Sacrifices are necessary. Ling knew that, Ed knew that. But were they worth it? The young prince couldn't help but question that. If he'd never chosen to step into the affairs of this country, would Fu still be dead? Would Lan Fan still have her left arm? Would Greed... Would there have been another one? And would he still be alive? If Ling Yao had chosen not to search for immortality, would he still feel the same guilt- the same grief he felt right now? Maybe it was stupid to ask questions he'd never know the answer to, and maybe it was ridiculous to even consider what would happen if he hadn't come. Because he did. Because he can't change that. But there was still that small part of his brain, wondering. Questioning. Curious. "This isn't right... You were supposed to come back with me. You were supposed to see me become emperor." Despite the tears he'd already shed in the small amount of time since Fu's death, more managed to slide down his cheeks. Wet tracks were left on the skin but the boy didn't notice. It was almost impossible to accept the fact that the man he'd known his whole life, the man he'd looked up to, was dead. That he'd never see him again. Denial. This was the closest Ling had ever been to understanding why Edward and Al tried what they did. But it wasn't even remotely close enough.
"Your sacrifice wasn't in vain." *It shouldn't have been necessary in the first place...* "I /will/ become emperor." His words were strong, but weak at the same time. "This country is safe and soon... I'm going to protect ours even more. I swear, I'll be the best leader Xing has ever seen." Greed. Lan Fan's arm. No, they weren't lost for nothing. Amestris was... Wounded, but preserved and now, Ling would soon be traveling back to his home, back to his family; he'd grant them with the secret to immortality- the secret to Hell on earth- and in return, he'd be granted the throne when the time came. An exchange. Equivalent.
"But dammit, it doesn't feel equivalent!" Shaking hands. Pale face. "Why should we always have to give something up to gain what we want?! Why do people always have to die?! For once, I want an exchange that doesn't involve lives! I'm not an alchemist! Why am I always forced to follow their philosophies?! Why do I have to give up the things they do?!" Dropping to his knees, Ling began to wish that he hadn't come in the first place. But he seemed to be trying to convince himself that was what he wanted. But was it really? Did he want Amestris turned into a stone? Because without Greed, that's exactly what would have happened. "I hate alchemy," he growled. "I hate it and it's terrifying beliefs!" But he didn't believe that, either. Because, while alchemy could be used to merge small girls with their dogs, and destroying countries, there was a good side of the coin. It could be used to harm someone if it was used that way. Like a gun. It could be used to shatter skulls, and destroy lives... But it was what was created that helped. "And I wish it was all my fault!"