Who Are You Really?
written by Gontro
chapter version (1.2)
Disclaimer: Each chapter of this story is subject to change/improvements as I often like to fine-tune my work, hence the chapter versioning. I own nothing.. yada.
Authors Note: Set straight after Season 2 Episode 4, AU from there. A John/Cameron story but you won't see that for a fair few chapters to come. This is my first story on despite many years of shameless lurking, lol. Props to all the great writers on this site, you guys have kept me entertained for many years now when the writers of the actual shows couldn't ;). Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1: Never Meant to Live
John's focused eyes bore into the road ahead as he steadily made his way back along the boulevard. It was late and he was confused and uncertain as to what to do with Cameron in her current state, having spent all day frantically searching for her, worried out of his mind that something might have had gone wrong. 'How I do hate being right sometimes', John thought sadly as recalled the events of the day just past. 'At least nobody died...', the sarcasm was painfully evident to his overly pessimistic mind, causing the corner of his lip to twist awkwardly into a tight lipped grin before falling away. It seemed the more time that past, the closer he gets to losing the Cam he knows. Her new found oddities, or "malfunctions" as his mother or Derek would call them, have become a serious problem. Not just for his own safety, but hers as well. Derek would walk right up to her and put a bullet in her chip if he found out what happened today, and little John could do or say would sway him from doing so. 'This simply cannot happen agai..
"That was my last get out of jail free", Cameron's sudden words broke through John's morose train of thought as though she could read his mind.
"Damn! Right!", John's eyes never wavering from the road as he responded, words heavy with frustration despite him not raising his voice. The anger felt from having spent the better part of the day searching and worrying after her and what might have happened on the forefront of his mind. Everyone knew that Cameron hadn't been quiet right ever since the explosion, but dammit if John couldn't help but find some of her oddities to be almost human-like in their quirkiness. 'With the exception of attempted homicide, of course', his mind supplied, '..or maybe not. We humans do tend to kill each other alot.'. He tried to keep his eyes on the road, to show her he was still angry but movement out of the corner of his eye had him looking over curiously. What he saw was yet another oddity. If he didn't know better he would swear he saw his cyborg protector "fiddling" with a necklace he hadn't noticed her wearing before now. It looked new.
"Where'd you get that?" John asked, his voice still tight.
"I got it from this awesome thrift store in Echo park.", she replied, her voice taking on the listless tone she uses when she reciting something she's heard. There it was again, another lie. If the fact that they hadn't been anywhere near Echo park today didn't give the lie away then the rapid blinking of her eyelids along with her tone did. Another oddity that didn't quiet add up. 'She must know that I knows she's lying so whats the point? How did it factor into her mission? Did she even have a mission anymore? Did she ever really have one?? Maybe she lied to me about that too?' When John reflected on it, he realized that he really knew very little about the origins of Cameron, how she became a member of the resistance or his future self's protector for that matter, and after seeing her believe she was some girl called Allison from Palmdale with such genuine emotion... he couldn't help but admit he was curious as to the answers to these questions. 'Was she captured by the resistance? Is she just another terminator reprogrammed to protect him without a will of their own like I secretly fear?' John always hoped that he had been the one to build her, and give her the freedom to choose. 'Maybe she join the resistance of her own volition? She certainly seemed to be able to make her own choices, didn't that make her unique? Humans defined their uniqueness in the world by their intelligence and free-will, so what did that make Cameron?' These thoughts hung heavy in the air as John slowly drove them back to their current home, thankful his mother had been tied up in some matter or another and wouldn't know about their little excursion today, though it was getting late and she was bound to be home any moment.
Cameron went back to staring lifelessly ahead, obviously not wanting to talk about it. Feeling tired and emotionally drained from the ordeal, John didn't even bother calling her out on the lie. Instead he flicked on the radio and changed to a random channel, not really listening to the music, but needing something to fill the distance he feels has grown between him and Cameron. Suddenly sick of the situation and not being able to talk to his 'once-upon-a-time' friend anymore, John made a quick decision and changed course, heading away from their previous destination of home.
Cameron didn't even blink, her eyes continuing to stare out the windshield, no sign she was even aware of the world around her. John was getting worried. This wasn't normal by any stretch of the imagination. 'Or at least my imagination', he thought. 'She seems shell shocked... almost like she's been traumatized by some horrific event. But that's impossible right? Terminators don't feel anything right?', but thinking back to her smiling and laughing today as she played a game with friend, or the fear in her eyes when she asked if he had hurt her before... John just wasn't so sure anymore, it wasn't the same as when she was trapped between those two trucks begging for her life, not to go away. She had no reason to smile and laugh like she did today, nothing relating to any mission could he think of would give reason for her to be in that situation. No logically reason at least. As John thought more on it he came to a startling uncertainty, 'Could Allison be the girl she was built to impersonate? Could she really be just another machine built by SkyNet to terminate one John Conner? It would certainly explain a lot about the days events..', but just as quickly as John had formed the thought, he quashed it, quickly cutting his musings short. 'No.. she's different.'. He thought to himself, repeating a mantra he seems to have adopted not long after meeting her. He didn't know what to be sure of these days, but he wanted to be sure of her. He wanted his friend back. He needed his friend back!
Pulling up in front of a little out-of-the-way cafe, John sighed deeply, releasing the remaining frustration and anger he felt, John turned to Cameron and spoke softly as he reigned in his thoughts, "Cam". She didn't reply, still staring sightlessly ahead. John tried a little louder, "Cameron!", but it did little to cause any greater effect. She seemed lost in her own little world, if that was possible for a terminator, and John couldn't help but to get even more worried, she almost seemed deactivated. He tried once more thinking back on earlier today and what she said to him, "Allison!". That, at least, seemed to make her snap out of her stupor. Her eyes whipping to John's, a small confused frown adorning her brow and eyes that seemed to scream of a pain both old and new. "Come on, we're here.", he simply said by way of explanation. For the first time taking in of the world around her since she had blatantly lied, Cameron came to the sudden conclusion that they were not home.
"This is not home.", she said, blankly stating the obvious as she often does. 'And speaking of the obvious..', John thought to himself, '..mom would have gotten home by now.. why hasn't she called yet demanding I get my ass home?'
"Good detective skills Sherlock.", John replied to Cameron's statement with a slight grin to take any sting out of the remark as he started to clamber out of the drivers side of the vehicle, all thoughts of his mother pushed aside for the moment. Cameron simply frowned at him again with her customary blank stare and rephrases her question as she followed him out of the car and onto the sidewalk.
"Why are we here? You could make caffeinated beverages for a much lower price at home.", her reply sounding inane even to her own ears as the majority of her processing power devoted itself to her inner conflict of figuring out who and what she really was, and what she should do from here. John didn't seem to notice though, or at least let it show as he continued.
"Have you ever tried a mocha?", he asked, turning his questioning eyes on her slightly unfocused, slightly confused ones.
"A mocha?", she replied by way of question.
"Yeah! At its most basic form you have a espresso coffee then you add your chocolate, steamed milk and top with whipped cream. There's lots of different flavors and toppings too.. I thought you would know all this? Didn't you say you read the dictionary once?" Opening the door to the cafe to show it was nearly empty, not surprising considering the time of night. They made there way in and took a seat in a booth with easy access to the back entrance in case they needed to make a quick getaway. Cameron replied in a clipped voice.
"There is a lot for me to..", looking sideways to see a dull looking waitress approach she re-worded he phrasing, "..think about since the last.. breakdown. It leaves little room for anything else and sometimes it is all I can see." She cast her eyes to the tabletop as the waitress reached the table, a bored expression on her face. John frowned at the response he was given, thinking of its implications. So quickly ordering two mocha's and the waitress left them with that, clearly wanting to be somewhere else.
"Is this about Allison?", he asked and was once again surprised with how quickly her eyes shot up to meet his, the haunted look she wore was something he once believed only a human capable of. 'Oh, how I was wrong', he chastised himself mentally. Her whole posture once again screamed pain to him, a familiar pain.. He just couldn't quiet place the feeling. "Who is Allison Young, Cameron?", carefully modulating his voice as to not break this tentative progress he seemed to be making. 'At least she's not lying to my face', he thought to himself. 'Yeah, she's not talking... yet.. but this is my only shot. I can't blow it. I may never get another chance. I suspect things could get worse both now, and in the future if I don't fix things somehow. I don't think my future self quiet planned for things to work out the way they have..'
Almost as if to reinforce the idea that she could read his mind, Cameron suddenly spoke after her prolonged silence, ignoring his question and instead answering another. What she had to say was most definitely not what he was expecting her to say next, "Everything is wrong John. None of this was supposed to happen. You altered the timeline by bringing me back when in the previous timeline you did what you should have done and destroyed me. Now everything is different. Many from the future, including the John Connor I knew would not be pleased."
Oh no! Not a cliffhanger :P. Please bare in mind that this is my first real attempt at a full-fledged story let alone my first piece of fanfic, and as I have neither a beta reader nor muse at my disposal I am likely to have many grammatical mistakes or slight continuity problems. I appreciate it when this is pointed out, or constructive criticism given as it improves my writing style. So, please read and review! Until next time... ;)