Chapter 1 - Suffocation

"It looks like your baby is doing just fine." Doctor Price smiled kindly down at Marie whilst removing the blue nitrile gloves she'd been wearing. She had been Marie's top choice as a midwife and it just so happened she specialized in mutant births.

"It's a shame daddy wasn't here to see." Her twelve-week scan and Logan had managed to miss every part of the pregnancy so far. Not so much miss as refuse to attend. Even so, she couldn't imagine him sitting in the chair beside the bed holding her hand, watching the screen for the tiny movements of their developing child. She couldn't even imagine him standing awkwardly in the corner or in the waiting room, staring at the floor and counting the seconds until it was over.

"Work's been hard on him. He'll be here next time." Marie lied easily and Doctor Price gave her a sad smile like she'd heard that one before. Truth was they were going through a rough patch, if their whole relationship wasn't a rough patch.

Months of snapping at each other for the most stupid of reasons. He'd left cigars in his jeans and she'd washed them without checking the pockets even though he'd put tossed them in the basket in like that. She'd dropped toast crumbs in the bed even after he'd asked her not to eat there. They both had little quirks that had become an annoyance to the other when at first they were endearing.

Marie missed how things used to be. That lazy, heart-stopping smile she loved so much, trying to remember when it first started to slip away to be replaced by the constant scowl that was usually reserved for everyone else but her.

She missed the feeling of being held while she slept, knowing everything was going to be alright because nothing could penetrate the warmth and stability of his arms. She missed not feeling on edge all the time. It was like she was sharing a room with a ticking time bomb; she could feel the tension boiling up inside them, wondering how it would explode this time around.

Countless nights spent awake, so many in a row everything was blurring into one. Rough, hurried sex that left him even more frustrated than before. Days of not exchanging more than a few words and just before she thought she would break down in a fragile mess, he'd scoop her into his arms and kiss her how he used to. And things would be fine again, for a few days until the next thing pissed him off.

He'd distanced himself from her so much she felt alone in their relationship.

"So I'll see you in a few weeks Marie, okay?" Marie gave the woman a watery smile and got up to leave. Doctor Price reached out and rested a hand on her arm.

"Don't forget, stress is bad for the baby, especially at this vital stage. Try taking some time for yourself every now and then. Do something you enjoy like reading a book or taking a walk."

"Sure, thank you Doctor Price."

…

Logan was waiting for her in the parking lot of the doctor's office. The last few weeks where Marie had just stared to show had put a lot of things into perspective for him. He was going to be something he had always feared and kinda admired at the same time, but one question kept repeating itself in his head. How could he bring up a kid when he barely knew how to keep himself in check? He couldn't even look after his girl without screwing up.

The thought of hurting her made him sick to his stomach, although he knew he'd done so previously but even the idea of physically harming her made his blood run cold. He couldn't allow the wolverine to take over anymore; he needed to have it under control. The regret and guilt he felt over the way he had treated her consumed him.

Logan was trying to calm himself with periods of quiet reflection, wondering what he could do to make it up to her. He knew Marie had enough to deal with; hormones, expanding stomach, exam stress all getting to her. Morning sickness making her life hell. The pressure on both of them keeping this secret was becoming too great, growing slowly like her belly.

A movement ahead caught Logan's attention, bringing him out of his stupor. Marie was walking quickly towards the passenger side, her strides forceful and determined. Despite her tightened jaw and clenched hands, Logan noticed how pale and drawn she looked.

They travelled down the road in silence for a few minutes before Logan spoke up.

"You wanna go get something to eat baby?" Marie just shrugged, looking mournfully out the window. Logan continued with a different tact.

"Look you understand why I can't come in with you right?"

"I just thought your desire to see your unborn child would be greater than your need to keep your reputation in tact, that's all."

"Don't start with me Marie; you know what would happen if I turned up claiming I was the father. They'd take one look and me and call the fuzz."

"What are you going to do once he or she is born? I can't look after a baby all by myself." Logan sighed and signalled to pull the truck over. He took her small hands in his own larger, warmer ones.

"You know that's not what's going to happen. I would never leave you in that situation. I just wish I'd never.." he shook his head.

"Never what Logan?" She was staring at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to finish the sentence. "Never slept with me? Never met me?"

"Never got you pregnant was what I was going to say."

"Well, look whose fault that was." She snatched her hands away.

"I know okay, I'm sorry." He restarted the truck and they continued home in silence.

What Marie didn't understand was how much Logan cared. He'd fought for her in his own way. He had been preparing for the baby, secretly buying things for when it was born. He'd got clothes, dippers even a crib all stashed away in a storage unit just out of the city, just far away to not arouse any suspicion from nosey house mates.

As soon as she graduated, they were outta there. He'd take her to Alberta, right near the Canadian Rockies where she and the baby would be safe. He was pretty certain she would like it too. The air was clear up there, still and tranquil, no one would bother them and they could live together without fear of judgment. They could be a real family. It would be perfect.

…

Back at school, Marie occupied her afternoon with baby names instead of algebra homework. She's always liked James. It was a classic, strong name although she was sure Logan would object to him being called anything Scott would approve of. She wondered why Logan never talked about the baby, never brought it up and today she'd found out why. He wished their baby had never been conceived. How could she believe his promise of support when she knew how he really felt. And all this was his fault!

He was never around much anymore like he used to be. It seemed he was always out now, 'blowing off steam' he called it. Out till god knows when, cage fighting, drinking. Flirting with bar skanks? She felt deep down that he wouldn't go as far as to cheat on her but just knowing he was in their company was enough to make her sleep restless. She couldn't shake the image of tall redheads wrapping themselves around him, their breath sweet with Tennessee whiskey and lime juice, Logan bringing his mouth up to taste.

Each night she went to bed alone and woke up to cold sheets on the other side. The bedclothes were wrinkled, like he'd tossed and turned guiltily before getting up for a run/ gym session/ cold shower.

"Girrrll, where you been? I feel like I never see you anymore." Jubilee slammed her lunch tray down in the space across from Marie, making her bowl of uneaten jello quiver in fright.

Marie managed a weak smile for her old best friend which Jubilee saw right through, "Hey, what's wrong?"

Marie let out a shaky sigh. It had been a few months since she found out that she was expecting Logan's child, since he'd promised to be there for her but so far she had been in this alone. At twelve weeks her stomach had grown noticeably only a small amount, if she wore a loose enough top or jumper she could conceal the little bump but that wasn't going to be an option much longer. The last few days she swore she could feel a little fluttering sensation in her belly like bubbles or perhaps butterflies.

Marie blinked back tears of frustration, "I can't do this anymore."

…

Help a girl out, donate a review and feel satisfied in the knowledge you have helped a notification-starved writer ward of the deadly writers-block disease.

I also want to do my usual apologizing for terrible spelling and grammar in my previous stories. I went back to see where I'd left off and spotted a whole ton of mistakes which makes me want to re-upload/ die. I have a beta now. *gives hopeful thumbs up*