Title: Ewww
Dedicated: To Marti Noxon, of course. She who put the Ewww in Ganya.
Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, they wouldn't be Ewww..
Author: Leadlight. http://www.geocities.com/leadlightfic
Author's note: Pregnant women should not write babyfic. This was unbetaed because I wouldn't inflict a rant like this on any of my friends :-) And it's *not* all from personal experience
Setting: IGWR-verse, I guess. But six months or so after that story finishes.
Giles woke, and sleepily reached for Anya. To his surprise, her side of the bed was cold and unoccupied.
Pausing only to pull on a pair of sweatpants, he hurried to the bathroom, where he found his wife huddled wretchedly over the toilet, a dark green robe wrapped around her.
"Darling, are you all right?" he asked as his eyes gradually adjusted to the light.
Anya rolled her eyes. "What do you think?" she snapped, as another bout of nausea overcame her and she retched convulsively, her slender form shivering despite the warmth of the robe. Giles moved to rub her back, but she shrugged him off.
"I can't sit down, because I'm afraid I'll get haemorrhoids - a word that shouldn't exist and I certainly can't spell. None of my clothes fit, and I have to wear underwear that is so huge and ugly I'd have rejected it *before* I ever became a Vengeance Demon. My bras alone could double as a handy picnic basket.
"My body aches in places I never knew existed, and last night I went to bed in the most excruciating agony then proceeded to fart for at least an hour. At least it made me feel better.
"I'm dizzy if I stand for long, and sore if I sit. I have to be poked and inspected by medical professionals, and the only foods I can stand are hot chips and pickled onions. And the smell of the pickled onions makes me even sicker, but I still need to eat them."
She paused for breath. "Meanwhile everyone's full of dietary advice about what I 'should' be eating, so I'm swallowing horse pill-sized vitamins which also make me retch, and worrying that something is going to go wrong if I don't take them."
Giles settled himself behind her on the floor, stroking her back gently.
"What can I do to help, darling?"
She whirled to face him, eyes tearing. "That's just it, Giles. You can't do anything now. It's all up to me. *I'm* the one who can't even have a glass of wine, and who has to avoid all her favourite foods. And I can't imaging what the doctors would say about teleporting if I was still a Vengeance Demon!
"You got me into this condition with your extremely potent penis. Now all I can do is wait - and suffer."
She sniffed, then wailed, "We're having a baby, Giles. I'm so happy, but at the same time I'm terrified. There's so much for us to do, and so much to learn. Babies are infinitely more complicated than puppies."
Giles sighed as he led his wife back to the bedroom. Seven weeks down - only thirty three to go.