Prologue, katniss' pov:
September
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
I must be honest my love. I find no enjoyment writing this odd letter to you, except for the odd satisfaction I have knowing you don't exist to read it. I even believe that it triumphs every thing else I'm feeling about this.
But lets not rush this. It simply wouldn't be right.
I am Katniss Everdeen - as you should know. The biggest fool in all the land. I'm quite poetic, don't you think? Now this may shock you my love, so take a breath. But you fell deeply and irretrievably in love with me when we didn't cross paths outside of my home district. And now, we are engaged - to be married. I must say this is quite the shock. I didn't even believe it, but alas, I will fight for us.
I stare down at the arrow I'm holding as I press the tip of it against the paper to carve out each letter. Of course I could just use a pencil - and I will. But that would mean I'd have to spend time away from my set of arrows and I doubt I'd last very long without them. That's what happens when you spend too much time with something you love. I'd rather save myself another heartbreak as I write my first.
In all honesty, perhaps I could just act like a normal sixteen year old excited for her first season. And I am. Just like how I was excited at getting a needle pierced through my skin last week for my yearly injection.
After four years of mother being a widower, the hope she has for my romantic future seems to have changed from being subtle to obvious. She's either void of emotion or cheerful every second of the day. I'd much prefer the former, but she doesn't seem to agree. Mother instead prefers to dress me up in silks and tulle and make me dance with as many men as possible with the hope that one will inspire marriage.
It doesn't matter that I hate crowds and that I don't like people looking at me. I have a tendency to freeze. Thus its clear that I'm left with an aversion to my own season.
Though in all honesty I was granted a reprieve from it. As mother left for another one of her travels, I was sent to a small house along with eleven other girls. Rather than spend my time conversing uncomfortably, I chose to appreciate the outdoors and the forests only a few miles away. The idea was that if I were forced to interact before my season then I might become more sociable, or at the very least I'd have made one or two confidantes within my age bracket.
In reality, the only words I spoke were to the woodland creatures as I chased them around the trees. My time was spent climbing them at sunrise and then attempting to make myself look pristine once more, before I returned at nightfall.
When I finally returned mother asked if I was ready to meet my future spouse. It had to happen eventually. I was aware of that. Maybe that was why I panicked. And lied. I didn't think it was possible. I'm just too transparent most times but mother believed me. I wasn't even sure if I should feel guilty... but that doesn't mean I'd tell the truth - not so soon at least. Keeping a lie for a few more months can't do that much damage, surely.
So I'd told her that I wasn't ready to go with her to meet someone. Because I'd already found him.
Unfortunately though, whilst I was believed maybe that's what excited my mother. So she pried.
What's his name? Er, Mell-arky. Mellark. Peeta. He's a um... a captain. In the army.
When will he be visiting? Um, it depends. He had an urgent reason to depart the country.
Do your surnames sound good together? Lets not rush this mother.
Well I'm at least going to meet his family right? Oh no. They um, they're dead. Yes, and far away, in another district.
Suddenly this image in my head had formed. My sweetheart had a name and a background. He seemed more real to me than many of the people I've met previously. By the time I was allowed to rest, mother knew everything about my invented suitor. He had blondish hair and blue eyes, with a deep, husky voice. He was sweet but stern. And he was more committed than anyone she'd ever known.
So this morning, at mother's persistence, I've been writing him a letter. Sort of. I've taken to writing nonsense as though someone may actually read these years down the line. Hopefully they can find amusement in it. I suppose I have to find the location of an old military office. I have to post the thing so I suppose it'd only be right sending it to my imaginary sweetheart's area of residence. If the office in question is still in use then they'll likely throw it away after discovering that such a person doesn't exist - or at the very least he doesn't work in combat. If not then they may just give it to the men to read when they're bored. I suppose it doesn't matter.
So sleep tight my love. For whilst you don't live, you are so much more deserving than I.
October
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
A month! My goodness. I think I'll forever take delight in knowing you're the only man who'll be unable to exist without me.
As for us? Well you'll be glad to hear our tale of love has inspired some real love! So aren't you convenient.
We won't be together for a while, I'm glad to say. So I'm afraid you'll have to deal with your passion towards me on your own.
Stay true my love. For I... am in need of a snack.
November
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
Is there anything worse than having a mother try to instigate a conversation about being intimate while your single? I've never been left so disappointed. You're holding out on me!
I'm aware of the need to marry and produce heirs but I feel like you'd be necessary in such a situation. I believe I'll take joy in creating a new reason for you to be delayed when this plan runs its course. Until then, stay sweet my love.
December
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
We have a new ally. My aunt Effie has come to stay. I didn't think mother would be so welcoming in allowing me to be around a ruined woman but hurrah! We can speak of you. She adores the idea that I'm overcome with hope and loneliness in your absence. She constantly teases me about having to wait around for my endangered officer. I never knew I was so good at lying!
Thankfully, your false existence has saved me from being dragged off to parties and celebrations. 'Can't you see the girl is lost without him' she'd say. I think you're doing a wonderful job at being dead. The woman's even getting mother to create a window seat in my room so I can yearn for you like a true lady.
I don't have to waltz around in public, nor do I need to leave my room. I can write stories and do target practise. I've never been happier.
You're truly invaluable my love. Truly.
June
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
Oh what a lovely day! Mother has finally been called away for another birth. One far away. I suppose I'll finally gets some peace without her loitering at the stairs asking about my health. I presume she thinks that these letters are the only things keeping me sane. Speaking of which, might I make a request? A handful of compliments in your letter to me about how brilliant I am. Or even address my mother and how lucky she is to have me.
The more distractions the better.
How are your travels with your men? My aunt believes that you are the most brave of all. I believe that I'm the one with the brains in our agreement, don't you think? Perhaps you harvest the beauty. Enjoy it. If the women of our estate ever knew, I think they'd want to meet you themselves. Don't worry though, I've told them I'm too greedy to share.
Your mine, my love.
August
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
I've great news! Mother has another relative. An heir! I know I promised my heart to you. But alas, I must give it too another. The girl is only young. She's small and quiet and the most perfect angel to have ever existed. Mother had her years ago but was forced to give her away. Now that contact has been restored, we no longer have to pretend. Whilst I have began to enjoy it, I'm afraid that we must end what's between us. Her existence, unlike your own, is very much real and thus I don't have to marry. Nor do I need a fictional sweetheart. Isn't it wonderful?
I wish I could say we've grown apart, but I'd hate to lie anymore. Besides too many have grown fond of you. Should I be jealous? I'll find another way to end this. Its odd. Sometimes I feel that you understand me more than they do.
Stay safe my love.
November
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
Please don't shame me. I don't think I could bear it. So keep a secret for me. Maybe then I'll finally stop doing it. Prim has taken to sleeping in mothers room and I've grown quite lonely. I'd become accustomed to having someone to hold, or hold me in the night. You see, I have a spare pillow. It was my fathers. Yes, this will sound odd but its comforting. One of those firm pillows that seem to cradle your head as you sleep. There's something quite symbolic in that, isn't there?
I set it by the fireplace to warm up before bed. Then I nestle up against it and hold it close. And sometimes... oh goodness... sometimes I can almost believe its you. In my bed. Holding me close. Ridiculous isn't it? Its begun to smell of cinnamon what with the number of times mother has taken it to the kitchen and laid it of the floor so that her daughter can curl up on it and watch her as she prepares supper.
But despite that, I need it. You know, I think I'll miss you.
I hope your nights don't feel as lonely as mine.
Sleep well my love.
February
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
You are fortunate my love. Who knew the power you would hold. Shall I tell you? You see, you're a landowner now. Aunt Effie has spoken to my Uncle about leaving me a share of his commodities in his will. The one he chose? A castle in the far highlands of twelve. An caisteal beinne. The arena castle. He spoke of some Scottish highlands and the view. I don't know what he means exactly but you've proven to be very useful. It's supposed to be our home when you return from the war but perhaps I can convince my Uncle to reward me with early access since he is still in good health.
Oh how you always seem to make me go crazy. This has gone too far. Mother has taken to praying for your safety each night at the dinner table. This is so wrong, isn't it? It's been over two years since we never met. I'd hoped to be honest sooner. You've become some twisted part of our family. I suppose imagination is as fickle as you are. Until next time, my love.
March
Dear Captain Peeta Mellark,
Oh how I yearn for you. Mother's getting desperate and I fear father would be pulling out his hair if he were still alive to greet you.
I'm sorry I've failed you. The guilt's too much and it breaks my heart and thus it breaks yours. But I have to let you go.
I want this to end. And so, you have to die.
You were brave, I promise. I think you'd have saved a colony of men in your haste to get to me. I admire you so much. Please ignore the damp spots on this paper. I'm embarrassed to be crying over such a man. Such a hope you brought.
I'll mourn for you. I swear it. This has become so real that your death hurts. You hurt me.
I won't move on from you. I'll never let another wish to wed me, or hold me, or love me. You were too good for me.
So I'll tell you whilst the sun sets.
Sleep tight dear.
With all my love. Adieu my friend.
Authors note ~ Hi! Loosely based off of - When a Scot Ties the Knot. I don't own the characters etc. You know how it is. Another new fic - wow. I know updates/posts are scarce but I posted a new drabble just after Christmas so that means too in one week. :) Hope you guys liked this! What do you think of the prologue? The letter writing was just for this but maybe I'll do some more in the future. Then again I was starting to cry at the end so maybe it just makes me feel dramatic. :D I just don't want to kill Peeta. :'( Please review and tell me! I love hearing your feedback! Thanks for reading. :)