Twi-Fic Promotions "Don't Mess With the Help" Contest
Story Title: Messes
Pen name: jkane180
Disclaimer: SM owns.
To view all other entries for the "Don't Mess With the Help Contest" visit the C2 community here www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~dontmesswiththehelpcontest
Warning: Emmett is about to do a lot of stupid shit – including have unprotected sex! – I don't recommend trying any of it.
-({})- Emmett
The conversation I'd had with Alice the day before about a new maid was far from my mind when I wandered into the kitchen around 3:00 in the afternoon to get breakfast and saw the fuckhot blonde on her knees with her fine ass in the air, covered in bubbles.
"Quit fucking with me, asshole!" she yelled before punching the dishwasher.
I covered my mouth with a fist, trying to choke back my laugh.
She noticed that she'd dented it and ran her hand along the small concave. "Goddamn, motherfucking piece of shit."
My laughter spilled out, and the blonde spun, still on all fours, to face me. Her face was every bit as fine as her ass. I could see pretty fucking far down her top, and her tits looked promising too.
"Aw, fuck," she grumbled. "I'll pay for that, or you can take it out of my paycheck or something."
"No, no," I chuckled. "Don't worry about it. I think I like it like that. It'll remind me of this funny-as-fuck moment."
"Thanks, jackass."
My laughter had just died down, and then that made it start right back up.
"Not really worried about losing your job or anything, huh?" I teased.
"I'm pretty sure I've already fucked that up, so I may as well be straight with you."
"Please do," I encouraged.
She nodded and stood up. Her eyes flashed over me. "Alright, I will. First of all, I think this fancy-ass dishwasher is a broken piece of shit. Second, what the hell kind of slob makes such a fucking mess overnight? Third, a man probably shouldn't wander around his house in his Calvin's when he knows there are other people around. And fourth, only a massive asshole would laugh at a lady on her knees instead of helping her."
"Is that all?" I asked, letting my eyes wander the full length of her body.
"Yeah." She put her hands on her hips and cocked one hip to the side. "Except the part about you being a pervert too, apparently."
"Okay then. My turn. One, that two-thousand dollar dishwasher worked fine yesterday." I took a step closer to her. "Two, I had some friends over last night." I took another step, wading into the mess of bubbles that was still growing. "Three, I look good in my Calvin's and don't mind anyone looking." Another step, and she backed up into the dishwasher. "Four, if I'd seen a lady on her knees, I totally would have helped her." I took the final step to close the distance between us, and her mouth dropped open. We weren't touching, but there was only a millimeter between us. "Five, if you don't want to be looked at, you shouldn't dress like that."
"I'm a fucking lady," she argued, but it was half-assed.
I tipped my head to the side and cracked a smile at her. "Is that a fact?"
She nodded and brought her head the tiniest bit closer to mine.
"Then allow me." I reached behind her slowly and pushed the button to stop the dishwasher. "Shall I get some towels, ma'am?" I offered as I stepped away from her, but I couldn't quite keep the chuckles back.
"Wow. You really are a massive asshole."
"Aw, maybe," I agreed, pulling a handful of kitchen towels out of the drawer and throwing them toward the mess. "But it totally works for me."
She glared at me before getting back on her knees to clean up the soap mess. I grabbed another bunch of towels and joined her.
"What the fuck are you doing?" she snapped.
"Helping a fucking lady," I reminded her.
She rolled her eyes at me before turning so that I couldn't see her face anymore. "Alice is gonna fucking kill me," she muttered under her breath.
"Alice doesn't kill anyone unless I tell her to."
"Yeah, not sure that helps me," she chuckled.
"What?" I laughed. "You're totally safe. I'd never let Alice kill a lady or a fine piece."
She glanced back at me, and I grinned at her.
"I really fucking needed this job," she admitted quietly, still looking at me.
"Then it's good that Alice hired you despite your inability to use a dishwasher."
"I'm not fired?"
I laughed again. "Hell no! The last maid was a grandma who wasn't half this much fun."
She smiled at me, and it lit up her whole fucking face. I couldn't help but smile back. Her smile was easily her best feature – which means a lot coming from a T-and-A man.
"Maybe you aren't an asshole after all."
"No, I am," I told her, beaming. "Let me show you how to use the dishwasher."
-({})- Rosalie
After the epically weird experience with the dishwasher and my new, gorgeous, asshole-but-not boss, the rest of my first day was relatively hassle-free. The job fucking sucked, but, like Alice had said, it wasn't really anything I couldn't handle – excluding that beast of a dishwasher. But Rosalie Lillian Hale was never meant to clean up after other people. Someone was supposed to be doing that shit for me.
Fuck Royce King. Fuck him in his fucking ear.
I put 100% of the blame on his shoulders for my current shitty situation in life. That asshole and his sweet words talked me into moving in with him, against my parents' wishes. They disowned me for 'living in sin,' and I hadn't spoken to them since I moved out. A week after I'd moved in, I caught Royce fucking some whore on the side and had to get the hell out of there. Alice's was the only place I had to go.
"Come on, Rose!" Alice shouted through the bathroom door while simultaneously pounding on it.
"You can wait, Alice! You didn't clean some asshole's toilet today!"
I heard the handle rattle, and then Alice had picked the lock and was in the bathroom with me.
"Can't a girl shower in peace?" I demanded.
"No! Not when I need to get ready for a date! You've already been in there for half an hour, Rose!"
"Just don't bring him home, Alice, please. If you value our friendship at all, you won't bring my brother back here to fuck again." I shut off the water and wrapped my towel around myself before stepping out of the shower.
"We've already apologized for that. You know that we had no idea you were asleep on the couch."
I watched her apply her make-up in the mirror, trying my best to avoid the flashbacks of my brother fucking my best friend on our kitchen counter – okay, her kitchen counter, but she'd taken me in when I left Royce and… su casa es mi casa.
"I love you, Alice, but I can't wait to get out of here," I sighed.
"The feeling is totally mutual, Rose. Both feelings. Oh! Speaking of which, I wanted to tell you something exciting before you got in the shower, but you wouldn't let me."
"Lay it on me now that I'm clean."
"You got a raise!"
"Excuse me?" I asked incredulously.
"Mr. McCarty called and told me to double your salary!"
"He's such an asshole," I complained.
"Excuse me?" Alice mimicked in the same incredulous tone I'd used a second ago.
"I called him an asshole, Alice," I said, enunciating each syllable.
"I'm not a moron! Why would you call our boss, who's a kind, generous, beautiful man, an asshole?"
"Alice, I used the wrong soap in the dishwasher today and flooded the kitchen with bubbles. Then I got pissed at the fucker and punched it, leaving a dent. It was sometime during my curse-fest that I met our boss. And, by the way, he was wearing only his underwear, laughing at me, and totally checking me out."
Alice smiled. "That man rocks his underwear."
"No doubt," I agreed. "But which part of that story is the part where I earned a raise?"
She laughed. "I'm guessing somewhere between the laughter, partial nudity, and the bubbles."
"Shit."
"Oh, stop it, Rosalie. You took a job you aren't remotely qualified for; you can take a raise you didn't earn."
I sighed. "Do you think he'll pay me more if I dress hotter?"
-({})- Emmett
"One, two, three and to the fo'."
Snoop?
"Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre is at the do'."
Somebody else'll get that.
"Ready to make an entrance so back on up."
Aw, shit.
"Cause you know we're 'bout to rip shit up."
Dre!
"Gimme da microphone firs' so I can bust like a bubble. Compton and Long Beach toget'er now you know you in trouble.
"Ain't nothin' but a g-thing, ba-aby.
"Two loc'ed out niggas goin' cra-azy.
"Death Row is the label that pa-ays meh." I was awake enough to be rapping along, so I figured I was awake enough to get my ass up. That crap works to wake me up before noon every time.
I left the alarm playing on the iPod dock and went to take a leak.
The only redeeming thing about Board Meeting Day would be waiting for me in the kitchen at 11:10 exactly, and I had to get my shit together by then.
After a quick shower, I pulled out the garment bag with the Alice Post-It on it and put on the suit she'd picked out for me. These board meetings were bullshit – all I did was own the company, not work at it – but Alice insisted that it was good for the employees to see me as a real person or some shit.
I was half-way down the stairs when I heard Alice arguing with Rosalie.
"Those are crystal, Rose. You can't put them in the dishwasher."
"Why the fuck can't a two-thousand dollar dishwasher be careful enough to clean crystal glasses?"
"If one shatters, it'll probably break the dishwasher."
"What the fuck did he do last night with four dozen crystal wine glasses of water?"
"Homemade crystallophones," I answered as I stepped into the kitchen.
They both looked up at me, and I smiled at them. Alice tossed me the Egg McMuffin that made Board Meeting Day worthwhile.
"Thanks, Alice." I unwrapped the only thing worth getting out of bed at this hour for and dug in.
Alice rattled off some shit I should know for the meeting, and Rosalie was kind of frozen, hovering with a glass in each hand above the dishwasher. I checked her out as she watched me eat my sandwich. Yesterday she'd looked like she was in the only casual clothes she had, and they just weren't all that casual. Today she was dressed to impress. Could that be for me? When I finished, I shot the crumpled paper into the garbage across the room for three points.
Alice tossed me my second sandwich, so I gave her another smile.
"May as well try it, Rosalie," I offered, interrupting Alice while opening breakfast perfection. "I don't think you'd cry if that thing broke anyway."
I ate and watched her eyes flash back and forth between me and Alice, obviously trying to decide whether or not to take me seriously.
Alice gave her a small nod, and Rose got back to filling the dishwasher.
Alice was about to start up again when Rosalie spoke. "What the fuck is a crystallophone?"
"Any musical instrument that uses glass to make sound, but those didn't actually work very well," I nodded toward the glasses and shrugged.
"Well, their musical qualities weren't exactly on my list of important features when I bought them," Alice chuckled.
"At least you know for next time." I shrugged again. "If the dishwasher fucks those up, get some that sound good. And let Rose pick the new dishwasher."
I finished off my second sandwich and sent that wrapper after the first. I grabbed my hash brown from Alice and polished it off while she finished going on about the shit she thought I needed to know.
"So you have some big meeting today? Are you like a CEO or something?" Rose asked when it seemed that Alice was through.
"Hell no," I laughed.
"Then what do you do?" she asked.
"Anything I want," I smirked at her.
"Mr. McCarty's sort of a professional man-about-town," Alice offered.
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"It means he does whatever he wants," Alice chuckled.
Rosalie rolled her eyes and then bent to put soap – the right soap – in the dishwasher. Her ass looked downright fuckable, and I reached out to grab it just before she stood back up. She saw my hand still hovering in the air near where her ass had been, and she glared at me.
"You don't get to do anything you want."
I lowered my hand and raised an eyebrow. The prospect of diddling the maid just got a lot more interesting. Hard-to-get is so hard to find when you're richer than God and look like me.
"Let's get going, Mr. McCarty," Alice said quickly, breaking the brief but heavy silence.
-({})- Rosalie
I was wiping down the kitchen counter when I heard it. I heard the faint sound of glass breaking before the engine of the dishwasher did a sort of stutter and then died.
I had actually broken the crappy crystallophones and that bastard of a dishwasher!
I turned the dishwasher off so it couldn't do any more harm and then I couldn't wait to call Alice, though I knew she'd be in the meeting with the big bossman. I left her a voicemail. "Oh, my fucking god, Alice! You were right! All that shit busted! Fuck, I know I sound like I'm laughing – cause I am – but don't let him fire me for this, Alice!"
After I hung up, I paced the kitchen for a bit until I finally convinced myself that I didn't give a shit about this job. It was gross and a pain in the ass. I needed a way to pay my own bills for the first time in my life, but it didn't have to be this job.
I gave up on the kitchen but got back to work. I was changing the sheets on Mr. McCarty's bed when I thought of him, all dressed up in his suit, coming into the room and pushing me down onto the bed. He'd shove the half-changed sheets out of the way and then strip down to his Calvin's. How could one man look so good in both anyway? When he was completely undressed, he'd come strip me, all rough and urgent. His mouth would connect with mine at the same time he'd slide his dick into me.
I slid my hand down to touch myself without really thinking about it. I imagined Emmett fucking me hard and fast on the bare mattress and rubbed my clit 'til I came. It was a mini O – totally appropriate for work.
So, obviously I was developing a thing for my new boss. I doubted the grandma maid thought about fucking him while making his bed. Then again, maybe if she'd seen him in his underwear…
Yeah, that asshole was too good-looking for his own good.
I finished making his bed while coming up with ways to make him want me so that I'd have something he wanted but couldn't have.
-({})- Emmett
I tipped my head back to stare at the ceiling about two seconds after the meeting started. It was pretty fucked up of Alice to make me come to these things anyway. She said it was good for company morale, whatever the hell that means.
I was totally zoning out, practically asleep with my eyes open, when the dude making his presentation said something that actually caught my attention.
"—Rose Companies have an excellent model—"
I tuned that shit back out quickly and let my mind wander to Rosalie. I really pissed her off, and I really liked looking at her angry face. I decided to give her another raise for dressing hotter. Maybe the more I paid her, the less she'd wear. How much would she charge to wear one of those fucking French maid costumes? If she put a price on it, I'd pay it. I bet she'd be all furious about wearing it too. Hot.
I looked down at the notes I'd been given for the meeting when I needed to think of something to keep me from getting hard in the board meeting. I read about half a sentence before pulling the binder clips off of the two stacks to play with.
There wasn't all that much I could do with just two, so I reached over and stole Alice's. I made a pretty little pattern out of four and wanted more. I nudged the guy on the other side of me and showed him what I'd made. He looked at me like I was a moron before giving me his. Asshole.
I switched back to Alice and whispered, "Get me some more."
She rolled her eyes but wrote something on an Alice Post-It and passed it to her neighbor. Soon that little note made it around the table and everyone's clips made their way toward me.
Damn, it feels good to be a gansta.
With plenty of clips to work with, I fashioned myself a lovely little bracelet. I put it in the mostly empty briefcase Alice made me carry just as the speaker was wrapping his shit up.
"Does anyone have any questions?"
I raised my hand and waited till he was ready to ask my usual board meeting question. "Am I still rich as a motherfucker?"
"Yes, sir," he answered nervously.
"Sweet! Good meeting, guys!" I popped out of my chair and left that stuffy office building as quickly as Alice would allow.
-({})- Rosalie
We're on the way home. You can tell him about the dishwasher yourself. He told you to do it; he's not going to fire you.
I stared at Alice's text for a while. Alice had known the McCartys her whole life, and she ought to know our boss better than anyone. Still, when I heard the front door open, I popped another button of my shirt open.
I could hear their voices downstairs, but I couldn't tell what they were saying, so I kept cleaning the window I'd been working on.
When Emmett's laugh boomed, I knew he'd discovered the broken dishwasher.
"Rosie!" he called loudly. "Where you at?"
"Your bedroom!" I yelled back. It was probably fucking stupid to answer to a name I hadn't let anyone call me since I was six, and it was probably stupider to just shout that I was in his bedroom like that.
Too fucking late now.
"Nice work on the dishwasher," he laughed, sauntering into the room.
Oh, God, please let him shove me down on the bed now.
"So I get to pick out a new one, right?"
He nodded and set his briefcase down on the bed before opening it. He pulled something out and walked over to where I had completely stopped cleaning the window since the moment he laughed.
"I thought about you today," he smiled. He picked up my hand and slipped something onto my wrist. I was still staring at his smile, but he moved away, stepping into his massive closet and closing the door.
I looked down at my wrist and chuckled. The richest guy in the fucking world was trying to woo me with a bracelet made out of clippie things.
It was really pretty sweet if you thought about—
"Fucking asshole," I groaned, hopefully loud enough that he could hear me.
The richest guy in the fucking world was trying to woo me with a bracelet made out of clippie things!
-({})- Emmett
I groaned when I looked at the clock the next morning and saw that it was only noon. Fucking Board Meeting Day always fucked with me. Waking up early wasn't a guarantee of Egg McMuffin!
I wandered into the kitchen after my morning business to find myself a poor substitute for breakfast. If I owned McDonald's, they'd serve breakfast all day, goddamnit.
I pulled out some Captain Crunch, set it on the counter, and heard a squeal and a splash from the backyard.
By the time I got outside, Rosalie was just climbing out of the pool, furious, drenched, and absolutely fuckable. I tried not to but couldn't help but laugh at her.
"Damn, Rose," I teased. "You're welcome to use the pool, but you might want to put on something a little less transparent next time."
My eyes were taking in every inch of her they could. Her little, pink dress wasn't doing anything to hide her goodies anymore. I could see her white thong (though, sadly, it wasn't transparent), and she'd gone braless. Her tits were so freaking perfect.
"I'm a fucking lady, remember?" she snapped. "Quit gawking and get me a fucking towel!"
"Yes, ma'am," I chuckled and did as she told me to.
"How the fuck do you expect me to get the sheets out of that net? And what the fuck are they doing there?" she asked after she'd wrapped herself in the towel.
"They're there because we thought it might make playing volleyball in the pool harder if we couldn't see the other team, and towels were too heavy."
"Oh, my god." She rolled her eyes. "So, was it?"
"Well, yeah, but we also discovered that people will cheat if they aren't supervised."
Rose laughed.
"And I don't expect you to get them down, Rosalie. That's Mike's job."
"Who's Mike?"
"The pool boy."
"Right," she sighed. "And when does he get here?"
"Mike lives here."
"The pool boy lives here?"
"Uh huh."
"How have I not met him?"
I shrugged and walked to one of the glass doors of the pool house. I knocked on it and called out, "Mike!"
"Now's probably not the best time," Rose laughed, and then she opened her towel to flash me again.
I was still staring when the door opened, and the towel shut quickly.
"What's up?" Mike asked sleepily.
"This is Rosalie, the new housekeeper. Rose, this is Mike."
"Hey," he greeted, totally checking her out in her towel.
I tapped the bottom of his chin hard enough to force his head up. "Eyes up top, bro."
Rosalie turned to give me a genuine smile before facing Mike again.
"So the volleyball net sheets are your problem?" she asked him.
He laughed. "Yeah." He elbowed me before continuing. "It probably would have worked if Em wasn't a damn cheat."
Rose looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
I laughed and shrugged. "I wasn't the only one cheating."
"Alright, that's all not really any of my business, so I'll let you get back to bed, Mike."
He nodded and disappeared back into the pool house.
"Think you wanna hand me the towel to carry while I follow you inside to get changed?"
"What should I change into?"
"You don't have shit here?"
She shook her head.
"Well, shit, I'd love to see you in my clothes."
She smirked at me. "Then take me to your bedroom and undress me, big boy."
Hell yes! I took her hand and led her up to my room. I pulled her inside and then shut the door behind us.
I let go of the hand I'd been holding and brought both up to tug on the top of her towel. She gave me a small smile and let the towel drop.
Her dress was drying quickly, and I could only see hints of the darker pink color of her nipples.
Without a word, I bent down and started to lift up her dress. I moved slow and kept my eyes on her face, waiting for her to tell me to stop and fully expecting her to. When the dress was high enough, she lifted her arms, and I pulled the dress all the way off of her.
I broke eye contact as I threw the dress across the room. I didn't give a shit where it went; my eyes were all over the beautiful, nearly naked woman in front of me. "Fuck, Rosie. You're perfect."
And then she pulled off her thong.
-({})- Rosalie
I stood in front of him, completely naked. In that moment, I was willing to forget that he was an asshole half the time. Besides, assholes are good in bed; that's a fact. And there was a gorgeous, rich one standing in front of me in nothing but his Calvin's, staring at my naked body and telling me it was perfect. His erection was obviously trying to get to me, and I was going to let it have everything it wanted.
I would probably regret fucking him, but I can't regret something until I've already done it, right?
But just when I thought he'd make a move, a half-second before I would have made one myself, he backed off. He took a step away from me, turned his back, and walked to his closet.
"You're welcome to pick a room to keep some spare things in. Like your bathing suit and a change of clothes for the next time you want to swim," he said when he came out a moment later.
I gaped at him. "Are you asking me to move in?" I asked bitchily.
He smirked and knelt down in front of me. "You can if you'd like to, Rose. If you think you'll be happier here than with Alice." He held a pair of his underwear in front of me, ready for me to step into.
I put one foot at a time in. "It seems like you keep late hours; I have to wake up early for work." My voice wavered off into a sigh as he slowly pulled the boxer-briefs up, running his hands along the outside of my legs. His touch was so gentle that it almost felt accidental. Almost.
I felt a cool draft across my pussy, and my eyes flashed from his hands to his face as I sucked in a breath. He was smiling guiltily. That motherfucker had just blown on my pussy.
"I don't care what time you start work every day," he murmured as though he were saying something dirty. His hands kept going, sliding across my ass before letting the elastic snap gently into place. "Arms up." He held a shirt above my head and waited for me to comply.
When I did, he began another bout of sensuous, slow, soft caressing down my arms. I lowered my arms after he was past them, and his hands grazed the side of my breasts and then moved down my sides. I bit my lower lip to keep myself from moaning. He kept his eyes on mine, but I broke the stare to watch his hands. As I did, I noticed that he was putting me in a wife-beater; my nipples were still quite visible.
"You expect me to clean your house dressed like this?" I meant to snap at him, but it was sort of a moan.
He finished lowering his shirt and took a step back to look at me. "Mmm, you have the boss' permission to take a break while your clothes dry."
"What should I do with my break, now that I'm dressed?" I may have growled the last part.
He chuckled. "I'm sure we can come up with something."
"Asshole," I grumbled, making him laugh.
-({})- Emmett
"Alice," I barked into the phone. "I need to know more about Rosalie!"
"Mr. McCarty, I'm not sure what information you need, but you have a file on all staff in your office."
"Don't give me that Mr. McCarty bullshit, Alice! You know this is a personal call."
"How would I know that? You've called me for business drunk at midnight before."
"When?"
"When you needed to know what kind of sentence you'd be looking at if you got busted cutting the heads off of parking meters like Cool Hand Luke."
I laughed. "I'd say that was both business and personal."
"Whatever. Look, as long as this is personal, Emmett, I can tell you to fuck off. If you wanna know something about Rose, you can ask her."
"I'm not looking to hear your gossip or any of that bullshit, Alice. My dick hasn't shriveled up into a vagina. I'm being honorable and crap."
"How's that?"
"I wanna fuck her. Is that cool with you?"
"If it's cool with her, it's cool with me, Emmett."
"Did you know she beat me at pool today?"
"I thought you didn't want to gossip."
"Is she gonna move in here?"
"Hey, Emmett?"
"Yeah, Alice?"
"Her phone number is in your personnel file too."
She hung up.
-({})- Rosalie
I brought two rolling suitcases with me to work the next day. It felt like I ought to know it was a bad idea, but I just couldn't make myself really believe that it was a mistake. Anyway, Alice had only let me take a few of my things – at least one of us was thinking rationally.
"Go, Rose. Go get your rebound fuck on but don't put your heart into this one. And don't move all your shit just to have to move it back," she'd told me, and I listened.
A tiny, flashing red light caught my eye in the entryway chandelier. I stared up for a moment before I figured out that there was some kind of toy helicopter stuck in the chandelier – maybe two but only one was flashing.
I rolled my suitcases down the hall to the bedroom I'd decided to occupy. I'd debated on taking a room right next to the boss', but the possible drawbacks far outweighed the perks. I left them on the floor and got to work.
I got the basic morning shit done without incident and went to the garage for a ladder to get the helicopters out of the chandelier. It was huge but remarkably light, so I had no trouble carrying it into the foyer.
I climbed up and removed them – yes, there were two – and was on my way back down the ladder when he laughed.
"I'm on a ladder here, asshole!" I yelled. I wasn't a klutzy moron, but anyone can lose their balance when startled.
"I know. If you weren't, it'd be a lot harder to look up your skirt."
I wrapped an arm around the ladder to be sure I was steady before glancing down to see him standing at the bottom of the ladder, looking up my skirt.
"Did you not get a good enough look yesterday?" I took one step down the ladder and then felt his hand on my ankle.
Shocked again, I gripped the ladder tightly. His hand trailed up my leg as he climbed higher on the ladder.
"You can't really think I'd be done with you already, can you?" he purred, right behind me.
"This can't be safe," I worried.
"Flirting is perfectly safe as long as both parties are unattached."
"Not that, asshole. I meant the two people on a ladder business."
"Oh that," he laughed and started moving back down the ladder.
Hesitantly, I climbed down after him. I had about three stairs left when his hands came around my waist and he pulled me off the ladder. I dropped the helicopters and smacked at his hands. "Put me down, asshole!"
He laughed and spun me around in circles. When he set me down, he bent down and put his mouth right next to my ear to whisper, "Take a break with me again today."
"I'm busy," I snapped, despite how much fun I'd had playing pool with him the day before after he'd seen me naked and not taken advantage.
"You can have a longer break," he offered.
"Good. I'll need it."
"What's got you so busy?" he asked, and I heard the irritation in his voice.
"Unpacking," I admitted.
I still had my back to him, but I could feel his cheeks puff out with his smile against my ear. "Do you want me to carry anything up to my room for you?"
I laughed. "You have a twisted idea of how to be chivalrous."
"I am an asshole," he reminded me with a chuckle.
"Damn right," I grumbled.
-({})- Emmett
I'd just gotten out of the shower when I heard the banging. I wrapped a towel around myself and went in search of Rosalie; I had no doubt that she was the source. I found her in the laundry room, bitching out the washing machine and dryer; both had several lovely, new dents.
"I can't believe you did this, you cocksuckers! Have you seen him in these? You've ruined them! And the asshole will probably blame me!"
"How could I blame you when the washing machine has clearly done something to offend you? Or was it the dryer?" I asked.
She jumped, and I laughed.
"Would you quit sneaking up on me? And how the fuck do you always manage to know when something's gone wrong?"
"It's usually accompanied by a lot of noise," I laughed. "What happened?"
"I don't know!" She turned to face me and held up a pair of pale pink boxer-briefs.
"Aw, are you worried I won't look as good in those?" I pouted.
"Shut the fuck up."
I pulled them from her hand, dropped my towel and put them on. "Pink isn't my favorite color, but I'm sure I still look good."
She nodded. Her eyes were all big and still focused on my package.
"You wanna take a picture?" I offered.
"No," she snapped. "If I tell you that you look good in them will you not fire me?"
"Sure," I agreed, trying not to laugh.
"You can totally pull off the pink."
"Thanks, Rose. You aren't still employed for your perfect housekeeping skills anyway," I called over my shoulder as I walked away.
-({})- Rosalie
I finished folding the laundry – pink Calvin's included – and took it up to his room. He walked out just as I approached.
He was dressed.
"You okay?" he asked with a chuckle.
"You're dressed," I told him.
"Yes, Rose," he agreed, and I could hear the laugh he was holding back.
"Well, shit, I knew you had clothes. I fucking wash them for you. You wore a suit that day you went to a meeting, but other than that, I've never seen you dressed."
"I've tried grocery shopping in my underwear; they don't allow it."
"Grocery shopping?" I laughed. "Don't you have someone to do that for you?"
"I could, but it's better if I just do it."
"Why's that?" I couldn't help but ask.
"If I send Alice or whoever and tell them I want Doritos, they'll get me Doritos. They'll even get me the flavor I ask for. But what if they come out with a new flavor? How can I tell someone to get me the new flavor of Doritos if I don't know there's a new flavor?"
I laughed. It made sense, in a weird sort of way. "I guess I can't argue with that."
"Did you want to come? You live here, so there should be food you like stocked."
"I'm gonna finish work and then unpack."
"Do you want me to get you anything?"
"If you can grocery shop for yourself, I think I can manage it for myself."
-({})- Emmett
I was pretty sure she was gonna say no, but I had to ask. She'd been shooting me down left and right all day – except the part where she moved in. Rosalie liked to keep me on my toes, and I fucking loved it.
So I knocked on the door of the bedroom she'd chosen on the main level of the house and waited for her to answer. She was already smirking when she opened the door.
"Come out with me tonight."
"What?" she asked. Her tone suggested that she'd heard and understood what I'd said but not why.
"It'll be fun," I promised.
"I don't know. I clean up after the shit you get up to, and I think that your idea of fun might be a little different than mine."
I leaned forward and put my face right in front of hers. "You can dress like a ho to torment me and pretend you don't want to fuck me all night. I'll be an asshole when you think I'm gonna be sweet and sweet when you think I'm gonna be an asshole." I brought my face so close to hers that my lips were just brushing hers. "Come out with me," I said again, emphasizing each word.
She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth, and I groaned like a sex-starved fool.
"No," she sighed as she released me. She moved back into her room and literally shut the door right in my face.
Well, hot goddamn. We were building toward one epic fuck.
-({})- Rosalie
I heard when the group of them got home sometime around 2:00 in the morning. I'd gone to bed a while ago, but they were pretty noisy coming in. They quieted down shortly after, and I fell back asleep.
I woke up again when I heard a little girl screaming. I rushed out of my room with my thoughts racing through all the fucked up things that could be going on in the house I'd stupidly made my home.
The house was empty, but there were a lot of people in the backyard. I raced out there even though the girl had stopped screaming. They were all talking and laughing. Bright lights were flashing around them intermittently. Faintly, I could hear a soft thwip sound.
"What the fuck is going on?" I yelled as I approached.
Several people turned to face me.
"Roman candles, baby," some chode said as he approached me. "Does your boyfriend know where you are, sweet cheeks?"
I opened my mouth to tell him to fuck off, but someone spoke up before I could.
"Yeah, man, I do." Bossman put his arm around my shoulders. "Boo, you just missed Mike getting shot in the eye with a Roman candle."
For reasons beyond my explanation, I let him keep his arm around me, I ignored his pet name for me, and I didn't even call him out on referring to himself as my boyfriend. He was just cockblocking the asshole with the lame pickup line anyway, right?
"Was that him squealing like a little girl and waking me up?"
He laughed and nodded.
"Is he all right?" I asked.
"Yeah, he's back at it already!" Using his hold on me, he pulled me with him to the far edge of the crowd.
Mike and a few other jackasses were pointing the Roman candles at each other and dodging, or attempting to dodge, out of the way. Men are so fucking stupid.
"Men are so fucking stupid."
He nodded and moved himself behind me, letting his hand drop from my shoulder to my waist. The other came around me as well, and he clasped them together across my stomach. He rested his head on my shoulder which put his mouth right by my ear.
"I'm sorry we woke you," he whispered.
I shrugged.
"Should I take you to bed?"
Without thinking, I nodded.
His arms dropped from around me, and he took my hand in his. He jerked his head once in the direction of the house before pulling me behind him.
"Hey, Emmett!" A red-headed bimbo positioned herself in front of us. "Where are you going?" She eyed me with obvious jealousy and contempt all over her face.
"I'm taking my girl to bed," he told her, again speaking before I could.
"But, Emmett, I thought maybe we-"
He interrupted her with a laugh and then simply told her, "Goodnight."
"Don't you have to make sure all those people leave without stealing or some shit?" I asked as we entered the house.
"That's Mike's job."
"The pool boy?" I asked with a chuckle.
"Everyone around here earns their keep in different ways, Rosie." He didn't hesitate to walk in when we reached my bedroom.
"How do I earn mine exactly?" I was looking forward to another chance to shoot him down.
Rather than answer, he turned around and kissed me. His lips were still slightly cool from the night air, and, though I was fairly certain he'd been drinking, I couldn't taste alcohol on him. It took me a moment to realize that I was already kissing him back. He'd acted quickly, and my body had responded before my brain could engage.
But now that he was kissing me – now that we were kissing – I didn't want to stop. His mouth was so divinely soft though his actions were aggressive. My tongue was the first to join in, but his was only a heartbeat after. Now that we were here – much further than I'd wanted to be - I would have to work to regain the upper hand if I wanted to crush him.
Crushing him was still what I had in mind when I wound my fingers into the hair at the back of his head.
It was still what I had in mind when I wrapped one leg around his waist. He took it and reached for other. I let him take it, supporting my weight by sliding his hands to my ass.
I still planned on crushing him when I rubbed my pussy against his body, squirming until I was rubbing it against his cock. I think that's when 'crush him' became 'fuck him.' I moaned rather loudly; it felt so fucking good. It had been too long since my twat saw a good dick, and I was pretty sure she'd never seen one that good before.
I pulled my mouth away from his to gasp, "Bed."
He shook his head at me, and I started to understand that I had lost the round.
"Not tonight, boo." His voice was deeper and rougher than normal, and he cleared it after he spoke.
"What does that mean?" I snapped, slapping at his chest and squirming to get down.
"I just don't think we're ready yet." He set me down, and I put a step of distance between us.
"Maybe my understanding of what it takes to be ready to fuck is inaccurate then." I reached out and grabbed his cock rather roughly. "That's ready," I confirmed. I moved my hand to his and pulled it to me. He sucked in a breath through his teeth as I shoved his hand into my shorts until I knew he could feel my moist, swollen pussy lips. "Ready," I said again though it was more of a moan as he started rubbing my clit.
"Fuck, Rosie. I'd fuck you right now if you wanted it the way I do."
"Oh, yeah?" I asked breathily. "How the fuck do you want it?"
He slipped a finger inside me, and I wobbled on my feet. His other hand quickly went around me to steady me. "More than I want it, I want you," he answered. "When I wake up tomorrow, I'm not gonna regret this. Are you?"
He had an excellent point, but how could I think about it with his finger sliding slowly in and out of me? His thumb was still rubbing my clit, and he added a second finger to better fill me.
"Yes," I cried out.
"That's what I thought," he chuckled.
I was already so close to coming, and I whined when his hand left me.
"Learn to like me, Rose," he suggested as he made his way toward the door. "I promise you won't regret it."
-({})- Emmett
The phone was ringing when I got out of the shower the next morning, so I hurried to answer it. "Go for Emmett."
"Mr. McCarty, why is Rosalie Hale threatening a sexual harassment lawsuit?" Alice snapped at me.
I burst into laughter.
"Mr. McCarty, this isn't a joke. If you're aware of something that might have brought this on, you need to tell me immediately."
"Yeah, Alice, I know what I did. I took my finger out before she came."
"If you forced yourself on her-"
"Shut the fuck up, Alice," I interrupted quickly. "You know I didn't."
After a pause and a heavy sigh, Alice went on, "Mr. McCarty, I'd like to speak to Emmett."
I rolled my eyes at Alice's weird attempts to keep our friendship separate from our working relationship. "'Sup, baby?"
"Get on with it already." She hung up, and I laughed again.
I dried off, threw on a pair of Rose pink Calvin's, and wandered downstairs to find breakfast – and maybe Rosalie. I found her all right, exactly the way I was sure she wanted me to.
Rosalie was in the room at the bottom of the stairs on her hands and knees… again. She was cleaning the floor or some shit.
But she was wearing a fucking French maid costume.
Her tits were trying to pour themselves out the front, and her ass was only covered by the fishnet stockings she wore over a black thong.
My dick was hard the moment I saw her. I adjusted it as I stood and stared at her.
"Sexual harassment lawsuit, huh?" I chuckled.
She glanced at me but didn't stop her work. "Good afternoon, sir."
"Hey."
"Do you need anything?" Her voice was soft and sultry.
"Yeah," I told her, "breakfast." I knew what the fuck she was up to. There was a large part of me – a large, hard part – that wanted to give in to her and get to fucking already. Rosalie was not only seriously fucking hot, but she was such a bitch – in that sexy way some women have.
But I don't do hate sex. I could go for some angry sex but not hate sex. I didn't want to fuck her just to have her quit her job, move out, and never see her again. So I had to wait until she liked me… or at least didn't fucking hate me half the time.
Besides, the more sexual tension that built up between us, the hotter the sex would be when it finally happened.
So I gave her a smile and made my way into the kitchen. I was hanging out there, eating a bowl of cereal when she wandered in.
Damn, she really was a sight in that getup.
She busied herself wiping the counters while I ate. As soon as I set my bowl in the sink, she was on me. She pressed her body against mine and tilted her head back to look at me.
"I want you." She squeezed one arm between us and grabbed my junk.
"Come out with me tonight."
"No."
I took a step back from her, but she moved her hand with me, keeping it around my dick. I waited, and, after a moment, she stepped in close to me again.
I leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Do you feel how hard I am for you, boo?"
She nodded, and I went on as she began to stroke my dick, her hand still over my boxers.
"I want inside you so bad. I can't stop thinking about how good I know it's going to feel. I bet you're so tight. And wet. Are you wet for me, boo?"
She nodded again, and her breath was ragged. She dipped her hand inside and started pumping me proper.
I licked along her ear before continuing. "I don't even want to waste the time it would take to get you to a bed to fuck you. I want to fuck you right here on the kitchen counter. And then I want it again on the stairs. And then I want your legs around my waist while I pound you into the wall. And then you can ride me in bed until we both pass out. Is that what you want too?"
"Oh, fuck, yes," she panted. Her body was trembling a little against me.
"Then come out with me tonight." I stood up straight again and moved back slowly. I'd pulled a dick move on a sexy bitch with her hand on the family jewels. I was ballsy enough to do it but not stupid enough to be unconcerned about my own safety.
She growled at me. Like, bared her teeth and fucking growled. It was hot enough that I briefly reconsidered hate sex.
But, thank fuck, she pulled her hand out and away from the danger zone. Rosalie moved away, backing up so she could keep growling at me. When she reached the doorway, she turned around. She called over her shoulder, "You better be worth it, pretty boy."
-({})- Rosalie
I finger fucked myself in the shower before getting ready to go out with my boss. Guys aren't the only ones who need to clean the pipes sometimes. Every time I started to wonder what the fuck I was doing – which was a remarkable number of times – I thought about him whispering all the dirty things we were gonna do together and the fact that just listening to him talk about it had been almost enough to make me come.
If he could walk the walk like he talked the talk, it would be worth it.
I wasn't about to form any sort of emotional attachment to him, and I'd figured out that he wasn't really asking me to. He just wanted to get along before delivering on the epic sex. That really wasn't so much to ask.
So I dolled myself up like Clubbin' Barbie and was deciding on shoes when he knocked on my bedroom door.
"Come in," I called.
I slipped on one of each of the shoes I was torn between as he stepped into my room.
"Which shoe?" I asked.
He was smirking at me, happy as a boy eating dessert before dinner, and he let his eyes wander my body slowly down to my feet. I checked him out while he was ogling me. I knew that Alice bought all his clothes for him, and I was glad that she did. No guy would know that a chocolate brown shirt would make his blue eyes light up while also drawing attention to the adorable brown curls on his head. Alice was an ass girl, so I trusted that the view from behind him would be just as fantastic as the front.
"Pink," he answered as soon as his eyes made it down that far.
I kicked off the black shoe and replaced it with the other pink one.
"I love all the trouble you've gone to for me. I can't decide if you look better like this or as a French maid this afternoon. Though both fall short of how good you look naked."
"Are you trying to tell me I look good?" I huffed. Could this man do nothing the normal way?
He laughed. "You look as beautiful as always, boo."
"That's better."
Before he could fuck up again and make me regret agreeing to go out with him, I sauntered past him and out of the room.
-({})- Emmett
I woke up before Rosalie, who was clearly not used to staying out so late. She'd gotten up a whole lot earlier than me the day before too.
She was coming around to the idea of not hating me, an attitude I very much wanted to encourage, so I left her in my bed and went about my morning business, planning to bring her back some breakfast.
Wilbur, the drunken pig from the night before, was snoring loudly on the couch. I patted his little piggy head and continued on to the kitchen.
I popped four frozen waffles into the toaster and gathered up the other shit. I poured Rose a big glass of orange juice; she was bound to be thirsty.
Everything was ready, and I picked up the tray to take it to her.
In the living room, Rosalie was standing, staring at Wilbur.
"Why is there a fucking pig on the couch?" she asked rather loudly.
Wilbur groaned and twitched in his sleep.
"Shh," I chuckled. "I think he's hung over."
"Fuck, so am I," she complained.
"Get back in bed. I was just about to bring you breakfast."
She looked down, noticing the tray in my hands for the first time. She looked back up at me, gave me a half a smile, and turned back around. I followed her back to my room.
We sat together on the bed and dug in.
"How you feeling today?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Not too bad, I guess. What the fuck happened last night?"
"When? With Wilbur?"
"You could start there. I remember some trivia game at an Irish bar, bowling, and a barn, but I have no idea how any of that happened."
"Same way everything random happens. Wilbur's from the barn party. Some chick got him drunk, and you felt bad for him. So, I paid the farmer, and we brought him home."
"You bought me a pig at a barn party?"
I nodded.
"And why don't I have the pleasant ache between my legs of having been thoroughly fucked last night?"
I burst into laughter. "You think I'd wanna sleep with you when you're that drunk?"
"Yes," she barked, obviously pissed.
"Aw, boo. I didn't mean it like that. I just wanna make sure you're going to remember it."
A small smile formed on her lips but faded into a seductive smirk. "I'm not drunk now."
-({})- Rosalie
How many fucking times was I going to have to proposition my boss before he'd fuck me? It was getting out of control, really. There's only so much rejection a girl can take! I wasn't exactly used to being rejected either.
But I'd just done it again anyway. I put myself out on the line and expected him to come up with an excuse to not sleep with me.
We stared at each other for a long moment, and I made a promise to myself that if he shot me down again, I would give up. To help motivate him to decide in my favor, I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his.
I knew he would kiss me back – we'd done enough of that recently that I wasn't worried about him rejecting it. But, as our tongues writhed around each other's, I began to suspect that he wasn't going to reject my other offer this time either.
He pressed more and more firmly against my lips until I was forced to lay back. He moved to hover over me and used one arm to brush the tray of food off the bed.
"Goddamnit!" I broke the kiss to curse. "Who do you think has to clean that shit up later?"
Without answering, he chuckled and brought his mouth back to mine. Fuck it. I'd worry about it later. For the time being, I didn't want to ruin the chance that I was finally about to fuck my boss. When had I even made the choice to sleep with him anyway? He was a slick motherfucker, talking me into it without even trying.
He broke the kiss again as one hand found my tit, and his lower half pressed firmly against me. He gazed down at me while his weight rested on the one arm on the bed and his pelvis digging into mine. The hand on my breast was a gentle contrast to the pressure below the waist. He kneaded me softly before flicking my hardened nipple.
"Fuck," I gasped. "Do it again."
He smiled and did as I asked. I groaned, magical tingling already beginning in my pussy. His legs spread to either side of me, and he moved his weight onto his knees. He started to slowly raise my shirt up, but I sat up quickly to take it off faster. My forehead smacked into his in my haste, and we both laughed.
"Shut the fuck up," I chuckled. "That's what you get when you make a girl wait so fucking long." I pulled my shirt off – his shirt that he'd given me to sleep in.
"I fucking hope I get more than that," he smiled cockily, going after the waistband of the Calvin's he'd also given me for sleep last night. I lifted my hips to aide him in removing them.
"Hello, beautiful," he greeted my bare cunt.
Part of me still wanted to think he was asshole – to one up him somehow – but goddamnit that was the cutest fucking thing I'd ever seen. His dark curls were matted from sleep, the muscles in his bare chest rippled as he moved closer to me, and his dimples dented perfectly into his pretty face as he smiled and flirted with my twat. How was a girl supposed to put up any sort of fight against this man?
"She says to tell you that she's lonely," I replied, chuckling once.
"Aw, boo, I'm so sorry," he pouted, still looking at my pussy and not me. He moved around on the bed more to slide my legs further apart and bring his face right to my center. His nose nuzzled my happy button as he asked huskily, "Is this better?"
"Warmer," I answered on a quick indrawn breath.
He chuckled, and he was so close that I could feel it through my clit. "What do you want, boo?" He licked me once, hard, hot and slow, all the way along my slit. "This?"
"Warmer," I said again, but it was more of a moan.
His tongue swept across me again, harder, hotter and faster. When he reached my sweet spot, he flicked it, the same as he'd done with his finger on my nipple a moment ago.
"That!" I cried out. "That's what she wants!" Shit, he had me so delirious with lust that I was happily playing his stupid game.
He chuckled again and flicked all those nerves two times slowly before setting an impossibly rapid rhythm. I didn't know a tongue could move that fast, but I wasn't about to question it either. My orgasm had gone from zero to sixty in no time at all, and I wouldn't do anything that would get in the way of climbing just a little higher so I could fall over the edge.
"Don't fucking stop," I yelled. To make myself clear, I put my hand on the back of his head and pushed his face into my muff.
I could feel him chuckle again, but he kept up the tongue flicking. The added vibrations pushed my O the rest of the way, and I came hard. "Fuck, yes, Emmett!" I screamed.
As my high subsided, he slowed back down to a slow flick before licking the length of my gash again. My pussy lips were swollen and more sensitive, and I moaned loudly.
"Is that better, boo?" he asked and then placed a gentle kiss on his boo. That's right – fuck that too. I could admit that my pussy was already his.
"A little," I told him, panting but still sassy enough for my liking. "My clit likes you fine, but what about that hole there? Doesn't she get any love?"
He rocked back up onto his knees to look at my face with another cocky smirk. "I've got something special just for her." He grabbed his package with one hand to demonstrate – in case I was a moron who didn't already know he meant his prick… or maybe in case I was a moron who didn't already know he was conceited – I was neither.
"Don't let your mouth write a check your dick can't cash, asshole," I challenged.
Every other asshole I'd met would have had some kind of passionate response to that – an argument, a desperate attempt to prove me wrong, a boastful defense – but not this one. He just stood up off the bed and removed his boxer-briefs while his smile grew slowly wider. He did it with agonizing slowness, and I started to rub my own clit while I waited.
"Am I boring you?" he asked, getting back onto the bed.
"A little," I lied. Watching him undress was simply too good to watch and not touch myself.
He chuckled and then suddenly buried his finger deep in my pussy.
"More," I cried out, increasing the pressure on my button.
Just as quickly as before, he slid his finger out to push it back in with a friend. I rubbed myself while he moved his fingers in and out. Together, we built me back up to orgasm quickly. Right before I came, he added a third digit, and I screamed a wordless cry as pleasure overtook me again.
"Fuck, Emmett," I gasped, trying to regulate my breathing. His fingers had stilled but remained inside me.
"Am I making it worth your wait?" One corner of his lips pulled up; he was clearly proud of himself.
"Let's see if you use your cock as fantastically as you use your tongue and fingers before I decide."
"Oh, boo, that's just how I warm up." He pulled his fingers out and positioned himself back on top of me. He braced his weight on his elbows, and his tip brushed against my slit. Pausing there, he brought his face down to mine and kissed me.
I let him get away with that bullshit for about three seconds before I broke the kiss and thrust my hips up, trying to wiggle him inside. "Fuck me now!" I meant to yell but more like begged.
He pushed in bit by bit, and I let out a soft, long, low moan as I slowly grew fuller and fuller. It felt like it would never stop – like there would always be more dick and more room for it inside me. My hands clenched the sheet on either side of me.
When he was in as far as he could go, his hips pressing into mine, he paused briefly before pulling out, only slightly faster than the torturous pace he'd used to get there.
"I thought you were gonna fuck me," I complained. It felt amazing, but it just wasn't in my nature to go easy on anyone. "Is this like a deep dick massage?"
"You're getting the whole package, boo."
Though he didn't admit to giving in to what I wanted, he started to move in and out of me faster. Every thrust in was all the way to the hilt, and every pull out was just shy of separating from me. My pussy was stretched to make room for him, and the feeling of him rubbing on every inch of the walls of my cunt was astounding.
It was a small-dicked man that decided that size didn't matter.
It does. A tiny pecker can produce a decent lay, but a joystick like Emmett's can do no wrong.
He kept sliding in and out at a medium pace, and he dipped his head to kiss my neck. "Fuck," he grunted against me before latching onto my neck, sucking and biting hard. He lifted one hand, balancing on the other arm, and grabbed my tit, squeezing it hard.
"God, yes!" I cried, not caring in the slightest that my neck would be covered in hickeys for the next few days. Actually, if I was being honest, which would be out of character for me, I kind of liked being marked. I wound my hands into his soft curls, enjoying walking the line between pleasure and pain.
As he picked up his pace more, he shifted his weight onto his hands, so he was further above me. He brought one of my legs up to rest in the joint of his elbow and then shifted to make the other match. He was hitting the very back of me, and I yelled out monosyllabic nonsense every time he made contact with the center of my body.
"Yes! Fuck! Good! Em! God! So! Shit! Fuck! Me!"
I was on the brink of orgasm again, but I held back. I needed him to come with me; I'd be spent after the massive explosion that was looming.
"Tell me it was worth it, boo. Tell me you've never been fucked better than this. Tell me you don't still hate me," he panted.
His pace was increasing though he was losing his rhythm, and I suspected he was close to coming.
"It was worth it, and I've never been fucked better, and I don't hate you, and you're the best boss eveeeeerrr!" The words rushed out of me, and I released on the last one, dragging it out into another scream.
"Aw, fuck, boo, you're milking my dick," he moaned, and then his own orgasm hit. My walls were clamped tightly around him as I felt him convulsing inside me. He kept thrusting until he was spent and only then did my own orgasm begin to fade.
He dropped his weight on top of me briefly and then shifted to lie on his side next to me. One hand came up and fondled my breast gently.
With a smirk, I turned my head to face him. He gave me a quick kiss and a smile of his own.
"I'm gonna be late to work today, sir," I told him.
He laughed hard. "I think you've earned a day off."
A/N: More plot crept in than I'd planned, and the odds are good that there will be more of this after the contest to address it.
Thanks to Mister Beta for betaing when he'd rather be paying attention to the new TV and for the lovely bracelet made of binder clips. Thanks to wordslinger for bouncing titles around with me! Thanks to BellaFlan for the use of Wilbur, who originates from her fic When Pigs Fly. Thanks so Bforqueen for mini orgasms!
Su casa es mi casa – Your house is my house.
Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre's "Ain't Nothing' But a G-Thang" is theirs.
Real life idiots with Roman candles: http(colon)/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=0m0y2dPaDXM&feature=related