Shrektor Who
Chapter 1: Get Out of My Swamp!
It was an average day for Shrek and his partner in crime, Donkey. Fiona had taken Farkle, Fergus and Felicia to get some swamp groceries, because, you know, there are grocery stores in swamps. Mostly run by relatives of the neighborly Mr. Baumann. Shrek was taking a fat ogre dump in his outhouse.
"Man Shrek, you really need to lay off the onions. Yeesh." Donkey commented.
"Donkey, onions are what keeps me goin'. It's like runnin' a car without fuel, laddeh." Shrek replied.
Shrek took one last squeeze. His business had been done. The sound of ripping paper can be heard through the wooden door. Finally, a flush. Shrek walks out of his outhouse, looking triumphant.
"Shrek, aren't you even gonna lysol the place?" Donkey inquired.
"Donkey, I am an ogre. Ogres don't use lysol." Shrek responded.
Meanwhile, in the deepest reaches of space, a man and his female companion are flying around in a strange blue box. The man was Peter Capaldi, and his companion was Clara Oswald.
"I still don't know how to fly this thing." Peter Capaldi said.
"Golly goshings." Clara remarked.
Peter Capaldi pulled down many levers. The infamous TARDIS sound screamed through time and it flew to Shrek's swamp. The TARDIS came in, replacing Shrek's outhouse.
"WHAT THE!?" Shrek roared.
Peter Capaldi and Clara walked out of the TARDIS.
"Who are you, and what are you doin' in mah swamp!?" Shrek yelled.
"Wow Shrek. That's a much better color scheme for your outhouse." Donkey commented.
"Quiet you!" Shrek snapped.
"You must be an ogre! I've heard a lot about your kind." Capaldi said.
"What have you heard?" Shrek asked.
"I have heard that ogres are the swaggiest creatures on Earth." Capaldi answered.
Shrek looked surprised. He looked down at Donkey and then looked back at Peter Capaldi. Shrek's surprised expression turned into anger.
"I don't care what you've heard, I want you to GET OUT OF MAH SWAMP!" Shrek yelled.
"Wait a minute...there's something here...something bad." Peter Capaldi said.
Meanwhile, at the thought-to-abandoned castle of Farquaad. It is a lonely ghost town. Not even any of the drecks who worshipped the dreck lord Farquaad were present. It was completely empty. Or was it? An evil laugh was heard. A laugh so dreck it could make glasses shatter, make children cry, make the Nostalgia Critic recognize the true beauty of Eight Crazy Nights.
"I will have my revenge on Shrek!" The dreck voice exclaimed.
To be continued...