So this is short and kind of random but I thought it may be interesting. My next chapter for my story The way you make me feel should be up soon. Spencer is asked to write a monologue for drama and she pours her whole heart into it. She directs it at her close friend. This is her finished monologue and a little more.
Reviews would be really cool, but I'm not going to beg (pleeeeease review)
Ok thanks and enjoy!
"Next to perform will be Miss Spencer Carlin" My drama teacher says and to say I'm terrified would be an understatement. I'd rather be in one of the Saw movies right now. But here it goes. I walk up to the front of the class and look at my best friend and girl friend Ashley. When she gives me a heart melting smile I somehow manage to get the courage to do this...
"The thing about me is I'm not like everyone else our age. Actually I'm not like a majority of people in general. But you already knew that. The thing you don't know is you can't understand what I'm feeling. You can't truly understand what I have to go through every day. You say you do and you say it's not that all that shows is that you really don't get it. I don't want you to ask me to change….just don't. I laugh and say very funny but I've never told you it hurts me when you say that and I hate it when I hear you say "just try to like a guy. You must not be trying hard enough". I've tried, and tried and tried. I can't do it. And I don't care if you're just joking, because it's not funny. No matter how many times you say "I was just kidding" I still think you must be serious. Then I think you must hate me or find me weird. Do you think I like being afraid to show who I really am and what I'm feeling? Do you honestly think I would choose to be hated, and disliked. I feel wrong for liking the people I like. I feel like I shouldn't, it's not right. Do you understand how it feels to constantly have a war raging inside your head? Can you try to understand that? Love should be simple right? Love should be great; love conquers all so how can I be hated for who I love.
I don't want to hear you tell me that my parents will get used to it. I don't want them to get used to me. I don't want to be tolerated by the people who brought me into this world and raised me. I want them to accept me and love me for who I am. But I know that's probably not going to happen. You don't know them and you don't hear what I have to hear. "Homosexuals yeah alright those gays are disgusting, god I can't stand to be near them". That's my mom. You know, the one who is supposed to love me no matter what, but I'm not so sure, anymore "I can't wait until you get married to a nice man". Well mom you will be waiting for a long time. We always joke about it and that's great, but sometimes I want to seriously talk to you. Maybe it's too much to ask for but I need someone to help me. I need someone to listen, really listen without judging. I need you. I'm afraid to really tell you though. Maybe you will realize this wasn't some kind of joke. Maybe you will find me as bad as the rest of the world seems to if I tell you. I'm always afraid. I'm afraid to say it out loud, because it might actually be true. I've been hiding it for a long time. I have to really admit it to you and myself eventually. So I guess now would be the best time to do it. Hi my name is Spencer Carlin and the thing about me is I don't like guys. And no it's not a phase, I do not and will not like them. I'm gay. I'm a lesbian. And I am proud of who I am. I like girls and nothing is going to change that. And I hope, I really hope that's alright with you, because that is how it's always going to be. You're my friend, and I really want you around.
I can faintly hear the applause in the back ground and I can see some shocked faces but my main focus is on my awesome girlfriend who is now walking up to me.
She wraps her arm around me in a tight embrace and whispers into my ear " I'm proud of you"
And then I did something only days before I would have never thought about doing outside of the safety of my room. I kissed her, it was a sweet and gentle kiss but it meant the world to me and I could tell it did to her too. Now everybody knows my secret...I told the truth and I'm not sorry.