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Thanks: Go to my betas Hooly and Elaine! You did a good job. All remaining mistakes are mine. I also wanna thank Sandra for helping me once again, and FalconKenobi for the nice title suggestion :-)
Notes: // and italics indicate a dream sequence.
The Sentinel
- A figment of reality -
Sighing, I open the door to the loft. I throw my backpack on the couch and go into the kitchen to get myself something to eat. Four weeks. Four weeks coming home to an empty loft. Four weeks since Jim took this god-damned undercover assignment. And the worst thing is, I've started to get used to being alone again. The first few days were hard, but these last weeks have been really hard. I try to escape into work, try not to think of the dangers this assignment put Jim into. I try not to think of how much I miss him. Hell, I even miss his stubbornness and his stupid house rules.
Shaking off my dark thoughts, I open the fridge just to realize that it's empty. Great. Well, I'm not hungry, anyway.
I'll call it a night and go to sleep. Falling asleep is not easy for me these days. I can't stop thinking of Jim as I finally drift off into an uneasy sleep.
~~~~~
//"JIM!" I scream in horror as I watch the bullets entering his chest. It seems as if it all happens in slow motion. I can see the track of each bullet and how it tears the tender flesh. Jim stumbles back and as he hits the ground, I run towards him. Placing his head in my lap, I start caressing him, stroking over his short hair, while applying pressure to the wounds with my other hand.
"Jim," I whisper. Tears are running freely down my face.
He's looking at me, the hurt and shock displayed in his wide-opened eyes. He takes my hand and smiles at me.
"It's over, Blair. I know it. Promise me… to move on, okay? Finish... your... diss. I... love... you..."
"Love you, too, Jim. Don't leave me. Please." A single tear is running down his cheek and I gently wipe it away. God, I feel numb. I don't know what to say or do. He's dying for God's sake! I can feel his body getting colder and his eyes drift shut.
I'm still stroking his hair as I notice the spaces between single breaths becoming longer and longer. I don't notice anymore that I'm crying. It all feels so unreal.
As his chest stops moving at all, I feel as if this is the end of the world and I let go a blood-curdling scream.//
~~~~~
Jerking awake, I find myself sitting in the bed. It takes me a while to realize where I am and that the phone is ringing.
"Sandburg." I answer the phone.
"Blair, it's Simon."
"Simon? Wha..."
"Jim's cover was blown." Those words hit me real hard. "At the moment they are taking him to Cascade General. It looks really bad, Blair. You'd better get here as fast as you can. Hurry."
I can feel my knees becoming wobbly. I let the phone drop and slide down the wall to the ground, face buried in my hands.
END
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