(A/N: Nobody ever reads poems on here, but I guess I can't blame people, given how many are poor quality X"D Basically I just needed a way to ramble about one of my many theories on Nathalie's past. Anyway, this is... freestyle? I guess? It's SUPPOSED to be broken up into three-line stanzas, but FFN hates me so go off I guess.)

In those days I was terrified

The nights were always long and

The crashes downstairs were never far away enough

He'd yell at me for every little thing

Always suspected I was up to something

Even though he was the one out drinking late

He never cared where I was or where I'd been

But if I got home too late or too early

Out would come the cigarette lighters and kitchen knives

I was always terrified

So I stayed away as long as I could

At the back of parties clutching my red solo cup

But the parties weren't safe either

When they all got too intoxicated

And suddenly I was surrounded by a tenfold of him

I was never strong enough to hold my own

I screamed for help—

My screams were never heard

So I'd dodge from place to place

Trying to find somewhere, anywhere safe

The smell of alcohol was never far away enough.

And then one day I applied for a job

Because he told me to

Money was tight and I needed to pitch in, he said

(Yeah, right—

Pitch into the bucket with a hole in the bottom

That emptied right into his pitcher)

That day I came for the interview

Having no expectations and never dreaming

That my entire life was about to change.

I walked into your office

Didn't speak unless I was spoken to

You seemed impressed by my math

Then he came to pick me up and

You asked if he was my father

And he said yes, of course he was, how dare you ask

I wanted to cry no, no he wasn't

But I just nodded quietly

Because after all he was so there was no way to disprove it

But you looked into my eyes—

It was the first time anybody ever did that—

And looked back at him and asked where were his papers

I stood there in shock

While he screamed and you and spat at you

Started screaming at me, but you stepped in front

And asked him politely to leave

Because I put on the papers that I was legal age, wasn't I,

So he couldn't force me to go home if I didn't want to

And through some miracle

You actually held your own

I watched as his car drove away— he swore I'd follow

I never did

I stayed trembling and crying behind your desk

I don't remember what you said but your voice was so gentle

I never retrieved my stuff

You offered, but I was perfectly happy to leave it all behind

The room in the back was tiny and empty and wonderful

Thus started my new life

Most of my salary at first went to room and board

But I couldn't have spent it any possible better way.

Your wife was very kind

I was surprised to meet her

Yet couldn't hardly have any negative feelings

She was happy to let me stay

And treated me like I was a niece even though

She was barely three years older than me

Little newborn Adrien

Was the other light of your life

He crawled fast and grew faster

She designed him clothes

And you had me sew them to life for his chubby body

Seems like he outgrew them every other day, he grew so fast

You were always worried

When she took him to the park and let him toddle

You were scared he'd fall or get scraped or be kidnapped

I went with her sometimes

And I liked seeing that little baby's sunshine smile

But I kind of had to agree with your worries

In those days we were happy

All four of us, one big and messy family

Like the kind I never knew but always dreamed about.

Then came the darkness

In a moment, that baby's sunshine smile

Was clouded over by loss and pain

You took to drinking

At first I was terrified the past was repeating

But you never yelled or blamed or hurt or hit

You just cried

And I often stood nearby and cried with you

I wanted to reach out and save you like you'd saved me

But there was no way

Nothing could reverse the wages of sin

Even sin that she had nothing to do with

Our lives were gloomy

For the first time I could remember, safety wasn't enough

And I rocked that little boy to sleep more times than he remembers

Where's mom, he'd ask

He asked you so many times you grew angry

But you'd see me and sigh and ask me to please take him to his room

I didn't know how much longer

The nights were stretching by the hour

And seeing the pain in your eyes was tearing me apart.

Then one fateful day

You received a little bit of luck, and an idea

When I saw your eyes they held the first spark of hope I'd seen in months

There was a way, you said

There was a way to put everything back to normal

It would be dangerous but you had to try, would I help cover for you, you asked

Suddenly I was useful

I wasn't helpless, there was something I could do

Of course I said yes, I'd do anything for you, I mean anything at all

We started to rebuild

Adrien was kept locked up safe

Sometimes I saw a shadow pass over his eyes and tried to forget it

Other than that, though

The house was starting to feel like home again

Dawn was coming, maybe not soon but someday, the sun would break through

The sheer passion in your eyes

Was a little hard to look at, like a too-bright light

But it was a million times better than looking at the pain.

I learned a lot

There are things in this world

You'd never believe if you didn't see them first.

Then the day came

When something went wrong

And suddenly I grew very, very scared:

You gave up

Said you'd done all that you could do

You were wrong, the task was too difficult

You'd never given up

Not since the day she "disappeared"

And if you gave up it meant she really was gone and it meant—

That's when it hit me

Just exactly why I was so frightened

Because somewhere in my soul was some sick part that wanted to move on.

I'd never cared before

Because our happy family was worth anything else in the world

Piles of papers or adventurous toddlers or throbbing hearts

I didn't even notice

I'm not sure when I started becoming aware

But the day you told me you gave up was the day I had to look it in the face:

I was in love with you

By the mercy of the Ultimate Power that could not be happening

But it was, I guess, and there was nothing I could do about it

And then you resumed

Like nothing had ever happened at all

I guess in your eyes, nothing much did happen

Just a temporary setback

But for me it was a sickening revelation

I wanted to go back to my ignorance, or at least denial

Of course I couldn't

And still I can't, or I would a million times

But regardless of the consequences I have to go on

I want to help you

No matter the price, I'll help you bring her back

There's a way now for me to be more useful than I've ever been

Only a fool wouldn't

And I am a lot of things but I am not a fool

So I take her pin with pride and follow in her footsteps

Almost to a T

Because everything I do I do for you

You, and the tiny baby boy whose smile will come back

I'm not scared anymore

These days I have something to live and die for

And that's to help you,

to

the

very

end.