Admitting the Truth – It's like ripping off a band aid
"Cate, Baze, there's something I need to talk to you about." I could feel their eyes on me, expecting me to get to the point quickly. I pointed to the table indicating that they should sit down.
Ryan and Math headed for the door, "No, stay" I say with more confidence than what I was feeling. They sat down at the table next to Baze.
Eric walked into the apartment, he still thinks this is a bad idea but we need to tell them, I need them to understand what's going on. He still thinks that it's all wrong.
"Actually, there's something WE need to talk to you about." Motioning for Eric to join me. He comes to stand beside me, Cate speaks "Lux what is it? Why is here? Are you having more trouble in school?" I shake m y head no, willing the words to spill out but nothing comes, right now is not the time for my mouth not to work.
"Eric and I have been seeing each other" I blurt out. Baze launches himself out of his chair knocking it over, and I quickly move to stand in front of Eric. "You pervert!" he screams." how could you take advantage of her? You know what has happened to her! You know what shes been through! How dare you!" Ryan and Math have intervened and are now holding him back.
"Baze STOP! PLEASE listen to me and hear me out" I plead. " No! I'm calling the cops, he's gonna be put on one of those lists, and he will never be allowed to be around kids again" Baze pulls out of Ryan and Math's grasp and goes over to the phone. I run up to him and pull it away.
"Stop! He hasn't touched me! He hasn't taken advantage of me!" I scream just as I hear a slap. I turn around to see Cate standing in front of Eric and his face turning red. "PLEASE sit down and let me finish! PLEASE!" pointing back to the table. I grab his hand and start pulling Baze back to the table he reluctantly begins to move to the table. I turn back to Cate and Eric when cate begins to scream, "You! I trusted you to protect her! How dare you! After all the things I said to you in the book store, after THANKING YOU for being there for her! After telling you how great you've been! How dare you do this!" I move back to stand between Cate and Eric, en Eric finally breaks his silence " I'm sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen, I never meant for things to go this far.." before Eric can continue Baze jumps begins to scream again.
"what do you mean you didn't mean for this to happen? Your her supposed to be her teacher! Not some sick freak who takes advantage of her!" Baze is suddenly towering over me screaming as he's trying to get to Eric.
"I didn't know she was 16! I didn't know she was who she was and by that time it was already too late" Eric says, his voice cracking.
I can see Baze forming his fist " Baze please stop and listen" I plead, just then he swings, and by reflex I move backwards pushing Eric into the wall and Baze's fist impacting with my face. A large 'crack' echoed throughout the apartment and before I know it 2 arms are around me to stop me as I'm falling.
Eric's half holding me on the floor when I look up to Baze with pleading eyes, he's crying. I've never seen Baze cry before. "Please, PLEASE I promise we can explain everything. Just listen." I plead hoping that they will hear me out before calling the cops on Eric. We both knew it was a possibility but we were hoping it wouldn't come to that.
"Lux...Lux I'm SO sorry. I didn't mean to hit you." Baze replies.
"I know" I say reassuringly, "but please sit, and hear us out".
Everyone nods and moves to sit back around the table, Eric is standing beside me with one hand on my back letting me know he's there. And then he begins to speak, hoping that they will give us five mins and hear us out.
"We met downstairs, at the bar the night of the fire. I took her to see the ocean" he pauses for a moment looking down at me before continuing "I didn't know she was 16, she was wearing a U of O shirt, working in a bar, wearing an engagement ring and talking about a guy she had been seeing for years" I decide that I've finally had enough and chime in. As Cate opens her mouth to speak I hold my hand up.
"I didn't tell him either. I didn't tell him I was 16, I didn't tell him that I wasn't in college. All I told him was that I wanted to see the ocean." I pause for a second looking at them. Cate and Baze both have so much anger in their faces, but with that anger was confusion by some of the things we were saying. I silently pray that they will understand as I continue on, "When Math introduced us a week later, at school, that's when we finally realized who we were." again I pause "and by then it was already too late." I look Baze in the eyes, his anger slightly defusing, cates however is not.
"So why didnt you stop? Once you found out why didn't you stop seeing each other?" cate fired with angered questions.
"We tried." Eric responds with calmly. "We tried to distance ourselves, to stay away from each other but it didn't work. " Eric steps away from me at this moment and walks to the far end of the table.
What I say next causes everyone to stop and look at me, "Eric didn't pursue me. I pursued him."
"Lux" Eric says trying to interrupt
"No Eric. If we're telling them the truth then they're gonna know all of it." looking at him. I then turn back to everyone else, "I pushed Eric, he tried to put some distance between us, keep it professional, but I couldn't. The feelings that I was feeling were too strong and I couldn't ignore them. Eric tried to stop me, telling me that we shouldn't be feeling like this, that we shouldn't be acting on it but I didn't listen to him. I didn't want to listen to him."
"I know I should have stopped but I couldn't either. I tried to find other ways to show her that I cared with her school work and trying to figure out why she was having trouble and by getting her to do better" Eric adds. "but I too gave into what I was feeling. "
"How far?" I look at Cate to se what she's asking, "How far has it gone? How far have you both gone." Shes asking the one question that we can answer confidently knowing that we haven't done anything wrong. Eric would never let us get close enough to that.
"Kissing, that's it." I reply with. Everyone then looks at Eric and he nods and replies with "Just kissing."
"Our relationship has never been about sex." I quickly add. "it's always been about the mental and emotional connection that we have together. Never sex!"
Her voice cracking Cate pips in "I need time to think about this. We need time to think and talk about this..." motioning to everyone sitting around the table.
I nod and look at Baze, he's still so angry like I figured he would be. Math and Ryan's expressions vary from hurt to lost, they don't know what to do or how to help. They're just there. I finally look at Eric and he speaks " Whatever you decide, whatever punishment you see fit for me, I deserve it" when I open my mouth to protest he holds up his hand "but please know that I love her. I really do, I know this whole situation is messed up and wrong but I do love her."
With tears in m y eyes I run over to him and wrap my arms around him needing the comfort. Once inside his arms I collapse crying, knowing that this may very well be the last time I get to hug him. Eric resists for a few slight seconds before giving in, he too realizing what admitting this to my parent's means.
I'm sobbing when we pull back from each other, I can see Eric has tears rolling down his face and we rest our foreheads together. I turn mine slightly to get a better look at my family sitting at the table. Cate and Baize's expressions have boh turned from anger to hurt and confusion.
After awhile Cate finally speaks up. "Give me your cell phone." reaching her hand out. I'm confused, why does she want it? At this point I'm not going to argue. I pull away from Eric and take it out of my pocket and give it to her. After looking through it for a minute she looks up at me, "where's his number Lux? In Your phone what's his name?"
That's why she wanted it my phone? To look at his contact info? After a Few seconds I respond with, "Minnesota" and everyone looks at us with a questioning stare.
"By lying to us you have now given up your right to privacy." Cate says sternly looking back at my phone.
I look back at Eric for some kind of sign, comfort or reassurance that things will be ok. Eric gives me a small smile but he's not convinced, nor is he convincing me.