thinks I hated so much. Kathryn, I never really hated you. Even that night I lost my temper, I didn't hate you, not really."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed, "I know. Your sister makes some good points and I have to admit I thought the same thing a couple of times. It just drove me crazy that I loved you so much, but couldn't live with you. That's what I want, Chakotay, to learn how to get along and be together. I desperately want you in my life and I want to be a part of yours. I talked to my counselor and she says what we need to do is to both make adjustments for the sake of the other. Not change who we are, but how we live our lives from day to day, so that we can enjoy life together. I think part of it was that I was so tightly wound and had a hair trigger from not sleeping and being angry with myself for getting hooked on those damn sleeping pills, all my problems with money and the house, my accident in the pool and all and I just got lost. She also suggested that, after seven years of essentially being the captain 24-7 and then the hell we went through when we got back, I subconsciously rebelled and turned myself into the antithesis of Captain Janeway in order to get as far away from her as possible. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it does. I remember sitting at the table at your house with you one day and staring at you, wondering who you were, because you weren't the woman I fell in love with. No offense, but after seeing the home you grew up in, I can understand why…"

"I'm not little Katie Homemaker?" she interrupted. "That's true, I won't deny it, but you saw that I am trying to change and you were right that I need to. I want to change. I'm not a good cook and don't have a lot of domestic skills, but I am trying to learn, just like I'm trying to learn how to do the things to fix up the house. My mom and sister can cook, so I know it's in my genes. When I was a kid I was Daddy's little girl and he saw potential and wanted me to grow up to be a brilliant scientist, then Starfleet officer, so he took me under his wing and mentored me and Mom had Phoebe, so she's the one that learned how to cook and clean and all. Well, not that she often does, but she knows how. Trust me, her house looks worse than Mom's and you've met the kids, so you can imagine what she's like. My counselor said it's all about balance and she couldn't be more right. If you think about it, those are skills you have, and together we have a good assortment of life skills and the last seven years are proof we can work together well. I'm feeling better now and, I swear, I'm doing everything they tell me. At my check up Friday he said the data from my sleep monitor shows I am heading towards normal sleep patterns, it's just a matter of time, patience and following the treatment. He doesn't want to put cortical implant in, he thinks it's best to correct the problem naturally."

"That's good, I can see the difference in you, you look much better. So, I understand what you are saying, but what did you say? What is it you want from me, Kathryn?"

"A second chance." She grinned and giggled, "Well, a third chance really."

"No. Kathryn, if you want me to move back in with you, I won't. I think it's obvious we aren't ready to live together. I only moved in because you offered and it was my only option until I could make other arrangements and it was a safe haven from the paparazzi. I'll admit, I was hoping it could be more, maybe permanent, but I think we both saw that was a bad idea."

"Yes, we did, and we're both smart and learned from our mistakes and have made changes. I'm trying to change and I hope you'll give me a chance and be a little more tolerant of my shortcomings. I agree, it is too soon, I need more time and I think you do too because I did the worst thing possible and violated your privacy and trust. I would like to do what my counselor suggested and take things slowly and carefully, because we were both hurt and still have some healing to do." Kathryn took his hand and gave him a silly little smile. "So, Chakotay, my friend, what I would like to do is to ask you to go out on a date. Would you be willing to go out with me or come over and spend the day together if you're afraid of the press? Just a date, no strings. Today and the day when you came over to get your stuff we got along OK, didn't we? My cousin told me about a great little authentic German beer garden up near where he lives, so how about we go there and I'll buy you a couple of beers?"

"Yes, there's eggshells involved, but we seem to be doing fine. OK, I guess a few beers wouldn't hurt. When would you like to go?"

"That's up to you, your schedule is busier than mine, so just let me know, and it's my treat. Any evening is fine and the press shouldn't bother us in a small town like that, so we can kick back and have fun and get reacquainted, so to speak."

"OK, let me think…, how about Wednesday night? I know your money is tight, so how about we make it, what's that old expression, Dutch treat? I'll pay for myself and I'd be glad to pay for you too and, as you said, no strings."

Kathryn put her arm around his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "OK, Dutch treat, it's a date! Thank you, Chakotay, I'm sure we'll enjoy it. I'll check on the place and we'll work out the details, but my cousin said it's casual and sometimes they have a band. Do you know how to polka?"

"No, do you?"

"Nope, but, after a couple beers, I doubt it'll make any difference! I haven't really cut loose and had more than a glass or two of wine since that night my I put the bubble bath in your hot tub, it'll be fun! Gosh, I really am sorry about all that. We certainly acted like a couple of obnoxious teenagers, didn't we?"

Chakotay put his arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "Yes, we did, but I'm glad that's behind us. I know what you're like as an enemy, and I like you much better as a friend. Will you let me buy you dinner first? I had lunch at your house last weekend and then again here today, so I really do owe you."

Kathryn leaned her head on his shoulder. "No, it's me who owes you, but I think that would be nice and, next time you come over, I'll cook you dinner. Mrs. Westerman has been giving me her recipes and some cooking tips, so you might just be pleasantly surprised!"

"Well, if you can cook as good as she does…"

"Give me a little time, I'm a work in progress in more ways than one! Well, what do you say we get back to the house before Mom wonders what happened to us? I don't know about you, but I get a cup of coffee at three and Mom makes the best in the world, bar none!"

Chakotay gave Kathryn a hug and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Good coffee with two beautiful women, who am I to refuse? Kathryn, I do love you and I want to give us another chance. I'm sorry it took me so long to get my head on straight, but I just needed some time… to heal. I behaved badly and I do apologize. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know I've never known anyone like you, so I think we should make a clean start and give it another try. I know you're working hard to get better, and it's the least I can do." He got up and pulled her to her feet, "Come on, Kathryn, the future awaits, and so does the best coffee in the world."

/\

Kathryn and Chakotay decided to meet for their date at the beaming station nearest the German restaurant and walk as her cousin assured her it was a quaint little town and they would enjoy the sightseeing and little shops along the way. Kathryn arrived first and was starting to worry as the usually punctual Chakotay was more than fifteen minutes late and she feared he had changed his mind and decided not to come. The beaming station was small and she could see the pads from the bench she was sitting on, so she was sure she couldn't possibly miss him. Finally he shimmered into existence with an apology. "Hi, Kathryn, I'm sorry I'm late, but just as I was going out the door that Ferengi shuttle company called and said they'd found my suitcase they lost, what, a month ago? They said they were beaming a guy right over with it because I had to sign for it, but it took him ten minutes to find the apartment." He reached into his jacket pocket and produced a little box. "Here, this is for you. I was going to get you flowers, but I thought that would be pretty dumb because you'd have to carry them around all evening."

Kathryn sat back down, opened the box and gasped. "My gods, Chakotay, it's beautiful! Oh, thank you so much, will you put it on for me?"

He took the necklace and fastened it around her neck. "I'm glad you like it, I got it for you when I went to that conference and thought I'd never see it again after they lost my suitcase. The stones are called catharsis crystals, as I understand the translation. They're supposed to help the wearer purge all the bad things from their soul and replace them with good ones. The stones will supposedly change color and end up purple when it's done its job. Well, I'm sure there's a scientific explanation for why they change color, but I liked the story that went with it."

Kathryn wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss. "Thank you again, it's beautiful and I like the legend just the way it is, so there's no need for science. I don't know about you, but I'm starved, so let's get going. Joe explained to me how to get there, but I don't see the street he mentioned we should take or maybe I forgot the name, so let's ask that street vendor over there for directions.

They went and asked the man and he did his best to try to sell them some souvenirs from his stand as he babbled on so incoherently they were quite certain he was either on drugs, a few photons short of a glow or both. After his sales pitch, he finally explained how to get to the restaurant, however his directions were interlaced with comments about politics, the weather, cartoons and how much his sinuses were bothering him. As he finished his directions and scratched his head again, he looked up and smiled as if the secrets of the universe had just been revealed to him. "I know you, I thought you looked familiar! You're those Starfleet space people Captain Mainway and Commodore Chipotle, aren't you?"

They looked at one another as the fear ran through them that their pleasant evening was about to be ruined before it had even started. Chakotay tensed up and took Kathryn's hand, ready to go through the all too familiar routine of having to run for cover and make an escape as he hastily replied, "Uh, no we're not."

Kathryn stepped forward and gave the vendor a big smile. "We're not, but thank you so much for saying so!" She gave Chakotay an elbow in the ribcage. "See, I told you, Tom! These costumes are great, I'm sure we'll win first prize!" As she turned back to the vendor she went on, "We're going to a costume party after we have dinner and there's a hundred credit prize for the best costumes and I just know we're going to win! If our costumes were good enough to fool a smart man like you, we'll win for sure! Thanks so much for the directions, have a nice day!" They hurried down the street and turned the corner before Kathryn started laughing so hard she had to stop and catch her breath. "Am I good or what?"

Chakotay joined in her laughter. "Yeah, you're good, but don't let your head swell because you just fooled a man who sells junk on the street, watches cartoons and thinks the President was secretly replaced with an android last year!"

"Details!" Kathryn huffed as she threw up her hands and started down the street.

They found the restaurant and it was as quaint as Kathryn's cousin said it was and they were immediately immersed in a centuries old German atmosphere, complete with a band and costumed employees. The place wasn't very crowded as it was a weeknight and, contrary to their server's suggestions, they selected an out of the way table way in the back, close to the kitchen door. They ordered a pitcher of beer and started it on it as they munched on pretzels and contemplated the menu. Neither of them was very familiar with German food, so they decided to live bravely and order things that they weren't familiar with. After all, as Kathryn reasoned, none of it could be any worse than Neelix's cooking.

The food was salty, so another pitcher of beer soon followed as the potato pancakes Chakotay had ordered were bad and definitely needed some help to go down. He excused himself from the table as he said, "I'll be right back. I'm going to the kitchen to see if the chef is spotted, has an orange Mohawk and is wearing a yellow and purple plaid hat."

Kathryn pushed aside her plate and grinned. "Can't hold your beer, huh?"

"Yeah, that too! I'll be right back, so don't go running off with the tuba player."

She laughed. "Not much chance of that after that heavy greasy sauerbraten and all those potatoes. I don't think I'll be able to get up for at least an hour." She took another sip of beer and burped. "Excuse me, better make that two hours." The waiter came to clear the table and Kathryn had to convince him that they did not want to take home the leftovers, no matter how "delicious" the meal was. When he suggested coffee, she bit her tongue and replied no. The meal hadn't been that good and they had both sworn off German food, but she and Chakotay were getting along just fine and it felt like nothing had happened. Chakotay finally returned, refilling their glasses before he sat. "Thanks," Kathryn replied as she sipped off the foam. "The food may not be too good here, but this is some of the best beer I've ever had. What took you so long? I was about to send out a search party."

"Sorry, the bathroom was one at a time and I had to wait. That's pretty dumb considering how much beer they serve here. I took a look at the dessert cart on my way back and it looks awesome, so we should definitely have them bring it by in a while. Let me know next time you see our waiter, I'll order another pitcher of beer."

"You'd better hold off on the beer. What have you had, five or six glasses?"

"No, not that many, I'm sure, and the glasses are small. If I'd wanted someone to nag me about drinking too much beer, I'd have brought along my teetotaler sister. Anyhow, we both beamed from home so neither of us has to drive and I thought you said you wanted to have some fun and get a little wasted tonight?" He sat back and took another sip of beer. "After what we've been through, I think we've earned it, so let's have some fun, Kathryn!!"

Kathryn got up and gave him a tug. "What do you say you put down that beer and let me teach you how to polka?"

He hastily drained his glass in one big gulp as he got up. "I thought you said you don't know how to polka?"

She put her arm around him and dragged him to the dance floor as she confessed, "I don't, but, if I learned anything in seven years out there in the Delta Quadrant, it was how to fake it and pretend I knew exactly what I was doing, so let's polka!"

The band was only slightly better than the food, but Kathryn and Chakotay could care less and had a wonderful time doing their interpretation of the polka. As it turned out, nobody there really knew how to polka or cared. After they were danced out they hung onto each other as they stumbled back to their table, ordered another pitcher of beer and wreaked havoc on the dessert cart. Their heads, feet and waistlines would pay in the morning, but this evening was all about just letting loose, enjoying one another's company and having a good time.

When it was time to call it a night, Chakotay insisted upon paying for the evening, despite Kathryn's protests. She finally relented as she didn't know the place was so expensive and wasn't sure her account had enough in it to cover it after all the supplies she'd had to buy to work on her house. She did make him promise to come to her house for dinner Saturday and he agreed, as long as she promised not to make German food.

As they walked back to the transport station, they passed a little park with a fountain and Kathryn begged to stop and rest as her new shoes were hurting her feet. They sat on a bench and she took the shoes off and started rubbing her feet as she said, "I should have known better than to wear new shoes, but they were sitting there in the closet just begging to be taken out."

Chakotay scooped her up and dangled her over the fountain as he teased, "I know how to cool you off and make you feet feel better!"

"No! Chakotay, stop that, put me down… and not in the fountain! You ruin this dress and I'll kill you!"

He laughed as he sat her on the side of the fountain so that she could dangle her feet in the water. "I'd never do that, I know you'd kill me. I'm not so drunk I have a death wish."

"You are too drunk!" she retorted, "and so am I and damn but it feels good!" Kathryn giggled as she kicked her feet in the fountain and splashed.

"OK, so, I am drunk," Chakotay conceded as he took off his shoes and socks, rolled up his pants and put his feet in the fountain too. "Ah, this feels nice! I don't think these feet were meant to polka." Chakotay slid closer, put his arm around Kathryn and gave her a little smile. "My feet may not have been made for dancing, but I'm pretty sure my lips were made for kissing. How about it, Kathryn?"

Her reply was silent and juicy. His hands probed and she kept pushing them off, but it was rather useless. Kathryn didn't want to be touched so intimately, especially in public, but she was too drunk and involved in the moment to put up much resistance.

"Why don't you two get a room?"

"What?" Kathryn gasped, startled, as she slid off Chakotay's lap and only his quick reflexes kept her from ending up in the fountain. "Oh, Officer, I'm sorry! We were saying goodnight, we were just leaving, we're so sorry."

"My apologies, Sir," Chakotay replied as he stood and his reflexes automatically snapped him to attention. The officer gave them a slight smile, tipped his hat and walked away shaking his head. "Come on, Kathryn, I have to go to court on two charges already, I don't need any more trouble with the police!" He walked her back to the bench and sat with her as they put their shoes back on. When they were finished he slipped his arm around her shoulder and whispered, "Kathryn, there's a hotel across from the beaming station. What do you say we do as the nice police officer suggested and go get a room?"

She took his hands and smiled. "Chakotay, we're both shit faced drunk and I really don't think our first time should be like that, do you?"

He pulled her hands to his lips and kissed them. "No, you're right. As drunk as I am I couldn't do you justice and I want our first time to be perfect. I figured it was too soon anyhow, but I thought I'd ask. Let's get back and beam home before either of us gets sick, passes out or gets arrested and I'll call you tomorrow, but not too early." He gave her a sweet kiss. "Let's just say goodbye here, there may be people at the beaming station and I don't want any trouble with the cops or to take the chance that somebody recognizes us. I had a wonderful time tonight."

Kathryn took his arm as they walked to the station. "So did I. Thank you again for dinner and my beautiful necklace and I'll see if I can make it up to you when you come for dinner Saturday. Well, with any luck, whatever I make won't be thick, brown, greasy, too salty and taste like sauerkraut." Chakotay stumbled as they entered the station and Kathryn caught him. "No doubt about it, you had too much beer."

"Yes, Sister," he smirked.

"Chakotay, I'm not your sister!"

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Good, because I want to do things with you one day that I'd never do with my sister!"

"You!" Kathryn replied as she gave him a swat on the backside and stepped on the transporter pad. "I'll see you Saturday." She blew him a kiss as she beamed away. "I love you."

/\

Chakotay called Kathryn late the next morning and she answered the com link with a smile as he said. "Good morning! That was quite a night, how do you feel?"

He smiled back, looking a quite disheveled as it was obvious he hadn't shaved or even combed his hair yet. "A little ragged around the edges, but I'll make it. How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, except I had to get up twice during the night to pee. Remind me never to drink so much beer again." She rubbed her temple. "Never mind, my head will remind me and my stomach will remind me never to eat there again. Oh, I sent my cousin a message and he said he was sorry and should have told us only the beer was good there and not to eat the food. He didn't know we were going to eat there too. Well, what are you going to do today?"

He waved a PADD at her. "My manuscript was in my suitcase, thank heavens, so I'm going to go through it and add the research I did after I lost it after I make a copy and why, oh why, didn't I do that before? I want to get it ready to submit while I'm still on faculty as it'll have a better chance of getting published coming from an academician. What about you?"

She leaned back and took a sip of coffee. "For starters, make my second cup last as long as possible. I don't know, after I get dressed I'm going for a walk to get my exercise and that should clear out the cobwebs and get me going. I guess I'll plan out our dinner Saturday and go shopping so I can cut the grass tomorrow." She waved a PADD. "See, I'm organized, I'm a planner now, I keep a shopping list! What would you like for dinner and what time will you be here?"

"Surprise me! I'll bring the wine and dessert. Why don't you forget the grass and I'll come over early and cut it for you? As long as I can use your shower, I can change and be decent for dinner or maybe we could go for a swim?"

"Thanks, we can go swimming if you want, but I'll cut the grass. I need the exercise and it really can't wait as I'm sure it's pretty close to the limit and I wouldn't want the lawn Nazi to come over here with her little ruler to hassle me. Don't you have a pool where you live? I thought Sam said they had a pool and Naomi was learning to swim?"

"Yeah, there's a pool and this is largely a family complex, so it's great if you like a pool full of kids. I don't want anyone to discover I live here, so I just stay home and keep a low profile."

"Smart move. Any idea where you're going when the Wildmans get back?"

"Nope." He took a sip of coffee and smiled. "Any chance you'd want a roommate?"

She did the same. "Roommate, no, but housemate, maybe. I know you need to plan, but maybe we should give that thought a little more time? Have you reconsidered about going to couples counseling with me?" He didn't answer, so she went on. "My counselor really thinks we should. We seem to get along fine except when we're living together, and I think we need some help to learn how to do that. Chakotay, as my mother pointed out, I've never lived with a man before and she said that takes some doing."

"I thought you and Mark lived together?"

"No, we had separate places and weren't planning to move in together until after we got married. Both of us were kind of old fashioned in that respect and his family is very prim and proper and they wouldn't have approved. We took vacations together and spent a couple days together at his place or mine when we could both finagle the same days off. We did hit a few rough spots every now and then, but figured they were good trial runs for marriage as we'd both been single so long and set in our ways." Suddenly it hit Kathryn. "Trial run, that's it! Chakotay, would you like to spend the weekend here? Mom is having a cook out Sunday and you're invited, if you'd like to come, although I should warn you Phoebe and her family and some other relatives are coming too. Would you like to do that and see how we get along? If we have any problems, we can make a note and talk to the counselor about them when we go. You will go with me?"

"I said I'd think about it and I will." He grabbed a PADD and checked through it. "OK, I have a class handing in their papers tomorrow and will need to get them graded by Monday, but I can do most of them Friday night, I think, and finish the rest Sunday morning before we go to your mom's. If you don't mind me working, I can come over after work Friday and bring a pizza or Chinese or something. I'd rather grade them at your place, if you don't mind, because it's quieter. Would that work?"

"Yes, that would be fine. Why don't you bring some old clothes and we can go riding Sunday if you want to?" He nodded and made a note. "Chakotay, just so there's no misunderstanding, you'll be sleeping in the guest room. Oh, if you don't want to sleep in there because of… because of what happened, you can have my room and I'll sleep in there."

"Thanks, I'd rather not, but I don't want to take your room, so I'll just sleep on the sofa in the den, if that's OK. Anything that you want me to fix while I'm there? Let me know so I can bring the tools I'll need."

Kathryn looked at the clock on the wall above the kitchen table. "Oh, gosh, I didn't know it was so late! I'm sorry, but I promised Mrs. Westerman I'd take her to have her hair done today because Minou had a doctor's appointment or something and can't take her. Hopefully she'll want to go shopping too and I won't have to run back into town. I have to run, but I'll see you Friday!"

"OK, I'd better get on line too, so I'll see you after work Friday, probably a little after 4:00. No, make that 4:30 to 5:00, I'll have to stop and pick up something for dinner, but I'll beam."

"OK, see you then." Kathryn kissed her fingers and put them to the screen. "Bye bye, I love you."

Chakotay toasted the screen with his coffee and said, "Take care, see you Friday!" before he cut the link.

Kathryn sat back and gulped the rest of her coffee as it dawned on her; the last two times, at least, she'd told Chakotay she loved him, he didn't reply the same. She dismissed the thought as she headed upstairs to get dressed, of course he loved her!

/\

Kathryn didn't sleep well Thursday night and felt a little fuzzy Friday morning, but she had a lot to do, so she ran the shower over her head until her brain started functioning. The day before Mrs. Westerman did want to go shopping, but she wanted to go to half a dozen places, it ate up a good bit of the afternoon and Kathryn was behind schedule. She had a lot to do as she wanted the house to look picture perfect and still had to cut the grass and would need another shower after that and some time to get dressed.

With the house looking pretty good and all the home improvement supplies stowed in the garage for the time being, Kathryn sat down to have a sandwich and swallowed about two bites before the com link called her. As soon as she saw who it was, she knew she'd forgotten her appointment with her counselor and tried to come up with a good excuse in three seconds. She couldn't and the woman reminded her one of the conditions of the doctor keeping her problem off the record was that she had to keep all her appointments, so off she beamed, half eaten tuna sandwich in hand.

When Kathryn materialized back at home, it was raining, so her plans to cut the yard would have to wait. Actually, she was rather glad as she really didn't feel up to the task, still tired from not sleeping well. She tried to figure out why as she had been doing everything the doctors told her, but there didn't seem to be any rhyme nor reason to it sometimes and it seemed to have nothing to do with anything that she could figure. Nightmares still plagued her sometimes, even to the point of waking up screaming, but she had suffered from them ever since her father died.

She ran upstairs to straighten up and make up the guest room bed and went to get fresh towels for the guest bathroom, but found the linen closet was stuffed with the laundry that wouldn't fit in the hamper. She checked the time and realized she wouldn't have time to go to the laundromat and get back before Chakotay was due to arrive. With only one clean towel in her bathroom, she did the only thing she could think of and ran next door to borrow some towels and hope that, if she dropped a hint, Mrs. Westerman might consent to let her use her laundry room. She came back empty handed as Mrs. Westerman was napping and Minou refused to lend her anything without her employer's consent. "Damn!" Kathryn cursed as she slammed her back door and shook off the rain. She didn't want Chakotay to know her lack of organization had let her neglect the laundry for weeks and they obviously needed towels, so she beamed into town to pick some up, figuring it would only take a few minutes.

When she got home she stormed into the kitchen, soaking wet, and slammed her purse and the bag of soggy new towels onto the kitchen table as she screamed her repertoire of four letter words. "What are you doing here?" she gasped as Chakotay walked into the kitchen. "It's not even four yet!"

"You invited me, remember? I got my assistant to teach my last class, so I got here early to surprise you. You didn't answer the door and it was pouring, so I let myself in and I've been grading papers in the den. I was going to call you, but your com badge was on your desk, so I figured there was no point." He handed her a kitchen towel and gave her a hug. "I hope that was OK. What happened to you, did you decide to go jogging in the rain? Here, sit and dry off and I'll make you a nice hot cup of coffee…. no, tea, herbal tea, right?"

"No, coffee please, I get my fix at three and it's after three. I'm so sorry, I beamed into town to pick something up and thought I'd be in and out and back in fifteen minutes. When I got to the transport station at the mall to come home, the storm drains had backed up or something and it was flooded and shut down, so I had to walk all the way to the one downtown because I couldn't get a cab. Well, I tried, but they were all already taken. I didn't think I'd be outside, so I didn't bother with rain gear." He slid the coffee in front of her and joined her at the table with a cup. "Thanks, boy do I need this! I'm sorry, I didn't think I'd be gone long or you'd be early, so I didn't leave you a note."

He poked at the bag. "So, what was so important you went through all that to get?"

She dumped the bag out on the table. "Towels. I screwed up and forgot about the laundry, didn't have time to go do it and there's only one clean bath towel in the house." Kathryn took a sip of coffee and waved her hand. "I know, I know, lack of organization and housekeeping skills! I'm sorry, but I just forgot. I'm not perfect you know."

He slid his chair over and gave her a hug. "I know, and neither is anyone else. Don't worry about it, Kathryn. These are kind of soggy, so I'll go hang them up and they can dry out. Speaking of drying out, why don't you go change your clothes and get dried off? I brought Chinese food, what time do you want to eat?"

"Whenever you want, although I'm supposed to eat on schedule, so somewhere around six. Go on and get back to your grading and I'll go get cleaned up." She dashed up the stairs and screamed, "Shit!"

Chakotay yelled up the stairs, "What's wrong? Is everything OK?"

"Oh, yes, fine, I just… uh… broke a fingernail on the banister, that's all. Stay there, I'm fine," she yelled down the stairs in reply as she started stuffing the mountain of dirty laundry and things she'd pulled out of the linen closet looking for clean towels back in. When she'd stuffed as much in as she could, she pushed the door shut with her fanny, shoved the hamper in front of it, stuffed the things in it down so the lid would close and stuffed the rest under her bed.

They had a nice dinner at the kitchen table and Chakotay went back to grading his papers while Kathryn cleaned up the kitchen, then called her mother to firm up plans for Sunday. After a few hands of cards, they were both tired and went to bed. Chakotay wouldn't take Kathryn's room, so he slept on the couch in the den.

Kathryn screamed in the middle of the night as hands clamped down on her throat and began to squeeze. She struggled against them, scratching and beating at them as she tried to twist and get away, screaming, "Chakotay, stop it!". When his grip would loosen enough that she could scream, she pleaded for him to let her go. He wouldn't and kept at her, tearing at her nightgown and trying to convince her to give in. Chakotay finally lost his grip and Kathryn was able to draw her legs up under her and throw him off as she bolted from the bed into the night table, knocking everything off it, and ran from her room screaming.

Chakotay caught her as she started down the stairs and grabbed her shoulders. She kicked and struggled against him as he said, "Kathryn, what's wrong? I could hear you yelling and screaming, calling my name, and something crashing from the den." He shook her. "Kathryn!"

She reached down to cover herself, found that her nightgown was intact and started crying. "Oh, I thought someone was trying to hurt me, I… I must have thought it was you. It wasn't you… maybe I thought it was… oh!"

He put his arm around her and escorted her back to her room. "Don't be silly, Kathryn, I'd never hurt you, you must have had a bad dream. Here, sit down for a minute and settle down. I'll clean everything up." Chakotay got Kathryn her robe, put it around her shoulders and started picking up the things she'd knocked over. "Try and relax, there's nobody here, you're safe. Kathryn, did you really think I'd hurt you?"

She huddled in her robe as a chill overtook her. "No, it was dark and someone was trying to strangle me. I never saw who it was, but I knew you were here, so I guess I thought it was you … or maybe I was yelling for you to help me, I don't know, I don't remember." She took a few deep calming breaths before she went on. "It was a nightmare, that's all, I get them sometimes. I'm sorry I woke you, I know you'd never try to hurt me like that."

Chakotay sat beside her and put his arm around her. "No, I'd never hurt you, Kathryn, never. Would you like me to get you a cup of tea or some warm brandy or something like that? Would it make you feel better to tell me about it? Do you want me to go check the house and make sure nobody's here?"

"No, no," she replied as she moved over and got back in bed. "I'm OK now, it usually works best for me to try to go right back to sleep. Thank you, I'm fine, really."

Chakotay got up, straightened the blankets and pulled them up over her. "Well, OK, my mother always said going right back to sleep was best too. Kathryn, do you want me to sleep here with you or stay in your room until you fall asleep?"

"No, no, I'm fine now. Go on back to bed and I'm sorry I woke you."

He leaned down and gave her a kiss as he tucked the blanket under her chin. "OK, but you call if you need anything, I don't mind. You're safe, I'm right downstairs. Sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow."

In the morning Chakotay was disturbed Kathryn thought it was him that was attacking her and wanted to discuss it, but she refused and said it was just a bad dream and the best thing for her would be to forget it. She was seeing a therapist about her problems sleeping, so he assumed she knew what was best and dropped the matter. The home had a security system and he was the only one in the house, so he supposed it made sense and didn't mean anything, although he couldn't help but remember how she'd said she was afraid of him the night they had the big fight and he'd shoved her. After a long breakfast they went outside and Chakotay cut the grass while Kathryn tended to her gardens and trimmed some bushes. They went for a swim afterwards and sat in the sun by the pool while they ate the leftover Chinese food for lunch. Chakotay still hadn't finished grading his papers, so he went in the den and worked while Kathryn went to the kitchen to start the preparations for her dinner. When he was finished he came to the kitchen to help her, but she said no and suggested he go next door and visit Mrs. Westerman. He went, knowing she wanted to prove to him she could make a nice dinner.

When Chakotay returned he stuck his head in the kitchen and asked, "May I come in or am I banned?"

Kathryn looked up from the mound of spinach she was chopping. "You can come in, but you can't help. How was Mrs. Westerman? Want something to drink?"

"No thanks. Here, she gave me a bottle of wine to have with dinner. She said it would go with what you're serving, but, don't worry, she wouldn't tell me what it was. Are you sure I can't help? I don't have anything to do and we should learn how to work together, shouldn't we?"

"Well, if you're so bored and want to help, please take my car and go into town and get a loaf of fresh Italian bread. The loaf I got yesterday had a big hole in the wrapper I didn't notice and it's stale. Would you mind?"

"No, of course not. Need anything else?"

"Maybe some salad dressing. I didn't check and what I bought has anchovies in it, so you can't eat it. Just get something you like that will go on a Caesar salad."

"OK, will do. You know, you can use that stale bread to make the croutons, so don't throw it out."

Kathryn laughed. "Make croutons? Don't be silly, they come in a package!"

"OK, then, well you can also use stale bread to make stuffing or bread pudding or…"

"Feeding the ducks at the pond. Out, Chakotay, now!"

"Sorry, I'm going, I'm going!"

When Chakotay returned Kathryn was setting the table in the dining room with her good china. He snuck up on her and surprised her with a kiss and a bouquet of flowers. "Here, for the lovely chef! The table looks nice, but you have the glasses backwards, the wine glasses go on the right of the water glasses."

"Does it really matter?" Kathryn quipped. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, thank you for telling me, I wasn't sure. I shouldn't have snapped, but my sister called and went on and on and I'm running behind… and thank you for the flowers, that was very sweet of you."

"No problem, I shouldn't have said anything because you're right, it doesn't really matter. Here's the bread and salad dressing and I got a surprise for later, but no peeking. If you're running behind, maybe I could take care of the flowers and finish setting the table for you?"

Kathryn took the groceries from him. "Yes, thank you, that would really help me out. The silverware is in the chest over there and you should find anything else you need in the china closet or sideboard.

After dinner Chakotay rose and wrapped his arms around Kathryn and gave her a kiss. "That was a wonderful dinner, the best you have ever made. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm sorry about the…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "Don't you dare apologize about a thing, it was perfect. Your dining room looks lovely, the food was delicious and you look very pretty this evening too. How about you and I hold hands and take a walk to the park and feed the ducks that stale bread and then we can come back and take care of the dishes and then I'll break out that surprise and maybe we can put on some music and dance a little and snuggle up on the couch?"

"I'd say that sounds wonderful. You know, we had a pretty good day together, didn't we?"

"Yes, but it's not over yet!"

After Kathryn and Chakotay came back from the park and cleaned up, they settled in the den and decided to watch one of the old movies Tom had given Kathryn. She'd never admit it to Tom, but she really liked them. Chakotay ran off to the kitchen to get his surprise while Kathryn picked out a movie.

He waltzed in, sat a stasis pod on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table and opened it. "Guess what? While I was in town I went to the liquor store and they had that same German beer! Here, I got a bag of pretzels too, those big fat crunchy kind, and I made popcorn and, see, I put it in your Santa bowl." Chakotay opened two beers and handed Kathryn one as she started the movie. "Here, a toast to the twenty first century!"

"Thanks, but I think this is twentieth. Mmm, this is good, thanks! Pass me a pretzel?"

"Sure," he replied as they stretched out and snuggled up on the couch to watch the movie.

The movie was good and they soon became engrossed in it, both amazed at the elegance, pageantry and of intrigue of the times and neither was bothered by the fact that the image on the screen was only two dimensional. Tom had always said that was part of the charm of old movies and television programs and he was right, as the lack of video technology forced the viewer to focus more on the characters and their story. Chakotay popped open the cold stasis pod on the floor in front of the couch and took out two more beers as he said, "Here, have another one."

"No thanks, I think two's my limit tonight, but could you hand me another pretzel please?"

"Sure, here you go." He opened the bottle of beer and shoved it at her. "Come on, have another one!"

Kathryn pushed it away as it was blocking her view. "No thanks. Shhh, this is the part where they hit the iceberg."

He laughed as he took a swig of beer. "How can you hit an iceberg? Didn't the ship have a deflector dish?"

"No, they didn't have them back then. Hush and watch the movie."

He reached to undo her top. "I'd rather watch you, let's see what you have under here, humm…"

She pushed his hand away as she said, "Stop that, let's just watch the movie."

He tried again. "Come on, Kathryn, just open up the top of your shirt. I've done your laundry and I know you have pretty sexy underwear and I want to see it on you."

"I said no."

Chakotay relented and went back to his beer and the movie, soon interested to see what would happen as he wasn't familiar with the story. As the engineer laid out the ship's schematic on the table to discuss the situation with the captain, he reached down for another beer as he said, "Any idiot can see that ship will sink, it was designed by a moron who didn't know anything about physics." He slid his hand up and caressed a breast. "Come on, Kathryn, obviously they all get in the life boats and get saved, so let's have a little fun."

She pushed his hand back down. "Leave me alone and that's not what happens anyhow, I know the story. Just watch the movie."

His hand slowly inched up as he spoke. "So, if you know what happens, you don't need to watch the rest. Oh, Kathryn, I'd much rather do this than watch a movie. You have wonderful breasts, so soft, and you're natural; I like that!"

She gave his hand a good slap. "Stop that, I don't need a breast exam, I just had one last month, and I'm not in the mood."

He leaned down and nipped her ear lobe. "Yes, but I bet you'll really like one from Doctor Chakotay! Come on, at least undo your bra." He reached behind her, trying to undo the clasp through her shirt.

Kathryn slipped out of his grasp, jumped up and paused the movie. "No! I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back. I suggest you keep your hands to yourself and watch the movie, it's fantastic." Kathryn returned in a few minutes and picked up some popcorn that had spilled on the floor before she sat and huffed, "Someone left the toilet seat up! Now, let's curl up and watch the rest of the movie and please stop groping me. Snuggling is fine, but keep your hands off my breasts and don't try to reach under my skirt again either. Got it?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied as he grabbed another beer and they started watching the movie again. "Sorry about the toilet seat, it won't happen again. The Wildman's place has automated toilets, so I got out of the habit of putting it back down." After another ten minutes or so, Chakotay nudged Kathryn. "Sorry, I have to get up to use the bathroom."

"Why couldn't you have used it ten minutes ago when I got up?"

"I didn't have to go then."

"Yeah, right! Why can't they invent a bladder implant that transports the urine out for you? Somebody could make some real money on that one!" Kathryn paused the movie and got up off the sofa. As she did she bumped into the coffee table and the empty beer bottles on it fell over, knocking the bowel of popcorn onto the floor. She started picking them up. "Jeez, how many beers have you had?"

He grabbed her shoe off the floor and used it to scrape up the popcorn and dump it back in the bowl. "Not that many, you had some too, you know!"

Kathryn snatched her shoe back. "Don't mess up my shoe and I only had two, so all the rest are yours." She began counting them as she put them back on the table, "One, two, three…"

"Quit that, Kathryn! I like beer and I want to enjoy the evening and I don't have to drive or go to work tomorrow, so what's the big deal? Can't I have a few beers when I want?"

"You never drank beer like this before! You hardly ever drank anything, let alone this much. Chakotay, you're drunk!"

"I am not! I had some beer every now and then before, only I usually had it at Sandrine's with the guys and you weren't there." He pulled her to him and nuzzled her neck. "Kathryn, I'm not drunk, I'm just feeling good."

"More like feeling me up good!" she said as she pried his hand off her backside. "Go on, hurry up, I want to watch the rest of the movie. I'll clean up the popcorn."

They settled back down and watched the rest of the movie. Chakotay had two more beers, although Kathryn was so engrossed in the movie, she didn't notice. He left her alone though, as unbeknownst to her, he quietly dozed off and slept through a good bit of the movie, and didn't wake up until the old woman dropped the necklace back into the sea. When the movie ended Kathryn rolled over towards Chakotay and put her arm around his neck as she sighed, "I didn't know it was such a long movie, but it was just wonderful, so romantic!"

They kissed and he took a nip or two at her lower lip. "Kathryn, if you want romance, let's go upstairs, slip into your bed and I'll show you just what romance is."

She brushed his hair off his forehead. "No, Chakotay, not tonight."

He kissed her neck and leaned down to nuzzle her breasts. "Please, Kathryn, I really want you."

She played with his hair as she said, "No, Chakotay, it's too soon."

"Oh come on, Kathryn, we've known each other for more than seven years. How much time do you need?"

"We've been friends for seven years, but we haven't been dating that long and I think we have some issues that need to be worked out before we go on and get more serious. Stop that!" she said as he nipped at her breast through her shirt. "You're drunk and horny, that's all, no romance involved. Next time you decide to keep a brewery in business, leave me out of it, OK?"

He kept at her. "Kathryn, don't you ever get horny? Come on, at least take your top off and let me play with your breasts, you might just like it. We don't have to go all the way, we can even just stay here on the couch. Come on, Sweetie, just relax and let me undo your top."

"I said no, Chakotay." She pulled his hands off her and got up. "I'm going to bed, so why don't you take a cold shower and just sleep it off? I don't like you when you get this drunk and I shouldn't have to say no more than once. I'll see you in the morning, goodnight."

/\

Sunday morning Kathryn awoke fairly late; she had slept well and felt good. She showered, dressed and made her bed before she headed for the door. She shuddered as she realized she had locked her bedroom door. It didn't make her feel good that she felt she had to do that and knew she would have to have a talk with Chakotay about his conduct last night. She loved him, but she was determined to wait until she felt they had worked out all their problems before they moved on with the relationship and wanted to do as her counselor advised and get herself together before making any sort of major changes in her life as well. As she opened her door she took a whiff and didn't smell the aroma of food or coffee, so she surmised Chakotay must still be asleep. Kathryn went downstairs quietly and poked her head into the open den door. He was asleep on the sofa, still wearing his clothes, with the afghan partially over him and partially hanging down on the floor. She pulled it up over him, quietly left the room, shut the door and went in the kitchen to make herself some coffee and read the morning news.

After more than an hour, she checked on Chakotay again and he was still asleep, although he had shifted position. Kathryn made herself some bacon and eggs, figuring the smell of food would do the trick, and sat down to eat. It didn't and it was getting late, so she finally went in to clean up the room. It had to be done, the noise would probably wake him and he could hardly fault her for cleaning up. She grabbed the cooler, took it to the kitchen and opened it. There were 2 bottles of beer left, she'd had two, so that meant Chakotay drank eight. Kathryn returned and started gathering the empty bottles to carry to the recycler and accidentally knocked one over as she reached for another.

Chakotay rolled over and looked up through half open eyes. "Huh, what?" He rubbed his face and tried to push his hair back. "Oh, gods, Kathryn, what time is it?"

She kept on cleaning up. "It's almost eleven, you'd better hurry if you want to go to Mom's." He sat up, rubbed at his throbbing head and said, "I don't feel so good."

Kathryn grabbed the afghan from his lap and folded it up. "That's because you got drunk last night! You smell terrible and look worse, so go on and take a shower and get cleaned up. There's coffee in the kitchen and I'll make you some breakfast. Wear some old clothes if you want to go riding." Chakotay just sat there and rubbed his head. She picked up his shoes and socks and tossed them in his lap. "If you don't want to go with me, fine, but get out of here so I can clean up this mess. If you want something for your headache, there's some of those green pills in the medicine cabinet and please fasten your pants before you stand up."

Chakotay finally got himself together and got up off the sofa. "I'm sorry, I know you're mad, can we talk?"

"Later, we don't have time now." Chakotay reached out, pulled her to him and tried to kiss her, but she pushed him off as she said, "Your breath smells terrible and you're right and I am mad. You got drunk last night and I don't like you when you're like that. You were all over me, horny as a targh in heat and I didn't appreciate it. You can call me a bitch again or any names you want, but I won't tolerate being treated like that ever again."

He slumped back down on the sofa and held his head in his hands so it wouldn't explode. "Kathryn, you're right, I'm sorry. Sit down and let's talk this out."

"No, I don't have time, Mom said to be there by noon. If you're too hung over to go, then just stay here or go home, but I'm going. I'll talk, but not now. Do you want to go with me or not?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, I'll hurry. I made all the mess, just leave it and I'll clean up when we get back," he said as he left to go get cleaned up.

The day at the Janeway farm went well. Kathryn could tell Chakotay didn't feel very good, but luckily he and her great uncle hit it off as they were both boxing enthusiasts, so they spent most of the day sitting on the back porch debating who the best boxers were. She went riding with her sister and the kids and, luckily, nobody really noticed that she and Chakotay barely spoke the entire afternoon. They beamed back to Kathryn's after dinner, just as it was getting dark, and went into the kitchen to put away the leftovers Gretchen had sent home with them. When they had finished Chakotay said, "I really like your great uncle, he knows all about boxing."

"Yes, he does, he loves it. He boxed when he was young and won some tournaments or something."

"Yeah, he told me all about it... about six times. Kathryn, let's sit and have some tea and talk. I feel bad about last night, I really do. I don't know what got into me that I disrespected you like that."

She gave him a glare as she got out the tea. "I'd say it was about eight bottles of beer."

"Touché. OK, I deserved that. I drank too much, I admit it, and, trust me, I've been paying for it all day."

She slid his mug on the table and joined him. "Well, you'll get tea from me, but no sympathy. Chakotay, you're a grown man and you can do whatever you want, but I don't want to be around you when you have that much to drink. You were all over me, trying to cajole me into having sex with you, and I didn't like that."

"I know, I'm sorry, that was the beer talking, not that that justifies it. I'm responsible for my actions and I know that. I know what beer does to me and I should have known better. I'll admit, I was pretty wild and crazy in my younger days and often drank too much. I even got in some hot water with Starfleet over my drinking, but I cleaned up my act and Captain Sulu arranged to have it expunged from my service record. The reason I finally came to peace with it, with myself, was because my grandfather came to me in a vision quest, explained it all to me and helped me to realize I should never drink to excess like he all too often did." Chakotay chuckled, "He also said he'd slap the shit out of me if I ever got drunk again! Ever since then, when I thought about having too much to drink, I'd hear his voice and I wouldn't; he took care of me. Anyhow, he doesn't come to me anymore, not since, well… his ashes were lost. I'm telling you all this not as an excuse, but as an explanation, and I hope you understand. If I could take back last night, I would, and I'm very very sorry."

"Alright, apology accepted, but I don't ever want to see that side of you again. That's twice in the last week you've gotten drunk, so maybe you should get some help?"

"I will, but I need to do it in my own way; the spirits will guide me if I ask them. I can't promise you I'll never drink too much again, but please promise me, if I do, you'll leave or throw me out so I don't ever treat you like that again. I know you may not believe me right now, but I was raised to respect women and I do respect you and was being honest when I said I understand that it's too soon for you. I agree, we need to get some things worked out first, you need to complete your treatment and get back to being comfortable in your own skin and I need to deal with my own demons. Apart from last night, I think we did pretty well this weekend, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. We had a few rough spots here and there, but I think we handled them pretty well. What about next weekend? Do you want to spend it together again?"

"Yes, but I'm supposed to go to a symposium Saturday that I don't want to and I'm trying to get out of it. I'll call you and let you know, but I'm free Sunday. Well, I hate to, but it's getting late, I have an early class tomorrow and have to figure out what I'm going to do and I still don't feel very good, so I had better get home. Thank you, Kathryn, I had a wonderful weekend."

She slid over and gave him a hug and a kiss. "So did I. Why don't you go gather your things and I'll pack up some of these leftovers for you because Mom sent home enough for both of us."

Kathryn packed up some food and went to the den to see if Chakotay needed help packing. She stopped in the doorway and screamed, "You're vacuuming!"

"Yes, I spilled the pop corn and salt from the pretzel bag, so it's only fair I clean it up before I go and leave the room as neat and clean as I found it. I wasn't trying to criticize, Kathryn, I swear!"

"Chakotay, the vacuum, it was in the linen closet!"

"Yeah, so?"

"It was a mess, you weren't supposed to see it! I tore everything out looking for clean towels and didn't have time to straighten it, so I just shoved it all back in with that mountain of dirty laundry to hide it."

"So?" he replied as he smiled.

"You're not going to say anything?"

"Nope, he replied as he returned her smile and left to put the vacuum back."

They said their goodbyes and Kathryn ran upstairs to check and, sure enough, Chakotay had put the vacuum back and just shoved everything in the closet the way it was. She leaned against the door to get it to close as she sighed, "There's hope for that man yet!"

/\

On Thursday morning Kathryn looked up the address to the Wildman's apartment where Chakotay was living and went to surprise him. She rang the chime, but there was no answer, so she rang it again as she was sure he'd be home so early in the morning on his day off. He'd told her he had to go to a lecture the night before and would call her in the morning, but he hadn't and her surprise just couldn't wait. She rang it a third time and the door finally opened as Chakotay stood there in his bathrobe.

"Kathryn?" was all he could say as it was obvious she'd gotten him out of bed. He stepped out into the hall as the door slid shut behind him.

"I woke you up, didn't I?"

"Yeah," he mumbled as he rubbed his head and tried to focus. "Kathryn, why don't you go have a cup of coffee or something and come back in an hour or so and give me a chance to get dressed?" An elderly couple passed by and gave him a disapproving look as he was just wearing a bathrobe.

Kathryn pushed past him, opened the door and went in. "Come on, you can't stand out in the hall in your robe like that, what will your neighbors think? Come back in, I have a surprise for you!" She went into the living room and looked around. "Wow, this is nice!"

He took her arm and tried to get her back to the door. "Kathryn, please let me go get dressed, OK? There's a nice little coffee shop right across the street, why don't you go over there and I'll be right down?"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him along with her. "OK, but let me give you this first. Come on, sit down." He finally sat as she handed him a small box from her purse. "Go on, open it." He did, took out the contents and looked at her in total confusion, so she explained. "Chakotay, it's your grandfather's ashes. I found all the pieces of the urn except for a small chip here at the rim and glued it back together. I cut a square meter out of the carpet where the ashes fell, carefully wrapped it in plastic, took it to a forensic lab and they were able to beam the synthetic material of the carpet away and that just left all the ashes. Go ahead, open it, they're all there, you have your grandfather back."

He opened the urn and looked. "Kathryn, I thought they were lost, I don't know what to say."

She gave his arm a pat and smiled. "You don't have to say anything. What happened to them was my fault and, when you explained what they meant to you and how having them helped you to be at peace, I just had to figure a way to return them and I finally did."

He held the urn in his hands and wept, "Oh, Kathryn!"

"It's OK, I'll give you a few minutes of privacy. I finally did my laundry yesterday afternoon and some of your things were in the hamper, so I washed them. They're in the car, I'll go get them." Kathryn went to the door to leave and, as she turned to say goodbye, she stopped dead in her tracks as a naked woman sauntered into the room.

The woman walked behind the sofa, leaned down and gave Chakotay a kiss as she said, "There you are! I woke up and you were gone. Is there anything to eat? I'm famished!" The woman looked up at Kathryn. "Whoops, I didn't realize you had a cleaning lady, I'll go wait in the bedroom for you. Don't be long, Chakky."

Kathryn's eyes started to well with tears and her lips trembled as she tried to speak, but she couldn't. Her hands went numb, she dropped her purse and the contents spill out onto the floor. She bent down to scoop them up, but her hands were trembling so much she couldn't. Chakotay started towards her, but she grabbed her wallet, threw her purse at him and ran out of the apartment crying.

Chakotay collapsed onto the floor and caressed the urn as he sobbed, "Oh, Grandfather, I love that woman more than anything in the universe, what have I done?"

TO BE CONTINUED