Wow, I'm totally on a roll. Go me. If I put this up today does it get me out of having to do something tomorrw? Oh well, we'll see how creative I'm feeling.

SPOILERS: Malleus Maleficarum and the pilot, but I'll assume you've seen that if you're reading this.

DISCLAIMER: not mine sigh

Basically this came to me after watching Malleus Maleficarum when the guy said the line "she was so scared and I just couldn't do anything." I felt there was a look of deeper sympathy on Sam's face than he usually wears during these sorts of things and I thought maybe he knew what the guy was going through, particularly the bit later with Dean.

Sam stared up at the ceiling, invisble somewhere in the darkness above him.

"She was so scared…and there was nothing I could do to help her."

Jessica's body burning. Her dead eyes burning into Sam's soul asking him why he wouldn't help her, why he let this thing come and terrify her.

He blinked, dispelling the image in the dark and rolled over onto his side. Dean's form was outlined against the window, sprawled unbecomingly under the clean motel sheets.

Another image crossed his vision. Dean, choking, blood spraying with every gasping breath. But what had really gripped him, really thrown him into action. It confirmed for his mind what his heart had known all along. Dean was afraid to die. Despite all the bravado Dean was afraid. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to go to the place that came after. He was afraid and there was nothing Sam could do to help him.

No, the obstinate little voice that sounded like his father chipped in. He would save Dean. He would break the deal somehow. All he needed was time but that was rapidly running out. But Ruby would help him. Ruby would help him save Dean, she had to.

Sam turned over again, restless. First his mother, gone when he was just a baby but most definitely scared. Scared of this thing that she somehow knew. Then Jess, killed alone in the house. She had always hated to be alone. Why had be left her alone? Then his father, died to save his eldest son, his favourite son. Afraid but still going. The man would always be Sam's hero no matter how often they fought. And now Dean. Giving himself to save Sam. Not Sam's unachievable hero but his father, his brother and his best friend. His only safe port. He loved no one as much as he loved his brother. Even after all the years of unreturned calls. The years with Jess, living the apple pie life while memories of his brother, hunting the wild things in some dark back alley, slowly faded.

He had loved Jess. He had looked up to his father. But his brother had always been the person who held Sam when he cried. Who carried him when he got tired and who told him to shut up when he got whiney.

Dean was dying. He was dying and afraid and there was nothing Sam could do.

Hmmm…Intruiging. I dunno, it's weird and kinda disjointed. What do you guys think? Sorry what? I can't hear you! Why's that? Because you haven't left me a review!

So go on, the purple button definitely won't bite you. And neither will I…much…

Sammy