Continuation from my alternative season 9, R & R and all that shiz ;)
oh and no don't own these characters
Scene: hotel room, its a complete mess, Chandler is in the bed & goes to cuddle the person next to him
Chandler: mmmmmm
Joey: mmmmmmmm
Chandler: morning honey
Joey: morning baby
Chandler: (opens his eyes) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (Chandler falls off the bed)
Opening credits
Scene: continued from before
Monica (lying on the ground) why are you guys screaming
Chandler: what are you doing on the ground and why am I in a bed with Joey!
Joey: hey I mightn't be happy about this either but you could do a lot worse than me!
Rachel: (horse whisper) why is everyone screaming?
Monica: what the hell happened last night?
Chandler: I can remember being at the after party of the wedding . . . then some drinks . . . then some more drinks . . . . and then just blackness
(Ross enters)
Ross: hey I'm trying to sulk in the room next door & your screaming is really affecting me feeling sorry for myself
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: I'm a trying to seduce a man next door and your screaming is really a mood killer!
Scene: everyones having breakfast a restaurant, Joey sits down with loads of food
Rachel: how are you not dying like the rest of us?
Joey: you have to eat sometime
Chandler: yes but not now when there's alcohol leaking out of our pores!
Joey: yea so I'll clog them by all the delicious grease in this food (starts eating)
Monica: honey you want some aspirin?
Chandler: can I snort it (Monica just stares blankly) no response eh? I better get some water (he leaves)
Rachel: (to Ross) they're both completely hungover and they're being nice to each other
Ross: yes well they are equal partners in an equal relationship
Rachel: usually I can take your yapping but for the foreseeable future please speak S-L-O-W-E-R
Ross: you brought this on yourself if you think I'm going to help you you've got another thing going
Rachel: so what if I don't love you, you still love me so get me some morphine or something to stop the banging in my head!
Ross: oh no poor you bet you'd hate it if I do this (starts dropping forks, knives on the ground)
Phoebe: (holding her head) for the love of god Rachel say you love him, pretend you love him just make him stop!
Chandler: (to Ross) quick question where were you while we were destroying our livers?
Ross: I shared some drinks with you guys but when you two (pointing to Joey and Chandler) started singing Sexy Back I left
Chandler & Joey: (smiling at each other) good times
Rachel: you stayed up in our room all night (he nods) and you weren't the least bit worried when I didn't come through the door all night long
Ross: that is correct
Rachel: I could have been dead!
Ross: I think I left you, my so called 'beloved', in capable hands
Rachel: you left me drunk with a bunch of alcoholics!
Phoebe: isn't that the perfect place for you then, you should be thanking Ross
Ross: thank you Phoebe but your sound words will fall on her deaf ears
Rachel: my deaf ears! That's it I'm going upstairs, (pointing at Ross) and if you ever think I'll let you nibble on my 'deaf' ears you've got another thing coming mister! (she storms out & everyone stares at Ross)
Ross: what!
Chandler: hey nothing's wrong with us . . . nibbler
Ross: is that my new nickname?
Chandler: for the foreseeable future . . . . (thinking) yes
Joey: (to Ross) hey dude it could be worse, you don't want to hear the nicknames Monica calls Chandler
Monica: (to Chandler) do you tell him everything!
Joey: no Monica you're just very loud
Ross: I'm going to be sick
Joey: oh great then dude can I have your breakfast?
Scene: hotel room, Monica & Chandler are packing & Rachel enters
Rachel: oh my god I can't stand the Geller's!
Chandler: (to Rachel) oh I've been there
Monica: hey!
Rachel: (to Monica) while I am in this mood and need your help you are a Bing
Monica: have you ever gotten advice from a Bing?, if I were you I'd promote me back to Geller status
Chandler: hey! . . . oh wait she's right on the money there
Rachel: what am I going to do, we're flying home today and then we'll be in New York and I know its a big city but don't you always end up meeting the people you want to avoid
Chandler: (sarcastic) I know but Rachel you're apartment is so large that you'll probably never see Ross
Rachel: guys seriously, what am I going to do?
Monica: sweetie you can't avoid him forever, you owe it to Emma and your relationship to sit down and figure this out with him . . . what is there to figure out?
Rachel: we're in two different places in this relationship, is that sustainable?
Monica: (holding Rachel's hand) do you love him?
Rachel: I don't know
Chandler: this is one awkward silence . . . would it be alright if I commenced with some fart jokes because I'm dying here?
Monica: and that's why you never go to a Bing for advice
Scene: airport, everyone enters
Ross: (whispering to Chandler) hey dude can we trade?
Chandler: (whispering) trade what?
Ross: partners
Chandler: let me get this straight, you want to swap my wife, and your sister, for your fiance
Ross: I can't sit next to her on this flight
Chandler: well why Monica!, we were going to renew our subscription to the mile high club!
Joey: how have you had airplane sex and I haven't!
Ross: that act is both disgusting and dangerous
Joey: bet you wouldn't be saying that if you did it though
Chandler: can't you sit beside Joey or Phoebe
Ross: Joey's eaten a lot this morning and has a history of getting sick on planes, and Phoebe well I'm worried I'll fall asleep and she'll do things to me
Chandler: fine you can have Monica, you think Rachel would want to join the mile high club with me? . . . Too soon for jokes? (Ross nods)
Monica: (to everyone) guys I have some bad news, there's like a hurricane warning up and they're about to ground all flights
Rachel: no no no no I can't be stuck here with him!
Ross: you think I want to be here anymore than you do!
Phoebe: do you think we do!
Chandler: time to implement plan B guys?
Rachel: what's plan B?
Phoebe: (to Rachel and Ross) you two have a habit of having fights while we all are in a confined space
Ross: no we don't
Chandler: the ski trip
Monica: my apartment
Rachel: two times!
Phoebe: yes well I'm still trying to repress those memories so yes implementation of plan B begins
Ross: how does it work?
Chandler: I don't know, did we ever consider an airport?
Monica: the logistics are different but I think we can make this work (they begin to leave)
Rachel: what are you doing?
Monica: we're leaving you two alone, good luck
Joey: can we do plan B near that Burger King over there?
Chandler: of course Joe, and Ross I'm going to make Joey eat so much he's going to be very plane sick! You're going to rue the day you took airplane sex away from me (they all leave & Ross & Rachel stare at each other)
Closing credits
Scene: Monica, Chandler, Phoebe & Joey are all sitting in the airport
Monica: how'd you think they're doing?
Phoebe: I think the hurricane is actual a metaphor for their relationship and once it goes it'll be safe to see them again
Monica: you're still drunk aren't you
Joey: ugh I'm going to be sick! (he runs to the bathroom)
Chandler: I ask him to do one thing for me, get sick on Ross on the plane and can't even do that!