TOW Monica's Reaction.
A sequel to TOW Another Inappropriate Song. I'd advise you to read that story before this one, otherwise it won't make much sense.
A/N: This is my second Friends fanfic and it's dedicated to the wonderful people who have reviewed TOW Another Inappropriate Song. Thank you for encouraging me to write this sequel.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Friends characters. I also don't own the episode that these fanfics were inspired by – TOW Ross's Inappropriate Song. If you haven't seen that episode before, you must. It's hilarious!
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Monica exclaimed, her blue eyes steely. Chandler gulped again and fought a sudden urge to run away and hide. As much as he loved Monica, he had never been able to deal with her when she was angry. He often joked to Joey that he would sit through a series of Ross's palaeontology lectures, before he would willingly face the wrath of Monica.
Chandler opened his mouth to beg for forgiveness, but with horror, felt his sassy side overtake his common sense. "Now, now, Mon. It would be hypocritical of you to tell me off, when you're using that kind of language in front of our daughter." Instantly regretting that remark, he cringed and hid his face behind Erica. "I'm sorry. Please don't divorce me."
Monica took a deep breath and Chandler mentally prepared himself for an outburst. But instead, she sighed and took Erica from Chandler's arms. "Hi, sweetie," she cooed. "Mommy's home now and it's really time that you should be in bed. Come on, I'm going to read you a story, but only if you go to sleep afterwards."
Chandler was about to explain that he'd just spent three hours reading stories to Erica, to no avail, but the frosty look in Monica's eyes convinced him that he should keep quiet. Besides, he thought optimistically. This way, Monica's distracted and the kids won't be eating my heart for dinner tomorrow night. It's all good.
As if she had just read his mind, Monica spun around suddenly and faced him. "Don't think you're getting out of this, mister," she said sternly. "We'll talk tomorrow."
Chandler sighed. It looked like he was only off the hook temporarily. But at least, this brief reprieve gave him a night to come up with his defence...or move to Siberia.
The next morning, as Chandler opened his eyes, he sleepily wondered if he could sneak out of the house and avoid the lecture that he was sure would be forthcoming. Monica had already gotten up and from the sounds coming from the kitchen, it sounded as though she was feeding the twins. A heavenly aroma of chocolate chip pancakes wafted through the house and Chandler's stomach rumbled hungrily. However, he was willing to forego breakfast, if it meant avoiding Monica until she cooled off.
I'll sneak out the back door and hide out at Joey's, he decided. Getting dressed quickly, he grabbed his wallet and tiptoed stealthily out of their bedroom. He peeked in at the kitchen door and saw Monica with his back to him, cleaning up a spill. It's now or never, he thought and headed for the back door.
However, when he reached the back door, there was a note taped to it, written in Monica's distinctive handwriting. It said, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! With a frustrated sigh, Chandler dismissed his plan to run away and headed resignedly for the kitchen. At least he'd be able to have some of those chocolate chip pancakes now.
When Chandler walked into the kitchen, Monica was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. A tall stack of chocolate chip pancakes stood on a plate, in front of her. Jack and Erica were seated in high chairs, drinking from their bottles. He kissed each of the twins. "Good morning, kiddos." He turned to Monica and decided to act as though nothing was wrong. "Morning, sweetheart," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "Where can I get some of those delicious smelling pancakes?"
"Oh, honey, haven't you forgotten? You're on a diet," Monica said, smiling sweetly. She walked to the counter and produced a glass, which contained a strange murky liquid. "Here's your breakfast. It's a wheatgrass and spinach shake. Drink up!"
Chandler winced, his stomach churning at the sight of that murky liquid. "I'm not really that hungry..." he said hesitantly. "I think I'll just skip breakfast." He turned to walk out of the kitchen, but Monica was far too quick for him.
"Oh, no, you can't skip breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day!" she insisted, sounding surprisingly perky. "Come on, drink up!" She pushed the glass at him and as Jack and Erica were watching him intently, Chandler smiled weakly and accepted the glass.
This tastes like sawdust...and glue...no, sawdust and glue would be positively gourmet compared to this, Chandler thought, as he chugged the liquid down. The faster he drank, the faster it would be gone.
Monica beamed at him approvingly. "So, what did you think of that?" she asked lightly, as she took his empty glass to the sink and began to wash it.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, he thought. He forced a smile onto his face. "Mm, that was great! You make the best lasagna, the best fried chicken and now I know you make the best wheatgrass and spinach shakes." A little sucking up might help.
"I'm glad you liked it," Monica said, cheerfully. "I'm making a pumpkin and soy shake for your lunch and an eggplant and broccoli shake for your dinner." Oh, is that how you're going to play the game, huh?
Determined not to show any weakness, Chandler forced himself to smile once more. "Oh, that sounds lovely," he said in a faux British accent, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Inside, he was shuddering – and silently impressed by Monica's choice of revenge.But he'd never admit it.
That night, Chandler stepped out of the shower and headed to the bedroom, when he noticed flickering lights coming from their balcony. He decided to see what was going on and walked over to the balcony. It was set up like a scene from a romance novel.
Candles in glass jars were flickering, creating an instantly romantic atmosphere. Rose petals were scattered about elegantly – Monica couldn't even scatter rose petals without some sort of system. Their portable stereo was playing soft, mellow jazz music and a bottle of champagne was chilling in a bucket of ice. And Chandler's favourite part of the scene – his gorgeous wife dressed in skimpy red silk lingerie and lounging on a picnic blanket. It was Chandler's ultimate fantasy.
"Oh, boy! We're having sex on the balcony!" he exclaimed eagerly. Monica smiled and walked languidly towards him, kissing him passionately. Chandler forgot all the events of that day and the night before and he eagerly kissed her back. Things got a little hot and heavy and Chandler sighed in satisfaction.
"I can't believe you changed your mind about having sex on the balcony," he said, nuzzling Monica's neck. Monica smiled at him seductively and then she dropped the bombshell. Easing herself out of Chandler's embrace, she kissed him one more time and then turned to walk back into the house. As she went inside, she looked back at him and winked. "I haven't." With that final remark, she triumphantly locked the screen door and headed for their room, leaving a frustrated Chandler sitting alone on the picnic blanket.
After a restless night, Chandler was awakened by the screen door opening. Expecting to see Monica, he glanced up, ready to vent about his cold and lonely night on the balcony. Instead he saw Joey, casually leaning against the door, with a knowing smile on his face.
Joey took in the scene – remnants of burned candles, the picnic blanket, the rose petals and the empty bottle of champagne. He nodded approvingly at Chandler. "How you doing?" he said, with a wink. "Have fun last night?"
Chandler rolled his eyes and stretched. His body was aching from his unsuccessful attempt to find a comfortable sleeping position on the picnic blanket. "Never better," he said dryly.
Joey's knowing smile turned into a look of concern as he gazed at Chandler's unhappy expression. "Dude! What's the matter? That's not the happy Chandler look. That's not the look of a man who gets to have sex on the balcony!"
"Maybe that's because it's not the look of a man who got to have sex on the balcony," Chandler retorted. Being Joey, he didn't understand the comment and simply looked confused.
"Joey, I spent the night out here by myself, last night," Chandler said, with a sigh. It was embarrassing to admit this, but he was hoping it would bring on some sympathy.
Joey's confused look turned into a frown. "You what? Chandler, I know you're a bit weird sometimes, but this is like the weirdest weird thing you've ever done!"
"No, Joe, I didn't do it on purpose," Chandler said patiently. "Monica's a bit pissed at me at the moment, so she's been feeding me vegetable shakes and she tricked me into thinking that we were going to have sex on the balcony...and then she locked me out."
"Oh, that's right," Joey said, with a nod. "Yeah, I remember now, dude. You told me and Ross that Monica wasn't making you food and that you weren't having sex." He grimaced. "And like I told you before, isn't that second part against the laws of marriage?"
Remembering what he'd said to Joey a few weeks ago, as a joke, Chandler did find it ironic that his jesting comments had come true. "Ah, it's all right, Joey," he said, with a sigh. "I know what I have to do to make things right again."
"Yep. Tell her you're the man of the house, go out for pizza and then get laid!" Joey said excitedly.
"No, no, I've learned my lesson," Chandler said reluctantly. In times of war between men and women, there's only one thing that men can do to achieve peace again." He groaned. "Surrender."
And that's the sequel! I actually have a sequel to this fanfic in mind, in which Monica performs "the inappropriate song" in her desperate attempts to make Erica laugh...just like Rachel finally did for Emma, in the Friends episode. That would make these fanfics a trilogy, I guess.
Would you be interested in reading the sequel to this sequel? Was this story a suitable sequel to TOW Another Inappropriate Song? Do you have ideas for other Friends fanfics you'd like to see me write? Please review and give me some feedback! Thank you.